A/N: Could this possibly be my first attempt at writing again in forever? Jesus Christ. Well I resolved to get a few chapters done first before posting it, but nonetheless, I'm a little nervous. People are still as wary of OC stories as they ever were, and I understand that, but I hope to God this works. Anyway, this first chapter is really more of a prologue, a pilot chapter if you will. It's also more focused on the movie-line, as opposed to the comics. That being said, enjoy.

Crack! Fizzzzz…..

The sound echoed through the halls as ex-agent Hellboy cracked open another beer. He'd already gone through two since he stepped out. He remembered a time when he would have blown a hole through the wall on his way to the exit, but he remembered that he had actually paid for this door – as much as he wanted to, he couldn't.

"We quit. End of story. We said we quit and that meant that we weren't coming back."

"Please Agent Sherman, you have to understand –"

"I said no. We're not agents anymore. And I'm too far along, if you haven't fucking noticed."

"Then just Agent Hellboy, please –"

"We said no, dammit!"

He hated being called Agent Hellboy. There was something about the way Liz called him Red that just fit, made something in his general chest area flip. She was one of the only people who knew his real name too – Anung nun Rama – but she never called him that either, he hated it just as much. Red suited him just fine – especially the way she whispered it to him.

She was five months pregnant, the twins growing healthily and happily, "cooking away" as they liked to refer to it. They had started kicking and Red only admitted to himself that he enjoyed nothing more than to feel tiny feet or tiny fists kicking against his hand.

It was for Liz and for the children that Red had generally stopped drinking. Liz had stated that she didn't mind it so much, that she accepted him however he was, but it wasn't fun to drink alone, and Abe still couldn't live down the fact that, the last time he had been inebriated, he had failed to save the one person he loved.

"And leave Abe alone too. He quit too and he wants just as much to do with you guys as we do – nothing."

"But Agent Sapien would be invaluable to us in this as well, please at least let us –"

"Forget it!"

Thankfully, Abe wasn't present to be flustered by the conversation held in the dining room, the door of which Red leaned against, if only to hear Liz school the damned agents sent to them from the B.P.R.D. in New York. The blue amphibian in question was probably floating somewhere in the Port Angeles Harbor – the lucky bastard. He spent a lot of time swimming by himself since the Golden Army Incident – the G.A.I. as it was occasionally referred to, or once when Red was in the particular mood, the Triumph over His Royal Silverlance-Up-His-Ass. That was one that, while it flustered Abe, made Liz hide her face with her hands to stifle a snort.

They had found the perfect place to live – a nice plot of land right outside of Port Angeles, Washington. It was beautiful – their front yard was rolling plains, though technically they really only owned about ten or twelve acres of land, and their back yard edged close to the woods that encircled the base of the Olympic Mountains. It was refreshing, freeing, and plenty of space for himself, Liz, Abe, children, visitors such as Krauss when he wasn't in Washington or his hometown in Germany, and the fifteen cats he simply could not live without.

He loved their house too – the previous tenants had taken good care of it, and not only that, but had previously been agents in the B.P.R.D. in the Seattle branch. Acquaintances of Manning, actually, which made it that much easier to acquire. And it was a lovely house, too – a two-story, pacific lodge-style home customary to the earthy surroundings. They all loved the house. It was roomy enough that everyone could coexist in peace, much more space than those damn dorms in the deep levels of the B.P.R.D.

"Look, we're not doing anything for you guys. Just leave already."

"Can we at least explain the situation? It concerns you more than you know."

"You have five seconds."

Five seconds – that was pretty generous for Liz. The pregnancy must have been messing with her hormones again.

"We have two people in our custody in need of rehabilitation."

"What the hell do you mean by that? Do we look like doctors to you?"

"We tried everything we could, but you three are the ones that are the most familiar to them. We think that you are the ones that could help them the most."

"… what are you saying?"

Red stopped to think about what the B.P.R.D. agent said, running through his mind all the people they knew. The list wasn't very long, but no names stood out, no one dysfunctional enough to need their help or "rehabilitation."

"How can I put this delicately… I know this may sound unreasonable, but we're more than ready to fund their stay here, and any problems that might occur. Despite past occurrences, we're more than sure they'd trust you before any of us. If the records were correct, Abe should be very helpful to them as well, at least one of them."

"Wait a minute… who is they?"

The son of the Fallen One closed his eyes tightly, trying to imagine who could the B.P.R.D. would send to them, why Abe would be so helpful, why –

"Oh, Abe… You fell for the Princess?"

Oh, HELL no.

And by the sound of the gasp, Liz had figured it out too.

Red slammed the door open, tossing his now empty beer can to the side, almost seeing sparks from the rage that spread through him like a wildfire. In the dining room, sparsely decorated in favor of the simplicity of the cedar-wood walls, two people sat at the table – Liz at one end, pale-white to the dark roots of her hairline and clutching her stomach and her heart, trying to keep from overstressing, and a gangly, black-suited B.P.R.D. lackey at the other, a sickly yellow color to his skin with cropped dark hair and dark eyes hidden behind thick-lens glasses, eyes that were looking at him with fear of what Red could do to him.

"No."

"Please, Agent, there's no one else that can help them."

"Screw you."

"We'll do anything you ask, please, they have nowhere to go."

"I don't mind the Princess so much, but if I have to deal with that bastard again, I will tear him limb from limb."

"Agent Hellboy, you three could rehabilitate them, you can reach them in a way that we can't. They could bring about the support of the Elves and Trolls and various other paranormal peoples in a way that we never could. In the future, this could benefit everyone in too many ways to overlook!"

"The bastard will set my house on fire. Do you know how much that would cost us? Liz is pregnant if you haven't noticed! How are we supposed to raise a family around them?"

"I assure you, it would only be temporary, just until they are rehabilitated."

"What the hell does rehabilitated mean anyway?"

The agent shifted visibly, sweating somewhat under the glare of the dining room light. Red continued to glare. He hoped the little shit sweated a river. He hoped the douche saw his glare in his nightmares. Damn that bastard – if he sent Liz into early labor with this, God help the man, because Red would make sure they couldn't find his remains.

"We were hoping that you could help… Prince Nuada and Princess Nuala…" He seemed to pale a little more in mentioning their names, "In learning about the human race, introducing them more into our society, helping them cope with living again. If they can reach a state where we can reason with them, they would be valuable assets to the peace between the humans and the paranormal, especially since the resignation of four of our greatest agents for decades."

For a second, it had been as if Red had been taken back several months when it had all happened, but he quickly shoved the memories aside – it didn't well to stay in the past, when there were so many things that needed to be resolved in the present.

"Stop. Just stop. Explain how they're even alive? Didn't they turn into some weird statues or something?"

At this point, the agent began looking through some files, explaining some mumbo-jumbo about how government specialists had performed some feat of DNA restructuring, some more science bullshit that he didn't really even pay attention to really, it was just to delay the need for a decision, really. He got the general gist of how they were back – the B.P.R.D. got government clearance to work its magical wonders and tinker around with Life and Death again.

"Since the initial reanimation, they've been in a slight state of shock, and there's really no one else who could help them the way you could."

"If we do this, and they are rehabilitated, will you all leave us alone?"

Liz, who previously had been silent, trying to restrain herself from spontaneously combusting – the babies seemed to be unharmed by her bouts of flame but they still didn't want to take a chance – spoke up now, her face having regained some color and her breathing having slowed to a more normal pace. Her dark eyes were narrowed, peering at the agent like a hawk, waiting for him to slip up. Red quashed his surprise in favor of mirroring her scrutiny towards the little man on the end of the table.

The agent felt the weight of two pairs of eyes on him, like lead weights pulling him to the floor. The B.P.R.D. had known that this would arise, and had been fully prepared to answer on behalf of the governmental department. However, the nervousness he'd managed to put off was kicking in, and he felt himself sweating rivers.

"… Yes. Unless you three choose to return to the bureau, we will leave you to your own business after this."

Red and Liz exchanged looks, contemplating the offer. Liz's hand went back to her round belly, rubbing it softly out of subconscious maternal instinct. God, how they wanted to say no. God, how they wanted to tell the pest to piss off, to shove it up his ass.

Whatever prompted Red to finally agree to the terms, nobody in the room was completely sure. All they knew was that for a yet undetermined time, they would be playing host and probably shrink to two people who had previously almost brought the world to its knees.

Well, at least Abe would be thrilled.

A/N: Coolness. I'm back. It's a nice refreshing feeling. That aside, please review ^_^ Constructive criticisms are what I want the most, but really any feedback is appreciated.

Ja ne!

The Psychotic One