Author's Note: This story consists of four brief "snapshots" of Edward's thinking at different times during the honeymoon. This first chapter is Edward's thoughts after Bella falls asleep on their first night at the island. The next chapter, "Surrender," is the night of her good dream. The third chapter, "Hunting," is Edward's hunting trip off the island. The final chapter, "Impossible," is when she thinks he's in shock.

The chapters have been rearranged so that they are in chronological order. Therefore the old reviews no longer match the chapter content. But it does make more sense this way!

I did not invent these characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.

The Longest Night

When Bella fell asleep in the big white bed, I was absolutely euphoric. Everything felt right. I was completely relaxed. I felt like laughing out loud. Sex was like running. My body knew what to do, and it was easy to keep Bella safe. She used to worry we'd crash into a tree. That could never happen. I shielded her, took care of her, even as I carried her on the most exhilarating ride of our lives.

She slid closer to me in her sleep. I had brought her to a place where my cool skin was welcome to her, not something that would cause her to shiver and suffer. I had lain beside her and watched her through many, many nights, but this night was the first of a new era. At last I was entitled to be here. Her husband, not a boyfriend sneaking in and out through the window without her father's knowledge or permission. Her husband, not a monster unable to touch her without endangering her.

I reached over to stroke her hair. Something was caught in the soft strands. Bella was dusted in feathers. Both of us were. Had they fallen on us from the ceiling like confetti? Had my brothers arranged a practical joke? I lifted my head to survey the scene. It seemed I had destroyed a pillow. Or possibly two pillows. I smiled at the thought of my unconscious behaviors. Just like running. I might step on a plant as I swerved automatically to avoid a looming branch. I'd bitten the pillows to avoid causing injury. It was kind of funny. It proved how much I cherished Bella. Without even thinking about it, I'd wreck anything in my path to keep her whole. It was messy, though. Should I try to clean up? No. Nothing would drive me away from my love on this night. I could clean up in no time after she woke up.

Bella slept with her arm draped over me. I passed the time by reviewing my memories, starting with the moment she reached the bottom of the stairs and looked up and saw me waiting for her and ending with the moment she fell asleep. She was mine. Forever. I wondered how long she would sleep. I wondered if she'd be ready to "try" again when she woke up. I was.

Eventually, light began filtering in through the curtains. I glanced over at her, and my breath caught in my throat. My silent heart, which had been glowing with satisfaction, abruptly clenched in horror. Bruises were blooming all over her body. I'd hurt her.

In an instant, my mood plummeted from heaven to the abyss. That was where I belonged. I'd thought myself entitled to lie in her embrace? I was a complete lowlife. I'd damaged her and not even realized. I'd enjoyed myself while hurting her. I couldn't think of the right name for a person who could do such a thing. A brute? Demon? Fiend? She trusted me with her beautiful, precious, delicate body, and I'd shown her violence. Fiend seemed to fit. So did the other names, really. I groaned in despair.

Bella slept on, and I was left to steep in my thoughts. The next few hours were some of the worst I had ever experienced. But it was right that I should feel this pain and self-hatred. By the time she woke up, my mood was well developed. My misery was a seething mixture of concern for her comfort, apprehension of her justified anger, and blazing guilt and condemnation for fully deserving it.

The only course I could see to follow was to confess my unforgiveable lack of judgment and control. I knew my love would forgive me. I did not deserve her mercy, but for every horror I'd brought into her life, she had always forgiven me. But I must learn from this episode. I should never have let her persuade me to try. My own selfish desire had overruled my instinct to protect Bella. I was resolved that I wouldn't succumb to any more pleading or bargaining, either immediately or at any time in the future.

When Bella awoke, our conversation did not unfold as I anticipated. She was perplexed by my mood. She was not angry. She scoffed at my concern. She even tried to deny my crime, but the mirror proved my guilt. Then she tried to minimize the situation. I was already aware she had regularly received cuts, scrapes, contusions, sprains, even fractures throughout her life. In no way did previous mishaps make it acceptable for her husband to injure her during sex. This truth seemed screamingly obvious to me, but she stubbornly refused to accept my point.

Then I realized with horror that I was still hurting her. Now her feelings, not her limbs, were my victims. She claimed that the bruises were of no consequence and she was actually feeling deep contentment, because she was completely fulfilled by our activities of the previous night. Her line of reasoning was not difficult for me to follow. If I wasn't next to her on cloud nine, then my experience hadn't been as magical as hers.

Could there be a worse husband anywhere? I'd battered my wife on the first night of our honeymoon, and I'd somehow managed to give her the impression that our lovemaking didn't please me. I began to offer fresh apologies, but she ordered me to stop blaming myself.

Having done so much harm, I should show my remorse however she thought best. My going easy on myself was the last thing that she should be asking for. But that was what she was asking for. With a huge effort I managed to shove away my negative feelings—all so appropriate, all so much weaker than I deserved— and stop sulking.

The only thing I had been right about was the fact that Bella was ready to make love again. But that would not happen until she was safe.

Author's Note: Please let me know what you think!

Before I wrote this, I agreed with Bella. I thought Edward was overreacting. If she's not upset, why does he have to be so upset? But now that I've thought it through from his perspective, I agree with him! What he did- even though completely unintentional- is not OK. The next chapter is the part where he gives in to her after her dream. I wanted to figure out why he did that, because at this point he was so dead set against it.