September 6,
A few days ago, Ino insisted that we tell Chouji that she's pregnant. I just subtly hinted that we write a letter or something instead. I probably don't need to say that I got chewed out for that.
It was kind of awesome. And irritating. I think I need help.
By this time, I was pretty sure that he had already heard; after all, I wasn't really expecting my parents to keep it from his.
Yeah, I was wrong. Chouji was definitely caught off guard. See, Ino told him the whole, real story. She even told him that she was drunk when it happened. I think she put a little too much emphasis on that point, which is pretty insulting, when you get right down to it.
Did I say that Chouji was caught off-guard? I meant to say, he tried to pummel me. I'm getting a little tired of being physically assaulted by my teammates.
He's not happy. I never thought Chouji, of all people, would be that pissed. He's never tried to hurt me before, or even cross me. He seems to have a protective "big" brother thing going on with Ino, or something. Am I in everyone's bingo book now?
.
September 14,
We're having a girl. Wow.
Today, Ino had her appointment where they tell her what the baby is going to be. She made me go. That was fine. But then, when the nurse came to get her, I started to follow her back, and she stopped me, all annoyed. I don't know if she changed her mind, or if she just planned on having me sit in the waiting room the whole time, but that's what I ended up doing.
Anyway, she told me it was a girl when she came out. I...never considered that it might be a girl, but Ino says she's always known it. I could've used the heads up.
A girl. What do you do with one of those?
.
September 17,
The Yamanakas came over this evening, for dinner. I was expecting it to be awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't too bad, except that Ino's dad still seems like he's trying to keep himself from grinding me into dust. Also, I got in trouble for falling asleep on the couch at one point. By Mom and Ino. They make a pretty good tag-team, much to my chagrin.
My mom and Ino's mom have gone completely off the deep-end: it's "baby" this and "labor" that and stuff about breast-feeding. And I didn't know this, but, according to Yamanaka-san, having babies takes four days and feels something like being turned inside out and trampled on by horses. So, yeah. Thanks for that information.
.
September 22,
It won't be long until the village has figured out what's happened with Ino and me. She's definitely, um, taking up more space than she used to. Wearing big, poofy shirts is only going to cover her for so long. I know a couple of people have found out; it's not technically a secret anymore, now that Chouji's been told. Dad must have told Tsunade, because she keeps smirking whenever I pass by. It's easy for me to forget how old she really is. I wonder if she knows what happened with my parents?
.
September 27,
I haven't seen Chouji in a while. I'm starting to think he really is mad at me. I'm considering luring him out with yakiniku, but I'll have to wait until my next paycheck. I can't afford it right now.
.
October 3,
I know it's never going to happen, but I wish Ino would come back here and stay until the baby is born. I miss her. And every time I see her, she's a little bigger, and I realize I've missed out on...something. The situation sucks, but I can't help but be excited about the baby. She'll be the next generation; she'll inherit the "will of fire". That's pretty damned cool, when you think about it.
.
October 7,
I got a note from Chouji today. He wants me to come by his house on Monday, when his parents are going to be out. I'm...hesitant. Does this mean he doesn't want witnesses? If it comes to taijutsu, Chouji will destroy me. I think it's time for me to tell him how I feel about Ino. He deserves to know that much. Maybe he'll be able to see this from my point of view.
.
October 9,
Ino was over today. She's been visiting more often. She said that she and I were members of "Team Baby," which is actually pretty funny, and that we should stick together. Oh, and I got to feel her kick. The baby, not Ino. I've felt Ino's kicks plenty of times, and they're not anything to write...in your journal about. And, for once, it was Ino that fell asleep on the couch at random. She looks beautiful when she's sleeping, all defenseless and not aggravating at all.
I took a nap, too. On the floor.
And we have another doctor's appointment in a few days. Didn't we just go to one of those? I wonder if I'll have to stay in the waiting room again. Maybe I'll take my Shougi board.
.
October 12,
How could I have missed this? Chouji, my best friend, is also in love with Ino, and has been since, it seems, the beginning of time. So, yeah, I guess he can see it from my point of view. Now I'm afraid that I can't see it from his.
He cried. He was so angry and hurt that he was crying. I had to tell him that I love her too. I didn't tell him that I didn't love her until after I had sex with her.
You know, every once in a while, something happens to remind me what a dick I've been.
.
October 15,
Well, another long, boring hour in the waiting room. I guess Ino and the baby are fine. Oh, and I just found out that Ino asked Tsunade to deliver the baby.
.
October 23,
Ino seems to have officially given up on being sneaky. She's not trying to cover up the baby anymore, and she's getting big enough to be obvious. She said some people have stared at her like she was an alien, but most people are being nice and congratulating her and stuff. Yesterday, Ino and I were taking a walk, and we passed Kiba. He high-fived me. It was a really awkward moment, because I didn't want to leave him hanging, but Ino was glaring at me. You know, the glare. In the end, I went for the high five, mainly because it's probably the first really positive reaction I've personally gotten from anyone, and nobody but Chouji even knows the grisly details.
So, of course, I got yelled at for the last eight blocks of the walk, and I'm assuming if anyone didn't know about the baby yet, they do now. My ears hurt, but I'm happy. Except, I still don't know what to do about Chouji.
.
October 29,
It was another Nara-Yamanaka "family" dinner today, which I don't get at all. I really think they're just an excuse for our moms to get together and plan out my child's life. I'm not sure they're aware, but they don't actually get to name her or anything. They don't seem to know that.
Mom's talking about inviting the Akamichis next time. I really hope she doesn't.
Ino and I avoided most of the...gathering. For my part, I can't sit in the same room with her dad for too long. And Ino doesn't like hearing all the labor stories, which seem to get more gruesome every time they're told. She says she's scared enough as it is. I guess her mom gets off on terrorizing her about having and raising a baby. As if being seventeen and pregnant isn't terrifying already. Maybe that's why Ino's been coming over so much.
I kind of, casually, threw out the idea of Ino staying in our guest room again, for the next few months. Just until the baby is born. I mean, I'd be cool with her staying in there forever. But I was trying to be slightly more realistic.
I was surprised, but she said she'd consider it. That's more than I could have hoped for. I guess we'll see what happens.
.
November 4,
Woah, so here's something really cool. Hinata can see the baby. She said that she is already really strong, with a lot of chakra.
So...she'll be able to kick my ass. Great.
.
November 11,
I went and got Chouji today. I didn't ask his permission. I just dragged him out and took him to lunch. I thought about bringing Ino, too, but I kind of think this is between Chouji and me. I don't know if he sees me as a rival; it's hard to tell. But I have no more claim on Ino than anyone does. Ino cares about Chouji just as much as she cares about me, that is, like brothers.
This can't happen. I refuse to let it. I refuse to let Chouji shut us out, and I refuse to let this be the end of our friendship.
He just came along; he didn't put up a fight. Unfortunately, being depressed did absolutely nothing to his appetite. I still walked out of there with an empty wallet.
But it will be worth it, if I get my friend back again.
.
November 16,
Another appointment? How many times is she going to have to go?
I guess I hurt Ino's feelings. I told her I didn't know why I was going, if it was just to sit in the waiting room. She wouldn't explain herself to me. She just got all mad, but I could tell she was trying not to cry.
I wasn't trying to be a jerk. I want to be there for her, if that's what she needs. I just don't understand why she wants me to, unless she's just embarrassed to go by herself.
So I went. And then, when the nurse came, Ino grabbed my arm and pulled me with her, looking pissed. That was unexpected.
They didn't do a whole lot. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat, which sounds nothing like a heartbeat. It sounds like someone swinging a kusari-fundo over their head. But, interesting, nonetheless. Oh, and the baby should be here by the end of January. Less than three months away. I can't believe it.
Ino never told me why she changed her mind. I can't figure her out at all. She's so troublesome.
.
November 17,
Ino showed up this evening with a suitcase. Then I remembered one tiny little problem: I forgot to talk to my parents about this. But Mom just took the suitcase from her and led her up the stairs, yakking away, like she was expecting her.
I really didn't think Ino would take me up on the offer. Maybe her parents really are stressing her out.
I'm just...yeah. Ino's here. Hell. Yeah.
.
November 18,
Gwaaaargh. So, last night at two in the morning, Inoichi showed up at our front door to retrieve his sweet-little-precious-baby-angel-face-girl. Princess. I could hear the conversation in my room, between Inoichi, Ino, and my parents. I, like a coward, hid in my room for most of it. I didn't want to get involved. Also, I was sleepy.
The basic flow of the conversation went like this: Inoichi would yell something obscene. Ino would yell that she can do whatever she wants, she's not a little kid. (That sounds so familiar.) Then my mom or dad would say something. I never actually heard their voices, but I knew they were talking, because there would be a pause, and then Inoichi would yell something else obscene, but address it to either "Shikaku" or "Yoshino". Lather, rinse, and repeat.
Eventually, Ino was getting hysterical, so I finally went downstairs. I didn't want to, but I had to make sure she was okay.
When I got to the living room, Ino came right over to me and buried her face in my chest. She got tears and snot all over my shirt but I didn't really care. I had about two seconds to enjoy my little piece of heaven before Inoichi yelled, "YOU!"
Um, me? (This is when I tried to look innocent. I finally gave up. Too much work, and it was late.)
He said no way in HELL was he going to let his baby...angel...thing...live with a boy she wasn't married to. He said, "I can forgive you for what you did; you made a mistake. I get it. Your Dad convinced me to let you have another chance to prove you have Ino's best interest at heart."
I'm pretty sure I nodded or stuttered or made some noise at this point. Or all of the above, probably.
But he went on to say that Ino staying with me just showed that I had evil designs on his daughter.
Um, yes, in fact, I do. But I'm trying to keep them under control. Doesn't that count for something? And it's not like I made her move in.
That's when Ino yelled, "I'm not moving in with Shikamaru! I'm moving in with Nara-san!" And she went over and held my mom's hand.
Oh.
Ino explained that my mom has been helping her a lot and talking to her and being really supportive, and she needs that right now, so she wants to be with her all the time.
Oh. I was not aware of that.
It makes sense, actually. Mom's been in Ino's shoes.
Long and short of it, Inoichi finally gave in. Very reluctantly. Later, Ino assured me that his "giving in" didn't matter at all to her; she'd had no plans on leaving. Maybe her dad could sense that, or maybe he did it because Ino seemed like she needed it so much, I don't know. But, of course, he got in one last parting death threat aimed at me.
I really do think Inoichi wants what's best for Ino. I can't imagine having to deal with this with my daughter. I'm glad it will be a really long time before my kid is a teenager.
.
November 19,
I guess Ino's back to wearing makeup, because she woke me up this morning at six-freaking-thirty. But then, I found her passed out in a chair by ten a.m. I can't even bring myself to be annoyed. I'm too glad that she's here. I wish she was here for me, but whatever. You take what you can get.
.
November 27,
Heh. Ino bought this new shirt, and it has a neckline that sort of folds over one side. I can't explain it. Anyway, when she leaned over today, I got a face full of boobs. In reality, she was across the table, but it felt like they were right there. They are a lot bigger than they used to be, and I'll just leave it at that.
.
December 2,
Tomorrow, Chouji, Naruto, and I are escorting six people to and from Kusagakure. It's going to suck, because we will have to travel at normal speed and be there for four days. That means I'll be gone for more than a week. And I'm not sure how things will go with Chouji. Luckily, Naruto will be there to distract us with his mind-numbing idiocy. So that'll be good.
I don't want to be gone from Ino that long. But when I get back, she's having another test where they look at the baby, and I'm going. It'll be cool to get to see that.
.
December 11,
Just got back yesterday. Mission was successful. No real problems. Chouji was subdued, but friendly. In a way, I think we support each other by being in similar pathetic situations.
Ino spent a couple of nights at her house while I was gone, she says. She wanted to see her mom and dad. She says her mom is jealous that she's living here now, but that she understands. So that's good. I hadn't been thinking about, but now that she mentioned it, yes, it's a good thing.
Test tomorrow!
.
December 12,
I have no idea what I was just looking at, but Ino and her nurse assured me that it is a human child. I can't help it if I still have my doubts. But Ino held my hand while we were watching the monitor. So that was worth the trip.
Ino introduced me as "the father" and the nurse called me "Dad" the whole time. I'm not really interested in being "Dad" to a sixty-five-year-old lady with blue hair. Really. I mean, maybe I will be the father of a sixty-five-year-old lady with blue hair someday, but then I'll be old and retired and I probably won't care about anything besides where I left my teeth.
.
December 17,
How is it possible that we are going to another appointment?! I just..I can't...GAH. Did I not just go to one?
.
December 18,
Appointment today. Same old. Kusari-fundo, measuring tape, huge belly. Yeah. Looks like Ino is going to be going to these every week now, or something, so I'm not going to bother writing about them anymore. I'm just going to write, "Baby still awesome." That should cover it.
.
December 22,
Today was fun, in a gross, creepy, unnatural way. The baby was kicking Ino, as usual, and we were watching because the baby was going to town and you could see bumps and lumps moving around. That was gross enough, but it's something you just can't stop watching. That should never happen to a human being; it's just not normal, and I'm going to take this moment to thank GOD I'm a man. But then, at some point, I saw a FOOT. It was tiny and it was obviously a foot. Is it possible to be amazed and disturbed at the same time?
But then I look up, and Ino has this look on her face like she's just in love. With the foot. And then my mom came in, and we're all just sitting around, watching this foot slide around. And then Mom starts to look like maybe she's in love with the foot. Then Mom touched the foot. Through Ino's skin, of course. But still. That just makes it weirder.
Women are so strange.
.
December 26,
Baby still awesome.
.
January 1,
Happy New Year to me. Oh, yes. Very happy indeed. Because today, Ino kissed me. On purpose, and totally sober. She always manages to surprise me. She just stomped in, plopped down on the couch, and planted one on me. I never even had time to close my eyes. But she looked so...focused. Even angry. Then she said, "I just had to try it."
So I was smooth, of course, and said, "Well...?"
Then her face didn't look angry anymore and she kissed me again.
And I kissed her back. But just when I was starting to get into it, she jumped up and yelled, "Oh my god!"
I just sat there looking at her, because, you know, Ino was freaking out, what's new.
But she looked horrified, and I thought of the baby and got scared, so I jumped up too and said, "What? What is it?"
And she backed up and was staring at me with wide, kind of crazy eyes. And she said, "I...kind of remember it!" Then she put her hands over her mouth and said oh my god again.
We stood there staring at each other for a whole minute, before I finally got the guts to ask what, exactly, she remembered.
Her eyes got even wider and she still had her hands over her mouth and she shook her head.
I can only imagine what my face looked like.
That's when she turned and bolted right up the stairs. She's pretty fast for a pregnant girl.
There was no way I was going to let her do that again, run off and stop talking to me. No way. I was too close to something normal!
So I followed her, and when I got upstairs she had locked herself in her room.
I just yelled at her. "Ino! Please don't me mad at me again!"
And she yelled back. "I'm not! I just...I didn't know!"
Argh. She was killing me! She told me she wasn't angry, but she was too embarrassed to talk about it face to face. Well, I wasn't going to sit in the hall screaming about my sexual exploits through a door. Or, rather, one. One sexual exploit.
So I sat in the floor outside of her door until she let me in. An hour and a half later.
I asked her what the hell she was expecting. It's not like we went to the fluffy pet bunny store while she was drunk.
But she just whispered, "the living room floor?"
Huh. Well, yes, I mean, that was unconventional.
Turns out her memories aren't very clear or linear. She remembered the where, and the who. (Of course, she already knew the who before.) She refused to tell me any more specifics, so I just had her write them down on a piece of paper. Then I started to read it, but she wouldn't let me. She said, "Not in here! Read it later! By yourself!"
By the way, I did. I'm...um...keeping it for posterity. I folded it up and stuck it in the back of the journal.
Anyway, after all that, I said, "Ino, I love you." Again.
She just said, "I know." Then she kissed me again. It wasn't really passionate, just sweet.
Then I said, "I'm sorry."
And she said, "I know."
Then I said, "Please let me take care of you."
That's when it got passionate.
It's funny. Even though we've had sex once, it was like we never have. It was like we were starting from the beginning. I suppose, for Ino, it really was like that, even though she sort of remembers the last time now. We didn't do much besides kissing tonight, for a couple of reasons: one, it was almost dinner time; two, I'm not going to pressure Ino into moving faster than she wants to. I already feel like I've done that once. So I'm leaving it up to her. We'll see how that works. (If she decides to go faster rather than slower, so much the better for me.)
And, Mom, who always seems to know what's going on, was positively nauseating all evening, smiling and hugging Ino and being annoying.
Of course, me she pinned against the wall and made me promise not to have sex in her house anymore. I don't think she was kidding. Damn it.
.
January 2,
Baby still awesome, except I've been re-quarantined to the waiting room. If stuff is going on in there that Ino doesn't want me to know about, then I don't want to be in there, anyway.
.
January 4,
Based on what Ino's been saying (which isn't all that much, as we've been otherwise occupied) I'm starting to get a sneaking suspicion that Mom had something to do with Ino's change of heart. I don't know how much Mom knows, or what she could have said to Ino, but I'm not going to question it.
I love my mother.
.
January 7,
Ino had a baby shower today. Men were not invited. I wouldn't even care about this, except that about five hundred thousand shrieking women were in my house. I evacuated to Chouji's. He let me in and things went well. It's only natural that he would start to be normal again, right when things are just getting started with Ino and me. It feels like I'm always keeping secrets from someone.
.
January 9,
Baby still awesome. I still get to hold down the waiting room. Unless something interesting happens at one of these appointments, I'm not going to bother writing about them anymore. They're ALL THE SAME. Ino goes in, I wake up with Ino yelling at me. Not interesting.
.
January 13,
I'm thinking about asking Ino to marry me. Yeah, I know I said I was going to leave it up to her how fast we would go, but I was talking about sex. She says she loves me, which is a miracle to me considering how she felt about me six months ago. I just...I want her all to myself and I want to be a family. I want to be normal. I don't want to have to "figure out where we're going" and all that crap; that sounds like a pain in the ass. Am I asking too much? Maybe I should be content with what I have. But I can't. It's not enough.
.
January 16,
Ino is so beautiful. And so shy, which I never would have guessed. She was laying in here with me this evening, and we were talking (she was talking, I was listening) and she had this button-up shirt on, but she had unbuttoned it halfway, from the bottom, so that we could watch the baby roll around. After a little while, the baby stopped rolling and we got distracted. Ino was talking about what she might want to name the baby, and I wasn't really thinking about it, but I started touching her stomach, moving my fingers up and down, from her waist all the way up to where the buttons stopped me, feeling the bump. But then, Ino unbuttoned her shirt the rest of the way, but only opened it a couple of inches. And she wasn't wearing a bra. So I just kept moving my fingers up, between her breasts, and all the way up to her face. She wouldn't let me open the shirt any farther than that, but she did let me kiss her, everywhere my fingers had been.
Then she got embarrassed and went to her own room, and I was laying there all sexually frustrated. But the way she was looking at me the whole time...there are no words.
.
January 17,
I just read yesterday's entry, and I'm...I don't know. I was horny when I wrote it. Sorry, journal.
.
January 19,
Well, Ino saved me some trouble. How often does that happen? I was sitting outside, minding my own business, when Ino came out to find me, acting huffy. I don't know why she does that, just suddenly gets mad at me about something even though I haven't seen her all day and haven't done anything. So there I was, relaxing, and she came out and yelled at me. "Am I supposed to raise this baby in your parents' house?!"
Uh, what? Did I say something?
She demanded that I marry her and find us some other place to live. I couldn't help but tease her, and remind her that she said she'd moved in to be closer to my mom, not me.
She told me to shut up.
All that remains is to figure out when. I'm all for having Tsunade marry us in her office, but Ino has always wanted the fancy dress and the...whatever the hell else they have at weddings. Me being humiliated, probably.
.
January 23,
This baby could show up at any moment. I have no idea what to do. Ino gave me a basic list of "don'ts": don't drop her on her head, don't forget where I put her, and don't refer to her as "troublesome woman". This information seems incomplete, somehow.
I remember when I was a little kid, and I was about to do something dumb, my dad would pin me down with his shadow so he could stay on the couch. It made me wonder a couple of things:
1. Would it be easier to use the shadow, or to actually get up? In general, physical movement is easier than using chakra. But sometimes I'm just really comfortable.
2. Does using the shadow count as father-daughter bonding time?
.
January 25,
We decided, today. We'll have Tsunade marry us on the 28th. Hopefully the baby will stay put until then. Then Ino will have her big, fancy, gag-inducing wedding in a couple of months, "when I'm skinny again." They way she talks about it, I get the feeling that I could sneak out and not be missed. But it'll probably just be easier to go through with it. If she noticed I was gone, I'd catch hell.
.
January 27,
The baby did not stay put. I'm resisting the urge to refer to her as "troublesome" right now. I'm at the hospital, and it's lunchtime, so I'm writing a quick note in here before I eat so I don't forget anything important.
We came in at one this morning. Someone went for our parents, because they showed up later. I don't really remember when, because I ended up falling asleep in this chair after Ino got all set up. About when the sun was coming up, Ino woke me up crying, and our moms were there. It turns out our dads were in the waiting room.
It seemed to go on forever. I went over to her and she held my hand the whole time, and kept yelling, and every time she would yell, she'd grip my hand tighter. And I could feel her nails cutting into my skin, but she wouldn't let go. Looking at my hand now, there are fourteen places where she broke the skin.
It was kind of a blur. A blur of screaming then not, fingernails digging then not, Tsunade in, Tsunade out, nurses in and nurses out. I was pretty grateful to be back by Ino's head, because I did not want to see what was going on on the other side of that blanket.
I kept thinking Ino would start cursing me or something at some point, but she never said a word. She just hung on and cried.
Eventually, there was a baby. It was so weird. Two seconds before, there was no baby. There was Ino, me, Mom, Yamanaka-san, Tsunade, and a nurse. There was no one else in the room. Then, suddenly, it was Ino, me, Mom, Yamanaka-san, Tsunade, a nurse, and a baby. Like she just popped out of nowhere.
And Tsunade handed the baby to Ino and said, "She looks like her dad." Smirking, of course.
I don't see it.
And Ino named her after my mom. It seems to fit. We owe her a lot, I think.
Yoshino is amazing. And so tiny. I swear I've seen squirrels bigger than her. I've barely had a chance to hold her, because our moms and, oddly, our dads won't give her up. That's fine; I can sleep when they're holding her, but I'm afraid she's going to be the most spoiled child in the whole village, and that does not bode well for me.
Ino is sleeping right now. (There's no way I'm going to let her know I have a journal. Although, now I'm wondering where I'll be able to write in it once we're married and living together.) And so is Yoshi-chan, right next to her mom. (I know, I know, Yoshi is a boy's name. I'm easing into this girl thing a little at a time.) Our parents went home, so I'm going to eat, and then maybe I'll take a nap in the chair.
I'm a dad. Go figure.
.
January 28,
Tsunade married us in the hospital room today. Our parents were there. So was Chouji. He took it alright, I guess. He's not happy about it, but I think he was trying to be supportive. Of course, he's in love with Yoshi, probably because she's Ino's daughter. And mine. My daughter.
I'm holding Yoshi right now. She's so little that she fits in one arm easily, and I can write with the other while Ino sleeps. I didn't get to hold her all day again today; I had to fight my father for her. He's completely crazy about her. He says there's no way she looks like me, she's too good-looking. He thinks she looks like Mom. Still, I'm not seeing it. I'm looking at her right now, and I'm thinking she looks more like a pink raisin. Wearing a hat.
Oh, and Inoichi doesn't seem mad at me at all anymore. I guess everything pales in comparison to a baby, when you can claim it as your own, even just a little.
My life has taken such a turn for the incredible. I have Ino, the most beautiful, difficult, amazing, challenging woman in the world. I have Yoshino, who keeps looking at me like she has a million questions and I have the answers. I get kind of nervous when I think about my future, about the work it'll take to make two women happy. I don't know if one man can do that. But I'll do the best I can.
But my next kid had better be a boy.
-N.S.
I don't remember when we started kissing, but I do remember feeling like I couldn't get close enough to you.
I remember you telling me to be quiet.
I remember feeling totally crushed by your body, but you still didn't feel close enough.
I remember when you got frustrated because you couldn't get my bra off.
I remember that it hurt. I don't remember caring.
I remember you whispering in my ear. I don't remember what you said.
I remember the carpet, and the couch, and the coffee table, and the light coming from upstairs.
I remember that your hair was down. I remember thinking that it was beautiful.
I've got to give credit to my friend for giving me a warming chair massager thing as an early Christmas present. It's kept me in front of the computer for two days. w00t!