WTF is with all the Twilight fans?

Obsessing about Twilight, writing self-inserts, etc.

It's tiring.

Yes, Twilight is a good book, admittedly, but GET OVER EDWARD.

A parody. And here we go.

X

I woke up feeling groggy, my room much too dark for the numbers on my digital clock to be legit. Six-thirty in the morning?

A dark but fantastically beautiful teenage boy stood across the room from me, his lips twitching upward into a charming crooked smile. His teeth were snow-white, his eyes a brilliant, mesmerizing shade of gold. He was toned and perfect, every grill's dream.

"Hello Love," He greeted in a fascinatingly musical voice. I was confused at first, absolutely lost as to what my surroundings happened to be, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from his flawless frame.

"Bella…?" He asked, sounding concern.

My jaw dropped.

It was Edward Cullen! I was absolutely stunned, but at the same time thrilled. This was my life's dream, to become Isabella Swan, the object of every grill's envy. I could hardly believe it.

My sense of self control lost, I leapt from my bed and into my new boyfriend's arms, embracing him. To my delight, his milk-white, muscular arms wrapped around my slim waist (slim waist, can you believe it?!) and a broad grin graced my lips.

"Why, Bella, you're awfully enthusiastic this morning." Edward mused.

"Oh yes, my love! And do you know why?!" I asked, my tone brimming with pleasure. "Because today is going to be a fantastic day!" Maybe we could even have sex! Ecstasy filling my tender soul (and body, although I wouldn't admit that outloud—crap, nevermind), I held myself even closer to Edward, feeling him accept my token of love.

"Well, then, what would you like to do today?" He asked me, amusement evident in his tone.

"I LOVE YOU!" I shrieked. I mean, "I love you," I whispered tenderly.

"Bella, is everything alright?" He asked, the laughter lacing his voice disappearing. "You aren't acting yourself."

"Yes—of course everything's alright, don't worry about me! Everything is perfect." I answered honestly. If I was going to continue to live Bella's life, I certainly had to keep up the act. But why was it so hard? My friends had always agreed with me when I stated that I was nearly a carbon copy of Bella—I was clumsy, frumpy, modest, and popular! Always the most unique of my group. Why did he doubt me?

"Well then," Edward began. "Let's get going."

X

Haha, does this look familiar?

Seriously, every other fanfic I see is at least remotely similar to this.

Coming up in the next chapter: Jacob and Edward fight over "Bella"! Stay tuned!

Anyway, review! Please…