The New Adventures of the Doctor and Rose

Episode 12

Special thanks to my beta, cytherea999

Rose stared at the double doors before her, fingers tracing the Gallifreyan carvings. "So," she started, "You say this represents some kind of Time Lord union?"

"Yep," the Doctor answered, popping the 'p'. "Your name and my name."

She turned to him, eyebrow raised. "You didn't marry me without my knowledge, did you?"

"What?" He sputtered. "Of course not! Sort of needs a whole ceremony and all. Would be impossible for you not to know about it." He paused. "Well, I say impossible. Nearly impossible. Unless we were on Estaria, then not impossible at all."

"Sorry?" Rose asked, brow furrowed.

"On Estaria, they drug the bride and carry on the ceremony while she's passed out. It's tradition. Lousy tradition, if you ask me…" He stopped when he realized Rose's attention was back on the carvings. "Anyway," he gestured to the wood. "This just declares that we're mates. That is, the copulating kind. Not the drinking buddy kind."

Rose smiled approvingly, "Very tactful."

"I'm nothing if not tactful," The Doctor declared, but the look on Rose's face said otherwise. "Right. Well," he changed the subject. "There's something I'd like to show you."

The Doctor quickly dragged Rose down the stairs and into the sitting room. He snapped his fingers and one of the wooden pillars turned into the TARDIS' main console.

"Here…" he pressed a button on the console, and a hologram took form a few feet away. It was of the Doctor's current body.

Rose remembered a similar holographic display of the Doctor from a few years ago. At that time, it was saying goodbye.

"What's this now?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"I figured you should know a bit more about me," the Doctor offered. "The TARDIS plucked these images right from my infallible memories," he grinned.

The first image took place, and Rose studied it carefully. It showed an aged man with grey hair and a walking stick wearing an Edwardian style suit. She smiled warmly. "Is that your granddad?"

"What? NO!" The Doctor protested. "That's ME. The first me."

Rose glanced at the image, then back to her Doctor, then back to the image again. "Time Lords regenerate younger?" she asked. She momentarily pictured her Doctor regenerating into a young man in his mid-twenties with hair even wilder than his current coif.

For the first time, she realized how grateful she was that HER Doctor would never regenerate again. "Sorry. Go on."

He nodded, and the image changed, revealing a man with a Beatles haircut and an ill-fitting suit. "You turned into a hobbit?"

"Rose!"

She grinned up at him, tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth, and he realized she was joking.

The Doctor continued showing her the remaining images, and came to the conclusion that Rose didn't fancy men who wore ruffles and velvet a la Anne Rice's vampires. Or looked like they were auditioning for "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat". Or thought question-mark sweater vests made a good fashion statement.

She did like cricket, however. And blonde hair - but didn't seem very appreciative of decorative vegetables. She also asked if the TARDIS could reproduce a long scarf. When he asked why, she mumbled something about tying things up. The Doctor was not quite sure what she meant, but he had a feeling she was being naughty.

He could, in fact, smell her thinking naughty thoughts when his eighth self took form before them.

"Shame your hair grows UP instead of down now," she declared. The Doctor tried to prevent himself from pouting, but was unsuccessful. "Oh come on," she reached for his hand. "I'm kidding!"

She then met his eyes and wrapped her arms around him, voice growing softer. "Thank you for showing me this. And just so you know," she slid her fingers into his hair and brought his mouth down within an inch of hers, "I like this body the best."

Rose pulled her Doctor into a deep kiss, which was soon followed by the touch of welcomed hands, the tugging off of clothing – and an inopportune phone call from Torchwood that proved far more effective than cold water.

Pushing away the annoyance and frustration of being interrupted mid-shag, Rose led Jake and Les aboard an alien ship that had had the audacity to crash beside the Thames on her and the Doctor's day off.

The inside of the ship was dark and quiet. Eerily so.

With a weapon in one hand and a mini-DVR with a very bright light in the other, Rose explored the cold metallic corridors, feeding what she saw back to Control.

"What do you make of this, Doctor?" Rose asked, her voice muffled through the oxygen mask she was wearing.

"Telarian ship," the Doctor replied in her ear piece. "Nice folk. The President had me 'round for tea once when I was visiting a neighbouring solar system."

"That was in the other universe, Spaceman." Trev's voice pointed out in the background. "Doesn't mean these blokes are the same."

"Oi," The Doctor protested. "I've been studying up. Species here aren't so different from species there!"

"… 'cept those scientist aliens who tried to kill us for looking at their research!" Trev shot back.

"That was just a misunderstanding!" the Doctor protested.

"Misunderstanding my-"

"Doc," Jake interrupted the argument, "Are these blokes easy to talk to?"

"Should be," the Doctor answered, ignoring Trev's muttering in the background. "They've mastered thousands of languages. English should be one of them. If not, I could translate for you."

"Thanks," Jake replied, relieved his job as First Contact liaison wouldn't leave him mumbling like a fool.

"Atmosphere is oxygen-rich," Les informed Rose as she glanced at her scanner. "I'm going to take the mask off. Hard to talk."

"Just be careful," the Doctor's voice responded, "It might be a different mix of oxygen than you're used to. Too much or too little may make you dizzy or ill. If you start to feel out of sorts, put your mask back on."

"Thank you, John," Les replied sweetly. "I hope Rose appreciates how wonderful and caring you are."

"Stop flirting with the spaceman, Les!" Trev shot back.

"Oh shut your hole," Les answered, the sweetness long gone.

Rose released a small laugh at the exchange. "I appreciate the Doctor very much, Les. Twice in one go, sometimes."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Trev demanded through the comm.

"If you don't know what she's referring to, then you're doing it wrong," Les replied.

"Doing WHAT wrong?"

"Back to the mission," Rose interrupted. "So, the Telo-" she stopped and waited.

"Telarians," the Doctor finished for her.

"…Telarians sent out a mayday," Rose continued, "Did they specify what the emergency was?"

She heard the clacking of a keyboard through her ear piece, then Trev's voice again. "Got some audio here," he played what had been captured. It consisted of a lot of screaming and yelling in a language Rose had never heard before.

"Doctor?" Rose asked. "Can you make any of that out?"

"Trying. Play it again, Trev," the Doctor answered.

The screaming and yelling was repeated.

"Trouble. Help. Insane. Hurting… no… killing. Crew is killing… virus?" The Doctor stopped. "The crew is killing a virus?" The recording played again. "OH! The crew is being KILLED by a virus! Got it. WAIT! Put your masks back on!" He shouted desperately.

Rose, Jake and Les immediately did so.

"If I have this correct, there was a virus that was causing some crew members to go crazy and kill one another."

"Thought you said they were nice folk," Trev accused.

"They ARE," the Doctor answered. "But apparently not when infected with an alien virus!"

"We should be okay," Rose said. "We haven't come into contact with any bodies yet."

"Maybe," the Doctor answered. "Scan for any airborne contaminants."

Les did as he asked. "Nothing here," she said. "Maybe it was something they ate?"

"Possibly," the Doctor answered. "Give me a moment." The clacking of a keyboard was heard once again, then Les let out a startled curse. "Sorry. I have remote control of your scanner, Les. I inputted my knowledge of alien viruses and cross-referenced it with human and Time Lord biology to see if there's anything in the air that might harm either of us."

"And?"

"Nothing. Whatever it was, it's either gone, or only affects Telarians. Oh, Rose. Hold up the DVR for a moment?" She did so, focusing on the door in front of her. "That might be the mess hall. And if that's where most of the crew was when this virus hit…" he let the sentence trail.

Jake took a few steps back from the big metal door. "I don't fancy seeing a pile of dead aliens right now."

"Doctor," Rose spoke, "Can you find out what caused this? Just in case another ship has the same problem?"

"I can probably whip up a vaccine or antidote to have on hand. I need to take samples of the virus though."

"All right then," Rose nodded. "We'll do a few more scans to make sure everything's clear, then send the… specimens… your way." Rose often found it was easier to refer to the dead that way. It saved her from having a complete emotional breakdown after all she had seen.

"Rose?"

"Yes, Doctor?"

"Are you all right?"

Rose realized he must have heard the slight shake in her voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Be careful then."

"I will. Promise."

When the Doctor spoke next, the light tone in his voice made her smile. "I've heard that before…"

On the drive home, Rose noticed the Doctor acting oddly. He was starting out the front window, hands clasping his knees so tightly his knuckles were turning white.

"You okay?" she finally asked.

He glanced over to her then quickly turned away. "Fine. Yes. Fine. Perfectly fine."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"It was a pretty gruesome sight on that ship," she offered. "I can understand if it bothered you."

"I fought in the Time War, Rose," the Doctor answered blithely, not finding a need to expand on that.

Rose nodded and continued to drive. She soon began to notice a change in behaviour from the man beside her. He seemed to be leaning towards her, nostrils flaring.

"Doctor?" She worried.

"You smell good…" he murmured. "Perfume?"

"Can't wear perfume at Torchwood, remember?"

"Right. Of course," he nodded, "Don't know how it'll affect different species and all that." He still studied her with great intensity. "Rassilon, but you're beautiful…"

Rose blushed and offered him a quick glance before turning back to the road. "You sure you're okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine…" he whispered airily, still staring at her as if she were the most delicious thing he had ever seen.

Rose watched out of the corner of her eye as the Doctor dug his fingers into his thighs, something akin to a moan escaping his throat.

"Doctor?" Rose was growing more concerned by the moment.

He looked away and stared out the window. "Get us home," he commanded hurriedly.

There was such urgency in his voice that Rose was becoming a wreck with worry. "Do you need help? Are you sick? Should I call Owen? Oh god, you aren't infected, are you?"

"No. No. I just… feel funny is all," he explained. "Dizzy. But good dizzy. Which is very different than bad dizzy. Bad dizzy happens when I'm ill. Good dizzy happens when I'm…" he stopped. "Home. Quick. Everything I need is there."

She nodded and pressed harder on the gas, hoping there were no police around.

Seconds after they arrived home, Rose found herself pinned to the wall in the front hall, the Doctor's mouth and body pressed desperately against her as he kicked the door shut with the sole of his red chucks.

When he finally pulled his mouth from hers, all she could do was stare up at him breathlessly. "Not that I mind…" she gasped, "But you could've let me put my stuff away first."

"Couldn't!" he replied hopelessly. "Needed you." He suddenly stumbled away. "Oh… oh dear." He tugged his fingers through his hair, causing the strands to stick straight up.

"What's wrong?" Rose asked.

"I… I want to…" he stopped, seemingly embarrassed.

"You want to what?"

"Shag you!" He cried out desperately, then clamped a hand over his mouth. "Sorry, that was rude."

Rude and still not ginger. That was her Doctor.

Rose studied him, brow furrowed. "From this morning?"

"Different from this morning!" He protested. "Feeling a bit… aggressive. Well, I say aggressive. More like needy. Well, desperate." His voice became a nervous squeak, "Naughty?"

"Oh?" Rose found this all very fascinating.

"It's your scent, Rose!" He whined, "Have you always smelled like this?" He then shook his head and turned away. "No, I would've noticed before. You've never smelled like this. I mean, you've smelled nice. Really nice. But this is different. Didn't notice it until-" he stopped and slowly turned back to her. "THE SHIP!"

"What about it?"

"When you came off the Telarian ship!" He stepped towards her again. "When you brought the data back to my lab, I wanted to… but no, I had work to do. Lots of logs and records to go through. Bodies to autopsy." He stopped as if realizing something. "You smell like them!"

Rose raised an eyebrow, "I smell like dead bodies?"

"YES! I mean… NO!" He stumbled over his words. "That is… a bit. But the dead aliens didn't affect me like this. And how dare you even think that, Rose Tyler!"

"I never said I thought that, but I'm starting to wonder now!" she replied.

"No no no no!" The Doctor insisted. "You. Just you. That smell enhances your smell and makes me want to-" he clamped a hand over his mouth before he could say it again. "Sorry. Being a bad boy. You should punish me, really." He winced at his own words and muttered what Rose guessed was a Gallifreyan curse.

Rose tried to suppress a snicker but the Doctor could tell.

"Oi! You're finding this all very amusing, aren't you?" he accused, though his tone was made less severe by the pout on his lips.

She offered a smirk, "Maybe a bit amusing. Never seen you lose control like this before."

"It's YOU, Rose. You and whatever infected that ship!"

Rose raised an eyebrow, "But I'm feeling fine."

"Yes, of course you are," he thought about that. "But then… that would mean it's not a virus. So what?" He let his nostrils flare once more. "That scent…" He looked at her, realization dawning. "You reek of pheromones."

"What?!" She asked, eyes wide. "How? I mean, we're not-" she stopped, "I'm not all excited at the moment."

"Sorry," he replied, head down. "Bad timing, this." He pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes. "Not your fault," he assured her. "It's something from the ship."

Rose grew worried. "So everyone is suddenly gonna want to sha- sleep with me?"

"They'd better not!" The Doctor snapped possessively, then relaxed a bit. "That is… I mean… just me. Better be just me!" He pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his collar. "Rassilon, it's warm in here," he muttered. "You should take off your clothes…"

"Did you find out anything else about the ship?" Rose asked, trying to keep his mind on track.

"Ship ship ship… yes… the ship. I was studying the ship… no, the private logs. It seems that only 25% of the crew were infected. No. Not infected. Had this… scent. It was the other 75% around them that went mad. They became possessive of their crewmates – the ones they were attracted to. Turned on each other thinking it would somehow win them the object of their desires."

"So, basically like two people fighting for the affections of someone else?" Rose asked.

"Yes. But to the death."

Rose grew wary, "And what if the winner's affections weren't returned?"

"Love turned to hate," The Doctor declared as he yanked off his jacket and tossed it across the hall. "And in some cases if their affections were returned, it led to a jealous rage."

"But you're not in a jealous rage," Rose pointed out, hoping against hope that it would stay that way.

"No. Well… I'm not Telarian." The Doctor replied. "It affects other species differently." He continued pacing again, pulling his shirt out of his trousers as he did so. "Oh, this is very distracting. I can't think. Or rather, I CAN think, but I'm thinking of the wrong things! Most of them involving you. And me." He paused a moment, brow furrowed, "And I have a sudden craving for whipped cream. Odd that."

Rose eyed the Doctor as he slid on his glasses and studied his hands as if they held all the answers he needed. "I thought you said there was nothing that would hurt humans on that ship?" she reminded him.

"Well… no virus. That scent, though. Like flowers." He let out a sigh, voice become light, eyes glazing over. "Silky gold flowers. With long lean stems, and sweet pink buds, and round hard-"

"Doctor!" Rose interrupted, starling him out of his reverie, "If you smell something on me that's making you act this way, then Jake and Les will have the same smell on them. Would it affect Jake's boyfriend, or Les's…" she paused, "Um… various gentlemen friends like this?"

"I don't know!" The Doctor answered desperately. "I'm Gallifreyan. I can only tell you how it affects me. It might affect humans the same way it affected the Telarians. And blimey, it's hot in here! How can you not feel that?" He yanked open his buttons, leaving his shirt hanging on his shoulders as he returned to his nervous pacing.

That was enough for Rose to quickly grab her mobile and call Jake. When he answered, his voice was hoarse.

"Are you okay?" was Rose's first question.

"Yes. But... my bloke just broke up with me," Jake answered. Rose could tell he'd been crying. "We had a bit of a row earlier. Over something that I can't even remember. He said things. Cruel things. Then stormed out. He's never talked to me like that before, Rose."

Rose nodded, "It's okay, Jake. It's not your bloke." She then explained the Doctor's theory and Jake understood.

"Suppose that's a relief then," Jake replied. "Think the Doc can figure out how to fix it?"

Rose glanced over at the Doctor, who seemed unable to take his eyes of her.

"Probably. He's acting a bit strange 'imself, you know."

"Doc's got superior biology," Jake answered. "He can probably control the effects."

"Yeah… sure…" Rose answered as she met the Doctor's desperate pleading gaze. She quickly turned away. "Call Les. See if she had a date tonight."

"Will do," Jake answered. "And Rose… thanks for ringing."

"We'll fix it, Jake. Promise. Just got to help the Doctor get his head straight."

"Good luck," Jake offered.

"Thanks. Talk to you later," Rose answered.

"Later," Jake replied, and the two hung up.

"Big fight with the boyfriend?" The Doctor asked, having gleaned the information from Rose's half of the conversation. Rose nodded. "Body chemistry is a funny thing. Sometimes it can repel instead of attract. Depending on how compatible two people are chemically." He then grinned. "Given the fact that I want to sh-" he stopped, grin fading. "Well, given that fact, it seems you and I are very compatible! Could be the species difference," he considered. "Opposites do attract in some cases." He stepped back from Rose awkwardly. "Attract too much, in this case…" he muttered.

Rose could see the Doctor was visibly shaking in the effort to control his overactive libido – a wonderful thing that she would have welcomed at any other time when he didn't need to think up a solution to a potentially serious problem.

"So what do I do with you?" Rose asked. The Doctor's eyes lit up and it was obvious what he would like her to do. She contemplated him for a few moments. "Jake's sorted, so nothing to worry about there. And Les can take care of herself." Rose knew Les could be very imposing if the situation called for it. The brunette was over one-hundred and eighty centimetres, and well-versed in martial arts. "But you…"

"Yes?" he asked hopefully.

"You need to have a clear head, yeah?"

"Yes," his face fell. "Currently lacking that at the moment."

"You need my help." Rose stated. He looked at her, eyes silently pleading. She drew out her gaze, studying him from top to bottom. "You DO look a bit nice all dishevelled like that." She stepped closer. He was wound tighter than she had ever seen him. "And I'm a bit disappointed we were interrupted on our day off…" he swallowed hard and nervously reached up to pull his glasses off. She stopped his hand, voice dropping low, lips only inches from his. "Leave the brainy specs on."

The Doctor was more than happy to oblige.

"Bloody wanker!" Les swore as she sat with Rose and Jake in the Torchwood cafeteria and described her latest date. "Told me I wasn't feminine enough for him. Can you believe that? After ONE bloody date? Like I need to deal with that shite. I'm ev'ry inch a lady!"

Rose absently picked at her chips. Les's choice of language despite the assertion that she was a lady was not lost on her. "'Course you are," Rose finally answered. "Perfect lady."

"Bloody right I am!" Les agreed.

"You received the memo about the scent we picked up from the ship, didn't you?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, got it. Still doesn't excuse the git," Les answered.

"Well, it excuses my git," Jake replied.

"And what about your git, Rose?" Les asked.

"Kept me up most of the night," Rose answered, seeing no need to explain how he had kept her up.

"Oh, and speak of the devil," Les muttered as the Doctor bounded into the cafeteria. He spotted Rose and immediately went to sit beside her, pressing his bony hip against hers as he wound one arm around her waist.

"Figured it out," he began as he nuzzled her neck.

"Doctor…" Rose squirmed at the public display of affection.

"Mmm, yes?" he asked, causing her to shiver as his lips brushed over the pulse in her neck.

"Oi!" Les sputtered.

"Oh!" The Doctor looked up as if he had just noticed they were not alone. "Hello."

"What's with Mister touchy-feely here?" Les asked Rose. "Thought he was supposed to be all angry and dump you? Said he kept you up all night."

"Not human," the Doctor explained. "Different effect." He then met Rose's eyes, voice low. "And it wasn't all night. Just most of it."

"Well now!" Jake exclaimed as he turned to an embarrassed Rose, "No wonder you looked so knackered this morning!"

"Wait a moment," Les slammed her hands on the table, "Don't tell me that this thing that turned human blokes into arseholes also turned Time Lords into shag-o-matics!"

The Doctor winced, "That's a rather crude way to phrase it."

"Crude? No, Les is a lady," Rose smirked.

"Oh hush up now," Les muttered.

"So, Doc… you said before that you figured something out?" Jake asked.

"Yes!" The Doctor swallowed the forkful of chips he had stolen from Rose's plate, "I was right about the flowery smell. Reading more logs, they'd been to a planet that had very rare vegetation. Vegetation that made all the inhabitants of the planet rather affectionate. Well, I say affectionate. It was like a twenty-four hour love-fest with everyone and everything. That was the norm there, but one species' aphrodisiac is another species allergy – for lack of a better term."

"Oh?" Rose replied.

The Doctor nodded. "The pollen and spores were carried onto the ship by those that had visited the planet, and it went downhill from there. Different body chemistry and all. I recommend you burn any clothes you wore yesterday. And take a few showers to get all the pollen off your body and out of your hair." He advised. "I've formulated an antihistamine to counteract the effects. Torchwood assured me your friends would get it." He looked uneasy, knowing Torchwood would get the antihistamine to the ones that needed it whether they wanted it or not.

"That was fast!" Les smiled.

"I'm clever," the Doctor replied proudly. "I sent a message and instructions to the Inter-planetary Alliance just in case other ships happen to wander into that sector and visit the planet. I recommend you take those showers now," he informed Les and Jake.

"And me as well," Rose pointed out.

"Oh…?" the Doctor looked hopeful.

"By myself," Rose stressed.

His face fell.

"You can't go on like this," Rose explained gently.

He took a deep breath, then nodded. "Right. Of course not." He made to leave, then stopped and cupped Rose's face, leaning in to give her a long deep kiss, ignoring the cheers and whistles that accompanied the very public act.

When he finally pulled away, it took Rose a moment to find her voice. "You did that on purpose!"

"Well, yes," he answered. "But only because I won't be brave enough to kiss you in public when this is all over, repressed Time Lord that I am." He paused, "Though not so repressed when we're alone…"

Les leaned forward eagerly, "Oh, do tell!"

"Well," the Doctor began excitedly, "She loves it when I-"

"Doctor!" Rose interrupted.

"What?" he asked defensively, then realized what he was about to say. "Oh, bugger," he mumbled, clear-headed enough to be embarrassed. "I… I'll go take that antihistamine. Just in case."

"Good idea," Rose agreed.

The Doctor nodded, then jumped to his feet and headed out of the cafeteria.

Les glanced at the blonde in front of her, eyebrows raised in expectation.

"No!" Rose insisted.

"Just tell me one thing at least," Les said, "Does he have any extra alien bits?" Rose remained silent, arms crossed stubbornly. "C'mon, Tyler! I tell you all about my blokes!"

"Whether we want to hear it or not," Jake muttered in response.

"Oi!" Les protested, "You don't exactly keep to yourself either!"

Jake denied the accusation, and Rose could only watch as the two began a back and forth about sharing too much information.

She couldn't wait until this day was over.