Disclaimers: Ideas borrowed from Labrynth, Harry Potter, Love at First Bite et all… and no longer answers the challenge…but poses a new set of social, moral, and Wizarding political questions.

And since this no longer fits the challenge set forth by King Akvar, but he did not formally complain all the "Drarry" fans out there may read it and pay homage to him because he inspired more vampire slash!

Author: Fragonknight01

Always, Forever, Not Long At All!

"And I wish the Prince of the Vampires would come and take you away!" Petunia Evans shrieked at her younger sister, Lily.

As the older girl stood there with her arm raised, ready to smack the younger one, the lights flickered and a strong wind blew the lace curtains away from the window. She whirled around, mouth open in a soundless scream, when she heard a thump as though a body had just hit the floor behind her.

He stood up and shook out his cloak. Then drew himself up to his Merlin-awful height of six feet two inches tall and glared down his aristocratic nose at the horse-faced girl quivering in fear in front of him. "You called for the Prince of the Vampires. Who did you want me to take away?"

Petunia glared at him before hissing, "Doesn't anything in my stupid life go right? I ask for a prince and get the imitation Moth-Man waffling around in a fog bank!"

"I am not a moth man. I am an animagus vampire. I like my Seagull form. However, if you prefer…" In front of her stood a huge white bear, paws raised and…tossing a ball to catch it with his nose?

Lily clapped in delight. "Oh, Lucius, you are gorgeous."

"Lucius? What kind of a stupid name is that?" Petunia got caught up in her rant and missed Lily and the bear playing catch. When she finally noticed she shrieked, "Will you stop! I didn't invite you over to play." They stopped playing and Lucius turned back into his human form.

The Prince watched the strange squib carry on for several minutes before shaking his head and speaking to Lily. "Now I know why you want to stay at Hogwarts all the time. If I had to deal with a creep like old horse-face here, I'd be friends with James and his gang also. It explains your death wish."

Petunia screamed, "Are you going to take her or not?"

"NOT!"

"WHY?"

"Because she is a witch and I already have my witch picked out. Call on me again in about twenty-five years when she has a child or two. Now, Good day. You interrupted my dinner and I should like to finish…" He glared at the vile tempered harridan Lily lived with. "Unless, of course, you would like to be dinner. Since I am French, and I am hungry enough to eat a horse!" His eyes glowed red and his fangs elongated as he took a step toward her.

Petunia shrieked and ran out of the room screaming for her mother as Lily lunged for Lucius Malfoy and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek before he turned back into a seagull and hopped out the window.

SOME TWENTY-FIVE YEARS LATER:

Petunia Dursley was at her wits end with dealing with Harry Potter. The boy was just absolutely incorrigible. He had just managed to get Vernon so raving mad that the man was currently sitting on his recliner holding the newspaper like a remote and pressing random spots to see what channel would show up next. Harry was standing in front of his aunt, smiling angelically, and wandlessly making the telly flip channels.

She dodged into the sitting room in time to watch Vernon go into a seizure over the antics being viewed: Harry had inadvertently tuned in to one of Lucius Malfoy's soirées. Or, more to the point, Malfoy and some half a dozen other Death Eaters were wearing nothing but their masks and they were all practicing their country dancing!

Harry watched avidly as they did kicks and turns. He couldn't make up his mind which was better- the front or the back. He even squealed happily as he noticed that over in a corner of the room not covered completely by the camera, was a carbon copy of the dance instructor dutifully going through his paces.

As Petunia stood there staring at the screen with wide eyes she was brought crashing back to earth by the voice of her son who had just entered the room and was staring at the spectacle as avidly as Momma, Poppa, and Cousin Harry were.

"Mummy, look at that tall blond man." Dudley said. "I have a birthmark on my thigh just like his. Do you reckon we are related?"

Petunia's world came crashing down around her as she turned to face her doom.

Vernon stopped clicking the paper and focused on his wife. "You told me that Dudley was a month premature. If you had been hanging around that man then he would most likely be a few weeks overdue, yes?"

Harry smiled delightedly. "Hey, Dudders! That means you are a squib! And, not only a squib, you are a Malfoy!" He started humming as he went back into the kitchen to finish making some tea.

Petunia stepped into the room a few minutes later. "You filthy little freak! How dare you try to tear my perfect family apart with your unnaturalness!"

Harry just smiled and erected a shield around himself as he stood there drinking tea and eating a chocolate biscuit. "Did you have sex with Lucius Malfoy? Or did you try to get your hooks into his dad? I can just see you going for the older one because you'd have this idea that he would be desperate." He prattled on, quite unconcerned with the woman's homicidal tendencies.

Petunia glared at him and hurled the only invective she could think of, "I wish the Prince of the Vampires would come and take you away! Right now!"

Then just like it happened twenty-five odd years ago: the lights flickered, the curtains shifted, and the seagull flew into the kitchen, crash-landed and morphed into a damn fine figure of a vampire!

"What do you want now, you old horse faced….EEWWW. What the hell happened to you?" Lucius stared in horror at the fretful Petunia. "You were an ugly kid, but Merlin, Circe and all the imps from the underworld…Couldn't you at least steal enough money from somewhere to get a face lift?"

Petunia glared at him. "I called you here to take away that abomination!" She pointed toward Harry who was moving stealthily toward the door.

Lucius looked over and saw Dudley standing in the door where Harry had been a moment before. He blanched as he saw the walking whale. He whirled back to Petunia. "Surely, you jest. I may be a vampire but there is no way I could pick that thing up! Let alone carry it away. Why don't you just give him back to Father? You know how he loves nice plump baby boys." He licked his chops delicately as he eyed the pseudo-human. "Merlin, but what I would not give to see Daddy's face when he gets introduced to that tub of lard!"

Petunia was beside herself with rage. "Not him. Duddy-wuddy is my ickle baby, aren't you precious?" The psychotic woman stopped screaming long enough to simper at her pet whale then reverted back to harridan mode. "I want you to take the freak away."

Lucius shivered as he looked at the loathsome shape of his half-brother. "Is he a squib?" He couldn't resist baring his fangs at the frustrated woman. "You know when Daddy gets hold of him he will kill him don't you? Squibs aren't tolerated in the Malfoy family unless they are beautiful, talented, sexy, or obscenely rich."

Petunia screeched in anger and Lucius blinked in surprise to see the window panes crack and fall inward. "Now look what you have done, you big insensitive jerk!" She began to cry hysterically.

Lucius growled. "Don't start that again, Petunia. I told you before I will not carry you off…NO! Not under any circumstances! You understand me, woman? No way in hell would I ever escort you back to Malfoy Manor. Especially after Daddy found out that you were down in the Family crypt doing obscene things to the family bones."

"I don't want to go back to your stupid house. I want you to to to…." Petunia had had enough rejection and went to fetch Potter, herself.

While she was gone, Lucius walked into the sitting room and saw Vernon watching him and a few associates cavorting on the telly. He cleared his throat delicately, but Vernon 's gaze did not bother to waver from the scene in front of him. Finally, Lucius growled, "IF you would care to gawk at me instead of the telly…?"

Vernon glared at him and with the instant recognition came a look of fear. "What?"

"Now then, if you want to learn to dance, I must insist that you get out of that chair first and remove your clothes."

The large fat man stood and disrobed.

Lucius blinked at the rolls of fat that quivered delicately in front of him. His normal alabaster skin paled rather significantly. Just as he was about to heave in front of the life sized version of the stay-puff marshmallow man, he heard a voice squawk indignantly, "Bathroom is through the door and to the right. No way in hell will I ever clean up after a sicked-up vampire again." Lucius was strangely pleased to hear the voice mumbling about, "Cleaning up after Draco at our graduation party was more than enough."

He barely made it to the facility before he greeted his lunch, breakfast and yesterdays unidentified undigestibles… His stomach did a few flips as he tried to remember who it was…

Once again the voice came to his assistance. "When you are finished heaving please feel free to use the Listerine (yes, we plug oral hygene- especially for people who bite others) then flush the facility. If you would be so kind, you may also use the Lysol spray to freshen the air in there."

Lucius giggled as he gargled, flushed then cocked his head as he heard a squawk as if someone had been slapped. Then he heard the dulcet tones of Petunia as she began shrieking again. Whoever it was she slapped did not take well to being slapped and had retaliated.

Less than a minute later he arrived back in the kitchen. And viewed her perfectly beautiful nephew, Harry, who was tucked firmly under her arm. She slung him at the vampire and shrieked, "This is what I want you to take away!"

Lucius grabbed the beautiful boy and smiled reassuringly at him.

The beautiful boy really was a work of art. Alabaster skin, ruby lips, emerald eyes and onyx hair were all perfectly colored. The boy's bone structure was incredibly beautiful also: he was thin, graceful, and absolutely sparkled with life and magic. Beautiful boy also had a wicked sense of humor. "Oi, Pimp Daddy, good to see you. How's it hanging?" He had an adorable giggle also as he watched the older man blush as his crotch was eyed with a little more interest than was necessary.

"Well…" Lucius Malfoy, Vampire extraordinaire, was at a loss for words. He was about to start mumbling when the creature in the other room bellowed, "Where the hell is that dance instructor? I'm getting cold standing here without anything on. Either he needs to get in here so we can get started or we can go upstairs, Petunia. Petunia?..."

Lucius looked at Petunia and whispered, "You're getting very horny." He nodded in a satisfied fashion as her eyes glazed over and she stepped toward him.

For some reason the beautiful boy jumped in front of her, hissing about this one being his and she could just go into the other room." Before he turned and stared at the vampire avidly before pressing close and brushing his own nicely displayed package up against the older man. The boy was not at all opposed to the situation- if his hard-on was any indication.

Petunia stopped and looked at Harry. "I don't want him or you. Now get out!"

Lucius looked back at Petunia while he gathered Harry even closer. "You are giving him to me? I get to do whatever I want to to him? I never have to give him back to you? You will not complain if I take him away and make him commit unspeakable sexual acts? You give up all rights to Harry?"

"Yes. Yes. Take the brat!" Petunia was livid. She did not know who to be more angry with; Harry for getting in the way of her getting a good shag (and make no mistake- Lucius Malfoy is a good shag!) or for Lucius Malfoy getting her sexually aroused and then having to go to Vernon for gratification.

"Henceforth, he shall belong to the House of Malfoy. I shall take him to my son Draco and he will fulfill all my son's sexual desires. In return, Draco shall make him his consort. He will be the next Malfoy bride and will bear me beautiful grandchildren. You do not object?"

Petunia threw a teacup at him. "Take the little freak and get out! It is just my luck I summon the only retarded Vampire in the whole world." She glared at Lucius and Harry for a few seconds before snarling, "You will bear me beautiful children…HELLO. Bird-brain! Just in case you landed on your head once too often- Freak is a boy also. There aren't going to be any beautiful children…"

Lucius looked down at the boy clinging to his form like a leech. "You have no problem with bonding to my son and becoming his immortal love?"

Harry James Potter giggled delightedly. "I have lusted after Draco forever! I have read all the back issues of Vampire on Fire and am fully determined to make him the Potter sex slave. With your permission of course?"

"Of course." The vampire beamed happily at the limpet. "I am so pleased you want him so much. Shall we go then?"

Harry smiled contentedly at his aunt. "Thanks so much, Aunt Petunia, for letting me sleep in the closet all those years. And, for finally letting me have a bedroom after I got my Hogwarts letter. I will let you come visit before the wedding if it is OK with the Malfoys. Love you. See you later…" He giggled at his new father-in-law to be and nodded an affirmative.

"Well, I don't want you to have to wait much longer. Shall we go?" Lucius bestowed a dazzling fang filled smile on his new son.

As the two of them apparated away from #4 Privet Drive , Little Whinging, Surrey , Dudley Dursley was heard to scream, "Why does Harry get to marry a vampire? I want a vampire too!"

Petunia shut him up with a right hook just under the jaw. As the boy crashed down and bounced a few times, Petunia was suddenly seen to smirk. "You didn't think that boxing talent came from you, did you Vernon ?"

The tall fat man slunk back into the sitting room and sat down heavily in his chair again. Maybe it would not be too difficult to pretend that he had a normal wife and a beautiful son after all. Then the reality sunk in: His beautiful son was, in fact, part vampire…

He could be heard bellowing all the way to Primrose Corner, which was a subdivision four estates over, "Petunia? Is Dudley fat because he is part vampire and you keep over feeding him so he won't bite people?"