A/N: I am in a HUGE writing slump, the only thing I've been updating regularly is Akatsuki Asks. Sorry, people, if you're awaiting the next installment of your favorite fic, but I am absolutely brain-dead right now. Hopefully this one-shot will stimulate some of these brain cells... Usually whenever I write a one-shot the other fics tend to grow ideas... I'm sure you all understand... PLEASE? Great. Now for the disclaimer crap. This fic contains content that is not suitable for underage readers. Yes. Smexy stuff. I do not own Naruto. I never will. Damn. This fic doesn't take place in the series, it is not canon and pretty surely never will be. The day that Zetsu and Tenten become a canon pairing will be the day I celebrate the fourth of July during Christmas. Enjoy.

Best Served Cold

Tenten had been a hostage of Akatsuki for an entire month now. Or... at least one Akatsuki member. During one of their great raids on Konoha, Akatsuki had slaughtered many and captured few. Of those few, most were either killed or released. Their attack had been meant to upset the people's faith in shinobi, meant to cause the minds of shinobi to falter. Some had scattered to the wind, gone where nobody knew. However, the same scatter effect had scattered the members of Akatsuki briefly, though they met once again in the country of rain. She wasn't sure exactly how she had come to be the hostage of a cannibalistic plant, though somewhere in the confusion she distinctly remembered being grasped from the heat of battle by summoned vines.

It didn't matter anymore that she was a hostage. Konoha didn't bother with hostages anymore, especially with shinobi like herself. True, she was a formidable opponent but the fact of the matter was that she was just a chuunin, not an A-rank jounin. Even some of the S-class jounin that had been taken hostage had been left to the mercy of fate, what chance did she have of rescue? Once she realized this and came to terms with it, she did what none of the Akatsuki expected- she adapted to the situation and cooperated with them. They were surprised, of course, though she wasn't. She was a practical person, taking what life gave her and doing the best she could with it. There was no point in resisting her capture anymore, especially since Akatsuki was trying to lay low for the time being. They had caused the grand war they were looking for. For a long while they needed to disappear, and she didn't mind the prospect of doing the same. Where safer to hide than at the enemy's breast?

Once the other Akatsuki found that she was actually taking the initiative to move as they did, to become one of them out of necessity, they did something she didn't quite expect either- they started training her. Nothing special, of course, they only wanted her to be able to keep pace with them if they needed to flee the base quickly, as was often the case. Oddly enough, as the weeks went by she had almost come to an understanding with them. She would watch their backs and they would watch hers. If she had time, she would teach them some of her sealing jutsu to help with their packing, along with battle jutsu. If they had time, they would teach her the odd non-elemental jutsu, adding to her very short list of techniques. It was a strange coexistence, but strangest of all was the company she kept.

"Is there something wrong?" Zetsu sat across the table from her as was their new custom, sitting here at night as they drank their tea. She never fancied him to be a tea drinker, but she had learned during her stay that she just couldn't assume anything anymore.

She shook her head once, keeping her focus on nothing in particular. "No, I was only thinking. It's been a while now."

"It's only been a month. It seems longer."

Her hands were lax around her cup, so accustomed was she to the blunter half of his personality. At first this had been quite a shock, to learn that he had what seemed to be two consciousnesses inside him, though she had heard of stranger things in her lifetime. How old was she now? Twenty? In all this excitement she had actually lost track. It didn't matter, though. She was old enough to make her own choices, old enough to know that still stranger things existed in this world. "Do you suppose they'll ever try to find me?"

"It is... unlikely. They wouldn't bother to look for you."

She had already accepted this as truth, though it still stung slightly that even her own team would give up on her. True, she had heard the news that her team had looked for her for a while, but pretty soon even they gave up the battle. She had even heard that Neji had gone out looking by himself once the rest of the team found it pointless, but he too had been called back to the village to help during the war. Where were they now? Were they alive? Yes, they had abandoned her, but she understood from a logical standpoint that they had to. Abandoned or not, she still cared about her team, and she knew that deep inside, they did too and were still stressing over her. Still, she couldn't bring herself to think too long on it. This was the way things were now, and she would survive. All things considered, life amongst the Akatsuki hadn't been what she had expected. "Yes, I know. I can't help but wonder, though. I know they'll never find me. Even if I go back to Konoha, it wouldn't be the same. I don't want to go back, not if it means going back to that... disaster."

"Konoha is most likely half-ruined by now. We can't be sure of that... though once the other countries started attacking, things turned so much worse."

She nodded with a sigh. "Yeah, Stone and Mist were just itching for a reason to fight Konoha, no surprise they attacked right away. You were surprised, weren't you? When I joined Akatsuki... sort of."

His white half smiled kindly. "Yes, it was a bit of a surprise to all of us. Not to me."

From the very beginning, she had found Zetsu's split personality to be the most interesting thing in the base. She remembered when they had first truly met, after she woke from her capture. For the first week of capture she had actually been given over to Kisame since they had met before and he knew the most about her abilities. Even the infamous leader and his partner had been more visible than Zetsu, though her curiosity had driven her to see the one person she hadn't seen. Naturally she had been a bit shocked to see someone as different as Zetsu, but her curious nature won out in the end and she began to see him every night just like this, taking their tea cold. That was another thing she found curious. They both preferred their tea served cold. "Do you suppose it would sound spiteful to say that I don't regret not trying to escape from here?"

He pondered her question for a short time, the cup in his hands idle. "In some ways it may seem spiteful but in other ways it is expected." His yellow eyes focused on a small crack in the ceramic, his words slow but thoughtful. "You didn't stay here because you wanted to, not at first. You stayed here because it was your one way of survival. It is human nature to act first out of survival, and second out of morality."

She chewed at her lip, hard at thought, before looking up at him, her dark eyes questioning. "And why are you here, Zetsu?"

His brows raised suddenly, not expecting that question. "I suppose it is for the same reason that you are here... Tenten-san."

Her eyes widened slightly, the response catching her off-guard. It was a means of survival. Perhaps that was why he preyed on humans. He had no other prey he could eat, and this was his way of survival, putting that above whatever morality he may have. "Mm... you're here because there's no other choice. You... eat humans, so... Wherever you came from, they put morality above survival and threw you out of the village."

He nodded morosely, his hand skimming over the slashed grass headband around his neck. "There were many reasons we left home but the one that was most important is because we would have died if we hadn't."

"In a way, I may have died if I hadn't left Konoha either." A quiet, comfortable silence settled in, the kind that both seemed to enjoy. Some might find these long silences to be awkward, but for them it was a respite from all the noise and violence of life outside. They had these small things in common, preferring silence, cold tea at night, philosophical tendencies, things that might be overlooked by someone less observant than they were. For her, it meant another reason to stay here. At least here, she had one friend. After a moment they both rose as if timed, knowing it was time to turn in. She never had been sure how Zetsu knew it was precisely midnight, but then she never knew so much about herself.

During her stay, she had actually been given what used to be Zetsu's room before he moved to a room closer to the main door for safety purposes. She preferred being well within these walls, deep inside the heart of the complex. He probably did too, but he was more subject to his leader's whims and was now part of the primary defense of the base. Her few possessions lay scattered every which way, still a bit disorganized but she could still find everything. Little had been left here by Zetsu, only the basic furniture and other odds and ends. He had even left a few books on herbs and trees on the shelf, knowing she had so little to begin with.

She couldn't help but smile as she took one of the books from the shelf, sitting down on the unmade bed and flicking a light on. Once in a while she would be too awake to go to bed just yet and she would read one of the hefty volumes on the shelf, paging through until she finished it. Tonight, she planned on starting a new book. Like almost all the others, it was simply bound, though this one wasn't labeled. Whatever it was, though, should be interesting. She opened the cover carefully, just in case it was aged like half of the books, turning the first page with a smile. It was blank. The next page was blank too. Was this a journal? No, it was too thick for that. The following page was heavy, thick, almost like cardboard only too thin. When she turned this thick white page, she found that a large cypress leaf had been pressed into the page, fused into the book by the sheer weight of the book itself.

Perhaps this was a book documenting actual samples he had found. Below the leaf was a date and location, along with a short summary of the plant it had come from. This might have bored someone else, but she found this manifest fascinating. The next page had another swamp-dwelling tree leaf, followed by more and more. Each following chapter was classified by region, going from marsh trees to mountain trees and so on. As soon as she turned the page to go on to plants of the plains, the first thing she saw pressed deep in the center of the book was the biggest lotus she had ever seen. She couldn't help but hum her approval of it, her hands reaching out to touch it.

The lotus blooms twice...

She was startled from her viewing by a soft knock on the door, a figure coming in after a moment. Yellow eyes blinked once from the darkness, Zetsu's calm voice calling out. "Forgive me, but your light was on, so... I came to look for one of my books." When she nodded approval, he slipped forth to the bookshelf, noticing that her eyes immediately drifted back to the book in her hands. He had started to reach for the book he had come for but he couldn't help but be perplexed by the look of rapture in her face as she peered at the pressed lotus. His hand left the book for a moment, more intrigued by finding out what she found so interesting. "I collected that lotus in Konoha. It was about three years ago."

Her lips tilted up slightly, a small smile spreading. He moved to sit beside her on the edge of the bed, leaning down to look at it with her. She didn't mind such proximity, she felt comfortable in his presence now. In the time they had known each other, they had formed a strange bond of coexistence. "You know, my sensei used to talk about the lotus in reference to the spirit of youth. Most of the time it was just pointless dribble but once in a while he had something that was worth listening to."

He nodded and turned the page, the next sheet holding a sprig of cherry blossoms. "I took these from Konoha as well. We disrupted a festival... It was an accident..."

She chuckled a little at the thought of him disrupting the cherry blossom festival and turned the page, a stem of snow willow flowers gracing the sheet. Although she enjoyed looking at the collection, she was getting tired at last and she leaned against Zetsu unconsciously, noticing only when he stiffened slightly at the sudden motion. Nothing happened for a long, tense moment, the strange awkward sense passing between them, a foreign notion after being accustomed to having such ease of communication. He didn't move to reduce the contact, though he relaxed, no longer stiff against her shoulder. She took this as silent acceptance.

He was a bit disconcerted by the strange feeling of her warm shoulder against his chest. Few had bothered to come anywhere near him, much less touch him. The few times he had been touched, they were usually back-slaps from Kisame after a mission well done, as was the shark's custom. However, he and Kisame had been friends for a long time, being the strangest members in Akatsuki. This young woman... why had she never balked even for a second? True, she had backed away upon seeing his signature cloak, but once she realized that she was in no danger, she treated him just as she had treated everyone else. He wasn't sure why, but his pale hand rested on her other shoulder gently, resting easily on the small perch.

She heaved a mental sigh of relief, though she was a bit curious about his reaction. True, they had been friends for a while now but she hadn't expected that she would start to... well... like him. At least not like this. Oddly enough, though, she wasn't troubled by the thought of it. They understood each other from the beginning, both being naturally curious and open to changes. In all honesty, she had never really connected to anyone else in such a way, a way that felt easy and natural. Even her friends back home had kept their distance from her, unable to relate to her on a close and personal level. She craved communication, but sometimes it just didn't happen. Although the room was completely silent, she could almost hear what he was thinking, she knew what it was deep in her gut. This was what she had missed for so long. She abandoned the book for a moment, looking up at him curiously. The large plant jaws that surrounded his head tilted when he moved, feeling her gaze on him.

Though he should have been quite wary about starting any kind of contact with her, wanted or not, he surprisingly found it easy to understand even the vaguest look she cast at him. They said nothing, but so much was known just by that glance. He knew what it was she found so interesting. For all the time he had known her, he knew that she found him to be a puzzle, something intriguing to figure out and understand. He found it so easy to hold her close to him, his arm around both her shoulders gently. She wasn't troubled by his appearance, it even seemed to make her more interested. For so long he had been the most misunderstood of all the Akatsuki, a stranger even amongst those friends. The leader had been the only one besides Kisame to actually accept him as a friend. To anyone else, he was the shadow that lurked on the wall until someone died. She ignored the fact that he ate humans, or did she in fact accept it as an inevitability? They had talked about survival before morality.

A small smile spread across her face even though she was a bit surprised by the increased contact. He didn't seem like the type to get close to someone easily, but then neither was she. As much as she craved deeper understanding and close contact, she was still a bit shy. After a moment, she turned around, his grip loosening enough for her to put the book back where it belonged. When she returned her attention back to him, her hand went to his face, resting on his white cheek. "You know what my sensei said about the lotus of Konoha? It blooms twice."

His eyes widened slightly, understanding what she was implying by that. Just as the lotus in Konoha could bloom twice, so too could a person, in a philosophical sense. Those days behind her had been the first. He nodded once, his arm around her waist lightly. "And you, too must bloom again." Without even giving a second thought, he pulled her onto his lap, kissing her experimentally. He felt her tense briefly with surprise but it only took a second before her arms went around his neck, kissing him back. It was completely unexpected, though only to him. She felt warm, full of life, so unlike the cold corpses that had passed beyond his lips so many times. This one moved, breathed, reacted to his touch. She was delectable in a way that didn't involve eating, he couldn't make sense of the things he was feeling.

Tenten never really imagined that her first kiss would be an Akatsuki member, of all people, though it couldn't have happened under better circumstances. How many kunoichi had the opportunity to spare themselves from the world so long, untouched but not at all innocent? She was willing to give in, to finally complete the circle with someone she trusted. This may have been a spontaneous gesture, but nothing could keep her from intensifying the kiss, gripping him roughly even as she felt his own grip tighten around her. Kissing him was like filling an empty space she hadn't even been aware of until now, the quest for a deeper understanding finally coming to a close.

Zetsu never expected to have a first kiss, much less that it would be from one of those he considered prey. Never before had he experienced such a reaction, his instincts fluctuating wildly after so many years of the same thing over and over. Was this what Konan had meant, all the times she had spoken so candidly about her partner? She fought out of love for him, fought for his sake, did anything he asked of her. Back then he had no idea what could cause someone to give up so much in the name of a foreign concept, but now he was beginning to understand. This person fit so well against him, as if she was meant to be there, her insistent mouth demanding more. He answered her demands until his lungs won out, releasing to draw breath. When they paused, her eyes were intense, her stare unavoidable. However, she only watched closely, speaking only once her breath returned.

"You know... I've wondered something for a while now. Why do you take your tea cold?"

As unexpected as the question might be, he couldn't seem to be surprised. "When it is hot... Those who drink it are always in a rush to drink it before it cools. It is best to take some time when savoring something worthwhile."

She smiled slightly, nodding. "And here I thought I was the only one with that attitude." Her lips met his again, slower, more deliberate, drawing out the act. Neither of them were in any rush, taking to new things slowly but surely. When her hand went to the first button of his cloak, he paused, not sure if he should allow her to continue. True, she knew what he was, but... she had only seen what he had wanted her to see so far. She paused as well, looking at him with an unreadable expression. His hand had unconsciously come up to stop hers but she pulled out of his loosening grip, going back to the task at hand.

Each button popped audibly in the silence, but he made no further move to stop her progress. The enormous jaws that surrounded his head actually grew down past his shoulders, wrapping around to where they sprouted from his back. It gave him a hunched appearance, though from that point down, his body returned to normal. He didn't wear a shirt under his cloak, not that one would even fit, his hitai-ate being the only item dangling from his neck. Just like the other Akatsuki members, he did have black pants and the trademark white leggings. The way the plant grew around his torso was fascinating, she didn't give a second thought as she felt the growths with her hands, impressed by such an intricate puzzle.

He had expected nothing, though he had strongly hoped she wouldn't cringe away once she saw the full extent of the plant that seemed to sprout out of him. However, he had known well that she wasn't about to do that, as curious as she was. Secretly, he even found it to be somewhat amusing the way she would stare wide-eyed at anything mysterious, touching anything she could get her hands on. He was a bit curious himself, now that he knew that there was nothing left to fear. For as long as he could remember, he had been an outcast, though he wanted acceptance more than anything else in this world. Though he had his other half, he was still afraid of being alone. She had been there, as a friend, all this time, always offering a piece of advice or a thought to ponder each night as they shared the silence. He wasn't alone anymore.

When his hand went to untie her hair, she didn't resist, eyes closing briefly as the unruly locks fell around her face. Her deep black hair was quite long when not bound, the long tresses falling as far as her lower back. He ran his fingers through it experimentally, testing the feel of it under his grasp. She was still exploring the twists and knots of the plant around him, gently running her fingers to rest at his back before she felt his curious touch just under her shirt. Her eyes met his briefly but she didn't resist, her forehead resting on his shoulder as she felt the snaps holding the garment closed fall off. The air felt a bit cold at the loss of the light shirt but his warm hand replaced it, tracing down her spine idly.

Zetsu had seen plenty of bodies in various states of undress, but of course this was a completely different situation. Her body was warm, though with her his thirst for blood never surfaced. She satiated something else within him, something he probably didn't want to investigate in detail at the moment. Despite how much he knew about this world, he wasn't ready to come to terms with some of the finer emotions, the deeper attachments, especially love. It may have been that in some way he loved her, though he couldn't be sure of it right now. All he felt at the moment was an instinct he had neglected all his life.

Just as he said, Zetsu enjoyed taking his time with things that mattered. She wasn't in any hurry, some things were better that way. He finally relaxed, laying back on the pillow behind him and rolling so she was beside him, kissing her neck once before his dark hand caressed down her side curiously. Normally his dark half didn't find intimacy to be the least bit interesting, but he supposed that there was a first time for everything. At the very least, he was sure that his dark side found this role to be morbidly amusing. Here he was, playing with his food. No, she wasn't food, and wouldn't be, though it was still amusing to think about it. Though few had ever gotten close to him, the few that he did have were close enough for him to protect selflessly. He held strong loyalty to anyone that would look beyond the surface. She had done more than just that. In the end, she had opened up a part of himself he wasn't even sure he still held.

Tenten was hesitant about initiating more than just a few kisses and touches, but as disinclined as she was, she oddly wanted nothing more than to deepen the connection, to know the unknown. The vagaries of such a thing were still completely new, but she trusted her instinct to guide her actions. Her hand went lower, tracing down his side before resting on his waistband, his sudden glance at her catching her attention. When she looked up at him questioningly, his concern was easily read.

"Are you certain? What's done cannot be undone."

She only nodded in response, a slight smile on her lips. "I'm certain."

He didn't need to hear more from her, he knew she always meant what she said. Though she looked calm enough, he could tell she had never done this before, he could sense the same uncertainty in her that ran through his own veins. Despite the uncertainty, he felt strangely relaxed, comforted by the small fact that there was nothing left to be understood, nothing left to be mistaken about. Instinctively, vines came from seemingly nowhere on his body, wrapping slowly over her small body, exploring at his leisure. She seemed a little surprised, but a look of wonderment overlaid her shock. When one vine drifted near her hand, she felt it cautiously, looking at the small leaves growing from it.

"Beautiful..." Her mouth curved into a small smile, the vines curling against her fingers, tightening gently. His eyes widened when she spoke, startled by her admiration. Beautiful? Was he really something that could be beautiful? He appreciated beauty in every form, whether it was actual art, philosophical notions, even returning bodies to the earth, but he never expected anyone else to see the beauty in himself. Humans themselves had their own beauty, just as plants and animals, though for each person it was a different sort. Each was beautiful in their own way, even if they were morally wicked. No matter what they did, all returned to the earth, all became one with nature again, beautiful in their last moments.

She smiled again when his hands replaced the vines, fingers tangling together as the vines explored, taking whatever clothing remained with them. Though she should have been a bit nervous under the scrutiny, no matter how he looked at her she couldn't feel awkward. One thing she did notice, though, was that he was indeed split perfectly in half all the way down. He moved to lean so he was on top, making sure not to rest his full weight on her. His eyes were expressionless but she could tell he was deep in thought even as he pressed against her.

She knew it would hurt a little at first, but she trusted that he wouldn't let it be for long. His pale half's kind smile was enough to reassure her, his kiss gentle as he entered slowly. Her grip on his hands tightened reflexively, tensing from the sudden sensation. He tensed as well, finding it surprisingly natural and easy to come together with her like this. With one more meaningful glance, he let his instinct take control, his motion slow and easy at first. She gasped lightly, arching just a bit under the heavy sensations hitting her all at once. The vines were still exploring all around her, twisting around her legs, her wrists, anywhere, all caressing her gently, helping her relax.

Once she began to relax, he increased his pace, letting his own small gasp out. He supposed one might compare this to the thrill of battle, but it was completely different in its own way. This was something entirely new, the sense of connecting with someone else on a deeper level hitting hard in his gut. His pace was soon out of control, his instincts driving him more than anything else though he still planned on taking his time. The way she moved under him wasn't helping, the small noises and uncontrollable arching up into him throwing off his focus. When she arched up again, muttering his name in a broken gasp, he finally lost his control, his pace increasing severely. He loosened his grip on her hands out of distraction, her grip instantly delving into his hair, clutching the green strands stiffly.

She was losing her control quickly and she knew it, she could feel the heat rising within her the harder he went. Sure, she had felt the hormonal drives before just like anyone else her age, but now that she had finally answered the call, it drove her crazy. Even more than that, she had never felt like this, finding something more than just the good looks that so many other girls sought out. As many had proven, quite often the good looking ones were also the psychopaths. She would gladly give that up for true, honest connection any day. It wasn't that he looked any worse, he just looked... different. He was beautiful in his own way.

He tensed, feeling the warmth rise in his gut, accented by the moment she cried out, tensing around him as she reached her climax. The tension only drove him further until all he saw was a world of white, his own climax hitting hard. His forehead buried in her shoulder, he went rigid, staying so until the moment passed. Was this what it felt like, to make the final connection with someone close? He couldn't remember another time that he felt so relaxed, comfortable with anyone other than himself.

After a moment he dared to look up at her, to see what she thought. She looked just as peaceful as he felt, her hands still in his hair, rubbing his scalp gently. He rested his head on her shoulder, still overcome by what this was. Tenten knew that he was a bit puzzled about this. Her hands still ran through his hair absently, thinking over what this meant from now on. Strangely, nothing came to mind. No matter what happened, it would happen. Whether they stayed together or not, that's simply how it would be. She didn't feel that they would part, not after coming so close. This war could last a lifetime, and Akatsuki would no doubt hide out until after the war was over. There could be more nights like this, there could be more to know yet.

With a smile, she turned his chin to face her, speaking softly in the silence. "Let's have tea tomorrow night, too..."

He returned her smile with his own, slowly grasping what she implied. "Agreed. Same time as usual." She held him close, closing her eyes and focusing on nothing at all. Perhaps, she mused, even love was best served cold.

A/N: ...that has to be the best lemon I've written in a long while. Whew. Maybe this will stir up some ideas for the other fics. ...I'm starting to really enjoy this pairing.