Miko: Old old fic I ran across while cleaning out my documents. Thought I'd post it. Might redo it - might not. Makes me wish I had finished the game. xx;

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing.

Before my Eyes

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I look at you across the room from me but a stab of pain makes me look away. Pain is not a normal sensation for me and I flinch away from it. You look at me, your face a mix between horror and fear. I smile and make a vague, mocking statement. The words hold no meaning for me but you seem to relax. Then the pain overwhelms me and the world goes black.

You really don't remember? It's not so much a statement as a fact. They warned me you weren't the same, but I fought for you. I wanted to believe you hadn't deserted us. But you just looked at me with an uncomprehending face. The same face that I had looked at for countless days.

It's me. I try to get my eyes to convince you to answer. I just need you to say my name. Then I'll hold out my hand and you'll take it. We don't need to go back to the Organization. I try and fail to elicit a response. The same blank look comes through your eyes.

You know, Axel. You just repeat my name back. A question. My name on your lips causes me to shiver, not with joy – who knew I could feel such joy! – but with anger. I thought you promised to never forget me. You said you were going to find answers, but all you found were fake memories. I lost patience.

Talk about blank with a capital 'B.' I didn't mean to say it out loud, but your answer angers me so much. Anger is something I am all too familiar with, but not because of you, never because of you. I continue to insult you, finally we fight, but it causes me no pleasure and is half hearted. I leave and remember the last time I talked to you…

Your mind's made up? I know that nothing I can say will change your mind. I could beg you and make you remember all your promises to me. But that would be a low hit, one that I am not willing to do. I know you would stay if I said those words, but you would always wonder and never be happy. I want you, but not chained.

You can't turn on the Organization! I don't see your eyes but I know my words are having the desired effect – getting you to leave. I'm glad you don't turn around. If you saw my face you would know I don't mean what I say. You can't turn against me! But I can't let you know I care about you still. In our last fight I swore to never care about you again. So I use the Organization to drive the rift between us further. Pretending that is the most important thing.

You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you! You don't seem to care about your life, but surely you know I do? Even as I use the words to taunt you into leaving, I know they're true. I try to speak the words without thinking of their full meaning, but I don't know how much longer I can keep myself from reaching out to you. Even as your shoulders stiffen, I long to take you in my arms and tell you how much you mean to me. The moment passes as you speak the words bitterly – No one would miss me.

That's not true…I would. You don't hear because you've already walked away and the words are scarcely more then a whisper. I feel as if a knife stabbed me as I realize what I just did. I drove you away and drove the rift between us further then we could ever fix. What hurt most, though, was the arrogant way you dismissed me. Arrogance, I knew, was your way of hiding the hurt.

If I had the breath to laugh, I would have found it funny that my last memories before slipping away into oblivion were about you, Roxas. But then again, I suppose it was the only thing that made sense – you were my life. I just wish I was yours.