Wammy's House is about to host a prom…what exactly is in store for our favorite prodigies?
Starring: Mello, Matt, and Near
Rated T for cursing, catty humor, and CRACK.
(Pure crack: To be consumed in large doses.)

Countdown to Prom:
4 weeks—1 day—6 hours—5 minutes—0.9854 seconds

..:o0O0o:..

"..The hell is this supposed to be?" asked Mello, gesturing with his free hand towards a poster taped to the announcement board. His other hand was busy shoving a chocolate bar down his pants.

Get your mind out of the gutters. He was putting it in his pocket for later.

Roger sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Normally, he wouldn't have condoned profanity from the children—but in Mello's case there was no point in trying.

""The Student Representatives persuaded us to hold a social get-together at the end of the school term."

"A prom? Who the hell wants a prom at Wammy's? Do you have any idea how much this is going to suck?" complained Mello.

Before Roger could begin, Mello continued.

"And who the hell 'persuaded' you to do this in the first place? God, I'll bet it was Linda…" and without further ado, he began marching down the hall to his room, where he was no doubt already plotting a way to crash the party at the end of the month.

Sighing and craving Advil, Roger made his way back to his own room to rethink his life.

..:o0O0o:..

"—ucking stupid?"

Matt looked up from his Nintendo DS. He had been successfully tuning out Mello's complaining about whatever was pissing him off that day, and his senses automatically perked up when a he heard a question directed towards him.

"Uh, what?"

Mello huffed.

"Dammit, Matt! I said, 'don't you think this whole prom idea is fucking stupid?'" he took a chocolate bar out of his pocket and tore off the wrapper.

Matt went back to his game and answered "uh, yeah, sure."

This was a satisfactory reply for Mello, and he continued ranting. He was stomping back and forth across the room as he bitched—waving his arms around and audibly snapping pieces off of his chocolate. This continued for several minutes, until he finally realized that Matt wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention.

The next thing Matt knew, his DS was in pieces and Mello's face was an inch from his own.

"You whore!" yelled Matt. That was the third DS this month.

Mello's eyes narrowed.

"Just pay attention! We're going to wreck that joke-of-a-prom and get back at Linda!" he sneered and shoved the remnants of the game into Matt's arms.

He backed off and put his hands on his hips.

'God, sometimes I swear that guy is a chick…'

"But why? What if it turns out to be kind of fun?"

"'But…but why?'?? Are you serious?! It's going to be a disaster. This freak house doesn't need something like a prom to make it even more pathetic than it already is," Mello insisted, crossing his arms.

Matt sighed. He knew he would end up helping Mello out anyways; he always did. And, Matt could see perfectly that the only reason Mello didn't want a prom was because he didn't want to go by himself and look like a loser.
Ah well. That was Mello for you…

Gathering the sad pieces of his beloved Nintendo, he said, "Alright. What's the plan?"

..:o0O0o:..

Adjusting his goggles, Matt prepared himself to carry out mission one: bugging Linda's room.

He stealthily dodged back and forth between the walls of the hallway to make sure he wasn't being followed (there was no one in the house, of course; it was recess) as he made his way to her room.

After easily picking the lock to the room he shrugged a small black bag off of his back and began to remove from it a variety of very techy-looking spy stuff. There were camera lenses, wires, microphones; all sorts of things that most normal thirteen-year-olds don't have a clue about how to work.
However, that type of thing was Matt's specialty—it was what made him stand out amongst the sea of genius students.

He selected a single camera and a microphone. They were both smaller than his pinky nail, and he had plenty of experience over the years using them and placing them in just the right locations in a room.

The camera ended up being attached to a window curtain right across from the door. He attached the microphone to the underside of a lampshade on Linda's bedside table. After thoroughly examining the room to make sure the two bugs couldn't be seen (unless you were really looking or knew where they were) he wiped his hands and nodded at his job well done.

Although, he still wasn't entirely sure why Mello had wanted to spy on Linda. Mello had insisted it was because they needed to get some dirt on her, but Matt figured it was just because Mello was a bored pervert. Or he wanted to secretly obtain Linda's fashionista secrets.

Eh. Matt didn't really want know and he didn't really care.

Taking one last glance around the room, he threw the bag back over his shoulder and turned towards the door.

As he reached for the knob, the door swung open, hitting him directly in the forehead. He fell backwards with a loud thump, closely followed by an even louder, "SON OF A—". Matt then looked up to see a confused and angry-looking Linda, mouth agape.

"Aw, shit."

..:o0O0o:..

Mello leaned against the side of the building, chocolate bar in hand. He was keeping an eye on Linda to make sure she stayed outside while Matt was planting the stuff in her room.

She was standing by her best friend, Mayhem (seriously, did Wammy's have a thing for 'M' names or what?). The two appeared to be gossiping about something. One would lean close to the other and whisper something behind the back of her hand, while the other's eyes would widen and a playful grin would appear.

Mello rolled his eyes. Girls were so weird. He might have been mistaken for one himself by nearly every person he came into contact with, but he consoled himself with the reasoning that he never acted like them.

"Heyy baby. I'm new here and I'm really digging the way you strut your stuff. How's about you and me gettin' together sometime soon, sweet thang?"

Christ.

Not again.

"GOD DAMMIT HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU DIP SHITS THAT I'M A FUCKING GUY?!?" Mello yelled as he turned to face a gigantic, hulking mass of…person? Was that massive thing in front of him really human??

"The name's Deebs," he smiled in a way that he must have thought seductive, and wiggled his eyebrows. Mello wanted to puke. Then scoop the remains into a paper bag, and proceed to shove the bag down this twit's throat.

"Seriously, I'm a DUDE. Just back off homo," Mello turned back around to keep an eye on Linda.

She and Mayhem were gone.

"CRAP NUGGETS!"

He began to bolt towards the double doors that led inside, but was rooted to the spot by an iron grip on his shoulder.

"Aw, come on doll. Don't be that way. Lemme take you back to my room…I'll show you a good time," Deebs began dragging Mello backwards into the other entrance to the school.

Or in this case, to his doom.

"NOOOO!!! YOU WHOOOOOOOOOOOORE!!!"

..:o0O0o:..

Matt sat in silence in the nurse's office. He held the ice pack over his right eye, which was probably already black. His forehead was still bleeding a little, but other than that, he was fine.

'Thank God Mello's not here.'

Matt didn't know what he'd do if Mello caught sight of him now. He'd probably yell at him then hit Matt himself, followed by more yelling.

-!!!FLASHBACK!!!-

"Aw, shit."

"Matt? What are you doing in my room?!" asked Linda, her face beginning to glow red.

Pushing himself up into a sitting position, Matt rubbed his forehead.

"Ouch…man, that hurt…" he muttered, then looked up at Linda again and reassessed the situation.

"Oh yeah."

He jumped up and tried to dash out of the door, but was pushed back down onto the ground. Mayhem was suddenly standing beside Linda, blocking all possible exists.

Mayhem was the top student in self-defense. Her knowledge of the human anatomy (pressure points and vulnerable spots—get your mind out of the gutter!) was absolutely deadly when combined with her physical abilities.

Matt was in trouble.

And so he was. Mayhem grabbed him by his jacket collar and yanked him up so that his face was only inches from hers.

"Get. Out. NOW." Her icy voice echoed deep into the pits of Matt's soul (seriously, her voice could do that…she was psychotic).

Before Matt had a chance to slide past her, she pulled his goggles away from his face and let them go, hitting his face with a satisfying SMACK.

-!!!END FLASHBACK!!!-

Matt sighed and took out the red Gameboy SP from his bag. Placing the ice pack beside him on the cot, he began a round of Sonic Battle. He was going to stall as long as he could; there was no way he was going to explain what happened in Linda's room to Mello any time soon.

After a few minutes, he heard the handle on the door begin to turn. He quickly shut his game and threw the ice pack over his eye.

Big mistake.

"GAH!!!"

Matt blinked his now throbbing eye several times just as a figure appeared in the doorway.

A very short figure.

A very pale figure.

A very sheep-y figure.

..:o0O0o:..