We Shouldn't

Disclaimer: I don't own anything connected to Law & Order: Criminal Intent but if Dick Wolf is feeling generous I'm always willing to take delivery. No financial gain involved in writing this story, so please don't sue.

Summary: Definitely B/A - but if you've read any of my other stuff you could have guessed that ;o) I've been rewatching my Season 1 DVDs and this is what happened in my head after some of the episodes. Hope you enjoy.

A/N: I know these are old episodes but having just re-watched Season 1 on DVD this came to me and I needed to write at least some of this before my muse would let me get back to my Good Intentions sequel. Besides, I like Bobby back in the early episodes, when he shows more humour.

Alex's POV

I shouldn't be laying here awake. We did good today, we arrested a four-time murderer. I showered and changed as soon as I'd finished speaking with Goren in the Interrogation Room after Talbot smashed the mirror. After we'd completed the necessary paperwork, which Goren did most of for the first time in our partnership, we headed for a couple of drinks, then I drove him to his apartment and headed home.

I showered again when I got home. I can't get rid of the sensation of that slime-ball's eyes on me. I must have washed my hands a couple of dozen times, trying to get rid of the feeling of his finger running along my own. Even as I washed my hands again, getting ready for bed, I found myself smiling though. It's weird, I should be disgusted with how we got the guy, but the way we played him, even if I did have to play bait like my days in Vice, I'm actually really proud of myself and my partner. We knew the guy's weak spot and we showed his wife what he truly was.

I was uncomfortable joining Carver and Deakins in Observation, standing there next to Denise Talbot, while my partner tore her husband's bravado to pieces. I knew she'd been listening while Talbot hit on me, suggesting we meet for a drink and chat 'once all this was over'. Well it won't be over for him for quite some time now, if Carver did his job properly not until Talbot dies in prison. For Denise it would never truly be over, I suppose, she would have to live the rest of her life knowing the father of her children was a murdering adulterer who had wanted her only for her money. Yet watching Bobby as he shredded Talbot, playing on the man's insecurities, I couldn't help feeling an immense amount of pride in this man I had known for only a few months. This man who I had come to understand so well on a professional level after such a short time, who I had come to respect immensely, especially given the rocky start to our partnership.

What I definitely shouldn't have been feeling at the same time was an immense attraction, a tightening in my stomach as my partner made insinuations regarding his own sexual potency in comparison to that of our suspect. No, I certainly shouldn't have found myself wanting nothing more than to find a nice quiet, empty office somewhere in the building, where we wouldn't be disturbed and where Bobby Goren could, no doubt at all, remove from my mind all memory of Talbot's touch on my skin by replacing it with the memory of his own skin against mine. I couldn't understand why I was suddenly feeling this.

It's not that I'm unaware of the fact that my partner is an attractive man. It's more that I haven't felt that kind of desire for any man since my husband was killed almost three years ago. Oh, there have been a couple of fairly casual relationships, both short-lived, but those had been purely physical release and a need for some kind of 'normal' life away from the job. In the end neither of the men involved had been fooled, both seeing that I didn't want or need to take the relationships any further, that I couldn't feel anything deeper for them. The distance I placed between them and my inner self was too great, hence the fact neither relationship lasted more than a few scant months.

What I suddenly felt for my partner as I watched him through the Observation Room window was more than purely physical. It was so much more and that scared me … a lot. Afterall, only four months ago, during our first case together I'd written a letter to Deakins stating that I was concerned about Goren's mental stability. Deakins had talked me into giving it three months, considering I'd already had two partners since my arrival at Major Case. Yet there I was, having withdrawn the letter completely following our second case, when I had started to get a grasp of how Goren's mind worked, seriously considering the possibility of jumping him while I watched him interrogate a suspect.

Now here I am laying on my bed, unable to shake the idea that if Bobby were here with me, holding me, I wouldn't feel the need to get out of bed and wash my hands again. It's only as I make my way to the kitchen, deciding to make myself a cup of tea, that I realise I've somehow managed to go from doubting whether I could even work with Goren to starting to fall in love with the man. I really shouldn't be thinking like this, I tell myself, as I turn the taps on over the kitchen sink, washing my hands again before I turn to pick up the kettle off the stove and fill it with water.