Okay, so what are the odds of two people getting locked in a room together twice? Within six months of the first time? With no radios, no way out, no weapons? Apparently, amazing odds.

At least, that's how it was for Jennifer Keller seeing as her off-world luck sucked beyond words. Here she was, locked in an abandoned Michael Kenmore DNA-manipulating, experiment running lab. With Ronon-freakin'-Dex of all people. Why not John Sheppard? Teyla, even! Teyla was nice. She didn't stare at you with brooding intensity that made your panties moist and your heart beat race. Noooo. She was pretty, but Jen doesn't swing that way. Nope! She swings the way of the tall, beautiful alien moping in the corner.

No. Sorry. Brooding. Moping is a glorified way of saying 'pouting'. And Ronon doesn't pout.

But thank God for the liquor Laura had handed off to her before they left. "With your luck, it might be a Godsend." She'd said with a smirk. Godsend indeed.

As soon as the doors had slid closed, Jen had burst into hysterical laughter until a stitch in her side formed and she had to lean back against the control panel that sat in the middle of the room. Seriously, she should've gotten in on the pool with Evan before she left. This would've been so far down on the bottom of her list of possibilities, that she would've bet on it her damn self! 'Cause it was just her luck that it would happen.

What was it the comedian said? One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Nausea swept through Jen like the ocean surrounding Atlantis, and the floor suddenly looked really fun as it swayed and twisted below her swinging feet. She giggled at the dirt on the floor mixed with the cracks and flecks, making for a gritty kaleidoscope of muddy colors. She let out a loopy laugh.

"I think you've had enough." Ronon said from the shadows, never moving an inch like a big, sexy gargoyle.

"I think!" Jen started boisterously, swinging an arm wildly in the direction of where the Ronon-gargoyle sat. She couldn't be too sure of the exact spot. Her eyes blurred the shadows past the singular light from the light bulb hanging from the ceiling. "I think that…" She stopped, a confused expression settling on her face for a fraction of a second before she giggled again, "I dunno what I think!"

"What the hell did Cadman give you?" Ronon asked in his monotonous drawl, his eyes shifting to the bottle that swung loosely between the doctor's fingers.

"Something Zalen--" she paused for a hiccup, "Ka made. Fast acting. Tasty too." She said fondly as she lifted the filmy bottle to her mouth and tipped backwards to get some of the rum colored liquor. She lost her balance, one leg kicking into the air and her free arm flailing as she tried to maintain her balance.

"You're drunk." It was an obvious statement. One he hoped would dissuade her from drinking anymore. Because if this lasted much longer, he was going to have to join her and if she kept going at that rate, the alcohol would be gone before the hour was up.

"Righto!" Jen said with a tight smile, her cheek dimpling under the quirk. She lifted the bottle in the general direction of which his voice rumbled from, before taking another generous swig from the bottle. "You would be too if you were me. Locked in here with you. Again. I'm hot. Dirty. My ass went numb a long time ago. We have no idea if the others are even aware on where the hell we are. There's no windows in here to tell if they're on the other side of the door working to get us out. There's a freakin' bet going on around Atlantis on what disaster will befall me next and don't get your panties in a twist and go about defending me 'cause I know you're in on it, mister! Oh, and I'm out of batteries and Woolsey won't rec me any on the next shipment!"

"Batteries?"

Of course. Of course. Batteries was the one thing he picked up on in the entire rant. She slugged back more of the liquor as she slipped into silence, a red flush staining her pale face.

The only sound for what felt like an eternity but was really only fifteen minutes, was the swish of fabric as Jen restlessly kicked her legs back and forth, and the controlled breathing of Ronon. This was vastly different from the last time they'd been locked together. Last time, the tension was palpable. But it was different kind of tension. Their near kiss had left them in a limbo, neither saying a word to the other about it, but remaining mildly friendly regardless.

But then she'd told him she was interested in someone else. Her and McKay had danced an unsatisfactory tango. He suddenly would book it in the other direction whenever he saw her, or would make a condescending remark and flee once more. It'd been like that for two months and it had grown tiresome quickly. Eventually, she just stopped seeking him altogether, but now. NOW! Now he starts to seek her out. What the? She thought she'd like that to happen. The brilliant scientist finally paying attention to the simple doctor. But really, it only struck her as annoying.

She'd humored him with a date. Two, actually, if you counted the disastrous one where he spilt wine on the only dress she'd brought to Atlantis, and then blamed her because he thought that there'd been lemon in the meal and she apparently didn't care enough about his safety if she was 'in a tizzy' over 'a little' wine. A full glass of red wine was not 'a little'. At the end of the almost disaster free second-first-date, Jen had kissed him. He'd been wowed, she had not. It didn't have the electricity… the crackle in the air that had her stomach flipping and her core quivering at the possibilities. Not like when she and Ronon had almost kissed.

And damn it, with all the hours she put in at the infirmary and all the freakin' disasters that seemed to befall her off-world, not to mention having to touch Ronon damn near every other day when he either came back from an off-world mission or Teyla got the better of him. Well… Jennifer Anne Keller -- good girl from Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin who'd waited a year into a relationship with her college boyfriend before losing her virginity -- was tense as hell and needed some form of release. Self gratification seemed to be the way to go, until her second batch of twelve pack batteries in four months ran out and Woolsey refused to order them without specific reasoning other than personal. Annoying little weasel of a man! All he needed was his hand… oh. Okay. Bad. Gross. No. Do not go there!

Jen sighed, shaking her head and grimacing as her internal debating brought her to some very unpleasant scenarios of how Woolsey relieved tension. Suddenly, all the alcohol in the world was a must-have.

She groaned under her breath, dropping her forehead into one hand and shaking her head pitifully. She wasn't the sort of girl to need a roll in the hay to be satisfied. She preferred monogamy. But this was just getting ridiculous. Sex dreams with Ronon practically every night. Self gratification -- she was still too much of a good girl to call it what it really was, because masturbation seemed to be such a dirty word for it and still made her blush like a school girl -- only got her to far. Only kept her so satisfied before the ache was back and her nipples would tighten at the thought of a dangerous, sexy, rogue alien laying above her. His mouth, his hands… oh God. "I need to get laid." She said to herself, never lifting her head from her hand as she whimpered softly at the aforementioned ache between her legs.

"What?"

Shit. She'd said that aloud, hadn't she? "Nothing!" She said quickly, her neck cracking suddenly at the velocity of which her head lifted. She winced slightly as heat flooded the back of her head from a hot-pop at the crack. "I didn't say anything. You're hearing things."

"What's 'laid' and why do you need to get it? Are you tired?" Ronon asked, a hint of amusement in his voice as if he knew exactly what it meant. If she weren't so attached to the alcohol in the bottle in her hands, she'd chuck it at him for good measure.

"Oh screw it." Jennifer muttered, blushing at the words and how they seemed appropriate. "You know what I mean. Don't pretend that you don't. You forget that your marine buddies end up holed up in my infirmary, nine times out of ten because of you. I hear how they talk about my nurses. About me." She paused at the growl that came from deep within his chest when she mentioned the men talking of her, "You're too curious not to ask what things mean when it's brought up in your presence. I'm sure something like 'get laid' has come up before so you know what I mean."

"McKay not doing it for you?" His brave reply came as he stood slowly to his feet. Graceful for such a strong man. She supposed he had that training from his years as a runner. Had to be quiet and lithe, like a cat, if you expected to survive long.

Jennifer blanched at his words, before quickly blushing. The thought of having sex with McKay didn't appeal much to her. Nothing was wrong with Rodney. He was a great guy once you got past all the bluster and BS, the ego and condescension. But he didn't make her want to scream hallelujah to the heavens with a single look. A look that was a simple narrowing of the eyes and quirk of the mouth. Oh no. That was all Ronon. "McKay and I…" She was about to refute his question, before realizing that such a question from him was inappropriate. "Are none of your business." She finished hotly, watching as he closed off quickly and turned away. Amusement gone from his expression and replaced with nothing.

Silence again.

And more silence.

And look at that, even more silence.

"How do you not have sex?" Jennifer blurted, staring at Ronon's back, a little bit of satisfaction slithering through her when his spine straightened and his hands fisted. "I mean, I know how you not have sex. But I'm guessing that you didn't enjoy… company… while you were running. You'd feel too much guilt knowing you could lead the Wraith to the village for a quickie in the barn or whatever. So how did you not have sex for seven years? Have you had sex since being on Atlantis? Geez, that would make it ten years! Holy crap. And to think I'm ready to explode after a year. How the hell… isn't it hard?" She rambled, shaking her head and lifting the bottle to her lips when he wheeled around suddenly with a slightly bewildered look about him and she choked on the alcohol sliding down the wrong windpipe. "N-no. Not… not that. I mean… hard not having… oh God." This time she made sure the drink went down the right pipe and was plentiful.

"When… you don't have a choice… it's not that… hard." Ronon struggled to find the words even as his body betrayed him and relaxed into the subject. He didn't want to relax. He didn't want to talk about sex with Jennifer. Especially not his inexperience over the last decade of his life. Nonetheless, on the word hard, he swallowed thickly as he tried to get past the implications of her words when she'd first said them. And the implications of the other words she hadn't corrected. Ready to explode standing prominently in his mind like a neon marquee.

"So you don…" She hiccupped, swallowing a burp as the bottle sloshed to only a quarter full in her loose hand. "Don't like anyone on Atlantis enough to get back out there?" She questioned, fighting off the flush that threatened to creep out of her skin as she stared resolutely at Ronon's cheek. He'd turned halfway from her, his hands tightly gripping his hips and his feet planted firmly on the ground. Gargoyle time again. She wished she had popcorn. She'd throw it at him like she'd watched people do to the Queen's guards in England on a trip there once. Hadn't moved a muscle, but the birds that landed on them sure did enjoy the buttery treats.

"It's still too dangerous." He muttered, not turning to face her. "Anything can happen when we go through that gate."

"Yeah, 'specially if you're with me!" She said cheerfully, lifting the bottle in the air in toast as she laughed softly, shaking her head at her own misfortune.

"I know what it's like to lose people you love." Ronon's voice was soft and even he had to strain to hear himself, "I don't want to be responsible for causing someone else that pain."

Jennifer snorted. "Bullshit."

"What?" Ronon's eyes snapped to hers in surprise.

"Bull. Shit." She emphasized the words, "That's a cowards way out. Didn't peg you for a coward, Mister Dex." She was taunting him and they both knew it. But that didn't mean it wasn't working as she watched fire flare in Ronon's green eyes, turning them to a murky shade of jade that made her breath hitch. "I guess McKay's more of a man. At least he went after what he wanted…" As she watched the muscle in his jaw twitch, and the cords in his neck bulge, she figured she might have gone just a little too far.

He strode towards her purposefully, his long legs putting him between her thighs in two strides that left her eyes wide and her breath hard to catch as she looked up at him like an innocent doe staring at the man about to strike her down. His hands lifted, one running over the top of her hair and the other sliding against her neck. His thumb swept a line along her pulse point, satisfaction thrumming through him as the beat beneath his finger steadily increased.

"Does McKay do this?" He questioned softly before placing a kiss along the underside of her jaw, guessing the answer when her pulse jumped over several beats. "Or this?" He felt rather than saw the shiver go through her as he spoke the words into her ear, flicking her lobe with his tongue and nipping it gently. "This?" He continued as he used his hands as advantage to tip her head back, satisfied to see her eyes closed. He pressed feather light kisses to each eyelid, one to the apple of her cheek and reveling in the exhale of her breath as his lip caught against the curve of cheekbone and his breath fanned along her face, seeping into her nostrils and mouth. The tip of his nose brushed hers as he angled his head, the unruly whiskers of his beard scratching her mouth as he took in her face, her smell, the feel of her warm and willing under his hands. "Does he make you feel like this?" He asked, his voice a little stronger than the whispered words that came before them. He suspected the answer before she spoke, when the bottle of liquor slipped from her limp fingers, and clanked to the floor. The alcohol chugged slightly out of the bottle, soaking the thick leather soles of his shoes.

When her eyes slid open, the first thing she noticed from her downcast eyes was the smug grin on his face. Quirking the mouth that was so close to hers she could taste the tangy breath on her tongue. "Who are you kidding?" She asked wryly, before her hand curled into the front of his suede-like tunic and dragged him the few centimeters to her mouth, sighing into the kiss almost instantly as his hands tightened around her; one sliding to the base of her skull to encourage her head to just the right angle, the other sliding from her neck and circling her waist, pulling her flush against him until her legs wrapped around his hips and thighs, half-hard evidence against her belly as she strained up into the kiss.

With a small growl, he hefted Jennifer against him, his arm sliding underneath her rear and thighs as her legs tightened around him. His tongue made a sensual dance with hers, eliciting soft little whimpers from deep within his blonde companion as their heads twisted and turned in one passionate kiss, and a set of heated miniature ones as her hands skidded along his body. Nails scraping, fingers kneading as she tried to get herself closer to him. Tried to dull the ache that was getting louder and much more throb-like than ever before.

He dropped her unceremoniously back onto the control panel, bending forward to keep their mouths locked as his hands scored paths of heat along the bare flesh of her arms before sneaking underneath the hem of her tank top. Her creamy skin felt like nothing he'd ever touched before. So pale, like the china dolls in the little girl shops on Sateda. But not as fragile as her stomach rippled underneath his fingertip as they skirted up to the lacy under wire of her bra. His hips jerked involuntarily when his fingers brushed against the outside of the cup and could feel the hardened pebbles beneath it, struggling to find his touch.

She groaned when his hips brushed forward against her a second time, causing friction against her own center and intensifying the ache within her. "Need you." She muttered, pulling away and groaning once more when his lips found her neck. "Need you now." Her fingers clawed desperately at his own shirt, jerking back far enough from him when he didn't straighten, so that she could remove it and finally take in his muscular torso for the first time outside the infirmary. It looked better here, locked in an abandoned enemy lab with crappy overhead lighting that cast shadows all around them, then it ever had in the brightly lit infirmary back home. She ran her fingers through the wiry hair, placing soft kisses against the scars her fingers trailed, raked her nails lightly over his nipples until he hissed, before her hands slid to his belt.

Both were so wrapped in each other, thankfully figuratively otherwise they certainly would've been embarrassed when the door slid open and their team looked in warily, only to be given a shock of a panting Jennifer Keller beneath the Satedan whose pants hung loosely around his waist, the alien trying to remove the doctor's shirt.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Rodney said, not loud enough to permeate the lovers in the control room, but enough to have Sheppard send him a sharp look.

"Uh… maybe we should come back later." John said, turning away from the sight and smacking Rodney upside the head. The scientist's mouth snapped shut as John pointed to the tablet in his arms, "Close the doors. Lets give them a little while."

"Yes. Perhaps we should just let them be for an hour or so." Teyla agreed with a small smile on her lips as she slung her P90 up her shoulder, the weight of the gun resting comfortingly against her back.

"Or two." John said as he walked down the hallway with Teyla closely behind him.

"I believe I saw a nice shady spot not far from the mouth of the cave. A nice place to sit and relax. Enjoy some snacks while we wait for our counterparts." Teyla informed John as they headed towards the light at said mouth of the cave. "There were some fruit trees around there as well."

"Not lemon, I hope!" Rodney said quickly as he caught up to the two, worried they'd leave him behind.

All three stopped at the exit to the cave when a sharp cry reverberated all the way through the control room doors, bouncing off the rock walls, and echoing in their ears.

John chuckled nervously, "Maybe we should find somewhere a little farther than that shady spot."

"Perhaps the village has a tavern." Teyla suggested as a small blush stained her cheeks from the sounds they could hear coming from the room four doors down from their standing point.

"I certainly need a drink." Rodney said grumpily, shouldering through Teyla and John and exiting the cave altogether.

"Yeah, there's enough air in there for the next few hours since McKay opened the vents again. We'll come back…" He looked at the suns high in the sky, knowing without his watch that it was mid-afternoon. "Before dusk." He said resolutely, gesturing into the sun, "Ladies first."

Another sharp cry followed by a few choice phrases, and Teyla laughed, "Apparently Ronon feels the same." She said cheekily as she left the cave, leaving John there to digest that she'd said such a thing before the noises became too much and he ran out after her.

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First things first. The "bullshit" thing was inspired entirely by Nika Dixon. I choose to view her fics as canon, lol. That came from her story Consequences which is truly fantastic.

Now. I wanted to do something a little lighter than all the other SGA fics I've done, and this sorta… happened. Lol. I don't know where it came from. I opened Word and it just came out. Hope someone likes this! Hah. Thanks for reading regardless.

I'd like to apologize for any errors. This is self-beta'd. I get embarrassed with my writing sometimes and don't ask friends or anyone of the like to help me out and beta for me, so I usually either just forgo reading through to post quickly or skim. Hypocritical seeing as things like that bother me when reading, but I like to post something before I change my mind about it, lol. Again, sorry if there's any mistakes.