Okay, I'm gonna start this with a HUGE thanks to everybody who reviewed the first chapter. You guys ROCK! You all left such wonderful reviews, it really means a lot - and really inspires a girl to write more! So THANK YOU.

I'm still a little iffy on this chapter, this was the one that was giving me problems. I just feel like it could be better. I did fix a bunch of stuff, so hopefully it's better now. Once again, thank you so much for reading and the awesome reviews - now, enjoy!

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Sam hadn't slept. He'd gone to bed, but he couldn't sleep. It had been more of just an excuse to get away from Dean, because he felt like if he'd had the argument one second longer, he was going to say something he'd regret. And now he felt guilty for walking away from Dean like that.

It was just so frustrating. Why could Dean not see how much Sam cared about him? How important he was? How needed he was?

He was damaged, Sam knew that. Scarred from many years of misery, loneliness, and abandonment. Sam felt a little flash of guilt, knowing he was one of the people who'd contributed to those scars.

Still.

He was trying to change it around now, trying to make Dean understand… he'd never meant to hurt Dean when he left for Stanford. Just trying to live his own life. Hell, if he could've taken Dean with him, he would've. But as if Dad would've stood for that.

Dad.

He was what this was so much about… Sam loved him, yet hated him at the same time for the lives he and Dean had.

Still.

Sam was grateful for what Dad had done this time. He'd saved Dean. Sam knew that without that deal, Dean would probably be dead right now. He squeezed his eyes shut, not letting that thought get very far. Dean was fine. Physically, anyway.

Sam sat up, glancing over at Dean's bed, a little afraid he wouldn't be on it.

But he was, curled up on his side, facing away from Sam.

Sam swung his legs over the side of his bed and crossed to the bathroom. He'd leave Dean alone for now, see what happened.

When he came back out, Dean hadn't moved. He was still wearing his jacket from last night, was on top of the blankets, like he'd just layed down and fallen asleep without meaning to. Probably had.

Sam walked over quietly and touched Dean's shoulder, prepared for his brother to jump. But he didn't, he just turned his head a little and looked at Sam. Okay, so Dean hadn't slept either. His eyes were red, and dark smudges underneath confirmed a sleepless night.

"Hey man," Sam said quietly. He felt even guiltier now, even though he had no reason to. He just hated seeing Dean miserable. Which was far too often these days.

He perched on the bed behind Dean, and waited for him to roll over. His brother did a few seconds later, then sat up, looking away quickly.

"What, Sam."

Sam swallowed hard. "Dean… you know what I said last night was true, right? About how important you are to me? How much it would hurt if you were gone?"

Dean nodded after a moment, still not looking at him.

"Then please, please promise me you won't even consider making a deal for Dad again."

Sam didn't know if it was too soon to bring it up again, but he honestly just wanted Dean to say it. Promise he wouldn't do it. Sam couldn't live constantly worrying Dean was going to sell his soul.

Dean nodded.

"I need to hear you say it, Dean. Please."

"I promise." Dean's voice was hoarse, eyes swimming with tears again. "I'm sorry, Sammy."

Sam turned a little to see his brother better. "For what?"

"Everything. Sorry I was thinking about making the deal. Sorry I was thinking about leaving you." Dean finally looked at Sam. "Should never have thought about it, Sam."

Sam watched him closely. "Why the change of attitude, Dean?" He hardly dared to hope that he'd finally gotten through to Dean. He'd thought it would take longer. A lot longer.

"It's my job to protect you, Sammy. Can't just leave cause I want Dad back." Dean sniffed and rubbed his forehead. "Even if it is in ten years. Sorry."

Sam's heart sank. Okay, so he hadn't really got through. Shouldn't be surprised about that. He should've known it would come down to this, this would be the reason for Dean promising. He fought back frustration.

"And it's my job to protect you, Dean. So now you know the reason I can't let you make that deal. We need each other, Dean. I just can't live without you."

Dean flinched a little, clearly still battling with his emotions. "Alright, Sammy. I promise."

Sam felt a weight lift off his shoulders. Dean had promised. Twice. And if there was one thing Dean would never do, it was break a promise to him. Sam knew that.

"Okay." He smiled, and started to get up. So what if Dean was only promising because of his commitment to being Sam's protector? He'd promised. Sam would work on the rest later.

"One thing," Dean said, and Sam stopped moving. Dean's voice was so empty, like he'd been punched in the stomach and had no air left. "Does it always hurt this bad?"

Sam stared at his brother. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…" Dean stopped, swallowing hard. "I know there was Mom… but I was really young for the first few years after she died and… I don't really remember that much how it felt. I just know it felt bad. But this time…" He stopped again, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. "It just hurts so bad, Sam. Just feels like… like I can't…" His voice cracked, he stopped talking and closed his eyes, covering them with his hand.

"I know, Dean."

Sam put a hand on his shoulder. He really wanted to hug his brother, but didn't want to make him even more uncomfortable.

"I know it hurts. And yeah. It always does hurt this bad." He paused, wondering if he should say what he was thinking, then decided yes, he should. "That's another reason I can't let you make a deal for Dad, Dean. I can't survive, I can't feel like this again. After Jess… And if it was you… it'd be a million times worse."

Dean opened his eyes and looked at Sam. Sam could see his whole soul, right through his eyes, the broken remains of his mental walls in pieces. It almost hurt to look at.

Then his brother nodded, tears clinging to his eyelashes, so close to falling, but not allowed. And Sam had hope, he had hope that Dean had finally realized what he would do to Sam by making a deal for Dad. Maybe now, now that he understood what Sam would feel like if he were gone… maybe now he wouldn't ever consider it again.

He smiled weakly at his brother. "But Dean… it does get better. Time… I know this sounds corny but time really does heal. And we have each other. We'll get through this man, together."

Dean sniffed and nodded again, leaning a little closer so his shoulder was against Sam's. Sam reached up and gently squeezed the back of Dean's neck, smiling sadly. "It'll be okay, Dean."

And it would be.

They'd make it through.

After all, they were together.

And that was all that mattered.

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Well, what did you think? Good? Bad? Please let me know. :) I do love reviews. :D

Thank you all SO MUCH once again for reading and being so great to me with the reviews. You are all awesome!

I'll catch you on the flipside

Deanandhisimpala :)