Chapter 10- "In trade for your life"

Breathe...

In..... Out...

Listen to every beat of your heart. Savor every moment. Listen to the light rattle sound of the vents as the heat kicks on. Pay attention to the creaking noise of the ceiling as your brother walks around. Feel the coolness of the sheets on your body. Look around at all your belongings. Touch them, memorize every texture. Savor every last second of it. Because it's all gone from this day forward. You will leave yourself here. A soul no longer with a body, as you move on into a dark realm. Daily beatings, rape, torture. Drugs, violence, murder. This is you. And there's no place for the comforts of family, or familiarity, or Near. Alone.....

"Matt! Come upstairs dear. It's time. We have to leave soon." Lydia's voice called out from upstairs.

Snapped out of this thoughts, Matt rose slowly clad in a black pinstriped suit and a dark red tie. He hadn't worn it for years, the last time being at a distant cousin's wedding. His mother always told him how handsome he looked wearing it though. Too bad it wasn't a happy occasion, he thought.

He ascended the staircase to the rest of the house where his Mother, Father, and Brother were waiting, donning their own suits. It was like attending his own funeral, he thought.

One week earlier

"The prosecutor would like to make you a deal. He knows just as well as I do that you'll be slaughtered if this goes to trial..." The family attorney said,

Matt's jaw just slackened. That's it? You're giving up?

"Matt this is a good thing, at least it's the best thing you've got coming to you. 10 years total at an upstate facility. Parole at 5 with good behavior."

"10 years..... 10 years of my life? If I say that I did this? If I tell them that I hurt Near and murdered that inhuman piece of shit out of jealousy? Fuck this!" Matt said. His face was flushed, and he was breathing quickly, nearly hyperventilating.

"You could be looking at 30 to life if this goes to trial. 10 years is a blessing. We're talking about premeditated murder, not even to mention your other charges."

Matt punched the desk, grasping at his hair as his face scrunched up. Tears flowed gently down his cheeks. He took one deep breath to get control over himself.

"Fine, I'll take it. I don't fucking care anymore. I'm screwed no matter how you look at it."

"You'll survive. The time will go by like nothing." The attorney said, not even making eye contact as he shoved paper back into his attache. Matt slapped his hand down on the table once again, making the lawyer's attention snap back to Matt.

"You do realize that I'm only 19 years old right? 10 years is more than half of my life. That is an absolute fucking eternity to me. So try not to act so callous."

That was it. 10 years decided in 5 minutes, and now he stood here in front of his family, ready to be handed over to wolves.

The drive to the courthouse was uncomfortable, only made worse by his mother's contrived attempt at happy, unrelated conversation about something she was watching on Oprah the other day. Matt wished she would just keep her mouth shut instead, or at least cry and scream.

"I'm going to go park the car." James said as Matt and his parents filed out of the car onto the street.

Matt ascended each of the courthouse stairs slowly and literally, paying attention to the texture of the grit under his shoes, feeling every sensation he could while he's still a free man. Once inside he was taken into custody and placed in a room with his attorney. Shortly thereafter the prosecutor entered.

"So you understand what's going to happen here, correct? Your attorney has explained everything to you?" He said.

Matt nodded. He just wanted this over with. Some more things were discussed while he waited there in that room, awash with harsh fluorescent lighting making his skin look yellow, almost greenish. He wasn't paying much attention anyway, it didn't really matter any more. He was going to do what was asked of him and hope for mercy.

"Ok it's time."

After what seemed like over an hour Matt was led into the courtroom and took his place at the defendants table.

"It's been brought to my attention that instead of proceeding with a trial the defendant would like to change his plea. Is this true?"

"Yes your honor." Matt's attorney said.

"Very well, how is the defendant going to plead?"

Just then Lydia screamed out, startling at least a few people, least of which the judge.

"Stop!!!! Stop everything!!! Near's awake!" Lydia exclaimed, her eyes wide as she stared down at her cell phone.

Matt thought he was going to collapse right there on the spot. Overwhelmed with emotion and relief he felt the tears spring from his eyes, rolling down his face and under his chin, soaking into the collar of his shirt.

"Order! Ma'am if you don't settle down you'll find yourself in contempt!" The judge bellowed.

"Your honor, may I approach the bench?" The attorney said.

Both him and the prosecutor spoke quietly and closely to the judge while Matt stood there with red eyes and a hopeful smile on his face.

He's ok. My baby's ok. He's going to save me.

James couldn't believe his eyes as he approached the doorway. A swarm of doctors and nurses hovering over Near, commenting back and forth things that only each other could understand. His heart raced as he feared the worst, that Near had gone critical and was losing the struggle for his life. He stood on his tiptoes to see over one of their shoulders and gasped when he saw open blue eyes. They shifted around nervously instead of catatonic. Near was awake.

"Where am I?" Near whispered. His throat felt like a desert, and it required real effort to push the air through his restricted vocal cords.

"You're in Kings County hospital, you've been in a coma for nearly a month." A nurse said.

"Wha..What? Matt. Where's Matt?" Near asked.

They looked at each other nervously. Apparently they weren't oblivious to what was going on.

"I'm Matt's brother." James said.

Near fixed his eyes in James' direction, squinting slightly to gain focus on the unknown person in front of him. James stepped closer. The medical staff quieted down a bit and moved to the side to make room. James placed his hands on the side railing of Near's bed.

"Wh..What happened?" Near asked.

"You don't remember a thing do you?" James said.

Near glanced around at the various people doting over him.

"Can I perhaps have a few moments to talk in private? I feel fine, really."They reluctantly cleared the room, promising to be back in 5 short minutes. Near started to become familiar with his body again and was surprised at how difficult it was to move his arms and legs. He wasn't even sure if he could walk or hold himself up, "What happened to me?"

James wasn't even sure how he should explain this to Near, but he remembered there was a more pressing matter that needed to be dealt with immediately. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed his mother. No answer. Near wondered if he was trying to call Matt. James tried calling again, only to be met with the same result. He quickly tapped out a text message, and only hoped that it would be received before he had to burst into the courtroom himself.

"I'm sorry." James said, putting his phone back in his pocket, "Mello...Mello did this to you."

Near's eyes widened with shock. Fearing the worst, he started to wonder why his brother was here instead of Matt.

"Did he hurt Matt? Is he ok?"

"No, he didn't. But Matt is in a great deal of trouble right now. He may actually go to jail because of what happened when he tried to defend you." James said.

"What happened?"

"Matt killed Mello."

Near gasped at the words, covering his mouth with a shaking hand. Mello. Dead. He didn't know exactly how he felt at that moment. It didn't feel right for him to even consider mourning over him. He hated him, but he knew that he loved him at the same time. They'd been through a lot together, and that kind of attachment is hard to let go of. He didn't want him dead. He quickly shifted his thoughts to Matt, and was overwhelmed with a sense of panic.

"Why did Matt do it? I don't remember what happened! I..." Near rubbed at his temples in frustration. The heartrate monitor at his bedside indicated the panic he was feeling, "I remember packing my things. I was leaving Mello. What happened?"

"Mello caught you trying to leave. He beat you, strangled you and raped you. Matt came in while it was happening. There was a struggle. Mello tried to kill Matt, and he killed him while defending himself. It was an accident. But there were no witnesses and they think Matt was an intruder. A jealous lover of sorts."

"Where is he now?"

"At court. They're going to be sentencing him today. I hope it's not too late."

James was about to scoop Near up in his arms and carry him out of the hospital himself when a Nurse walked in.

"Mr. River? The State prosecutor's office is calling about you. They wanted to verify that you are in fact awake. Some people are going to come by and talk to you. Do you think you're up to it?"

"Yes! Of course!"

James sighed in relief. It was over.

"Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave now. He's been through an awful lot and he needs his rest in order to recover fully."

"I don't want to rest! I want to help sort this out! I've rested for almost a month! Matt needs me right now!"

The heartrate monitor was going crazy at this point. Near appeared to having trouble catching his breath as sweat built up on his forehead and clavicle.

"What's happening?!" James said.

The nurse was at Near's side with a syringe almost instantly, and was already injecting it into the IV tube.

"He's not ready for this yet. Like I said he needs his rest. I understand the situation and what you're going through right now, but this is going to have to wait. The police aren't going to be here for another couple of hours anyway."

Near was fast asleep moments later. The frantic beeping of the monitor gradually slowed it's pace to normal. James jolted as his phone started ringing and vibrating in his pocket. He pulled it out quickly and answered.

"James! What's going on? Near's awake?! Put him on the phone!" Matt's excited voice called out from the other end.

"They gave him a sedative so he can rest. He's asleep right now but I was talking to him. He was asking for you."

"He was?..." Matt's voice started to tremble, "James, does he know what happened?"

"He doesn't remember much but I told him what happened. He was a bit shocked and panicked by everything Matt. That's why they sedated him. He just woke up afterall."

"They wont let me see him. Not until this is all over. They suspended the trial until this is all sorted out. I just want this over with. I just want to see him."

"It'll all be over soon little brother. It'll all be over soon. I'm coming back to the courthouse. I'll see you in a few."

James put the phone in his pocket and took one last look at Near's sleeping form before leaving. He pulled up in front of the courthouse to see his family standing out front, relief shining on their faces.

Matt found himself standing in the courtroom once again a long couple of days later. He was so anxious he thought he might crawl out of his own skin.

"Your honor, in light of the victim's recent statement, the state is dropping all charges against the accused." The prosecutor said.

That was it. It was finally over. The entire dragged out nightmare dismissed in a few short moments. He finally walked out of the courthouse a free man, able to start putting it all behind him and get on with his life.

The Jeevas family piled into the car with James behind the wheel.

"James, drive straight to the hospital. I refuse to wait another moment."

"You've got it. You've waited long enough."

Once the hospital elevator doors opened Matt started at a quick stride, but soon was sprinting down the corridors, leaving his family behind. He was desperate to gaze lovingly into Near's ice blue orbs, to run his hands gently on his warm pale flesh, to cradle him gently in his arms and bury his nose in his hair, whispering into his ear that it's ok. That everything was going to be ok.

He slowed as he approached the room. He didn't want to burst in dramatically if Near was sleeping. He peered around the doorway carefully. Near was awake, sitting up in bed and reading a book. Matt watched for a moment, trying to make sure he wasn't actually dreaming. Near didn't seem to notice his presence so he slowly approached, knocking gently on the open door.

Near looked in his direction after a slight delay, probably used to doctors and nurses visiting him at random times. His eyes widened and his jaw slackened as the book fell to the bed.

"Matt!!" Near shouted.

Matt ran over to him and didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around Near, kissing him gently on the neck in between words.

"I'm here baby. I missed you so much. God I missed you so much."

"I missed you too Matt. I love you. Is everything going to be ok? I haven't heard anything."

"Yes Near, everything's going to be ok. It's over. This whole horrible nightmare is over."

Matt wanted to look into his eyes again, so he withdrew slightly, holding Near at arms length, his hand placed gently on his shoulders. A stray tear strolled down Near's red tinged cheek. He could tell Near was trying to hold it back, that he didn't want to fall apart, but Matt knew they both deserved it at this point. He pulled Near close again.

"It's ok Near, let it out," Matt said, his own voice quivering, "Let it all out. I'm here."

Both of them openly broke out into sobs, holding each other tightly. Matt positioned himself on the end of the bed to bring himself down to Near's level, to make it easier to reach each other. He ran his hand on the back of Near's head, feeling the silken strands of snow white hair between his fingers as the tears flowed between them, running down each other's necks.

The sobs ramped down to quiet whimpers and then to the occasional sigh. Matt removed his head from the crook of Near's neck and locked eyes with him before gently pressing their lips together. It was the most incredible kiss they'd ever shared as far as he known. He waited it for what felt like an eternity, and it was something he wasn't sure if he'd ever get to experience again.

"Oh dear." Matt heard his mother's voice behind him.

He didn't pull away quickly though. He finished with another few short pecks on Near's soft pink lips before pulling away and turning his head to face his family which was standing in the doorway. His father had an uncomfortable expression on his face as he stared down at the ground, trying to unsee what he just saw.

"Mom, this is Near."

"Hi." She said dryly.

Her not so warm introduction was to be expected. It didn't concern Matt however, he knew she would have to get used to him one way or the other.

"When can you go home Near?" James asked.

"Home?" Near asked.

"Yes, home with us. It's your home now," He replied. Lydia looked downwards and placed her fingers to her forehead, pretending to massage an imaginary headache, "It's my house Mother and Near is welcome in it."

"Thank you." Near said.

"Besides you'll be staying in Matt's apartment anyway." James continued.

"What about my things? Are they still in the apartment....Mello's apartment?" Near asked, not wanting to hear him say Mello's name out loud.

"Me and James will go there and get everything."

"Thanks. I don't want to ever see that place again."

Truth be told, Matt didn't want to either, but he would do anything for Near, and grabbing whatever little belongings he had was the least he could do.

"So when can we take you out of here?"

"I'll page the nurse. They say I'm almost back to normal, so hopefully they'll be willing to let me leave. I'm just a little weak from laying here for over a month."

"I'm so sorry this happened to you." Matt said pulling Near into another hug.

Later that night....

Matt fumbled with the key to the front door of his apartment with Near hanging from his shoulder, barely able to stand on his own. Finally he got the door opened and carefully guided Near across the threshold towards the bed on the other side of the room.

"I think I can walk the last few feet." Near said, removing his arm from around Matt's neck and gently placing his weight down. Matt didn't submit that easily though and at least kept a firm grip on his hand as his legs wobbled. Near collapsed on the bed after taking the few short steps.

"The doctor said with physical therapy you should be back to normal in a few weeks."

"Yeah I know. I'm just worried what might happen if I need to use the bathroom or something while you're at work."

"Oh, well don't worry about that. I kinda lost my job during this whole fiasco. But don't worry, it wasn't anything special, I'll find another one." Matt said, removing Near's shoes and pulling the covers over him, tucking them around his tiny frame for added warmth, "You tired?" Matt asked.

"Yeah a little." Near said while yawning.

"Get some rest then, I'm going to go upstairs and talk with my family for a little while."

"Ok." Near said sleepily, but grabbed Matt's sleeve before he started to walk away, "Matt, thank you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for going through all of this. I don't know how I could ever repay you."

"You can repay me by getting better and continue being the wonderful boy I fell in love with. Now get some rest. I'll be back in bed with you in a little while."

Near nodded and closed his eyes, knowing he was someplace safe and his protector was with him. Nothing could have put him more at peace than that.

Matt went upstairs to his brother's part of the house, where he could already hear the beginnings of an argument.

"...if that's what Matt want's then I'm fine with it. He's an adult, Mom. If he want's Near to live here with him then that's up to him." James said.

"I just don't think it's appropriate. It's not as if they've been going out for that long anyway. What if Matt meets a nice girl next week?" Lydia replied.

"You're retarded...." James said in exasperation, driving a look of shock onto his mother's face.

"Near isn't going anywhere, he's staying. I'm not going to meet a girl next week, Mom. Stop being delusional. This is the way things are so you'll just have to deal." Matt said, entering the kitchen.

"How is he?" James asked.

"He's sleeping right now. He's exhausted. Physical therapy starts tomorrow so he needs his rest, just walking from the car into his bed took the life out of him. I hate seeing him like this. He's lost weight too. He looks unhealthy."

"He'll get better soon Matt. Don't worry. Hey Mom, why don't you make your famous split-pea and ham soup? That's sure to help nurse little Near back to health. I'm sure he'd appreciate the gesture." James said.

Lydia shifted her eyes around nervously. The compliment was difficult to resist. It almost seemed like a challenge. She sighed in defeat.

"Well you'll have to take me shopping to buy the ingredients."

James nodded and then grabbed his keys.

"Ok, lets go then while it's still light out. We should have everything done hopefully by dinner time. We'll make it into a family dinner."

Lydia left the house with her other son, leaving Matt with his father who was sitting silently on the sofa looking pensively at the opposite wall.

"Dad?"

"I don't wish to talk about it right now."

"Well it needs to be dealt with one way or the other."

"I don't like him Matt. I don't like any of this. This isn't the son that I raised."

"At least know him well enough to hate him first, and this IS the son you raised. You're going to have to accept that."

"He's weak. He's going to depend on you. He doesn't have any.... any guts." Robert Jeevas said, holding his fists to his chest to put emphasis on his remark.

"You're not seeing him at his best Dad. Besides, would you prefer I was with someone really manly and dominant? Would that somehow make you feel better?"

The unease in Robert's eyes could be seen from 100 miles away with that last statement. The mental image flashing before his eyes disgusted him.

"Like I said, I don't wish to talk about it right now."

"Because you don't know what you're talking about. You're going to have to adjust to this if you want this family to stay together." Matt said. He was was rebuked with nothing but silence. Good, let it sink in, he thought, "Listen I'm going to go downstairs and take a nap, make sure Mom wakes us up before dinner."

"Us", he says. Robert thought.

Matt tiptoed down the stairs quietly, almost ninja like, not wanting to wake Near. He paused for a second to listen to the deep, sleep filled breaths that filled the room. Satisfied that he didn't disturb his lover he quietly slipped his pants off and creeped into the bed. Near was nearly hot to the touch, his small body throwing off incredible amounts of heat. Matt pressed his body against his gently, his bare legs and torso feeling the warmth that he craved for what seemed like an eternity. His genitals already started to respond to the sensation, but he resisted, knowing Near certainly wasn't up to it. He just wanted to touch him, to feel Near's creamy smooth skin on his fingertips. He slipped his hand under Near's shirt and rested his palm on his stomach. It was a tactile delight as he slowly slid his palm upwards to his chest. His body felt amazing. Near whimpered unconsciously at the sensation, but Matt resisted going any further. He just kept his hand there as he lowered his head down onto the pillow, allowing his own exhaustion to overcome him in a few short minutes.

A couple of hours later Matt awoke to a bright light shining into his room. Someone had opened the door upstairs.

"Hey Matt." James said.

"Shhhh.... He's still sleeping."

"Oh, sorry. Mom's requesting your help setting the table. I told her I'd do it but she wanted you to come."

"What the fuck.... Ok I'll be there in a minute." Matt replied, slowly withdrawing himself from Near's body and putting his pants on before climbing the stairs.

"What's up mom?" Matt asked, shielding his eyes from the bright lights in the room.

"Oh I was wondering you could set the table in the dining room, Dear. Your brother's busy helping me with the cooking."

Matt nodded and went to the cabinet to pull a stack of bowls from one of the shelves, carrying them into the dining room. While he was busy, Lydia slipped out of view and downstairs into Matt's apartment.

She approached quietly, but wasn't quite as careful as Matt had been. Once she reached Near's bedside, she gently shook his shoulder until he began to stir, making irresistibly cute whimpering noises as he regained consciousness.

"Huh?" He asked groggily.

"We're having dinner shortly, but I wanted to talk to you privately beforehand."

Near rubbed his face with his palm, and then looked upwards at Lydia, awaiting her next statement. His intense blue eyes were practically glowing in the near darkness, something that didn't go unnoticed by her.

"I'm accepting the fact that you're a part of Matt's life, and therefore a part of ours, but I'm warning you right now that if you hurt Matt I'll cut your balls off myself."

Near was a little shocked but the sheer brutality of the statement, but didn't let it affect him for too long. It was obvious there was more love for her son than sheer malice behind the statement.

"If I ever hurt him. I'll cut them off myself." Near replied.

Lydia nodded, satisfied with what she had heard, if not a bit amused.

"Do you need some help getting upstairs?" She asked, extending a hand.

Near nodded, pulling the blanket off of him and extending his hand.

"Mom how much longer is the soup going to be? Mom?" Matt asked, looking around the kitchen where he expected his mother to be. He was incredibly surprised to find her emerging from the doorway that leads to his apartment with Near slung around her. Near looked at Matt with an expression that said "Don't ask me. I have no idea."

She led Near into the dining room and sat him down at the table.

"Thank you." Near said.

Matt decided not to say anything. He was more than elated at this point to see his mother at least start accepting Near. He knew that his father wouldn't be long behind since he usually eventually went along with whatever his Mom was doing.

Soon thereafter everyone sat down at the table, while James served the delicious and hearty soup to everyone. Near couldn't help but smile. The feeling of being part of a family, even though one couldn't call him part of the family just yet, felt amazing to him. It gave him hope for the future. A future with Matt by his side, the only one in the world that mattered to him. If they could survive what they just went though, they could survive anything.

A/N:

Sorry this update took so long. Truth is, I've kinda sorta lost inspiration for this story and finishing it seemed more like a chore than anything else. So if this latest installment sucks, I really am sorry. I've already started a new one, and I'm kinda excited to keep going with it but I needed to finish this one first. There might be an epilogue to this story so I'm keeping it as 'in progress' for now. It'll probably be short if anything. Thanks for all the reviews though. That's part of the reason that got me to sit my ass down in front of the computer and keep writing it, even though it may not be all that great. I just wasn't feeling it anymore for some reason.