Hey, I'm not dead! Wheee! It has been a very long time since I posted anything, *sniff* :'(. Hopefully I'll get around to updating more often, but I don't really see that happening at the moment. Well, actually, I lied. I am halfway through the first chapter of a new pokemon story and have plenty of AAML oneshots in my head, but when it comes to writing that down....... Let's just say I'm uber busy :D I wrote this way back in the summertime and added the ending today, so we'll see how people like it. It's also my very first Edwin, YAY!!!
This story follows the anime and the movie. I have just started reading the manga and it is AWESOME O.O Soooo much better than the anime!! Well, both have good qualities, but I like the story better in the manga. And I've heard there are more Edwin parts ^_^
This story is dedicated to ShadowDragon-24 for inspiring me to drag this story back out and finish it. Thanks!!
Disclaimer: I don't own Full Metal Alchemist. I'm not an alchemist either, darn! That would be so cool :D Oh, and I don't own the song Everywhere by Michelle Branch. (hence the: By Michelle Branch)
Everywhere
Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere
"Ed!" Winry yelled in joy. She sat up and opened her arms to find herself sitting in bed, staring into the darkness.
"No" she whispered passionately. "No, not again. It couldn't have been just another dream!" her arms lowered and hands curled into fists. "NO!" Winry screamed, snatching up the nearest thing from her nightstand and throwing it at the wall. By the sound it made on impact the girl guessed it was an automail part, but she didn't care. She collapsed back onto her sheets sobbing and balled the cloth up in her hands.
"Why aren't you here?" she cried out like a child despite almost being a grown woman. "Why? Every time I sleep you're there in my dreams, but then you're gone when I wake! You're everywhere and nowhere at the same time!" Winry continued to cry just like she had all the other nights she had this dream. The one where she is outside at her grandmother Pinako's house fixing some automail. Then, from the horizon, someone calls out her name. She would look up, and there would be Ed and Al running down the road. The dream Winry stands, disbelieving, but runs towards them when Ed calls her name again. She's laughing and smiling for the fist time since the two Elric brothers left through the gate into oblivion. Dream-Winry nears the boy she has longed to see and leaps into his arms, one flesh and one metal. She pulls back to see his face and tell him how much she missed him when everything fades into darkness. The darkness of her small room in Risembool. A dark where there is no Ed is grinning at her.
Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look you're never there
And every time I sleep you're always there
"Hey there, I heard you fix automail. Is it true?" a tall young man stood in front of her, his long hair swept into a ponytail. He gave her a huge smile and winked, but Winry retained her cool look and demeanor.
"Obviously" was her reply. She had a wrench in hand and there were mechanical parts littered all over the place. There was also a sign outside the shop proclaiming they repaired and made automail. Winry wasn't in the mood to deal with this man. In fact, she was never in the mood to deal with customers, especially ones like this. Her once short temper was now ever shorter and a sarcastic, sullen attitude replaced her old bubbly one. Fools like this one only irritated her. This was what Winry had become since the Elric brothers left. Cold, bitter, and unfeeling. Except for sorrow. She most definitely felt sorrow. And pain.
"I'm Takashi" he offered with another smile. She only grunted in response and gestured for him to take a seat as she grabbed her tool box. Takashi sat and held out his damaged arm. It was pretty beat up but didn't pose even the slightest bit of a challenge for a mechanic as skilled as Winry.
"One too many fights I guess" the man boasted. "It started getting trashed after the first few, but I lasted longer than most thought."
Winry snorted. There was someone she knew who had gotten in more and larger fights than this guy with an arm and leg one hundred times worse off. But she didn't say anything. Let this one brag; none of them could ever come close to comparing to Ed.
"It looks like you arm's coming a little loose at the socket" Winry said mostly to herself. With another grunt and a shove she slammed it back in ignoring Takashi's groans of pain as she tightened screws.
"What a baby," Winry thought disgustedly. "Ed never cried out, even when we first attached his automail."
Winry finished repairing the arm in silence. Takashi was in too much pain to say anything for which she was grateful. Moments later the last wrench was replaced in the tool box. Winry stood and went to the sink to wash the grease from her hands.
"Wow, that was fast! Thanks!" Takashi grimaced as he slowly moved his arm.
"Here's what you owe me." Winry handed him a slip of paper. He reached inside his pocket and handed her the sum.
"Door is back the way you came. Good-bye." Winry turned and walked out of the room before Takashi could engage her in anymore conversation. Leaving the shocked Takashi in the living room, Winry entered her own room and took a book down from the shelf. She opened it and turned to a page with a detailed design of an alchemy circle. Studying alchemy was the one connection she felt she had with Ed. Winry knew it wouldn't work if she tried it, so she was left to reading everything she could find.
Hours later saw Winry slumped on her bed, book encircled in her arms. Her eyelids where dragging closed, trying to cover her eyes that were weary from looking at such small text.
"Okay Ed," Winry murmured as sleep came to her. "Where are you?"
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone I'm not alone
"Thanks" Ed gathered the brown bag in his arms and exited the shop. It was a bright day in Munich, Germany with hardly a cloud in the sky. A nice change from all the rain they had been having.
"Hey! Ed!" Officer Maes Hughes waved to him from across the street.
Ed waved back at the policeman and walked over to talk to him.
"Hello Officer Hughes" he greeted a little hesitantly.
"Ed, have I shown you these pictures of my daughter? Isn't she just the cutest thing ever?!" he grinned wildly and shoved some photographs under Ed's nose.
"Hai, very cute" Ed agreed readily.
"Go on, she is the most beautiful creature ever, is she not?!" the man continued happily.
"Hai, hai. She is very beautiful. I am sorry, though, I must go. I don't want to keep Al waiting" Ed gestured to his parcel and started to back up,
"Oh, of course. Well, you can come join us for dinner on Tuesday and marvel at the real thing, not just these pictures!" he said brightly.
"Alright, good afternoon Officer Hughes" Ed turned and walked down the street to the apartment he and Al shared. Sometimes it was too unsettling to talk with Maes for very long. He was the exact replica of Maes Hughes from Amestris, Ed's true world. He sighed, so many people here on Earth were replicas of the people he met in Amestris. He had seen Roy Mustang, Riza Hawkeye, Scar, Lust, and there had even been a double of Al before he died. Everyone he knew had a dopple-gänger except . . . The Elric brother looked down at his arm hidden by the sleeve of his jacket. The cloth covered the automail appendage and gloves shielded his hands. No one would know only one of his arms was true flesh. Ed stayed wrapped in his thoughts until he reached the apartment.
Juggling keys and groceries, Ed unlocked the door and entered his modest abode. Both he and Al worked in the rocketry program here in Munich. It had been a little difficult at first after what happened with the Thule Society and Dietlinde Eckhart, but eventually Ed and Al got jobs and things returned to normal. Both enjoyed their work, and Ed felt like he was continuing the dreams of his late-other world brother Alphonse Heiderich. But he had noticed something was missing in his life. Al was there, and in his rightful body. It was wonderful to have his brother back and not as an animated suit of armor. Yet there was still something not quite right. Ed thought back to the day he drove the alien aircraft back into this world.
"But Ed, what about Winry?"
"Tell her, I said thanks."
"Hey big brother!" Al smiled at him from the couch.
"Hey Al." Edward gave him a small smile back.
"Hmm?" Al tilted his head to the side. "Something wrong brother?"
Ed remained silent, staring at the counter. "Hey Al," he started slowly. "Why do you think we haven't seen someone who looks like Winry here? I mean, we've seen everyone else. Except her . . ." he trailed off softly.
Al thought a few moments before replying carefully, "I'm not sure. Maybe she just lives somewhere else. She could live in America, or Africa for all we know! Or maybe," Al smiled sadly. "I don't know, it's pretty hard to imagine there's another Winry. She's one of a kind."
"Yeah" Ed agreed quietly, taking off his glove to study his hand. The automail Winry made all those years ago was still working and in perfect condition. He was lucky she had carried spares around with her and had them on hand when he came back suddenly.
"I wonder why she did that" he thought to himself.
"I miss her too." Al had come up next to him without Ed noticing. He looked at his brother who was still smiling sadly. "She was family, and it's hard to forget about someone so close to you."
Ed nodded. "Like I could ever forget Winry" he thought, lifting his hand to the light. "Even if I wanted to my arm and leg would be a constant reminder. And I don't want to forget her, ever."
"You going to be okay?" his brother asked concerned. Ed had been unusually quiet the past few months.
"I'm just tired. I'm going to go lay down." He turned away and slowly climbed the stairs.
Ed threw himself down on his bed and felt his braid tickle his check. Ed rolled over and fingered it, remembering the time when Winry had braided it for him. He sighed, loosing himself in memories of his childhood before everything had gotten so complicated.
With reminiscing came sleep. "Okay Winry, where are you?" Ed mumbled as he drifted off.
I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me
Winry growled as she got up and out of bed. Thoughts of Ed would not leave her alone! It was tiring having to think of him and feel that yawning abyss in her heart expand everyday. Still grumbling, Winry went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She stepped in and sighed as the hot water pelted her skin. She closed her eyes and tried to imagine the water washing away her thoughts, washing away her pain, leaving a bright, happy Winry. The water would roll down taking with it years of loneliness and carry them into the drain.
But her pumping heart and teary eyes told her it had not worked, and she still had feelings for Ed.
"I know! I know I love him and miss him! Can you please stop reminding me?!" she screamed at herself. She hit the water nozzle off and dressed quickly.
"I'm visiting Ed's sensei" she told her grandmother shortly as she marched out of the house The old woman shook her head. Such a passionate girl, and in so much pain . . .
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone
I am not alone
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh
Ed had awoken restless and decided to go out walking. Thoughts of Winry kept him moving down the street oblivious to those who shuffled aside to make room for him. The longing was getting worse. At first there had been a flicker of regret when he and Al had crossed over. But Al was there, in his rightful body, and Ed finally felt like he could be happy. He had his brother back! His goal since he was ten was complete, and now it didn't matter what world they were in as long as they were together.
Yet time passed, and is it did, Ed couldn't help thinking back to the day that changed his life. Well, one of the days at least. The one where he decided to leave everyone behind to fly the aircraft back to Earth. How could he have realized at the time that he was not giving up just one but two people dear to him? He was lucky enough to get Alphonse back when his brother snuck on board, but the other person was left in Central. The person he didn't know mattered so greatly to him until she wasn't there. Ed didn't know that Winry was such a source of comfort for him. She was the one who had been best friends with Al and him since they were children. She fixed him when he was broken, talked to him when he was sad, and worried for him when he was gone. She was the one who turned on the lantern so they could always find their way home. Winry was home. Risembool had held nothing for him; Winry was the only reason he and Al had gone back.
And now he could never go home. This thought unsettled him. No matter how far he had wandered before he had never been alone or lost because all he had to do was look back and see Winry there, waiting for him. Now he was without Winry, and had no place to call home. He only had dreams of the blond girl to keep him connected and tortured. Sometimes, when he closed his eyes, he could see her. Blue eyes, laughing smile, long hair swirling in the breeze. . .
Hold on, was that Winry? Ed blinked rapidly, sure he was imagining things. But there was that long yellow ponytail and slim figure that was so hauntingly familiar. She was walking some ways ahead of him, staring at the ground as she pressed through the crowds.
"Winry" Ed breathed out softly, not daring to say her name louder in case the vision should vanish. But his legs already started to move him faster in the direction of the girl, hope pushing him forward.
"Winry" this time he said it louder. "Winry! Winry!" It had to be her! And even if it wasn't his Winry, maybe he could meet this new one. Maybe she could fill the void he felt growing inside himself.
The blond man pushed aside pedestrians and ignored their outcries to keep his query in sight. "Winry!" he yelled above the hubbub around him. Why didn't she respond? Could she not hear him? He was so close now; Ed could almost reach out and catch her sleeve.
"Winry!" a last desperate cry flew from his lips and he caught her arm. Adrenaline pumped through his body setting his nerves on fire as he roughly tugged her back and around to face him.
"What?" a young, panicked woman stared back into his golden eyes. Ed felt something inside of him break and his stomach plummet. Green eyes searched his face and were filled with fear. Her features were alien, and to him, repulsive. This was not Winry; this girl before him could never measure up to his mechanic. She was frail and timid looking, the complete opposite of the Amestrian Winry. This creature before him couldn't even be Winry's Earth copy.
"Sorry" Ed said shortly, letting her arm drop. The girl hastened away from the strange man and was soon swallowed by the crowd. Disappointment was a knife repeatedly stabbing into the Elric brother's chest as he made his way back to the apartment. Had his dreams overtaken his mind so much that he thought people who bore the slightest resemblances to Winry were the real thing?
And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
"Ohayo Izumi-sensei." Winry inclined her head and sat opposite of Ed's old teacher. Winry was angry, throwing up a mask of rage to to keep the sorrow locked inside.
"Izumi-sensei," Winry began, staring off into the distance. "I want to know... I want to know about everything. I want to know about alchemy; I want to know about life; I want to know about that damn Gate!" Winry's fist collided harshly with the ground. "What is it? Ed mentions in his notes that it's the source of alchemy, and it's sometimes called the Gates of Life, but I can't translate any more than that! I'm not some alchemist freak, I'm a automail freak. I deal with things that are real, things that can be fixed when broken. This.." Winry shook her head slowly from side to side. "I do not see how this can be fixed."
Winry fell silent, lost in her own musings. A butterfly with gold spangled wings caught her eye, and she followed its fluttering path as it dipped and soared in the air. The Rockabell woman thought of how it must have laid dormant, wrapped in a chrysalis, for many days before hatching. Days of its life had slipped by while it endured its forced sessile state. The wait must have been worth it though. It was equivalent exchange: imprisonment for the chance to later spread wings and fly. She was likewise trapped in her own cocoon. Risembool no longer felt like her home; it had become more of a jail house. When would she get her wings so she could fly away?
"What is equivalent exchange?" Winry asked aloud. Her voice was soft, and her eyes still trailed the butterfly. "I suppose a better question would be, why do we have the law of equivalent exchange? From what I have seen of the world what you give is not always what you get. Edward gave his life for Al. In exchange, Al got his body back, but he had no memories of all their adventures. How is that fair? One boy, full of knowledge and memories, in return for one who has no recollection of years past?
"Maybe it's because Ed didn't really die," Winry continued her train of thought. "Because he gained a life somewhere else, somewhere beyond the gate. I know he's alive now." Her eyes filled with intensity, and her voice took on a challenging tone. "I know he's alive, because he came back. He came back and then left right away, with no time to say good bye. If he survived once then he survived the way back. I know Ed; he wouldn't give up without a fight!" The clearing rang with the echo of Winry's proclamation. She trembled slightly but refused to give in to her weaker emotions.
"If he's alive," she continued in normal tones, "Then I can't give him up. Perhaps it would be better if I knew he had died. I could accept it and move on. Instead I am left in limbo, knowing that he is there but unable to go to him."
"Is it something terrible?" This was a few minutes later. Winry had taken a moment to collect herself and shove down the fire she felt scorching her throat. She had decided to leave the topic of Ed for now. It was causing her too much pain to think of him.
"The Gate I mean. Wrath was deathly afraid of it, but survived for many years in there. But I've read things about that gate. Awful tales. And Wrath," she glanced up, then went back to staring at the blade of grassed that she twisted between her fingers. "Wrath was a mess. It must have been horrible living in there to have made him as crazed as he was. Yet Ed wasn't raving when he came back" the woman swallowed. Here she was, stuck on Edward again.
"What am I missing?" she sighed frustratedly and put her fists to her forehead. Her eyes scrunched shut as she cried out, "What else is there hidden between the lines? What is the Gate? Where does it come from? Where does it go? How can Ed be alive? How can I get to Ed? How can I get to the Gate?" Winry looked up at the gravestone in front of her, searching it for answers she knew it didn't have.
But there - Winry's eyes paused and there was a hitch in her breath as shock numbed her senses.
There, in the smooth marble, was the reply to her question, written in flowing calligraphy: Death is but a gateway into the next life.
Winry was frozen, sitting in front of Izumi Curtis's grave in the middle of the cemetery. White lilies tied in a fancy red bow lay at her side, forgotten as soon as she arrived.
"Izumi-san" Winry drew in a shaky breath. She remained a moment more, quivering on the balls of her feet, before darting off into the darkening night.
"Arigatou" the wind carried her whisper among the graves. "Arigatou."
In her room, Winry though back to the words on Izumi's grave. They had been troubling her all the way home. The gate, other worlds, the link between Amestris and elsewhere. If Ed had gone to live somewhere else after he transmuted himself to bring Al back the first time, is that where he went the second time he left too? Is that where the airship had come from? Could she get there? Winry thought over this, and closed her eyes. She searched deep down inside, trying to find some kind of sense that would tell her where Ed was. She felt something strong, and warm. Her love. Her love for the Fullmetal Alchemist tied her to him despite all time and space between them.
"Oh Ed" Winry murmured, grasping onto that hope. "Why can't you come back? You did once, why can't you do it again? I miss you, I need you. Life doesn't seem as bright without you here. How could you come back only to leave right away? How could you leave me?" tears choked her last words and streamed from her eyes.
"No!" she said suddenly. Her blue eyes opened and were blazing with a fury. "I don't want to cry anymore! I don't want to be sad anymore! I want to be with you Ed! Why can't I?!"
She snatched up a book and threw it at the door. It fell down and opened to a random page. Winry could see a diagram of an intricate circle. Funny, that one looked similar to the one drawn on the floor of the underground city she found Ed in . . .
Thoughts swirled disjointed in her head. The Gate. Connection between worlds. Ed was alive. He went back. He was fine. He can't come home. Life is nothing without Ed. Death is but the gateway into the next life.
"Why can't I?" she repeated herself quietly, thoughts coming together. She moved to the door and took the book in hand, eyes searching her desk for a piece of chalk amid the rags and mechanical parts. She found some, and cleared space on her floor. Winry began to draw what she saw in the book, numb to what she was actually doing. All she knew was that Ed had to be alive and the life she had now was not worth living. The risk was worth it.
The diagram complete, Winry put the alchemy book aside and stepped into the circle. She took the chalk and traced a shaky circle that was a replica of the one on the floor onto her chest. Again, she reached inside herself for her connection to Ed. The one that would always be there, no matter what. She dragged it up to the surface, letting his face come to rest in her mind's eye. She felt the tingle of energy and love course through her body. Slowly, she clapped her hands together as she had seen done so many times before and knelt to the ground.
"Please," Winry whispered. "Please work". Her hands touched the cold wood.
Instantly, the circle she sat in lit up and a mysterious wind puled at her hair. Slowly, ever so slowly, she clapped her hands together for one last time. Winry felt as if she was viewing herself from somewhere else, for she had no conscious thought of what she was now doing. Her arms extended out then folded in on themselves. Her hands quivered, waiting, until she pressed them to her chest, sealing them over her heart. The wind howled and the brightness of the lines became so great that they merged together to create a field of light. When her hair settled and the light was not so blinding, Winry opened her eyes.
A large gate stood in a setting of white. It was vast, iron, and foreboding. Winry stared at it, her expression non-pulsed, but her heart hammering in her chest betrayed her true emotions as the doors swung open, eerily silent for ones so ancient. This was the Gate of Truth, the source of all alchemical knowledge. The place Ed had assumedly gone after sacrificing himself.
At the thought of Ed a spark of the old Winry returned to the blond woman. "If Ed could get through here to the other side," she thought adamantly, "then so can I. But," Winry suddenly hesitated. What about Granny? What about Den? The customers? Gracia and Elysia? What about her life in Amestris? Could she really give up the life she had led since a girl for the small chance that she could be with Edward again? A risk that would probably mean death?
Winry thought of her past, but then her mind turned to the future. Sure she had family and friends but how happy was she right now? She barely talked to her grandmother, and never went out of Risembool. Her life was centered around automail. Automail and pinning for Ed. And what happened when Granny died? It would just be her tending to the shop, living alone. That decided it. Leaving no more time for dubious thoughts to enter her head, Winry marched forward into the darkness. The gate doors swung closed and master mechanic, Winry of Risembool, was no more.
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
"Suko!" Ed slammed his fists on the ground of his bed room. His actions smeared the chalk lines he had drawn on the floor.
"It didn't work," he thought bitterly. "It did at Thule Head Quarters but not here. What did I expect to do anyway? Go and leave Al for Winry? Or somehow bring her back here? Impossible. What ever happened to logical Ed?" he seethed to himself.
"Nii-san?" Al's uncertain voice filtered through the cracks around the door.
"I'm fine" Ed growled, scuffing out the rest of the alchemy circle.
"You know," Al hesitated, unsure of what to say to his distraught brother. "You know she won't blame us for leaving. Winry cared about us a lot; she cared about you a lot. She would understand." Alphonse waited outside his brother's closed door to see if he would get a response. Al missed Winry as well but apparently not as much as Edward did. He assumed his brother's cry just now had something to do with their friend from Amestris.
"I know," Edward whispered, his head bowed and bangs hiding his mournful face. He had spoken so softly however that Al didn't hear him,
"She used to talk about you" Al went on, talking to the door. "She would ask if I remembered anything from our journeys together. I didn't, so she would tell me tales about what we did. It was unreal hearing those stories; I couldn't believe that I too had been on those adventures. When ever Winry spoke of you, she would wear a bittersweet smile and get a far off look in her eye. We really missed you brother, and she probably still does."
Al remained silent for a while before leaving his brother alone. Ed let his younger brother's words sink in. He didn't want Winry to be sad because of him. She had already shed so many tears on his behalf. He just wanted her to be happy. Was she happy? Or did she miss him as much as he missed her?
"Winry." The sob was wrenched from his throat and tears carved a path down his cheek. He began shaking, trying to repress his emotions.
"You're the great Full Metal Alchemist!" he chided himself. "What are you doing on the ground? Get up and look for a way to solve this!"
"I am no longer an Alchemist!" Ed raged back. "I'm just Edward Elric, nothing more. What can I do?"
This truth hit him hard, and desperate to leave reality behind, Ed stood and left the apartment.
He was back on the streets of Munich, walking aimlessly amid the crowds.
"Why was I so stupid before?" he grieved silently. "Why couldn't I have seen how much she meant to me before I went through the gate? Why did I have to be the hero and bring that ship back here?"
"How am I going to live?" was his next thought. Monotonously. Slowly. Bleakly. Poor Al, he would be so worried about him. But the light of the future had dimmed to a teasing shine, one that could hardly illuminate his life.
"Hey! Move it!" the angry voice came from ahead of him.
"Sorry, sir. Could you please tell me where I am?" a quavering voice answered.
"Are you crazy girl? Maybe you should go back to the institute you came from" someone else sneered.
"I'm not crazy!" the woman's voice returned, angry but distraught sounding.
Ed jerked his head up, ready to yell at the bastards for harassing whoever it was. He looked to where the commotion was coming from and saw a young woman being buffeted side to side by the mass of people around her. Her blond hair was falling loose its clip and her blue eyes were wide with panic. She was wearing a brown coat over a white shirt and plain brown slacks. Ed jerked to a halt in mid step and was almost pushed over by the people behind him. Their grumbling never reached his ears. It was as if they were filled with cotton, deaf to the noise around him. All of his attention was focus on the wayward girl who was still looking for a friendly face.
She must have felt his stare. for she turned around and met his gaze.
You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?
"Edward?"
"Winry?"
And there you have it!