C H O S E N

The Insane Works of Dani aka Pandora147

8. The Space Between

It had been less than a day and a half earlier that Gabriella's world had been turned upside turn.

Somehow, it felt like a lot longer.

On Monday night, she was staring at her ceiling. She was now regretting telling Troy to not worry about sneaking over. She'd clung to him the night before, absolutely certain that she couldn't have made it through the night without his support. However that night, she'd been insistent that she had to sleep alone and not form a habit of relying upon the comfort of his warm, muscular body holding her tight.

Gabriella used to love sleeping. Her bedroom had once been a place of comfort and warmth. Where she could escape from the worries and stresses of life; where she could be tucked up among her comforter and fall into a peaceful slumber away from dramas. Her bedroom was filled with good memories – she could glance around and see photos of her friend and family adorning the walls and bookshelves; she could look at the balcony door and practically envisage Troy standing there.

Her bedroom wasn't quite as comforting any more. It didn't feel quite as sheltered from the problems of the world. And it was in her bedroom two nights earlier that she'd had nightmares – which hadn't exactly been filled with blood and gore, but there was something intrinsically creeping and foreboding about them.

Gabriella had good hearing on a bad day. In the still of the night when she was wide awake and her senses were ultra heightened with thoughts of the last couple of nights – she practically had super sonic hearing. And there was a definite sound out on her balcony. Her decorative curtains didn't block the view of the balcony, and peering out there, she couldn't see anything.

She reached out onto her bedside table, immediately clutching at her cell phone. There was another sound, and Gabriella sensed the slightest of movements outside.

"Troy?!" Gabriella hissed.

Gabriella clutched at her phone a little tighter, her finger now hovering above the number 1, ready to speed dial Troy if necessary.

"Troy?" she hissed once more, more insistently. "If you're trying to be funny, this is really not the time for it."

Gabriella reached under her pillow, groping for the stake which she'd cautiously placed there. She seized the piece of wood and, body shaking, made her way out of bed, the side furthest from the balcony.

"It's just the wind, just the wind, just the wind," Gabriella murmured under her breath, as she crept across the room. Slowly, carefully, she reached out and grasped onto the handle of the door, allowing it to open before she jumped back.

And then Buffy came into view.

"I hope I didn't wake you up," Buffy said anxiously. "I just thought you might still be awake and…"

"I was awake; but you just scared the crap out of me!" Gabriella exclaimed.

Buffy gestured at the stake in Gabriella's hand. "You do realise that if I'd been a vampire, I couldn't have come in, anyway?"

"You could've thrown a rock at my window and then shot me or something though," Gabriella said darkly. She stood back, as if to allow Buffy to come in, but then hesitated. "Umm… how do I know that maybe you aren't a vampire? Like… you might've been turned on your way here…"

Buffy smirked. "I admire your caution, however given that I'm wearing a cross as a necklace that is unlikely. And also, just to prove it to you…" Buffy walked straight in. "You didn't verbalise the invite, and I entered anyway. So, your boyfriend comes in through there huh? That tree is pretty handy."

Gabriella blushed. "Not all the time. But my mom is a pretty heavy sleeper so…"

She gestured for Buffy to take a seat wherever she wanted. Buffy perched on Gabriella's bed, the younger slayer sitting at her desk chair.

"Are you out… patrolling?" Gabriella asked, almost stumbling over the world.

Buffy nodded. "Yes. I was out for a little while and just made my way over in this area and thought I might drop by. I uh… I guess I wanted to apologise about tonight."

"Apologise?" Gabriella asked, eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"With… Spike. And everything. It wasn't exactly as productive of an evening as I would have hoped," Buffy lamented.

"Oh! That's not your fault. I don't really understand any of it, but I know it's not your fault," Gabriella said, surprised that Buffy had even apologised.

"I um… it's very complicated, the whole thing," Buffy said. "To explain it to you properly would really take forever. But I guess I wanted to tell you the short version myself. Truthfully, I don't think we should have to tell you anything, but I have no doubt that Xander and Giles will express their opinions to you and I'd rather tell you myself, since it's my story to tell."

"You don't have to tell me," Gabriella said. "I… I know that Troy was a little intense tonight, demanding to have things explained. He's very… he needs to know what's going on. In our social circle, he's like the central figure and it's never him who is kept out of the loop. That's why he's being so involved in all this and is trying to understand as much as he can – even the stuff that maybe isn't his place to understand."

"I know I don't have to tell you. Truthfully, I kinda want to talk about it. For so many reasons that I wouldn't know where to begin in explaining, neither Giles or Xander are exactly people I can talk to about Spike. And Dawn… I love her dearly, but there are some things that I just don't feel comfortable discussing with her in detail."

"Okay…" Gabriella said slowly.

"I won't lie to you, Spike was once upon a time evil. He was once, well, you could say a rival of mine. Almost killed each other more than once. Uh… we then wound up with… a common enemy," Buffy said tactfully.

"Why do I get the feeling that when you say this is a short version, it's more like a really, really, really, really, really, really, really short version," Gabriella remarked.

Buffy forced a smile. "Because it is. I just summarised a year of my life into a few sentences."

"Okay. That's fine. So you had a common enemy?"

Buffy nodded. "And we formed what I suppose you could call a tentative cease fire, to fight the common enemy together. He was… defeated. And Spike left town. He came back once the following year, during my senior year, caused some mayhem but in comparison to some of his actions the year before, it was nothing. Then during my first year in college, at UC Sunnydale, Spike returned again. Our first major encounter was potentially deadly but we both escaped alive."

"Obviously."

"Okay… here is where it gets complicated. Right. There is a branch of the government who is aware of supernatural activity," Buffy said.

"Really?!" Gabriella asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yes. They treat it very different – they treat it in a more scientific manner. Long story short, at the time, they had this undercover scientific military operation going on in Sunnydale, it was called The Initiative. They were using specially trained military agents to capture vampires and other demons, and were then performing scientific tests upon them. They were trialling a behaviour modification chip – basically, they would capture them, and then implant this chip into their brains which made it so that if the vampire or demon had the intent of hurting a human and hit them or kicked them or whatever, they would experience an overwhelming sensation of pain."

"That seems… I can't believe I'm saying this, but that seems really, really wrong," Gabriella said with a frown. "It's like those things that some people put on dogs, so they get an electric shock if they bark."

Buffy nodded. "Exactly. I agree. Anyway… so… again, long story short, Spike was captured, he had one of these chips implanted, and then he actually managed to break out – and being the… well, the moron that he is, he came to us for asylum. We begrudgingly gave it to him, mainly because we wanted to find out more about The Initiative. He was crashing at Giles' place, then at Xander's, and then he basically was living in a run down old crypt in one of the graveyards, he fixed it up with furniture and everything. Spike was struggling not being able to fight – its in the vampires nature to fight, to be violent. And so he wound up fighting demons, and helping us out randomly. This continued for a while, and then gradually he became more involved because he wanted to be, rather than just because he was bored and needed something to do."

"Why?" Gabriella asked.

"Uh… okay. Evidently he developed feelings for me. Anyway. I then went through a… a bad patch. The world nearly ended – again – and uh… anyway. More glossing over details there. I wasn't in a great place and… Spike and I were… involved for a while. It possibly could have been healthy but it just took a bad turn and we both did things that we wound up regretting. And Spike left Sunnydale… in search of a soul. For…"

"For you?" Gabriella asked.

Buffy nodded, looking a little uncomfortable. "I feel conceited saying it but… yes."

"So, in this context, the soul is like… a conscience?" Gabriella asked.

Buffy nodded. "Basically, yeah. It's more complex I think, but I don't really get it completely. I just know… I've known and experienced two vampires both in the state with and without a soul. In Spike's case… he wanted a soul. He actively sought it out. Before he had his soul, in so many ways, he was a fighter; in so many ways he supported me and helped me to get through times that I wouldn't have gotten through without him. But with his soul… he was a champion."

"The champion that you loved," Gabriella said knowingly. "Or… is it love?"

Buffy sighed. "I should be so mad at him. We've got so much history… and for him to not tell me that he was back? It just… it feels like he was disrespecting everything we'd been through, how far we'd come. And for a few moments tonight, I was furious, beyond furious. But then… he just gets this look on his face. Maybe he fucked up but… I know that it was with good intent. I still see that way that he looks at me, that hasn't changed. And somehow… its like he gets a get out of jail free card or something."

"Were you ever together? Properly?"

"What like… going on dates and being a 'couple'?" Buffy asked incredulously, and Gabriella nodded. Buffy snorted. "Um. No."

"Would you want to?"

"Spike and I will never be normal. Couldn't be. He's a vampire – sure he has a soul, but he's a vampire. He can't walk in the sunlight, he can't reproduce, he drinks blood. People wouldn't approve, they…"

"That's it, isn't it? The people? Seriously, who cares what people think?"

Buffy exhaled. "It's complicated. I'm… I'm a role model, I…." Buffy stopped midsentence, interrupting herself. "No. That's not it at all. I don't care what people think, not usually, not if I'm adamant about how I'm feeling. It's as though with Spike, we haven't had the time to explore it. I think on a certain level, I'm afraid of exploring it. I'm afraid because everyone might be right. But I'm also afraid because everyone might be wrong."

"I know it's not exactly the same but… I kinda get it. I mean, according to what society says, Troy and I shouldn't be together. I'm the geeky math girl, he's the star basketball player. When I first met him, God knows that there was a lot of pressure from our friends to keep us apart, a hundred reasons why we shouldn't be going out. But despite all that – there was just this feeling somewhere deep inside that suspected that it was going to be the most amazing thing that could happen to me. Maybe it could have blown up, but at least I tried. I was lucky, it turned out well, better than well, amazingly."

"Better to have loved and lost…" Buffy mused.

"Precisely."

"I'm sorry, I'm totally unloading all this on you and I hardly even know you."

"Sometimes its good to vent to someone you don't know. It's like therapy."

"I like therapy," Buffy mused. "I had a therapy session once – sure it was with a guy who I went to high school with who'd been killed and turned into a vamp and he was a psych student. But it was therapy. It was interesting."

Gabriella let out a slight yawn. "I have a feeling I'm going to need therapy once I've been involved in this crazy world for a while."

"Ooohhh yeah. You totally will," Buffy agreed. "I know it all seems pretty scary but… there are moments where it's just the most rewarding thing you can do in the world. When you save someone's life, when you actually play a part in making the world safer – it makes it all worthwhile."

Buffy rose from the bed. "I'll let you sleep. I forget that you're not used to the whole, nocturnal thing like me. You'll get there, eventually. By the way, you should practice coming in and out of this balcony, it's gonna be really handy for when you have to go out patrolling after curfew."

Gabriella's eyes widened. "Are you being serious?"

Buffy nodded. "As a heart attack."

"Hey Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

"If you see Spike out patrolling, what are you going to do?"

Buffy sighed. "Don't know yet."

"You know, my father once gave me some really great advice. He said 'Carpe Diem.' Do you know what that means?"

Buffy gave the younger slayer a small smile. "Yes. I do. It means seize the day."

"Right."

"Sometimes seizing isn't the right thing to do," Buffy said.

"Sometimes it is though. Sometimes you won't know unless you try."

"Seize the day," Buffy murmured to herself, as she wandered through the cemetery. "So the advice failed for me once. But maybe it'll be different this time. Maybe…"

"Maybe you shouldn't be talking to yourself as you patrol through the cemetery, Pet. Makin' yourself a target for all the nasties out there, is what you are."

Buffy knew that voice anywhere. She turned around, a slight smile upon her face. "Some things never change, huh?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's just like the good old days. Except since then, you've gone to Africa, gotten your soul, we've saved the world from the biggest Apocalypse ever, you died, you've come back, and we're now here in Albuquerque, New Mexico – and you're still sneaking up behind me in cemeteries."

Spike grinned. "It's tradition, luv."

"You still have your jacket," Buffy observed, admiring the black leather which pooled around his thin frame.

"''s a remake. Not quite the same as the original, but has the same look."

"It looks the same to me."

"So what was this you were a-mutterin' 'bout when I snuck up on you? Seizing the day?" Spike asked.

Buffy took a breath. "Yes. About that. I uh…" she exhaled. "Oh, fuck it."

And in one swift movement, Buffy launched forward. The space between where she finished and he began dissolved, and their lips were united, bodies moulded together as they so perfectly did. It was a slow, passionate, lustful kiss, a kiss of longing, a kiss of want. Buffy so often in her life would analyse her decisions – it had been drilled into her since in her lift, spontaneous decisions had led to badness.

But Buffy had changed.

And sometimes, regardless of all the reasons to not do something – there is an innate, overpowering feeling inside which surpasses the wariness. A yearning within which demands that you simply must do something.

And in that moment, she had to kiss him. She had to feel his rough lips against hers; she wanted to feel the hardness of his gelled, platinum hair beneath her finger tips; she wanted to feel the contrast of his cool palms raking over her warm skin.

Spike pulled apart from her, both gasping for breath – Buffy out of necessity, Spike out of habit of emulating human mannerisms.

"Buffy…" he breathed, his hands still resting upon her slender waist. He pressed a tender kiss to her lips. "Oh Buffy…"

"This doesn't mean that I forgive you…" Buffy warned – and the tender kiss that he was leaning in to press to her again was withheld.

"What does it mean then? That you want me?" Spike asked with a frown.

Buffy shook her head. "No… although, I do. But the kiss means... well… the kiss means that I miss you."

"I can deal with that."

The following morning, Gabriella and Troy greeted their friends out the front of the school and she then split away to drop a permission slip for an excursion to one of her teachers. She realised she was busting to go to the bathroom, and there was then a queue in the restroom, and she absentmindedly took a wrong turn in the hallway on her way to homeroom – and then the bell rang and she was late – an offense punishable by death in the hallowed classroom of Ms. Darbus.

The door was already closed. Gabriella grasped at the handle to yank the door open – and the handle broke off in her hand. Ms. Darbus had heard the noise at the door and had looked up to see Gabriella peering through the glass window, and strode over to the door.

"Ms. Montez!" she barked. "You are late! And… What is that?"

"Err… it's the door handle, Ms. Darbus," Gabriella said sheepishly. "It broke when I opened the door."

"Detention for being tardy!" Ms. Darbus declared.

"But Ms. Darbus…"

"Do not argue with me! Now give me the door handle and sit down!"

Gabriella pouted but nevertheless handed over the handle to Ms. Darbus and made her way to her seat at the back.

She had a feeling that it was going to be a terrible day.

"How long could it possibly take for Buffy to run to wherever it is that Spike is staying and bring him back here?" Xander said lowly to Giles, not wanting Dawn to overhear his comment.

Giles sighed. "Perhaps she got lost."

"Perhaps they got distracted," Xander said, rolling his eyes.

"Look, we knew it was only going to be a matter of time before she found out he was back. At least this way, we're here to watch and see how it goes," Giles pointed out.

"Yes, we're doing such great watching right now. Why didn't one of us go with her?"

"This is Buffy, Xander, you and I know very well that she wasn't going to let one of us go with her."

"She's been doing so well! I just can't help but think that Spike is going to be this huge set back for her."

Giles paused. "She's been pretending to be doing well. In reality… I don't think she was dealing with her grief very well. I almost wonder if on a certain level she felt as though she was lacking a feeling of finality. Intuitively knowing that he was around."

"Oh please, she had no idea whatsoever, she fainted for crying out loud!"

"On a different level, I'm talking Xander, subconsciously," Giles said patiently.

"Can't you two just stop ragging Buffy for two minutes."

Xander and Giles looked up sheepishly to see Dawn standing in the doorway.

"Dawnster. We uh, thought you were asleep," Xander said sheepishly.

"I was. Until you two came in here and started gossipping like girls about my sister. Why would you come and do it in here when you could be talking in your room across the hallway,"

"Well all the research is in here," Giles said, as though this justified the fact.

Dawn sighed. "I know neither of you like it, but here's a newsflash about my sister – she loves Spike. She's never going to have this 'normal' life that everyone says she should be trying to. Why not let her just enjoy the life that she has? Besides, who cares if she's making a mistake? That's her prerogative to make that mistake."

Gabriella had volunteered to assist the drama club with their fundraising efforts which were taking place that lunch time. A part of her wanted to bail, but since she was in Ms. Darbus' bad books at the moment she knew it was best that she adhere to the commitment she'd made. The Wildcats had all moved out to the quad, as Gabriella, Ryan and Kelsi were all directly assisting with the refreshment stall that was set up. There was a slushie machine – with red and blue the two flavours available – which Gabriella was manning; a bake sale which Ryan was overseeing; leaving Kelsi with the soft serve ice cream machine.

The bright side was that Gabriella had 'accidentally' made a raspberry slushie – and not wanting to put it to waste, had stuck a straw in and proceeded to drink it herself.

A pair of warm arms wrapped around her from behind.

"Drinking the merchandise, are you Miss Montez?" Troy's teasing voice murmured into her ear.

Gabriella nodded happily. "I love slushies."

"You're so adorable," Troy said.

"Do you want some?" she asked, holding up her cup to him.

Troy sucked a little out of the straw, smiling as the sweet flavour hit his tastebuds.

"It's even better because your cherry lip gloss is on the straw," he said with a laugh.

He went to take another sip, but Gabriella held the cup away. "Nuh-uh, you have to buy one. They're only a dollar."

"A dollar? You want me to fork over a whole dollar?" Troy asked incredulously.

"I'll put on a fresh coat of lip gloss and suck on the straw, if you like," Gabriella teased.

"I can think of something I'd rather you sucked on," Troy murmured coyly.

"Troy!" Gabriella gasped.

"Sorry. I'm in a mood."

"I gathered that earlier, when you kept grabbing my ass during free period."

"You're my girlfriend, I think a little ass gropage is permitted."

"In the library?"

Troy grinned. "Okay. Go on, make my slushie."

"Raspberry?"

"Yes please. And I'm just going to buy a cookie as well."

Gabriella nodded and turned to the machine, grabbing a cup and placing it beneath the requisite nozzle. She pulled the handle.

And for the second time that day, the handle remained in her hand.

While the raspberry slushie liberally poured into the cup.

Gabriella's eyes widened, and she quickly attempted to fasten the handle back on, without any luck.

"Shit!" she swore, as she was twisting and trying to bash the handle back into place.

Meanwhile Troy's cup had filled, and the slushie was pouring over the edge. Gabriella yelped and grabbed at a spare cup. The slushie was pouring out more rapidly than it had been.

"Help!" she cried, and began to look around for an 'off' button, as was still trying to screw the nozzle back into place.

Gabriella grabbed at a third cup as the second also began to overflow, changing them over.

"Woah!" Troy exclaimed rushing over. "I said one slushie for me thanks babe," he joked.

"Troy! Help me! It won't stop!" Gabriella exclaimed.

"Pull out the extension cord!"

"Huh?"

Troy pointed to where there was a lead going from a nearby outdoor power outlet to the machine.

"Oh!"

Gabriella yanked at the cord – and the machine promptly stopped operating as the third cup began to overflow.

"What happened?" Troy asked.

Without speaking a word, Gabriella held up the handle.

"Oh shit… oh Spike…" Buffy moaned.

Spike had magic hands. Whether they were performing an act of violence or an act of love, they were genius hands. And as his nimble fingers were stroking gentle ministrations upon Buffy's bare breasts, there was no doubting that he knew exactly what he was doing.

"Fuck Buffy… so good…" Spike's panted response came, responding equally well to her kneading of his buttocks with the occasional graze of the index finger over his perineum.

One thing was certain.

Buffy couldn't care less what Xander and Giles thought of her behaviour.

Troy had put his plan into play at lunch time. After the incident with the slushie machine, Gabriella had patiently put the handle back on – Troy standing and covering the view from curious onlookers, she was able to shove the handle in with oomph when she wasn't freaking out and rushing it. She'd then refused to have anything to do with it, deciding that she would just go sulk in the library. Zeke had kind heartedly offered to take over. Troy was going to rush after his girlfriend, but it was almost time for the second last period of the day – final period was drama, after which Gabriella was being kept back for her twenty minute detention.

His plan worked perfectly. Ms. Darbus operated according to clock work. She would begin the lesson by outlining the material they were covering that day, and then five minutes into class she would move onto her cell phone lecture. Regardless of whether she was leading a homeroom, substituting for an absent teacher, overseeing a study hall or teaching a class of her own – she would embark upon the cell phone lecture. And of course, the worst possible time for someone to break the cell phone code was during or immediately after that lecture.

Seven minutes into drama class, Troy's cell phone began to ring.

"WHOSE CELL PHONE IS THAT?!"

Troy made a show out of slowly pull it from his pocket and fumbling around to mute the ringing

"Bolton! You have been in my drama class for a year and a half. You have been in my homeroom for three and a half years. Do you or do you now know what my position on cell phone usage is?!" Ms. Darbus demanded.

"Uh, you don't like them much, do you?" Troy commented.

"DETENTION!" Ms. Darbus shouted. "I'll see you after school. There is some gum that needs to be scraped from some chairs in the auditorium."

Troy could hear his friends snickering behind him, but he dared to take a quick glance back at Gabriella. The frown which had been on her face was now a small smile – knowing that he'd planned to get detention to be with her.

'Thank you,' Gabriella mouthed.

Troy winked and shot her a smile, before turning back around to face Ms. Darbus – he was willing to face the wrath of one afternoon of detention for his girlfriend, but he wasn't going to risk having that extended to a whole week.

Unless Gabriella broke another door handle and was sentenced to a week's detention. Then he might have to organise for his cell to go off again.

As for Gabriella - she was smiling to herself thinking that maybe the day wasn't so terrible after all.