Soul Eater shorts: Life in the Scythe Apartment

One: Laundry

Upon moving in together, Soul and Maka lay down some rules for each other regarding duties. They would take turns doing certain chores, a sort of rotation, unless circumstances prevented them from doing so. Chores ranged from cooking meals (those rotated as well), to sweeping, to putting away items left out.

This, of course, included laundry. Soul had not been comfortable with the idea of them sharing laundry loads, let alone having them handle each other's undergarments. Maka didn't care, as she had had to do the laundry at her house previously, and that included her father's underwear, so Soul's was no surprise to her. Soul did eventually get used to it, to the point he could see any of her underwear and deal with it with no problems. Then again, he never saw her underwear whenever "that time of the month" showed up. Those, he found, would be miraculously hung up at some point with him having no recollection of tossing them in the washing machine. He decided that mentioning that, along with the size of her bra, was a forbidden topic.

Laundry duty and dinner duty interchanged. Maka didn't like to have huge piles of laundry lying around, so they washed pretty much everything they had worn the previous couple days. A particular day had Maka working on supper while Soul dealt with the laundry. The washing machine had finished and Soul was hanging clothes out on the balcony to dry. Maka had turned to set out plates when she noticed him pinning up her underwear to a couple hangers and moving to hang them out.

"Ah, Soul, could you hang those in my room instead, by the window?" she asked.

Soul paused and looked at her sceptically.

"…Why?"

Maka flushed a little, and turned back to stir something on the stove.

"I've heard there's a panty thief going around the city, and I don't want mine to be stolen."

Soul froze momentarily, remembering a conversation he had had with Black*Star earlier that day.

"So, what's this about a new training regiment?" he asked his egotistical friend, grinning.

Black*Star shrugged, which surprised the human scythe.

"Nothing much, really; Tsubaki kept getting angry that my training involved me sneaking into wherever she was bathing and failing miserably, so she said that I should try another training method that doesn't have me peeping on her."

Soul frowned at Black*Star's statement, silently agreeing with Tsubaki, but somehow thinking that the ninja weapon had unintentionally steered him into something even more foolish.

"And what does this so-called new training entail?"

Black*Star grinned like usual, which didn't soothe Soul's worries.

"Sorry, friend, but that's top secret! A good assassin can't always give away his plans!"

Black*Star taking the "laws of assassination" seriously in an everyday situation was never a good sign.

Soul's eyebrow twitched and he frowned.

"It doesn't seem like this will have a cool ending…" he muttered to himself. Maka seemed to catch his voice, as she looked up from dinner to look at him.

"Something wrong, Soul?"

Unsure of whether or not to tell his technician of the would-be assassin's possible new training method, Soul glanced off to the side. He decided that a concussion on his part would be better than having all the women (including Maka) chasing after Black*Star.

"Nah, just wondering what the hell kinda messed-up person would steal your underwear. I mean really, who wants to sniff pink teddy bear undies?" he stated simply, knowing the incoming pain.

Indeed, seconds later, the spine of a particularly thick book met Soul's cranium with excessive force. Maka growled menacingly, snatching the hanger away from her weapon.

"Fine, if you're gonna be a jerk about it, then I'll do it myself!" she snapped, storming off to her room.

Soul tried to ignore the smug smile Blair had on her furry face from the corner of the room. The cat had chosen to move in with them as a pet, much to Soul's chagrin.

"What are you smirking about?" he growled.

Blair gave a small giggle.

"Nothing..." the magical cat mewled melodically.

Soul snorted in return and moved back to the washing machine to hang up the rest of the clothes out. A sudden movement near the balcony then put him on high alert. He rushed to the door, thrusting it open and thrashing his head left and right to try and catch the culprit. However, who or whatever it was, they had disappeared. The scythe relaxed, realizing it was a false alarm. Sighing, he shut the door and shuffled back to his chores.

"Shut up Blair," he snarled as he walked by, knowing the cat still had a knowing smirk on her face.

As he went to return to the washing machine again, Soul smelled cooked food from the kitchen, and he noticed Maka hadn't returned from her room yet.

"Maka, food!" he called.

"Yeah, hold on! I'm setting up the window screen!" she replied. "Could you keep an eye on dinner for a bit?"

"Fine."

Starting towards the kitchen, Soul suddenly thought of what – or who, specifically – could have been on the balcony where the clothes were. He froze in place, calculating what was likely to happen next. His crimson eyes went wide as he thought of the only (and worst) possibility.

"Shit!" he swore under his breath, rushing to the stove to turn off what was on the stove (soup of some sort, apparently). "Maka!"

In her room, Maka was pounding in the last corner of the window screen. She frowned at hearing her partner call again, mistaking the apprehension in his voice about the state of dinner.

"Geez Soul, hold on! Are you really that incompetent at making soup?" she snapped, hanging her unmentionables near the newly-made anti-theft window as she turned to the door.

The blonde became confused when she heard the taller boy scramble around.

"No, it's not that, it's-!"

Maka frowned deeper when she noticed his hurried stumbling was coming towards her room. With the aim of adjusting the placement of her underwear and then going to check what put Soul in such a tizzy, she turned back to the window, only to find something – or someone – that wasn't there before.

Who greeted her behind the screen was none other than the ninja assassin with a god complex, Black*Star. He stood on the ledge that was below Maka's window, staring blankly at the other technician. Surprised, Maka stared back at him, unsure of what to make of the situation. Behind her, she heard Soul dash through her door and mutter "crap."

After a bit, Black*Star seemed to figure out what it was he needed, because he grinned widely. With little effort, he sliced through the wire screen with a small, hand-held blade, and while Maka was trying to figure out what was going on, he reached in and snatched a bra. Soul, still at the door way, went pale, knowing what fate was about to befall his foolish friend. He groaned, smacking his head with his palm and leaning against the doorframe.

"I know this wasn't going to be cool..." he mused aloud.

Seemingly unaware of the danger he was in, Black*Star inspected the stolen garment.

"Man this is tiny," he stated bluntly.

Soul stepped back slightly upon seeing Maka twitch. He eyed the large tome that happened to be within her reach, and then gazed at the unaware Black*Star. He sighed.

"Well, his funeral," he mumbled, standing by both to watch the spectacle about to unfold and in case of emergency.

Black*Star continued to look over the bra, not noticing Maka's hand inching towards the thick novel.

"Holy crap, it's padded too! You really are freakin' flat!"

The sound of Soul smacking his forehead was heard again.

"You f***ing moron..."

"Maaaaaakaaaaaaaa..."

The shorter boy finally seemed to realize his surroundings, as he looked up to see Maka hunched over and a book in her hand. He frowned, not reading the mood.

"What's her problem?"

Maka snapped.

"CHOP!!!"

With lightning-fast reflexes, Maka swung her book at Black*Star with the aim of giving him a not-so-mild concussion.

"Yikes!" he yelped, moving back in time to have only the top of the book nick his nose. "Shit! Paper cuts hurt!"

He leapt down, attempting to make a quick escape. Maka went to follow him out the window, only to have Soul stop her by way of grabbing her waist.

"Hold on Maka! Don't leap out the window!"

"Let go Soul and let me murder him!" Maka snarled ferociously, attempting to get out of Soul's hold. Her vision was red with rage.

Her will to kill Black*Star was overpowering Soul enough to start dragging him towards the window. In any other situation, Soul was sure he would have admired this, but he needed to give Black*Star a chance at life.

Hey, hey, hey, slow down!" he replied, pulling her back as much as he could. "Man, this is a whole other kind of insanity!"

"Fine, Plan B!"

Maka suddenly pulled out a sports whistle. Soul, confused frowned.

"What the-"

As Soul muttered those words, Maka took a deep breath and blew into the whistle as hard and loud as she could. Soul's ears rang and he let go of the petite girl to cover them.

"Shit, what the hell, Maka?!"

His meister ignored him and went on with her 'plan'. Taking another deep breath, she leaned out the window.

"AFTER BLACK*STAR!!!" she shouted.

Hearing once again damaged, Soul struggled to stand up again and look out the window. He watched as lights turned on around the city, as well as several windows open with curious heads peeking out. Soon, his eyes almost bulged out of their sockets as a huge mob of women made its way down the street, smaller crowds joining as they left various buildings and alleyways. At the front, he spotted Liz and Patti.

"I'm gonna kill that bastard ninja!" he heard Liz shout furiously.

"Kill him, kill him!" Patti cheered happily, finding enjoyment out of the violence about to ensue.

Soul sweatdropped nervously.

"I must say, he must be good if he's stolen from that many women..."

"Yeah right," Maka snorted. "A good chunk of these women just think he needs to be stopped because he's an enemy to all women."

"Does Tsubaki know about all this?" Soul asked as Maka turned towards the bedroom door.

"Nope. She's aware of the panty thief, but it's just been officially proven Black*Star's the culprit. She'd probably try to spare him from the fate that's about to befall him."

"A-Ah..."

Soul followed Maka out of her room. He spotted the cooling soup on the stove as Maka took off her apron and grabbed her coat.

"Where're you going?" he questioned.

"To help, of course! I need to get my bra back and bash his skull in for calling me flat!" Maka replied sharply, clearly irritated. She slid her arms through the sleeves of her coat, turning back to her roommate. "Keep dinner warm; I shouldn't be gone long."

"Uh, sure...have fun."

A wicked grin that reminded him of when Maka was insane spread across her face. Soul felt nervous, despite not being the target of the incoming torture.

"Oh, I will."

With that, she went out the door. Soul looked over at Blair was still watching with amusement.

"Aren't you going too? You may be a cat, but you seem to love being human and wearing ridiculous clothing."

"I don't mind having my underwear stolen, nya. It means someone appreciates it," the cat purred. "Speaking of which..."

"Oh no, don't you transform; Maka's ticked off enough as it is!" Soul warned.

Blair pouted, but decided her favourite 'playmate' was most fun alive.

Surely enough, about half-an-hour later, Maka arrived back at the shared apartment. When Soul looked up from the TV to ask how the 'thief hunt' went, he noticed his technician seemed worse-for-wear. However, the satisfied smile on her face told him not to pay any mind to her somewhat haggard appearance.

"...You didn't actually all kill him, did you?" he asked carefully.

"Nope. Something a lot worse," Maka chirped, shrugging off her coat and heading to the kitchen. "Did you eat already?"

"Nah, decided to wait. As fast as Black*Star is, I was sure with that many women after him he would have to leave Death City to not get caught. Besides, when you say you won't be long, you usually keep your word."

"I'm glad you have such faith in me," Maka giggled, reaching into the fridge for the milk and a fish. "Blair, food!"

"Here, I'll get the soup," Soul offered. He stood from the couch, turning off the TV. Keeping an eye out for Blair as she scampered by for her dinner, he shuffled over to the kitchen and picked up the pot carefully. As he ladled the hot liquid into their individual bowls, he turned the subject back to the takedown of Black*Star's panty thief career. "So...what's this 'worse punishment' you mentioned?"

Soul definitely didn't like how Maka's demeanour brightened further as he put the side dishes on the table, placing a cork pad on the table to the place the pot on.

"Oh, we just tied him up and put him on Doctor Stein's front step, with a note saying that he was free to be experimented with. Of course, he wasn't put there undamaged; us girls have a lot of stress to deal with. It's not good for our skin, really. He makes for a great stress-reliever, you know!" she practically sang, sitting down. "There was also a note for Doctor Stein to be as creative as possible in trampling Black*Star's ego. Expect to see something very satisfying tomorrow morning."

While he didn't say anything, Soul silently felt sorry for Black*Star. In the distance, he could swear he could hear his friend's horrified screams.

The next day, everyone stared at the sight that had presented itself. Black*Star was hanging above the main entrance not unlike when he had attempted to cheat on the test. However, this time he had marks that looked like stitches in random places alongside many bruises and cuts. And instead of being hung by his shirt, he was being hung by his boxers (printed with his signature), which was the only thing he was wearing. Above him, in red paint (it was too bright to be blood), the words "Poetic Justice" were blazoned.

Soul stared incredulously, noting the satisfied smiles of the girls around campus (except for Tsubaki's distressed expression), including that of his meister.

"Hm...I like it!" Maka mused happily. "That looks like Liz's handwriting, though...she must have come early to add to the satisfaction."

Soul vowed to never make himself an enemy of women. And, needless to say, few panty thieves dared to appear in Death City after that.

(Dark: hoo-boy...that one got away from me. I seriously didn't think it would get so long. But I had so many things that I wanted to get done in this one short, that it turned out like this. Anyway, I hope you guys all like it. I've been on such a Soul Eater high as of recently. I love the characters and how they interact. But my favourites by far are Soul and Maka...especially when they're together, if you know what I mean. But Black*Star's great too; I can't help but wonder how in the world Tsubaki puts up with him. Nonetheless, this concludes this particular short. I have another one and its omake (which also started having a mind of its own, and ended up being longer than the short it was based on) pretty much finished. I have at least 6 total in mind, but it seems I can't remember what exactly I wanted to write for three of them...ah well, I'll take care of it when I get there. So I hope you enjoyed this silly little thing, and I would love a review or two! I don't mind constructive criticism either, as I dish it out whenever I can. See you next time!)

EDIT: (Dark: Oh! Forgot to mention. The timelines are all over the place; sometimes they'll be the same age as they are in the series (whatever that is), other times they'll be older. I'll try to be as close to canon as possible, as well as try to keep everyone mostly in character. In this particular one, it's set in the present timeline. Now off I go!)