Title : Vestiges of a Past Life

Author:ofphenwa

Rating : PG13

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

Vestiges of a Past Life

When Roxas, number XIII, was introduced to the Organization, Axel was immediately intrigued by the newcomer's flyaway blond hair and icy blue eyes. Even his taciturn personality struck a faint chime in his memory. Faint vestiges of a forgotten past life propelled Axel to form a relationship with XIII which he considered to be a friendship. Even so, it wasn't the same person who lived beyond the murky patch of pain and sadness. Axel found himself frowning at Roxas's too dark blond hair and too unfamiliar eyes when he wasn't paying attention to him. He was also embarrassed to in his awkward attempts to ruffle a head of blond hair that was shorter than he expected. Roxas neither minded nor questioned his actions but his inscrutable blue eyes followed Axel as if he knew why.

When Roxas made his decision to leave after the big discovery that he was the Nobody of the Keyblade wielder; Axel was surprised that he didn't feel as upset as he should. But then again, Nobodies weren't supposed to feel, right? Nevertheless, Axel was slightly sad to see his comrade (or should he say, friend?) leave and told Roxas so. He gave him a warning as a farewell present and let him go into the shadows. Roxas never looked back and Axel liked it that way.

When Axel discovered DiZ's plans for Roxas, he was angered that his friend was in danger and Roxas didn't even know it. In the digital fabrications of DiZ, he tried to take Roxas away but he had resisted; blue eyes looking at him in anger, confusion and fear. A similiar situation arose in his mind's eye and he saw a flash of vacant blue eyes and a non-resisting body. He faltered for a crucial moment and Roxas escaped. Axel felt nauseous and inexplicably more upset and angered with his failure than he should be. Vases of flowers spontaneously combusted for days afterwards and Marluxia would have shrieked his ears off if he was still around. Heh.

Easily bored, Axel often travelled to other worlds to sate his adrenalin junkie and maintain a facade of searching for Roxas at the same time. Once he had arrived in a world that had been devastated by a natural disaster few years ago. For some reason, a town in this world, Gongaga, felt like home and Axel stayed for a long time. One day, dressed in the local clothes to blend in, Axel sauntered around a market bazaar.

"Is that you, Zack?" Raising an eyebrow, Axel turned round and met a kindly middle-aged woman. "Sorry, the last time I checked, my name's Axel!" He grinned and was about to leave when the woman tugged on his sleeve. "Goodness! You look so much like Zack. I'm sorry but I haven't seen my son for ages...Well, then, would you like to come over to my house for some supper?" Her face creased into a friendly smile and Axel couldn't resist.

That evening, he enjoyed the most delicious meal he had in his being and was greatly at ease with the elderly occupants of the little cottage. The old man was a garrulous fellow who, with a bright twinkle in his purple eyes, loved to tell jokes while the lady was someone Axel wished to have for a mother if he could. He happily crashed over in Zackary's bedroom at his hosts' suggestion. The next morning, a somber Mr Donovan, gruffly clasped him in a hug and handed him a small dagger.

"Tis originally was for Zack, him being a fine SOLDIER, but I think you need it more than he does."

I'm sorry, Dad, Mom... An unfamiliar emotion echoed. And Axel blinked back unexpected tears. That day, Axel left the world.

Axel fought Sora when they ran into each other in Transverse Town. The other two party members were unconscious and Sora was pinned by one of his chakrams against a wall. He was about to knock Sora out when he suddenly glowed and Roxas appeared.

"When I said I would meet you in the next life, I didn't expect you to try killing my Other to see me earlier than expected." Roxas wryly smiled before his face hardened into a battle-ready look.

"I'm not going back to the Organization, Axel. You know that. So why are you attacking me?" Axel wisely didn't correct Roxas' unintentional mistake and simply answered, "I've got to uphold the appearance of being loyal to the Organization and that includes attacking you or Sora. The most I can do is to warn you of the other members and not kidnap Sora."

Roxas slightly lowered his guard and told Axel in a flat, dangerous voice,

"If they lay a hand on Sora, they are dead; you hear me? And that goes for you too, Number VIII."

"I'll try not to damage Sora too much."

"Thanks...Axel."

Roxas inclined his head in thanks and disappeared in a glow that faded to reveal a bewildered Sora. Capitalizing on the moment, Axel swiftly incapacitated Sora and ensured that the trio were safely tucked away in an unused street before they awoke.

Axel dreamed in the white rooms and corridors of Castle Oblivion. He saw landscapes that were similiar to those of the last world he visited. Riding on a stolen motorbike, he had a large blade strapped to his back and the weight of an unconscious person leaned on his chest and shoulder. Wind blew on his face and yellow strands of hair tickled his neck. As nice as the weather was, he was filled with anxiety for his companion. He just wouldn't wake from his catatonic state. He sadly smiled and rode on. Then Axel woke.

He continued to monitor Sora's progress through DiZ's abandoned machines. Axel stood by as one by one, the members of the Organization left to go after Sora. To personally inform Roxas most of the time was too dangerous; so Axel simply sent a Nobody with a message which only Roxas would understand as Sora read the message. Roxas would then subtly influence Sora's decisions and actions to protect themselves. It was getting riskier as the members were finding Sora too quickly and the lapses between the warnings were getting shorter and shorter. He was gonna get caught one day but boy, was it fun! The adrenalin junkie in him positively lived in the deceit, double-crossing and shadowy manipulation. An echo of faint disapproval tinged with humour rippled through him. His good mood momentarily soured, he incinerated yet another vase of pink flowers.

He was falling to his knees as blood poured out of the bullet wounds. His accelerated healing wasn't going to save him this time, he realised with a painful cough of blood. But..! He couldn't stop here now! He still had to protect his friend. Green-tinged violet eyes took in the number of enemies. Too many to take out himself. A maniac grin expanded over his bloodied face. One last showdown. He glanced behind him to the limp blanketed body and hunkered down into a crouch. "See ya in the next life, ...!" Taking the large, heavy sword, he exploded into action. If only, ... would wake up...

The next time Roxas met him, he asked, "Are you alright?" Axel snarkily retorted, "Not with you on my watch! Geez, I swear that you are now more trouble than you were in the past!" Roxas wasn't convinced by his bravado but didn't push the issue. Axel was faintly grateful for that respite. He was feeling spread thin and pinched at the edges these days. The lack of sleep (and nightmares, if Nobodies could have them) was getting to him. Frustrated, he pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to ten and then ten more before caving in.

"Did you ever get dreams?" Roxas's gaze immediately sharpened and he opened his mouth to ask.

"Ah never mind, I have to go anyway or the Boss is gonna be suspicious." Axel waved away Roxas's enquiries and a portal appeared beside him.

"Yes, I did get dreams if that's what you're asking. They were of my Other. I hope that helps."

Axel looked back at Roxas's concerned face and simply smiled as he stepped into the portal. However, as the portal closed, his mouth was suddenly dry as he caught a glimpse of another familiar blue-eyed blond storming up the street to Sora with an all-too familiar blade in his hands. A ghost of the past made his lips rise into a smile which the emotions behind it felt warm.

"Cl-Cloud! What are you doing here?" Sora squawked. Then the portal closed.

It was raining but the raindrops were salty. Prying open his eyes, his face instantly crinkled into a large grin.

"Oh hey, who's the wimp that's crying?" Cloud sat up straight and his ungloved hands ghosted over the bloody ruins of his SOLDIER uniform.

"Za-ZACK! I thought you were dead!" Embarrassed, he furiously scrubbed at his reddened eyes and tremulously smiled. But Zack continued to speak as the glow in his eyes started to dull.

"I'm glad you're awake. Listen, Cloud, I want you to know that I'm proud of you. Don't ever give up." Summoning the remnants of mako-enchanced strength, he hefted the Buster blade.

"I give this blade to you because I can't be by your side anymore. I'm sorry, Cloud." He weakly smiled in the face of Cloud's stunned disbelief and horror. He closed his eyes and faded away.

Axel fell as the explosion took out the hordes of Nobodies. Sora rushed to kneel beside him and was confused as to why Axel had saved them. Well, that was easy to answer.

"I don't know why but when I'm with you, I can almost feel alive. You remind me of him"

Sora's, no, Roxas's tears were now falling and he was reminded of Cloud's tears in the rain. For a moment, he was Zack Fair, First Class SOLDIER of ShinRa. He felt the wet piercing cold of the rain and fiery hot pain of his numerous bullet wounds in his chest. He could even taste the coppery blood and the salt of Cloud's tears. He blinked and he was Axel again. Weakly smirking, Axel said, "I'll see you in the next life." before he slowly disintegrated into the shadows like the ashes of a past life scattered to the wind.

Ashes to ashes, Dust to dust...