Popcorn and Butter
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note!
A/N: Because Misa deserves to get what she wants, even if what she wants isn't me or Rem. D8
Oh, and I was very, very tempted to use yin-yang as a metaphor for her vagina, because no way in hell can I work vagina into a lemon without laughing my head off. I resisted. Lucky for you.
A/N: ZOMG KAWAII I hope you like it. No, I really mean it, I hope you do. :paranoia strikes:
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"Misa. I'm gay."
"As in having a cheerful disposition?"
"As in having a strong urge to jump men's bones."
Nothing had worked. Not the candles, not the cuteness, neither the slutty outfits nor the shinigami threats. Misa supposed she should've gotten a clue, but damn it, why did all the people she loved end up dead or gay? Now really, enough was enough. Misa Amane had decided to lose her virginity to Light Yagami and she would. Come what may and hell to pay.
Poor Light, one minute he was sitting on the bed, trying to explain to the blonde why he could never father her children, and the next minute he was on his back being straddled by a ferocious looking model. Before he could open his mouth she'd snapped his wrists to a chain—the same damn chain he'd persuaded Ryuuzaki to take off, just for this hour, just to break up with her—and snapped that chain to a pair of fur lined handcuffs, and attached the lot to the headboard. He could move his hands freely enough, but he was still tethered.
He got the vague notion that this was not as bad as it sounded, but firmly sat on that notion to squash it.
"Those were for Misa," she growled as she unbuttoned his shirt, "But if boyfriend-chan won't deflower her himself, she will just have to take matters into her own hands."
That would have been well and fine, Light reflected, had the matter in question not been him.
"Misa," he reasoned with her, "Misa, I'm gay, I like men, actually, I like Ryuuzaki—"
"Boyfriend-chan should shut up about Ryuuzaki because Misa is losing her erection."
"You're never going to arouse me," he told her bluntly, "And how are you…going to…ooh," he gasped suddenly as Misa stroked his chest, brushing by his nipples, "Going to—ah! Impale yourself…Misa, not tongue—no…ah, on my dick," he whined as her fingers were chased south by her lips, "If it…mmmm…it isn't up—oh!"
"Misa is a virgin," the girl grinned at him, "But she is pretty sure that boyfriend-chan's dick is already up."
Two pairs of eyes traveled to Light's crotch inquisitively.
"Well would you look at that," Light breathed.
Misa breathed too. She breathed on the bulge in his trousers, her breath warm and meaty, and then she moved upwards to kiss his neck.
"Misa loves you, boyfriend-chan," she said plaintively.
Light was flummoxed. If he was gay—and he was pretty sure he was—why was this turning him on so much? Why was his heart drumming against his rib cage, why was blood careening through his veins in pulsating franticness to his—
Oh.
Dear.
"Lord," Light gasped as something—a hot, wet, beautiful something—drew tight around his length. He opened his eyes (wait, when had he closed them?) and what he saw nearly made him cum right then and there.
Misa Amane was giving him head.
A large part of his mind protested. He was gay, the girl was stupid (and in love) so really, he was the one taking advantage. He should stop this. A smaller, hornier part of his mind told the large part to shut the fuck up and throw itself off a cliff, upon which the larger part skulked away and promised to return with his conscience to beat the crap out of him later.
"Misa," Light yelped as she swirled her tongue around the tip of his cock," Fuck, Misa!"
He was vaguely disappointed in his use of profanity, and also dimly registered that the source of blame (Misa) was too good at what she was doing for a virgin. Utter hogwash, of course. It was his first time too, which was why everything seemed ethereally magnified, and unbelievably excellent. He had no frame of comparison. The small, horny part of him told him to pay more attention to his erection. Ohhhh, he was definitely close—
"Damn it Misa!" he shouted as he toppled over the edge of oblivion, and the blonde allowed herself a little smirk of smugness.
"Now that boyfriend-chan is empty," she explained happily, "We don't have to use a condom!" She quickly tugged off her shorts and panties. Light objected. "Misa, no. I enjoyed that—obviously—but I can't have sex with you! I'm gay, I'm bottom!"
"Misa doesn't care how gay her boyfriend-chan is, he is going to have sex with her and he is going to like it," she declared. To emphasize her point she squeezed his half-mast, which promptly sprung back to life. He glared down at it.
"Traitorous bastard."
Misa began to lower herself onto him but he wriggled his hips away. "We still need a condom," he insisted, "Its not about getting pregnant, its about catching an STD!"
"I'll wing it," she said huskily, and her switch away from referring to herself in third person nonplussed him so much he forgot to point out he was willing to 'wing it'.
She hovered over him, and then pushed the crook of her legs onto his shaft And, and…oh, whatever he'd felt when her mouth was on him was forgotten. It was so hot—or was that the pleasure searing through him?—and so wet, he entirely forgot that she was new to this (as was he) and grabbed her hips to ram her down. Her agonized shriek jerked him from his arousal induced near-coma. Her face was scrunched up in pain, and he felt a thick liquid between them he knew must be her blood.
"Light," she whimpered and he moved his hands to cradle her face.
"Misa," he said, horrified at what he'd done, "Misa, Misa, I'm so sorry, Misa…"
She took a few great shuddering breaths to steady herself as he wiped away her tears. "Wait," she said unexpectedly moving to stroke his chest. He paused in confusion until it struck him that she was talking about his waning erection. She winced as she leaned forward but her lips coming back to ravish his neck fueled the strong feelings surging through him at being so together with another human being. Misa took a few more minutes to get used to him.
"Ready?" he asked after sufficient time had lapsed to not make him seem like an inconsiderate boor—though considering what just happened, she probably thought he was one anyway. She blinked and smiled down at him, a smile stuffed with lethargy and sweetness and genuine affection. Light fought the overwhelming urge to tell her he loved her. He won.
"Okay," she said, and proved it to him by raising herself and—like he'd said—impaling herself back on his length. Both groaned with relief, and Misa pushed his hands against the bed with hers, a leer on her face that he found irresistibly cute. He was about to tell her that—that she was cute—when it occurred to him that she was also sexy. So, okay, not kinky dominatrix sexy. But she was a model, and the confidence her work gave her to flaunt her body, to love her body with all its ups and downs and swoops and swells…that was the most seductive thing any woman could carry into bed.
Misa Amane, Light realized with a jolt, was not a child.
"I love you, Light," she whispered quietly.
He bit his lips to stop the rising response, and nodded in acknowledgement. Misa too nodded her satisfaction and started moving against him.
He moaned loudly, and surprised himself with how hookerish it sounded. He moaned some more, just to hear himself—the boy genius, the criminal chaser—sound like a ten dollar whore. Misa whimpered a little, encouraged by his sounds. She couldn't be as wanton as he was being, long ululations flowing from his mouth, but soon began to cry a little. Not from pain…from happiness. It was so amazing, so perfect that she was with him, and he wanted this, and liked this. It was so good that regardless of what would happen when it ended, for now they weren't Light Yagami and Misa Amane, but just lovers. Lovers in tandem, rocking together. Tears dropped onto his stomach, and he stopped writhing to look at her, concern appearing in his eyes.
"Misa?"
"Roll over, Light."
He was startled. He thought about objecting, and then thought that they might discover a new position in the transition. He rolled, the handcuffs straining as Misa adjusted to his weight. A few times they nearly lost each other, but Misa she held steadfastly on, her legs winding around his waist for added intimacy.
Being on top gave Light a heady sense of dominance and power—handcuffs not withstanding—and with an animal instinct urging him to take initiative, he plunged into her with renewed vigor. She mewled with every thrust, matching his movements with her hips. A powerful wave built up in him, a solid block of carnal hunger about to be sated. He came in her, heaving with the exertion.
His body rollicking against hers set off Misa's orgasm and she buried her head in the yoke of his shoulders, her teeth digging into his skin. He drew out of her carefully and gazed at the blonde that wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Misa," Light said gently.
"I know you're gay," she blurted out, blushing, "Misa knows boyfriend-chan is gay. She's very sorry she stole your first time and promises she will leave you alone, only please don't be mad—"
He kissed her.
Her mind reeled.
He'd kissed her. On his own volition, by his own persuasion, he'd kissed her for the first time since that first meeting so long ago in his parents' home. Tears sprung to her eyes again and she dashed them away, angry that she seemed so weak.
"Misa," he said again, grinning, "Undo these handcuffs so we can take a shower."
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A rush (a roar) a tsunami of memories cascaded over him the second he touched the notebook. Misora, Penber, Ryuuk. Shinigami, Death Note, God.
He was Kira.
"What the hell—" that was Light, trying to assert himself, but Kira knocked him aside. A glance sideways; Ryuuzaki was watching. His enemy (a friend! Light insisted) foe was within his reach.
"Are you okay, Light?" L asked conversationally, "I suppose seeing that monster would be shocking."
Monster. Shinigami. Rem. The plan, or as Kira liked to call it, DAH PLAN.
Misa.
Who?
"Misa Amane."
"Yes," L frowned, "I'm not sure what to do with her. Its clear that she was the second Kira but equally clear that she no longer is a murderer…" he muttered to himself in a lower key and Kira tried to remember why he should care about the girl. He closed his eyes to clear his thoughts (to savor his triumph) and a boy stepped out of the shadows, holding a bazooka.
"Get the fuck out of my body," Light spat, and fired.
"L?" he said after opening his eyes, "I think I know how we can catch Kira once and for all."
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"Okay," L said in his so-bored-may-die monotone, "Since Light's proved conclusively that Miss Takada is Kira, and that she kills with a Bop-It and the notebooks were a clever ruse and the shinigamis a mass hallucination, I'm going to take a vacation. I think I'll take some of the Whammy's kids to Hawaii, learn hula dancing, and surfing. Watari, pack my swimming trunks. How much does a surfboard cost, does anyone know?"
"Can I come too?" Matsuda yelled, "I can bring Mikami-san, he's loads of fun!"
"The ex Kira suspect?" L muttered, "Sure. Why not."
"My son solved this case you know," Soichiro was boasting to Mogi and Aizawa.
"We know, Yagami-san. We were there, remember?"
Light smiled at Misa, who was looking around in awe. "You gave it all up?" she whispered, "Why?"
"It was cutting into my love life," he informed her, "Have I mentioned that I love you?"
"I thought you were gay," she murmured.
"Let's go with sexually ambiguous and quickly swinging to the straight side."
And then they strolled right out.
"Oh, and Watari, get the sun block too. I chafe."
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:dies of paranoia: