~~~DESTINY ISLANDS~~~
On the Destiny Islands, Riku wastes the hours staring at the side of a wooden shack on the island. Soon enough, Kairi arrives to join him.
"Riku! What unbridled wackiness... is going on... over here?"
Riku does not even take the time to face Kairi. "Oh. Kairi. You startled me. I was just counting the lines on this side of the shack. I'm up to nine-thousand and forty-eight."
Kairi scratches her head unenthusiastically. "Nine-thousand and forty-eight. That's over... nine-hundred."
"Yep. I remember learning that in scho-"
A pillar of flames suddenly bursts behind the pair. Sora leaps out of the pillar and lands headfirst into the sand.
"Kairi, my neck's too stiff to turn my head," says Riku. "Go see what that ruckus was for me."
"Oh, that wasn't a ruckus," answers Kairi. "That was just the sound of Sora burying his head into the sand. Again."
"Well, get him out and have him give me a neck massage, quick!"
"But why can't you have me do it?" wonders Kairi.
"It's more satisfying when Sora does it."
"Y'know, it's stuff like that that makes me question your sexuality."
Riku once more becomes defensive. "That's ridiculous! I like girls! Girls are my life! Girls are my dreams! Can't live without-"
Sora shouts something unintelligible, muffled by the sand. Kairi jogs towards Sora. "I'm coming, Sora!"
Kairi grabs Sora's legs and pulls him out. Sora opens his mouth to let the sand out.
"Sora, where were you?" asks Kairi. "You've been gone for sixteen chapters, and we were starting to ge worried."
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Kairi," claims Sora, "but I'll tell you anyway. The King Mickey invited us for dinner, but it turned out that the dinner was poisoned and the antidote was in one of the keyholes of the Disneyverse, so we went around unlocking them. But it turned out that The King Mickey had the antidote all along and that we weren't actually poisoned, so we beat the everloving crap out of him."
"I don't believe you," Kairi frankly replies.
"I knew you'd understand. Now, whaddya say we set up a cliffhanger for Kingdom Hearts IV?"
"Oh, that won't be necessary," says Riku. "Y'see, this isn't the real Kingdom Hearts III. It's just some fanfiction written by a socially inept cog who lives with his mom, which will be rendered non-canon once the real Kingdom Hearts III comes out."
Sora tries to cover his rashness. "Oh. Uh... I knew that. I was just testing you, and you passed."
"So wait," says Kairi. "Are you saying that none of what Sora did will matter in just a few years?"
"Pretty much," answers Riku.
Sora slumps over in disappointment. "Aww, man. You guys ruin all the fun."
Riku cracks his knuckles in pride. "It's a talent."

~~~DISNEY CASTLE~~~
In the throne room of Disney Castle, The Queen Minnie sits in The King Mickey's chair, having taken over in his absence. Donald and Goofy stand erect in front of her.
"Dearest Donald and Goofy," says The Queen Minnie, "I'm so pleased with your splendid behaviors during the frustrating rule of my megalomaniacal husband that I'm giving you both a promotion to Royal Scrub Monkeys, Second Class."
Donald and Goofy whoop and cheer at this announcement and do silly dances in celebration. They stop immediately ten seconds into that, returning to their straight postures as The Queen Minnie continues.
"I do find it quite puzzling how The King Mickey could get himself so brutally injured like that. He would never let anything like that happen to him."
"Gee, The Queen Minnie," says Goofy, feigning obliviousness. "I can't really tell you how it happened since I wasn't there." He shrugs. "I guess we'll never know for sure."
Donald rubs his hands together ominously. "Yes... the world will never know for sure..."

In The King Mickey's bedroom, The King Mickey is stuck in his bed in a full body cast. Only his eyes, ears and mouth are uncovered. Yen Sid is on The King Mickey's TV screen, stone-faced as ever. "Well, Mickey. It appears that your plan didn't quite go as you intended."
The King Mickey gives a pained, wheezing cough. "What was your first clue?"
Yen Sid grins. "However, you have been shown to possess a needlessly-detailed giant mecha thing, and those are cool in my book. You have proven your coolness to your old master, and for that, I grant you your TV back."
The King Mickey hops with joy inside his cast. "Oh, boy! Let's get my TV fixed so that I can laugh at dinosaur tranquilizer-fueled ranting and raving!"
Yen Sid's head disappears from the TV. The TV explodes into static and feedback until eventually, an eyecatch featuring a kitchen sponge in drag appears on the screen.
"We now return to our daily 18-hour-long Spongebob marathon, already in progress."
The King Mickey turns to his sidetable and sees the remote control, just centimeters out of his reach. "Oh no... no, no, no! I can't change the channel! Yen Sid, you tricked me!! Now I'm stuck with this effeminate sponge FOREVER!!! Well, actually, until my broken bones and organs heal. But still, NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!"
The King Mickey sobs to himself in despair as Yen Sid's evil laughter echoes through the air. Yen Sid's laughter is soon cut short by a phlegmy hack.

~~~SOME PEACEFUL NEIGHBORHOOD~~~
A sand-colored van rides through the town, accompanied by a warbly jingle. The van is driven by Maleficent, with Pete sitting in the passenger's seat. Maleficent is rather pouty at the moment. "This is degrading. Are whole army is gone, and now Mercedes-Benz has demoted us to selling these putrid..." Maleficent pulls out a car-shaped blob on a stick as demonstration. "...gummi Jello pudding pops, shaped like Mercedes-Benzes!! Just looking at them makes my stomach make... little... sicky noises." Maleficent cringes violently at the sight.
Pete puts a hand on Maleficent's shoulder, hoping to be of some comfort. "Oh, don't worry, Maleficent. It won't be so bad once you get the hang of it. Besides, I know what'll make you feel better: lemonade!"
"Good call, Pete." Maleficent swerves the van onto the sidewalk, where the van strikes a lemonade stand run by a little blonde girl with pigtails. Pieces of plywood shower the van as it crushes the lemonade girl under its tires, making truly sickening cracking noises as the girl's bones are broken under the pressure.
Pete, now traumatized for life, blubbers uncontrollably. "How could you do that?! I only wanted some melonade! Is that so wrong?!"
"Oh, stop your whining," says Maleficent unsympathetically. "You can have your insolent lemonade some other time. I just needed to relieve my stress in a reasonably violent matter, that's all."
"Yeah, but..."
"No buts, though I could go for kicking yours. We have filthy pudding pops to sell."
"And a broken heart to mend," Pete adds sadly.
"Silence!"
"Ohhh..."

~~~AN ISOLATED, HUGE MANSION~~~
In an overbearing mansion on top of a snowy mountain, Scrooge Mcduck, looking uncharacteristically evil, sits in front of a humongous computer screen in dark contemplation. Numerous images flash on the screen before him, including a rabbit in dentist attire riding a hot air balloon, a weather forecaster predicting a sunny day with a chance of black hole, a man in a wrestling ring beating up a blow-up dinosaur, and an Inuit teenager doing the Worm in a desert.
"Foolish warriors of light," Scrooge says ominously. "They all think they're so superior, with their dashing good looks and their techno-gizmos at hand. They would never suspect that an old oaf such as me would have the mental capacity to infiltrate their little posse and observe their every strength and weakness. Well, I suppose the news of that little popsicle stick incident helped a lot, but that has done little to damage my ability to fend for myself."
Scrooge stands from his chair and walks towards a large window. He flings the window open, letting in all the cold air. The computer is quick to cite out this fact in a monotonically agonized voice.
"The air. It burns me. Make it stop."
Scrooge pays no heed to this and continues. "Now it's time for my to live up to my family name, and wipe out this plague of unrich do-gooders who spoil my quest for wealth! I must moon the partridges and stain the oil companies, and I will... will..."
Scrooge begins to chuckle, which descends into a goofy, loud laughter as he starts running laps around the room. He's back to his old self.
"Okay, Luke! I'm starting my funny newspapers! Little boy oxens come on over! Wheeeee!!"
Scrooge dashes towards the window and dives right through it, leaving the mansion room increasingly cold and desolate. A few moments pass before the computer turns off its screen and the room's lights.
"And that concludes tonight's broadcast. Goodnight. Goodbye."
The sound of static now emanates from the computer. To this day, the computer awaits for the return of its master.

~~~YUFFIE'S PLACE~~~
Yuffie, back in her apartment, lies on her couch and watches TV, surrounded by empty potato chip bags, beer cans, KFC buckets, ice cream boxes and all other kinds of dangerous crap. The men on TV share a rousing conversation over the water cooler.
"So then I said 'Hey, dude. It's not like the sky is falling.'"
The people on the TV burst out in laughter, only to be interrupted by the unmistakable sound of the clouds in the sky raining down upon the city, creating chaos and destroying everything.
"Oh, good lord!! The sky is falling!! That's not supposed to be scientifically possible!"
"It is now, bitch!" Roland Emmerich's voice says off-screen.
Yuffie digs into the fortress of filth that surrounds her. "Alright, glowing box. Can it about global warming already." She takes out a highball glass from the crap pile and chucks it at the TV screen. The highball glass is shattered, but the TV screen isn't. This doesn't stop Yuffie from sitting up and victoriously raising her arms in the air. "Yeah, bonus points!!"
Yuffie sinks back into her couch and emits a single hiccup as the TV continues to do its work.
"They got the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building! Why does that always happen?!"
The doorbell rings. "It's the pizza man."
Yuffie looks at the door groggily. "Pizza man?"
"Yes. I'm the pizza man. I have a pizza. It's here... in this box."
Yuffie somehow slides up and over the armrest of her couch and towards the door. Yuffie grabs the doorknob and swings the door open whilst lying on the ground. The man behind the door continues. "And I'm just going to stand here until you- oh, okay."
Yuffie looks up to find that the "pizza man" is in fact Buzz Lightyear, with the promised pizza nowhere in sight.
"You... you said you were the pizza man," says Yuffie.
"I lied," says Buzz. "I was only pretending."
"Why'd you do that?"
"I need a place to crash," Buzz answers. "After that little escapade I had with Sora and team, I was going to go home, but then I remembered that I don't have a home. Can I stay with you?"
"Uh... sure..."
Buzz walks over to Yuffie's couch and takes a seat in the middle of it. Yuffie gets up off the floor and stumbles towards the couch. She lazily throws herself onto the armrest, burying her face next to Buzz as he presses the info button on Yuffie's remote. "Ah. The Yesterday Before Tomorrow, directed by Roland Emmerich. The science is lousy, but the pretty CGI makes up for it. I give it one thumb up. Oh! This is the part where Mount Everest gets blown up!"
Buzz gazes in awe as Mount Everest erupts, freezes, and gets struck by lightning, causing the mountain to explode in a glorious fashion. "Great sound effects!"
Yuffie says something, but due to her face being buried into the couch, her speech is muffled. Buzz cleans his ear. "I'm sorry, but I can't quite make that out."
Yuffie pulls her face out of the couch. "I said how long do you plan on staying?"
Buzz shrugs. "Oh, I dunno. Since it turns out I don't have a stomach, food won't be a problem for you. As a matter of fact, since I'm for some reason made out of plastic and therefore have no organic parts, I won't even need to sleep, so I have the capacity to stay here forever."
"The gift of life is wasted on you," moans Yuffie.
"I get that a lot," says Buzz.

The scientist on TV stands before a podium to make a historic announcement. "Hey, folks. I've got some good news and some bad news. Recent studies have shown that the onslaught of ridiculously epic natural disasters have destroyed 99% of our world's landmarks, making life unsustainable and unexciting on Earth."
The crowd whines disappointedly at these less-than-pleasant news.
However, he scientist's demeanor instantly brightens. "But now we've got a chance to try out that new space-cruise ship that I built last Tuesday! Non-stop entertainment, fine dining, and hoverchairs! We won't even need to walk, because we'll be in space!"
A man in the crowd pumps his fist righteously. "Yeah! Walking's for chumps!"
The crowd cheers and charges towards a gigantic cruise ship with rocket propulsion systems on the back.
A child in the crowd tosses his teddy bear into the air with glee. "It's over!!"