Authors' Note:

A bit of humour to make up for all the angst in the other stories we're offering up at the moment. This was a plot bunny that we had at the same time (how scary is that!) after watching the Fornell-centric NCIS episode this past Tuesday. There is no doubt that this falls within the bounds of Crack!Fic – but that's perfectly fine. We're allowed. Not every story can be plot-driven or angsty after all.

We hope you enjoy it.

Verity & Ellie

"I know how sad this sounds, but you're closest thing I have to a friend, Gibbs."

The look of stupefaction on Leroy Jethro Gibbs' face simply increased.

"And the answer is still no, Tobias" he said as he headed for the elevator.

"Give me one good reason why" Fornell said, dogging his every move.

"If you have to ask ..."

Gibbs didn't stop walking.

"Did anyone ever tell you you're an insufferable bastard?" Fornell called after him.

"Yeah" Gibbs replied as he hit the switch that set the elevator in motion.

"So you're not going to do this for me ..."

Gibbs shook his head forcefully.

"Nope."

"Then you leave me no choice" Fornell said – pulling out his cell phone and punching in a number.

Gibbs took it from him reluctantly. He raised it to his ear and listened – raising his eyebrows at the FBI agent, who lolled back against the elevator wall and waited.

"That was a cheap shot" Gibbs said as he handed the phone back.

"Kid's got her heart set on it" Fornell replied. "Besides ... she's persuasive for a ten year old."

Gibbs ran a hand across his face.

"And you'd do this just because Emily wants you to?" he asked incredulously. "Not exactly the right reason to do things."

Fornell smiled.

"Things have been ... interesting lately" he said slowly. "We've started to talk again."

"Couldn't you find some other woman?" Gibbs asked. "I don't want to have to say I told you so all over again."

"Nah ... it'll be different this time around."

Gibbs looked at him for a long moment.

"So you want me to ..."

"Give the bride away" Fornell said. And then he raised his arms, admitting that he was jesting. "Nah. I just want you to be my best man, Jethro. Stand with me in the church."

"Make sure you don't bail?" Gibbs said acerbically.

"Come on Jethro. Humour me. We're talking a couple of hours. It's a small affair – just a few friends."

Gibbs gave him one final look before he exited the elevator.

He stabbed a finger at him.

"You make sure you get a prenup this time round" was all he said before he stalked out in search of coffee.

Gibbs took a deep breath as he walked up the path to Diane's house two months later. He hadn't managed to convince Fornell that this was the worst idea he'd had since the first time he married her, and now here he was – about to take him to his stag night. He'd delegated the organising to Di Nozzo, McGee had volunteered the Porsche. All he had to do was show up.

He had hardly stepped up to the door when it opened and a hand yanked him inside, and he found himself looking into a pair of very intense green eyes.

"I thought we agreed that you were going to come after the groom left" the woman hissed as she pulled him into the guest bathroom. "You're twenty minutes early – and I'm not paying you overtime."

Gibbs wasn't allowed to get a word in edgeways because she looked him up and down, and then looked on the floor behind him.

"Where's your stuff?" she snapped. "Our contract specifically says that you were going to bring boas and chains and a target practice ring."

She took a deep breath, suddenly sidetracked by his intense eyes.

"Crap. There's going to be trouble" she said, her voice suddenly dropping a notch.

Gibbs raised his eyebrows at her.

"Our contract didn't say anything about us touching you – and I know the others are going to want to."

She started to pace in the confined space, but a knock on the door made her pull her head up sharply.

"Jen?"

"It's Diane" Jen said, raising a finger to her lips. "The bride" she qualified. "Be right out ..."

"Who was at the door? Was it Jethro?"

Jen spun round.

"Are you Jethro?" she asked incredulously.

Gibbs nodded silently and brushed past her.

He opened the door to find Diane standing there.

She looked at him once, and then over his shoulder at Jen – her nostrils flaring.

"Tobias is in the den" she said as she started to lead the way.

"You can't be serious .." Jen said as she sidestepped Gibbs and followed her.

"What?" Diane said as they entered a room that was populated with women. And Fornell.

"This is him? This is the big bad voodoo?"

She cast a look at Gibbs, who was standing in the corner gesturing at Fornell that they needed to make tracks, and started to laugh.

"I thought you said it was going to be a small wedding" he hissed at Tobias, looking at the seven redheads in the room as they exited.

"Things got out of hand" Fornell said with a sheepish smile. "And this is just the wedding party."

Gibbs rolled his eyes just as Diane caught up with them at the front door.

"If he's hung over for the ceremony tomorrow I'm setting Jenny on you" she threatened.

Gibbs looked behind her. Jen was leaning against the door frame to the den.

She bared her teeth at him. And growled.

Fornell shifted from one foot to the other.

"You nervous?" Gibbs asked, tugging at the neckwear he'd been forced to wear.

"You sure this a good idea?" Fornell asked.

"It's the worst idea you've had in eleven years. Want me to stop this before it starts? There's still time."

But Fornell's eyes had glazed over.

Gibbs looked towards the bottom of the church as the music struck up and Emily appeared.

He had to stop his eyes glazing over too – because behind her last night's hell cat had been transformed. Into a vision in green. He wondered for a moment whether his judgement was being impaired by the copious amounts of alcohol they'd imbibed the night before in an attempt to make Fornell vulnerable and open to reason.

Jen winked at both of them as she stood to one side of the altar and turned to watch the bride walk the last few feet up the aisle. She smoothed her dress, fussed with her veil, and took her flowers as Fornell stepped up to her. And all the while she kept her eyes on Gibbs. Perfectly cognizant of the fact the décolleté' of her dress had not gone unappreciated.

She wondered how true the stories Diane had told her about him were.

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Not even Diane's temper had caused a problem. The rain that had been threatening to fall had held off throughout the service and was still only threatening as the photos were being taken.

Fornell stood stiffly in the gazebo - Emily on one side, Diane the other.

Gibbs stifled a laugh.

"It's rude to laugh at people, Jethro."

Jen sidled up to him. He gripped the glass of bourbon in his hands just a little tighter, not wanting to give into the urge to tuck the stray tendril of hair that had escaped the intricate 'hairdo' behind her ear.

"I'm not known for my manners, Jen." he replied. He watched, with vague amusement as she smiled slowly and uncurled his fingers from the glass, took a sip and handed it back to him.

"Oh really?" she said, standing far too close to him for his own good.

Her gaze drifted down his body, agonizingly slowly, before finally settling on his face again.

"So what are you known for? Apart from waving a gun around and thinking you can intimidate people."

"Depends on who you ask."

Jen looked at him for a moment.

You have all the classic traits of a firstborn" she began. "Confident, pays attention to detail, perfectionist. Difficulty sharing ..."

"Guilty, guilty, guilty. Depends."

Jen laughed lightly and then looked over at Diane again.

"Well ... in your defence ... she did say you were good in bed."

She turned and left Gibbs to splutter into his bourbon.

"I'd be careful of that one."

Fornell appeared at his shoulder as he watched Jen sashay her way through the guests.

Gibbs gave himself the pleasure of not answering by taking a sip of his bourbon.

"She's a man-eater. Or so Diane says" Fornell continued, a wry grin on his face.

Emily looked up at both men with wide innocent eyes.

"What's a man-eater, daddy?"

Gibbs smiled at her and found his voice.

"How you feelin' Tobias?" he asked.

Fornell unwrapped Emily's hand from his and placed it in Gibbs'.

He didn't know whether it was the alcohol, but he could have sworn he heard Fornell reply 'frisky' before stalking off back to the gazebo and Diane.

Gibbs watched as the last of the guests drove out of the driveway and down the road. A rumble of thunder sounded in the distance and he looked at the sky.

It hadn't been the day from hell he'd thought it was going to be. Diane had looked happy - a sight which he never thought he'd see again. Emily had been high on life and sugar. Fornell had seemed pleasantly resigned to his fate. And there was no denying that seeing Jen in that dress had put the proverbial cherry on top of the day.

The object of his thoughts drifted past with a sultry smile.

"Diane just called me" she said with a bit of a huff. "Apparently Tobias was a bit .. uhm ... amorous in the gazebo after the official photos were taken. She thinks she lost an earring in there . Give me five minutes?"

Gibbs shuddered at the thought of his friend and his ex wife, again, but smiled at Jen. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to offer her a lift home, because being in a confined space with her was going to cause havoc with his self control. He also wasn't sure whether he was imagining the little sway in her hips as she walked off. He shook his head - thankful for the fact that the sky had darkened considerably. Because the last thing he needed was the temperature to rise any more.

Jen smiled to herself as she walked away, mindful to add an extra sway to her walk. She had felt his eyes on her all day. Now she wanted his hands all over her. And if he needed encouragement then so be it. She reached the gazebo and looked halfheartedly around before starting her search. She sighed as she heard thunder rumble in the distance again and looked up just as the first drops of rain hit the gazebo roof. She wrinkled her nose as the rain got heavier, glancing down at her dress, wondering if it was going to survive the deluge. She sighed as she sat down heavily on the bench. She leant down and pulled her shoes off, resting one leg over the other. Her hands automatically rubbed on the balls of her feet – sore after a whole day in killer heels.

She didn't know if it was the oppressive atmosphere that had suddenly descended, or that fact that Gibbs was suddenly there staring at her hands slowing rubbing circles in the balls of her feet, or the fact that the rain that continued to pour down made his shirt stick to his body in places that left nothing to the imagination.

"Wanna make a run for it?" he asked.

"Don't think we'll make it. And this dress costs more than I do. Diane will kill me if it gets ruined."

She stared at him as he smiled knowingly.

"Don't you think you'd better come in from the rain?" she asked.

"Sure you don't wanna try?" he said, looking up at the sky. "We could be stuck here for ages."

"Got anywhere you'd rather be, Jethro?" she asked suggestively.

He looked over at her and then settled on the bench next to her, running a hand through his hair and sending water droplets flying on her.

"So it's agreed. We'll wait it out" she said, leaning backwards as her hands gripped the back of the bench when he didn't answer.

She crossed her legs slowly and looked at him through her lashes.

Gibbs listened to the rain as it beat heavily down on the fragile roof of the gazebo.

"What shall we do to pass the time?" she asked. after a while. He turned to look at her.

She was wearing the most wicked grin he had ever seen, and if he wasn't much deceived she'd just scooted an inch closer to him.

"You don't strike me as the kinda woman who needs entertaining" he replied, standing up. Feeling slightly more than uncomfortable in his wet clothes.

"We all need entertaining from time to time Jethro" she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Even you, I imagine."

She stood up.

He had obviously been distracted by her voice, the rain, anything, because she was suddenly standing behind him - her breath hot against the side of his neck, her hands snaking forward and running around the shoulders on his tux.

"Lets get you out of these wet clothes" she whispered in his ear "And then you can tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Whether you are, in fact, as good in bed as Diane says you are."

Her hands left his shoulders and he looked over them to watch her make her way slowly around the bench.

He decided that slow, deliberate seduction wasn't going to cut it for him.

She let out a surprised squeal as she landed unceremoniously in his lap. She hadn't seen his hands move before they had clamped around her waist and dragged her forward. She'd been looking in his startlingly blue eyes, which were slightly darker than they had been earlier. His hand wound around her back and pulled her sharply forward, causing the air to rush out of her lungs as her body collided with his. The water from his shirt leached through her dress to her skin, causing her nipples to pebble from the cold.

"How's this for entertainment?" he asked before swiftly closing the gap between their mouths.

His tongue ran along her lips and she arched into him, granting him the access he sought. She had been thinking about kissing him since the night before. But the reality was, for once, so much better than the fantasy. She extracted herself from his grasp and stood up. Casting one look around at the deserted garden before taking a deep breath in and stepping out of her dress. She paused for a moment – knowing his mouth had gone dry - before straddling his hips and resuming her onslaught of his mouth.

Gibbs groaned as she wormed a hand between them and fumbled with the button on his pants. The hand that wrapped itself around him was warm and experienced, and made him groan into her mouth. His grip on her thigh loosened and he wound his hand into her hair, dragging her mouth away and placing hot kisses along her throat. She wriggled in his lap, and all of a sudden it was just too much. He stood up, pulling her with him. He pulled her underwear off her roughly before she wrapped her legs around his waist. He roughly pushed his dress pants and boxers down his hips, lowered Jen onto him and sat back down. The bench was cold under his skin, but as she lifted herself up, all thoughts were gone.

She began to move. Slowly. Teasing out sensations until he'd had enough.

"Jen…" he growled.

She chuckled against his neck, sending vibrations running down his throat. He couldn't get the leverage he wanted. All the control lay with her. Jen locked her legs around him, pulling herself closer to him - and he suddenly found that didn't care that she had all the control ... as long as she didn't stop what she was doing.

His hand slipped down the back of her neck, happily noting the way her skin broke out in goosebumps as his fingers made their way down her spine. He curled his hand round, splaying his fingers over her thigh and dipped between her legs. Her breath caught in her throat as his cold fingers grazed it.

"I know I dropped it over here."

Diane's voice carried over the garden and Jen froze in his arms.

"And now Jenny isn't answering her phone."

"Probably picked up some horny son of a bitch" Fornell replied.

Jen grimaced as she moved off Gibbs' lap. He stood and automatically pushed Jen behind him, shielding her with his body an d fumbled with his pants as Fornell and Diane drew closer.

"You watch yourself, Tobias ..."

"Would it surprise you? Plenty of those around what with that thing you made her wear."

Jen grabbed her dress and Gibbs' jacket, throwing the latter around her shoulders and shoving her arms through, wrapping it tightly around her. She scanned the gazebo for her discarded underwear. Her eyes landed on the offending item of clothing just as Diane and Fornell rounded the corner and spotted them.

Jen sighed along with Gibbs.

"Jethro..." Diane breathed.

Behind her Fornell grinned.

Jen took a step back just as Diane whirled on her husband.

"Your goddamn friends. We invite them here and they do this..."

She made an elaborate gesture towards Gibbs and Jen. Jen opened her mouth to protest and Gibbs shook his head. Knowing from past experience that once Diane got going, it was nigh impossible to stop her. Better to just ride it out.

Fornell had other ideas though.

"My friends?" He demanded.

"Yes ... your friends."

"You married him ... first."

"It was your idea to invite him."

"And your idea to make Jen look like sin on heels" Fornell shot back. "The poor man never stood a chance."

"Are you defending him?"

Jen glanced at Gibbs. He took hold of her elbow and guided her out of the gazebo, grimacing as the all too familiar sound of Diane shouting followed them.

They'd just about made it to the safety when a small figure stepped into their path.

Emily Fornell looked at Gibbs.

And then she looked at his companion.

"Aunty Jenny ..." she began slowly. "Aren't you a vegetarian?"