This collection explores possible reasons for Reid choosing to become a profiler. None of the one-shots are related, but this general disclaimer covers all of them.
Warnings: Mentions of child abuse, domestic violence, and otherwise angsty events.
Neither Mabelreid nor I own any part of CM. The only things we can claim-our OCs and our plots.
"It's just a simple question, Dr. Reid."
"I still don't understand what it has to do with my post-shooting psych eval."
"It has nothing to do with your shooting, but it does have a part in your evaluation."
"Why? I shot Daryl Westin two days ago, not six years ago when I joined the Bureau."
"That may be true, but the decisions you made then led you to the events of Wednesday."
"How so?"
A deep sigh. "Look, I realize that you are perfectly capable of faking this evaluation without ever telling me anything substantial."
"What's your point?" he queried irritably.
"My point, Dr. Reid, is that while you are a genius and a profiler, you are hiding behind those labels and keeping the real Spencer Reid locked away somewhere."
"And?" he growled.
"I think it's time you let him out for a while. I don't want another session with Dr. Spencer Reid, FBI Special Agent extraordinaire. I want to talk to Spencer, the man who has to cope with the emotional ramifications of killing someone."
The stony silence following this statement wasn't surprising to Dr. Benson, but it was certainly frustrating. He strongly felt that if he could get to know who Spencer really was, he would be able to tell when he wasn't being honest about his feelings toward the recent events.
"So, I will repeat my question again: what made you decide to become a profiler Spencer?"
After a few seconds, he casually replied, "I liked the health plan."
"Sarcasm will get you nowhere. Try again."
"It seemed like a good way to travel."
"Again," he stated firmly.
"I wanted to carry a gun."
It took every ounce of professionalism Dr. Malachi Benson possessed to refrain from slapping his uncooperative patient. To satisfy his need to release some anger, he chose to use a verbal assault instead. He was determined to get more out of Spencer than the sarcastic remarks and angry glares he'd been getting for the past half hour.
"So you just decided to join the FBI so you could look cool carrying a badge and gun?"
An annoyed look was his response.
"Or, you wanted a chance to show off your brilliance at any given opportunity?"
"Humph," Reid snorted irritably.
"Or, did you think that spending your time poking around in criminal's heads would distract you from facing your own issues?"
Reid's jaw dropped. "What?" he yelled furiously. Finally, some emotion!
"What are you running from Dr. Reid?" He didn't really know which tactic would have an effect-he just kept throwing out ideas until he got an appropriate response.
"Are you implying…?" Reid half-rose from his seat indignantly.
"Who is it in your life that that has mistreated you, or done you so wrong that you spend your life chasing serial killers and sadists?" It went against his policy to raise his voice during a session, but this patient called for a bit of rule bending.
"My father."
The whispered words were so quiet and forlorn compared to the irate shouts of moments ago that Dr. Benson was momentarily stunned. Reid's anger visually drained from him, and he sank back into the soft recliner behind him. Dr. Benson didn't speak, as Reid curled up defensively in a corner of the chair, in hopes that Reid would keep speaking without prompting. When he didn't, Dr. Benson gently prodded, "What about your father?"
"My brother," he answered in a raspy voice. Brother? I don't remember seeing anything about a brother in his file. "My brother was…murdered. I was eight; he was eleven." Oh, that's right! I remember that his brother died. But, that was an accident… "The police ruled it an "accident"…" his tone of voice clearly showed he disagreed with that conclusion. "But I've always suspected my father of killing him intentionally."
"What?" Dr. Benson couldn't suppress the gasp of shock at this revelation.
"He…he could get pretty violent…when he wanted to or when he had a lot to drink. He hit my mom a lot, yelled at her…I think he had a lot to do with her break. My brother's death sent her over the edge." He'd delivered the entire speech in a sorrowful undertone. The quiet, almost reverent manner added to the eerie surreal atmosphere. The tense silence filled the room for several minutes until finally Dr. Benson spoke softly.
"What happened to your brother Spencer?"
"He was trying to protect me!" The pain-filled outburst hit Dr. Benson with a stab of pain, but he chose not to interrupt. "He was always trying to protect me," he murmured regretfully. "He would…he kept my father from hitting me a lot of times. Sometimes… he would take my "punishment" for me because he knew I was teased a lot at school already. He didn't want the other kids to pick on me if I had bruises on me."
"He didn't mind going with bruises?"
"My father was more careful with him. I guess he figured he could write me off as being clumsy, but he had to be cautious with Greg in case anyone got suspicious."
"Your brother's name was Greg?"
"Yeah, William Gregory actually. He was named after my father-we both were. He was my best friend. We did pretty much everything together, and his last year we were in several of the same eighth grade classes. He was so smart, not "genius" like me, but he skipped a grade. We always did our homework together, and we made our parents so mad because we'd switch out work. I could forge his writing so I'd make two copies for us to turn in. We would be done so quickly that my mom would check to be sure that we'd done everything. Then we would play chess and poker, or test each other at Trivial Pursuit all night…"
Dr. Benson smiled at the reminiscent look on Spencer's face, and he was glad that he had some pleasant memories mixed in with all of the terrible ones he seemed to carry.
"After he died, my father was very careful with me for a while. There were surprise visits from Child Services, and my teachers and school nurses kept a close eye on me for signs of abuse. By the time I went to high school, though, things had settled down and my father went back to his old ways…" he paused and stared at the wall with moist eyes. His face took on a hard expression.
"By then my mom was on the decline and I don't think she even realized what was going on. My father stopped yelling at my mom most of the time because she just didn't understand anyway. He took the majority of his frustration out on me. Then one day he got really angry and broke my arm. The hospital staff notified the police and they were going to investigate. That's when he decided to leave. My mom was such a wreck that she didn't know why he had to leave. She…she even begged my father to take me with him. I was actually afraid that he might. Well, I guess you know the rest of the story from there."
"Yes, I do. Thank you for sharing with me Spencer."
He laughed bitterly. "You wanted to know. I bet you regret asking now."
"No I don't. I bet you've never had anyone to discuss this with." Spencer shook his head. "So it's good for you to talk about all of this. I can see, however, that you managed to overcome all of this and use it to help other people, to prevent tragedies like the one you suffered."
"I guess so…I just didn't think it was fair for things like that to happen. My father got away with what he did, and I wanted to make sure that others like him wouldn't."
"That's quite admirable Spencer. The BAU is fortunate to have you with them." Spencer gave him a tiny smile. "Speaking of the BAU, I'm sure your team is anxious for you to return to active duty. I'm going to sign your release papers, but I'm scheduling you for another session before you go back officially. Is that acceptable?"
"Yes sir, I can agree with that."
"Good. Be sure to see my secretary on your way out, and the paperwork will be on Agent Hotchner's desk in the morning."
"Thank you Dr. Benson."
"You're welcome Spencer. Have a good evening." He watched the door close behind the young agent, and he turned to his notes to fill in the details for Spencer's file.