-1Harmoniousmatch DotCom

Chapter 1/?

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of its characters. I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations, businesses or persons living or dead are purely coincidental.

A/N: This story will contain of Cece's 08' Challenge lines from January-September. This story begins right after the episode, 'Secret Agent Man'.

A/N: MCRD: Marine Corps Recruit Depot.

A/N: Thanks to Karen for proofing for me, but I added tons to this chapter 'after' her proofing, so don't blame her for any mistakes.(smile)

October 15, 2003

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

Harm sat in front of his computer in his quiet apartment. He had just returned from 5 mile run. His running schedule was suffering as a result of his new job but he still did the best he could to maintain. One thing was sure, he wouldn't be participating in any marathons for awhile. In the past, on his free weekends, when he returned from a run, he'd call Mac to see if she had any plans. Their conversation wasn't usually about anything special, it just seemed the natural thing to do. But, that was before Paraguay, he was beginning to feel as though he would forever see his life as pre-Paraguay and post-Paraguay.

After showering, he threw on his favorite jeans and a t-shirt and made his way to his desk. As he sat down he noticed that the sunlight in the room reflected his t-shirt's large block letters, 'Parris Island MCRD' on his computer screen. He hadn't even thought about which shirt he'd put on. Mac had given it to him as a joke. If you cant be a Marine, Harm, you can at wear the t-shirt. He smiled at the thought but then wondered if he probably shouldn't just get rid of it, but disposing of everything that he owned that conjured a memory of Mac, would take him a week. He didn't really want to get rid of everything anyway. He still had a lot of good memories of Mac, in better times, and nothing would change that.

He wasn't sure why he was at his computer. He'd checked his e mail earlier in the day, he supposed it was force of habit. So much of his work at JAG had required that he be at his computer, this just seemed the right place to be when he had a free moment.

He surfed the net for awhile, catching up on the latest news since he'd been out of the country. He skipped through the partisan political garbage, the next election was over a year away. It seemed it began earlier and earlier every election cycle. He'd thought of having a newspaper delivered, like a normal human being, but the delivery would leave an indicator of whether or not he was in the country, so he decided against it. He was starting to behave like a spook...a person that he never, in his life, believed he'd be.

Harm thought of his new partner, or partner-of-the-moment, Beth O'Neil. He'd cryptically alluded to his relationship with Mac, to her. He'd hinted that it didn't go well and that it was over. She told him he wouldn't know if it was 'over' the relationship, until he saw her again.

'No chance of that' he thought. He and Mac had gone their separate ways, he didn't know if he'd ever see her again, at least, not any time soon.

The news page had the usual spam flashing around the periphery of the page. 'Harmoniousmatch DotCom' caught his eye. Harm frowned, thinking that anyone who had to resort to getting online to get a date, had to have something fundamental missing from their lives.

As he sat there, scanning the page, it occurred to him that the words, 'something missing' very accurately described his life, as it was now. There was a gaping hole in his life now that he wasn't in the Navy anymore. He was not at JAG, not with anyone that he considered a friend. He knew he needed to get in touch with Bud and Harriet, but doing that now was just too painful. Seeing them only reminded him of all he'd lost and what he might never have. How did anyone who worked for the Company get a sense of camaraderie with people who couldn't even acknowledge that they knew each other? Webb had welcomed him to the 'brotherhood', but it sure didn't seem to be a brotherhood, to him.

Harm brought the cursor over the advertisement that touted a 'perfect match' for anyone who gave their service a try. Harm had begun feeling skeptical but then impulsively, he clicked on to the site. What the hell…what did he have to lose, anyway? He didn't have to obligate himself in any way. It said so, right there on the ad.

He went through the application, step by step, giving them only as much information as he felt necessary and safe. As he finished registering and sent his information away, his phone rang. Deciding to let his machine pick it up, he heard his own voice instruct the caller to leave a message,

and then he heard her voice…

"Harm? Um, this is Mac…again. I know you've been pretty busy…..with the new job...but, I was just hoping to talk…see how you're doing. We're still friends….aren't we?" A long silence followed. "Anyway…give me a call."

Harm's expression turned grim as he battled with himself about returning her call. There was no reason not to call her, he just didn't think he could be friends with Mac now. This was a truth about himself that he wasn't particularly proud of. Up until he saw Mac and Webb together at the hospital, shortly after their return from Paraguay, he believed nothing could change his and Mac's friendship. Now he knew better.

He was only human, he just couldn't take seeing them together now. He couldn't take hearing about Webb in her conversation, seeing her feelings for him, in her eyes. The whole relationship wasn't any of his business now anyway and he knew it, any chance he and Mac had together, had been lost in Paraguay. He was still angry, damn angry, but the problem was, he wasn't sure where to direct his anger. At Mac…or himself. It didn't matter, either way, he wasn't involved with Mac in any kind of relationship and he couldn't talk to her now.

He looked over his shoulder at the blinking light on his answering machine and then back at the computer screen. Maybe Renee had been right when she said he wasn't good at relationships and that he didn't like letting anyone in. Maybe an online relationship was the only thing he was fit for.

Harm shook his head and chuckled, he was getting ridiculous, this was entirely too much introspection.

It was time to get the hell out of this apartment, to a place he wouldn't run into anyone from JAG or anyone remotely associated with his former life. He'd head out to the airfield in Blacksburg and spend the day with 'Sarah.' The uncomplicated Sarah, the Sarah he knew and loved long before he'd ever even heard of JAG or Sarah Mackenzie.

Later that day…

Mac's apartment

Georgetown

Mac let herself into her apartment, carrying her mail, a newspaper and her briefcase. Before she even put anything down, she looked hopefully at her answering machine, looking for the red blinking light that told her she had a message. As it had been since Harm left JAG, there was no message from him. She hadn't expected being separated from Harm to be so painful. Not being able to see him, not talking to him, no contact at all, had left a huge vacuum in her life. Even when he'd left JAG and gone to the Patrick Henry, they'd connected, just often enough to reassure her that she hadn't lost him completely.

She used to think she understood him better than anyone, but this silence had her at a loss. Why wouldn't he call her? He couldn't be gone all the time, she hadn't spoken with him in months. Months! How had that happened? She never believed they'd ever be so estranged from each other. They'd been at odds before, but their friendship always held. She had gone over and over the last real conversation they'd had, alone, in her mind. She didn't regret what she'd said, she still didn't believe they'd ever be anything more than they had been in the past. Friends. It would never be more than that. That wasn't so bad, was it? It seemed to her, trying to take this relationship further, had been the problem. She just wanted to accept things as they were and move on, but she never, ever, wanted to lose Harm as a friend.

Mac just missed Harm, so much more than she thought possible.

She would never show it or admit it to anyone, she still had her pride, after all. She wasn't exactly lonely. Well, not really. Webb was interested in her, he'd made that very clear, but he came and went from her life without warning or explanation. She wasn't sure she wanted someone like that in her life, on a permanent basis. Was there a permanent person in Webb's life, beside his mother? Did she really want to be 'permanent' in his life?

She just didn't know. A couple of months ago, she might have been more willing to consider Webb a permanent possibility, but not anymore.

As she removed her trench coat, she was still deep in thought, dusk was starting to settle outside and the room was dark, she flipped the light switch on the wall and began to take out the files in her briefcase. Work was plentiful, especially without Harm in the office, there was certainly enough to do to fill her nights.

After a quick shower and a change in to something comfortable, she made herself dinner and sat down at her dining room table. She'd arranged her files so that she'd have a 'working' dinner. She opened her laptop, after arranging her chicken sandwich on wheat, cup of yogurt and herbal tea. As she reached for the mouse, her contents of her dinner caught her eye. 'Harm would be so proud' she thought. Maybe she was beginning to think like him, that was something wasn't it? Harm had certainly made his mark on her life, in too many ways to count. As she opened her first file, she smiled and thought that thinking like Harm actually could be a rip in the time/space continuum.

Booting up her computer, she refocused her attention and energy to the cases she was working on. She worked non stop for nearly 4 hours and after a long stretch, she decided she done enough work for one night. She closed the file that she'd been working on and decided to have a look at the latest news on her favorite server.

An advertisement on the edge of the page caught her eye. It read, "Harmoniousmatch DotCom". Mac sat back in her chair and studied the ad.

She read the words, 'professional,' 'confidential,' 'no obligation' and 'private.'

She thought for a few moments about her social life, as it now stood. She hadn't seen someone she considered her best friend in nearly 6 months. She'd seen Webb all of twice, with the exception of the times she visited him in the hospital. She and Webb hadn't even been 'out' on a date. Both of the times she'd seen him, he'd called at the last minute, arriving at the door of her apartment with an armful of roses. He would glide into the room, charming and urbane, full of mystery and seemingly strong feelings for her. They'd never shared more than a few kisses and true affection for each other. He wanted more but she wasn't ready to move that quickly with him. She cared, but she didn't trust him completely. His visits were brief and of course, he could never say where he was going or where he'd been.

This kind of mystery didn't appeal to her, though she understood the need for it. It only left her feeling adrift and more unsure of him and her feelings for him. She was beginning to feel as though she knew more about him when she worked missions with him, than she did now. The whole thing seemed upside-down somehow.

She didn't really know what she wanted, and Webb just didn't seem to understand that. She wouldn't be pressured by anyone to decide. So, straightening in her chair, she glided her cursor over to Harmoniousmatch DotCom.

She knew this might change things, but at the moment she didn't care what Webb or Harmon Rabb, or anyone else for that matter, might think. After all, she was a grown woman with a mind of her own. She was the Captain of her soul. Maybe someday they'd mend fences, but just now, she was tired of worrying about anyone's opinion of her. Life goes on, she thought.

"Yes, it does," she whispered aloud.

0745

November 17, 2003

JAG Headquarters

Harm was in the office first, as he had been in the 3 weeks since he came back to JAG. He was more glad to be back than he'd ever say. It was as if he'd been a stranger in a strange land while he was working for the Company. Now, he was finally back where he belonged. He sat down at his desk with a cup of coffee and opened his personal email. His eyes scanned the subject of each message. One was from Mattie, another from his mom…then his eyes came to rest on the next one. 'We have a match for you!'

Harm rested his head on his open hand, peeking up at the message, all in caps, no less. "What was I thinking?" he said aloud to himself.

He'd completely forgotten filling out this survey and sending in his application. He had done this in a very weak moment, on a day when he'd been feeling particularly low. It had to have been nearly a month ago. Life was good now…well, it was better, much better.

"Sir?"

Bud stood in his office doorway, looking at him curiously. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes…fine. Hi…Bud, Lieutenant, how are you doing?" Harm surreptitiously closed his email so that if Bud walked further into his office, he wouldn't see the bold letters of, 'We have a match for you!'

Bud wrinkled his nose. "I'm great..but I really feel bad about this office."

The 'stink' in his office had become a bit of joke in the bullpen.

"Don't worry about it, Bud. I think the Admiral has finally authorized tearing the wall out so they can find out whatever animal died behind this wall."

Just then, Mac also appeared in the doorway of Harm's new, smelly and cramped office.

Thinking the Colonel had come to speak with Commander Rabb, Bud started to leave, "If you'll excuse me sir, ma'am…"

Mac stopped him, "I was looking for you, Lieutenant."

She gave Harm a cursory glance, with no particular expression or greeting, before she left the room with Bud following her. Her glance hadn't been dismissive, it had been indifferent and that's what he found so jarring about their relationship now. It was as if it didn't matter to her, one way or the other, if they had any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise.

In the past, when they worked a case, they'd order in and go over all the details, but not this last time, though they'd gotten along well. An element of their closeness was missing. An element whose value he didn't understand until they'd lost it.

He hasn't realized how much comfort he took in their routine. 'Their' routine didn't exist anymore. In the beginning of their relationship, there was never more than friendship between them, but maybe it was just the possibility of something more shining in her eyes, that made him want to return those looks with equal interest.

He missed that, he missed a lot of things….pre-Paraguay. He'd gone as far as trying to get her to tell him she'd missed him, or at least, tell him that she was glad he was back, but Mac had evaded the question. She was …nice…about it, which only made him feel like a fool for asking. Maybe he was being foolish for carrying all this around inside him when there was no point to it.

The way they were now made sense, she wasn't trying to be unfriendly, she was just moving on. He understood it, but he had mistakenly thought that when he returned they would find their way back to the closeness they had before. Maybe the best he could hope for, where Mac was concerned was to keep the animosity out of their conversations, and so far, they'd been successful at that.

Considering where they were a month ago, he knew he should be grateful for that, and move on as well. For awhile, seeing Catherine Gale had been a possibility, but she knew him too well. She was smart enough to know she'd only be a substitute for what he really wanted. A life with Mac.

Harm, alone in his office again, returned his attention to his computer screen, reopened his e mail. "Why am I doing this?"

He knew, even as the thought crossed his mind. He needed something in his life…someone to talk to, some kind of connection so that he wouldn't feel as though he had been cut loose from his moorings. Mattie filled his life with a purpose he hadn't had for a long time and he was grateful for that, but he needed a relationship. A personal focus to distract him from the indifference he thought he saw in Mac's eyes. A distraction from what he let slip through his fingers.

There were times when he wasn't 100 sure that moving on was the right thing to do. Webb…was Webb, after all and Harm just didn't see a future for Webb and Mac, long term. Now, he wasn't sure now if he'd been correct in his assessment. If what he was seeing in her expression, it was long past the time to wait for Mac. She had moved on, and he understood now, he needed to stop trying to stop her. It wasn't fair.

With resolve borne out of desperation, he moved his cursor over his email list and clicked onto the message from Harmoniousmatch.

Later that day….

Mac had been so busy all day that she hadn't had time to look at her personal email. Nearly everyone had left for the day when she sat down at her computer and opened it. She immediately saw her reply from Harmoniousmatch DotCom.

She looked through the open blinds of her office window, at the dimly lit bullpen and caught a glimpse of Harm, through the glass doors. She leaned slightly to the side so that she could get a better view of him as he pushed the button for the elevator. Just then, as if he could feel her eyes on him, he looked over his shoulder at her. Their eyes locked and held. The bell from the opening door chimed and for a moment, Harm seemed to hesitate, as though he might come back into her office and talk with her. It was only a milliseconds' hesitation, before he seemed to reconsider and step onto the elevator. When he turned toward Mac again, and as the elevator doors closed, she felt an inexplicable sadness fall over her. Even now, she hated the thought of Harm and closed doors, doors that closed them off from each other, ending the possibilities. Even though she knew their chance, if they ever had one together, had passed.

There was nothing she could do. Mac squared her shoulders and shook off her sadness. 'Get on with it, Marine' she thought. She opened the message and it read that the service had given her 4 men to choose from. She felt a pang of guilt because of Webb, but then she remembered, she hadn't seen him or heard from him in nearly 2 months. When he'd left her apartment, he'd said only, "I'll see you again." Not much commitment in that, was there?

Mac smiled and whispered aloud, "Well, well, which bachelor shall I choose."

Mac read all the general information and brief physical descriptions of each bachelor. Bachelor #1, she eliminated right away.. 'Walking in the rain'? One of the vital statistics that caught her eye was 6' 4''. 195 lbs. Mac smiled wryly, thinking that this guy was probably short and bald. Mac read on, each man gave a number of generic answers to questions about their goals in life, none that would tell her anything important about them. One man was an accountant but it seemed a long shot that they'd have anything in common. There was another who said he was professor of archaeology at a local college which was interesting but he was the, walks-in-the-rain guy, so he was a definite no. Bachelor # 3 stated that he was an attorney and since Mac had had terrible luck with civilian and military attorneys, bachelor # 3 was also a definite, no.

All but one of the men stated, up front, that marriage was their goal. She laughed out loud when bachelor # 4 actually answered, 'Don't know'.

As Mac read on, bachelor # 4 sounded more and more interesting. His profile said he had a job with the DOD, but did not specify more than that. He said 'home was the West Coast.' So she assumed he was in the Navy or a Marine, stationed in California somewhere. He was an only child, like her…military background…like her. This guy could work, especially if he lived on the west coast. No worries about this guy showing up at her front door.

She sat back in her chair, her eyes fixed on the profile of bachelor # 4. She didn't really need to do this, Webb was in her life, well, sort of…she had a busy career…but there was something about this guy. She looked again at his answer to what his objectives in this relationship would be. 'Don't know'

She smirked, thinking he was a man after her own heart. 'I don't know either….I think you're my guy.'

Mac moved her cursor over his profile and clicked her mouse. "Bachelor # 4, it is."

TBC