Atcafoo: My ultimate fantasy is definitely this story. (If this doesn't prove how much of a nerd I am…) Well, I suppose a knight in shining armor comes in first. In fact, if they saved my life it would be cooler... My list could go on forever. This idea popped into my head as I glanced at my math book's cover and thought 'How cool would it be if the author of these problems was really hot?' Honestly. It would make the book a whole lot better, but they're always either old or ugly. Oh, well.

Since no one reads the author's notes anyway, read on! My first non-oneshot…

I'm not being Obtuse, but…

As a general rule of math, there are always two groups of people. The first group is referred to as 'Those with the Gift.' The second group is simply referred to as 'The Rest.' The first group is filled with those who can memorize formulas in an instant, solve hard algebra in their head, and recite a great portion of pi along with various other skills.

One glance at Sakura's test was enough to easily separate her into a group instantly.

"I got a D?!" Sakura exclaimed. "There must be some flaw in Mrs. Luxa's grading!"

Ino glanced over her shoulder at her friend's test and rolled her eyes. "Sakura, you do realize that this is your third D this month."

"Yeah, because the teacher hates me!" She flipped her pink hair over a shoulder and handed Ino her test. "Take a look."

"Sakura…" Ino groaned. "You said that the square root of 256 was eight. You said that 8 plus 8 equals 16x was x equals 3. This was major review! I remember doing this in sixth grade! We're freshmen!"

"It's not my fault. I always forget stuff over the summer." This defense fell through.

"Sakura… It's November." Ino placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. "…I think you need a tutor."

Sakura gaped. "You can't be serious! It's this math book! Who writes this anyway? It's their fault!"

Ino rolled her eyes again. "Why don't you go tell them that, then?"

"Maybe I will!"

"Ladies! Quiet down! Some people in here are actually trying to learn." Mrs. Luxa slammed her ruler against her desk.

"I told you she hated me." Sakura murmured louder than she intended, burying her head into her arms.

"Detention, Haruno."

----

"That was a royal pain in the butt." Sakura kicked a rock as she pulled on the hem of her skirt. "I can't believe she gave me a detention."

Ino laughed. "At lest you didn't get an F. Or should I say another one..?"

"You're pushing it, Ino. You know how bad I am at math!"

"Which is why I think you need a tutor." Ino pointed out. "I really think you should consider it. I don't care if you think it's going to ruin your reputation or anything. Your mom won't be happy either when she finds out what your grade is."

"She won't find out. I'm not going to tell her anything until she sees my grade on my report card at the end of this semester." Sakura smiled brilliantly. "By then, I'll have everything sorted out."

"Really, now?" Ino poked her shoulder. "How are you going to do that?"

"By then I'll have contacted the math-book people for a written apology saying that my grade is their fault."

"I was kidding when I said that, idiot!" Ino gaped at her friend. "Plus, you have no idea where they live, and when you find them, how exactly are you going to get a note that says that you are failing because of them? I see a gaping hole in this plot of yours. Several, even."

"Just you wait, Ino." Sakura waggled her index finger at the blonde. "When I have them on speed-dial, you'll be on your knees worshipping my goodness."

"You know, you could be the first person to ever stalk an algebra book making company." Ino sighed. "You never answered my question anyway. How are you going to find out where they live?"

"Two words, dear Ino. MySpace and Google Maps."

"Isn't that three?" Ino gasped dramatically. "Don't tell me you've forgotten how to count too! When you start relying on the Count to get through high school math…"

"I don't need Sesame Street to pass this class…" Sakura explained and then smirked. "…Just their home phone numbers and address…"

"God, I hope nobody cute is listening to this conversation." Ino shook her head sadly.

"Che. Not that you'd have a chance anyway, pig." Sakura teased.

"Watch your mouth, forehead!"

----

Sakura slowly guided her mouse around on her keypad to click on the Easy Algebra Book website. The clock flashed '11:09' and she knew she had to get some sleep sometime. She had already narrowed down her target to Sharingan Corps. All that was needed now was the name of the authors.

"Jackpot!" Sakura exclaimed excitedly. There were four people total that were listed. One was in bold lettering, large and thick as if it was standing out for a reason. And what were the chances of someone in here actually living nearby? It must have been destiny. (Or the fact that the school was trying to support local companies…)

Itachi Uchiha

"You, Itachi Uchiha, will prepare to feel the wrath of a high school girl."

----

"You can't be serious!!" Ino exclaimed. "What do you mean you know where he lives?"

Sakura gave her the thumbs up. "Well, apparently he has a friend named Kisame or something who has a MySpace. And a shark fetish…"

"Getting off topic!" Ino sang.

"Well, there was some sort of deal and I got his address. Isn't that great?" Sakura skipped happily. "I hope he doesn't have a heart attack when I find him. An old geezer like him shouldn't last much longer."

"Old geezer?" Ino rolled her eyes. "How old?"

"Well, it didn't say. Kisame was about 25, but I have no idea how old this Uchiha guy is." Sakura said thoughtfully.

"Oh my gosh!" Ino clapped her hands together. "If he was so old, why would he have a young friend? He could be, like, 20 and gorgeous!"

"That's what you get for reading too much manga, Ino-pig!" Sakura scolded. "Maybe this Kisame character is just weird."

"I'm just brining up the possibility. You know you were hoping, too."

"Yeah, yeah." The pink-haired girl rolled her eyes. "I just hope he can get off of Life Support long enough to sign my apology."

"You have no confidence in a God being up there." Ino sighed. "Romance these days."

"Now look who's the geezer." Sakura ragged. "Come with me, please?"

"NO." Ino made a drastic 'end' motion with her hands. "If you're going to stalk possible child molesters, you can do it by yourself. It's not like my grade needs any help anyway."

"Fine." Sakura pouted. "If I get raped, I blame you."

"We're going to be late for school if you don't hurry it up!" Ino yelled and started running.

"It's only seven hours until 3:00." She reminded herself as she started to jog at her own pace. "Then you can visit the house. By yourself. With a possibility of being raped."

Then the day seemed a little brighter.

----

If Sakura had been a weaker (or perhaps smarter) person, she would have thought twice about knocking on the front doors of the large mansion in front of her. It was beautifully designed, and two large marble pillars held the whole house up. The lawn was probably the source of the 'grass is greener on the other side' phrase. Large sprinklers spruced up the whole place, and ivy covered the walls. It looked like something out of a portrait from earlier times.

In the back of her head, Sakura wondered how someone who had devoted themselves to writing textbooks had worked up enough money to afford such an expansive place as this.

Probably heirs, Sakura reassured herself. The chance of them being robbers is about 1,000,000,000 to 1.

She lifted a hand daintily past the large knockers (Who had those anymore?) on the doors to ring the bell. She could hear it echo through the house and waited patiently for the elder to arrive. It was probably taking him awhile to get down the stairs-

In a sudden flurry of motion, the doors swung open.

"I told you that I don't want to buy-!"

The situation was like something out of a movie. The ones where a person is really bugging a character, so when he answers the phone for the third time to yell at the annoying fiend, it ends up being his girlfriend who then thinks that he hates her.

Sakura felt very much like the girlfriend at that moment.

Then the boy looked at her and she lost all ability to form words. He was about a head taller than her with medium length dark hair that was spiked in the back. He had pale skin that made her wonder if he had ever walked out of the front door of his house. (Of course, if Sakura had lived there, she wouldn't either.)

"Who are you?" The newly established cute guy glared at her.

Now that wasn't very nice. At least he wasn't a child molester.

----

Because you all wish that you had hot guys in the cover of your textbooks. McDougal Litell just doesn't do it for me.

Review, please!