Masks

Yugao

Summary: Kakashi hides more than his face behind his mask.

Author's Note: Thanks to Ariel32 – without you this never would have been written. I've been in such a rut lately, and your idea brought me out of that rut. I give you mad props for being awesome. Here's a Kakashi-centric one-shot with bits and pieces from my KakashiShizune, Articulate. You don't have to go read that one too to understand this, though. Mostly it's just vignettes from Kakashi's life. I don't know much about the White Fang so I probably made some stuff up. Haha. Sorry.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kakashi. Though I would like to. Hahaha.

We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile.

Paul Laurence Dunbar

I.

"Otou-san, why do you wear a mask?"

My father, who has been staring up at the sky or at kami-knows-what, really, focuses his attention to me. I cannot say for sure whether he's smiling because the black mask that covers everything below his dark eyes obscures any outline of his lips (I do not understand how that is, since the cloth presses so tightly and protectively to his face). Still, I assume he is smiling, because I can see it in his eyes – the telltale crinkle of amusement as he laughs and picks me up and puts me on his shoulders, as he has done so many times before.

"I'm a ninja, Kakashi, and when all else fails I have to hide," he says as he carries my four-year-old self back towards our house, where okaa-san stands at the door and waves for us to come. I hear my father's tone suddenly become serious. "It's not that I am afraid, or that I am not brave enough to do what is best for our village. Sometimes you have to hide behind masks, or walls, or your comrades, in order to keep going. A good ninja understands that sometimes he has to fall back, steel himself, and not show any sign of weakness in order to keep going, no matter how hard or painful or impossible that seems to be for him."

When my father gets this way I never know how to answer, so I do not. Instead I tug at his silver hair, playfully, and he gives a little, feigned (I can tell), "Ouch," before going on with what he has been saying: "Someday, Kakashi, you will be a ninja as well, and you will understand."

But I do not want to think about the future, or having to wear a mask to hide behind, so I tug on his hair and tell him that okaa-san calls us for dinner and that I am starving although I am not.

II.

There is a knock at the door and I think – no, I hope – that it is my father. He has been sent on a mission and is due back today, and I can't wait until I get the chance to see him again. We will play the best games a father and a son can play, and he will tell me stories about his latest adventures and how easily he defeats the bad guys and how heroic he is. He will make me laugh and I will once again thank kami for giving me such an awesome father.

So I bound into the foyer towards the front door, and okaa-san can hardly keep up with me. The knock ends abruptly as I slide open the door and expect to see my father, all battered and bruised but with a smile in his eyes, but I do not. Instead I see a group of men, none of whom is otou-san, and I am confused. They look past me, towards my mother, and they nod sullenly. I do not understand what has just happened, but my mother crumples to the floor and breaks down in tears. I go over to her to ask what has happened, but she only sobs and pulls me close.

I turn around to look at the men who have come, but the door is closed and all I can see are my father's forehead protector and his black mask, which I pick up and put on.

III.

I discover I need the mask again as I watch my best friend Obito die.

Somehow the mask, though clinging tightly to my skin, hides the fact that I bite down hard on my lower lip to stifle the tears. I function as the team 'leader' when sensei is away, and I cannot afford to show weakness. I understand that sometimes I have to hide behind a mask in order to keep going, even though years before, I could not grasp its meaning at all. I wonder, as sensei and Rin tear me away from the place where Obito lies, if I will continue to understand otou-san better with time.

IV.

"You are ANBU now. You have to wear this mask at all times."

I flip the light, smooth mask over to feel its inside, the indentations meant for a person's nose, the holes in perfect place for his eyes, the creases under which the mouth is supposed to go. I flip it back to see its face, fox-like and white, with outlines of red here and there: around the eyes, into the feline ears above them, in whiskers on the cold, smooth, white cheek, in a sinister smile that foxes always seem to have.

"Why?" I ask my superior, and it is guilelessly, undauntedly.

He smirks. "You are part of an organization. We do not want you recognized as the son of Konoha's White Fang, or as Hatake Kakashi. You are part of ANBU now. There is no more Hatake Kakashi. You are now only one of the ANBU, one of the unknown, unseen soldiers that work for Konohagakure no Sato's peacekeeping. You have no identity but that of one of the ANBU's Black Ops. And this mask… is to hide any identity of yours from seeping through."

I frown, but put on the mask.

V.

I wear the ANBU mask for no longer than two years, and I get weary of hiding too much of who I am. I quit soon after.

VI.

"Kakashi, take off your mask. Please. We have to clean that wound of yours," Shizune instructs. But I hesitate – the mask has become a part of me, and it is a part I have become afraid to lose and let go of. I know she is right; one of the fatal wounds cuts deep into the side of my face and it needs attention as soon as possible, so, making sure that there is no one else in the room I nod and allow her to peel off the black cloth.

I hear her gasp, though I am not certain whether it's from surprise that there's nothing horrible under my mask (as some people have begun to speculate) or from the deepness of the wound. Either way she says nothing more, but I see the confusion and puzzlement in her dark eyes. "Why would you want to wear a mask, Kakashi?" I can practically hear her asking, although she doesn't say anything. I turn away. She will not understand, anyway. She will never need to hide behind a mask.

People think of this as some sort of deception. Ha. Deception, as if I cast a genjutsu over them. But no. I do not think of this as lying, or as acting, or as deceiving. I think of this merely as withholding information.

VII.

I see my former student, Uchiha Sasuke, waging war against Konoha.

I feel the need to once more hide behind this mask.

Author's Note: Yay, done. I'm sorry if it was confusing and stuff, but yes. I needed a shift in style, and this was probably the first fic that wrote itself in a long, long, long time.