What can I say about this one…

It was a request from the DGM Kink Meme, the prompt was delicious and I couldn't resist it. It was to be expected from an uke!Kanda lover like myself x3

"I say it's something about his hair, he has to have a reason for keeping it so long and beautiful."

"What? Nooo, Yu-chan's not girly, you know... In fact, he doesn't even care about his hair. He just washes it with soap."

"Wow really? How do you know that much about him, Lavi?"

"Well, uh... You see... You can say we have some kind of special relationship!"

"I'd call it love/ hate, seeing he threatens and death glares at you get every time you try to hug or cling to him."

"Hey that's mean kid! You're jealous because he lets me use his first name!"

"...He always tries to choke the living soul out of you every time you do. Anyway, we're getting distracted from the purpose of our secret meeting!"

"...We're sitting on the roof to make sure no one hears us, it isn't exactly an office for secret agents."

"Those are details, Lavi. The question here is: we both are curious and want to know what Kanda's sensitive spots are. He has to have at least one, right? He's human, after all."

"Meh... I'd say he can be like an akuma, too. Have you ever noticed how skinny he is? Yet, he's strong like hell."

"Don't try to make me jealous, I've never seen him naked like you did before! Only during battles, when his uniform gets torn apart..."

"Well, we will get both problems solved soon! Because I am awesome like that and already thought of a plan."

Allen barely had the time to blink after those words. Next thing he knew, he was being dragged down the stairway that led to the Order's roof and, then, across halls and corridors, till Lavi finally stopped in front of the door of Kanda's room. Pushing the wood panel open, the redhead signaled the younger one to take a look inside and Allen's silver eyes blinked in confusion when he noticed the Asian exorcist deep sleeping on his bed.

"What's the big idea? You think he may talk during his sleep?"

"No silly, you have to think like a pervert! Didn't Cross ever teach you anything about sexual intercourse? Yu-chan's sleeping like a baby, so we just have to make sure he won't be going anywhere before we end our interrogation session."

"What?? You may have been around him longer than I did, but I still know he's a really light sleeper! He's gonna gut us if he wakes up and catches us..."

"Eheh, he won't... I made sure of that. I snatched a few sleeping pills from the infirmary and slipped them in his tea, he's probably still gonna be in the dream world for an hour or so."

"...Lavi!!"

"Hush, save the shock for later! Now come in quietly and help me. We're gonna need something to tie him down...help me cutting a few sheets, before he wakes up."

Kanda's mind slowly came back to his body, leaving behind a rather weird dream having to do with a garden filled with black roses and vines that wrapped around his body unexpectedly. Still keeping his eyes closed and feeling abnormally sleepy, he tried to shift on the bed to lay on his side instead, but was unable to do so. Whining a soft noise and wondering for a moment if he was still trapped in that dream, his night-sky colored hues snapped open and immediately grew wide as he noticed a deviously grinning redhead hovering over him. So it wasn't a dream... but, rather, a nightmarish reality.

"...Can you tell me what the fuck is happening before I grab your tongue and tug it out of your mouth till I rip it off?" He demanded, narrowing his eyes in a cold glare.

Lavi didn't seemed to be intimidated, though, because he knew the growling older boy wouldn't be able to move so soon, needless to say reach for the always murderous Mugen. "Ahhh Allen, the sleeping beauty is awake! We can finally start the interrogation."

"The what...? What the fuck?" Kanda's surprise was evident as he heard the other's words and glanced around to try and understand what he was talking about. Surprise grew into bewilderment when he noticed how his hands were tied together and bonded to the headboard by what seemed to be fragments of a sheet and how his ankles also had pieces of the same white cloth wrapped around them. Bewilderment grew into disbelief when he noticed that, above all that, he was completely naked. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??"

The junior Bookman only chuckled at the outburst and knelt astride the samurai's chest, sitting on his stomach and effectively pinning him down and shattering any chance of movement he could possibly still have. "So loud Yu-chan, you're gonna make someone deaf one of these days. But you're hot when you curse like that, you know?"

"Lavi, I..." Kanda halted his speech for a split second, closing his eyes and feeling his whole body starting to shudder in rage. He didn't know how he ended up like that, he didn't know what the redhead's intention was, but he knew he wouldn't like it. "Have you gone insane once and for all? Get the fuck off me and release me, or I swear I'll shave your head and make a mop with your hair!" He squirmed as violently as he could, being tied up and under a heavier male, but that, obviously, didn't do much good.

"Speaking of hair, yours is so pretty, Kanda, I really like it..." Allen spoke for the first time, sitting down on the bed next to Kanda's face and starting to stroke the other's long hair that was now out of the rigid ponytail and spilled over the pillow like a dark, silky blanket.

Kanda's eyes widened again at the sound of Allen's voice and at the touch to his hair, he had been so focused on glaring holes on Lavi that he hadn't even noticed the younger exorcist was also in the room. Before he had the chance to resume his ranting, Lavi moved closer, far too close for comfort, and whispered by his ear. "We just want to know what pleases Yu. Since you never told us, we need to find out by ourselves." This said, he pressed both of their lips together.

Bad option. Kanda could be bonded and almost unable to move, but he was still Kanda. And Kanda doesn't give up on his efforts, not even if the house is falling apart around him. Growling in frustration because, in that position, he wouldn't be able to kick Lavi's face like he wanted to, he opted for the only aggressive reaction he could have at the moment: he bit down hard on the mongrel's lips and only let his teeth rest when the other pulled away whining in pain.

"YU!! Bad Yu, that hurt! You almost made me bleed!"

"You try that again and I certainly will! Now let me go, goddamn it, I don't want to be pleased and I have nothing to tell you! And you stop touching my hair for Kami's sake, I'm not a fucking doll needing to be combed by a sissy!"

Allen frowned a bit and lightly pinched one of Kanda's cheeks. It was really a good thing Lavi thought of tying the Japanese like that, it allowed them to be much more daring than in a normal situation. "I told you he wouldn't cooperate, Lavi."The tallest boy's pout was still in place as he carefully rubbed his abused lip, but his expression quickly became mischievous again. "I guess it was to be expected, that's what makes Yu even the more interesting. But we really need our answers, so we should get plan A started now. Are you ready Allen?"

"...Are you sure this is a good idea? Why don't you do it instead?"

"Because I'm better at keeping Yu-chan still than you are. Besides, I bet you'll look hot doing that."

The cheering was ended with a wink that made the white-haired exorcist blush. "O-okay, if you say so... If you think Kanda will enjoy it too, I'll give it a try."The ebony-haired male had just been listening to the other two for the last moments, wondering what in the heaven's name were they up to. He soon found out how much of a bliss ignorance can be and that he'd feel much better if he didn't know. "Mugen!"

The precious sword, that was more like an extra limb to him, was now being pulled off the sheath by Allen's slightly shaky hands. Kanda couldn't believe what happened next and his beautiful blue eyes almost fell from his face when he saw how the other was now licking the blade all over and then started carefully moving the tip in and out his mouth, almost as if... he was sucking on a fucking cursed sweet ice cream.

"Bean sprout, you... You have a supreme death wish..." He was barely able to remember how to say what he wanted to say in English, as he watched his beloved katana being abused like that and prayed with all his might that Allen ended up stabbing his throat by mistake.

"Don't you think he looks hot, Yu? Doesn't this...turn you on?" Lavi purred by his ear, now laying over the Asian boy and clinging to him in a way that made him look like a startled kitty plushie.

Longing for a favorable reply, Allen didn't let his gaze travel away from the oldest of the three for a single second. Kanda's expression wasn't exactly a needy one, far from it, he was looking like a trapped panther that wanted to pounce a prey and slice it to death but couldn't. He hoped his next motion would have a better effect, so he breathed in and went for it.

The parasitic type exorcist grabbed Mugen's hilt with both hands -the sword was quite heavy and Allen couldn't help but wonder how was Kanda able to lift it so easily, being so slim- and moved it some inches down, till the blade was in front of his crotch. Closing his eyes, he gently rocked his hips forward and rubbed his lower body against the sword, his flesh still being separated by the cold metal by the layers of fabric of his pants and underwear. A soft pleasured noise escaped past his lips as he repeated the movement.

"Okay, that... That did it..." Kanda let out a gasp as he spoke, making a single emerald and a pair of silver diamonds lock intensely on him. Did it work? Allen and Lavi wondered, but the answer wasn't exactly what they were wishing for.

"STOP HUMPING MY SWORD YOU SICK PERVERT!!" The samurai writhed and trashed as much as he could, almost desperately trying to get his hands free and save the poor Mugen from Allen's molestation. "Get your fucking cursed hands away from it or I'll make sure you die the most gruesome death someone has ever died!!"

The youngest boy scratched his cheek and carefully put the weapon down on the floor, giving Lavi a desolated expression. "It didn't work..."

"I know... We should have expected Yu to be this stubborn. But it's okay... We're just getting started and it's time for plan B!"

"Plan B..." Allen muttered to himself while softly nibbling on his thumb, recalling what he and Lavi had plotted before in case the sword molestation wasn't successful. And saying that was being gentle, because Kanda almost turned green when he noticed what the white-haired boy did to his katana and was now tugging at the sheets wrapped around his wrists so hard that it wouldn't be a surprise if he managed to break free.

Lavi wasn't worried, or at least wasn't letting it show, for he was still sitting on the oldest one's stomach as if it was nothing, ignoring the freezing glares he was being shot with. "Yes, you know what to do kid."

"What in the hell are you talking about now? This has gone far enough, let me go and I promise I'll give you both a quick and painless death." The Asian exorcist made a new attempt in trying to tear apart the restraining cloths but had to stop when Lavi leaned closer to him and pressed their lips together. The bad part, though, wasn't that - after all, Kanda much more preferred it when the redhead put his mouth to a good use, instead of babbling about random things that wouldn't even captivate a helpless slug dying of boredom.

"How does it feel, Yu...?" That was the bad part, the way Lavi was now brushing the very tip of one of his fingers over one of the Japanese's nipples. And, as if they had practiced it before -they probably did, while Kanda was still sleeping- Allen joined efforts with Lavi and laid by their side on the bed, starting to grace Kanda's right ear lobe with gentle nips.

Silence was all that Kanda gave them for the next instants. His brain was trying to process what was happening without overloading, and the confused expression plastered all over his face gave the other two a hope to cling to. It would be shattered to small fragments soon, though, because what was troubling the blue-eyed man the most wasn't an eventual outburst of pleasure starting to charge. He was surprised, yes, but by how much of jerks and perverted western people could be. Even a handshake between non-close friends was considered rude in Japan and, there he was, having his naked body being licked and bitten as if he was a piece of roasted chicken!

"You two... What do you have inside of your heads? Shit shaped like a brain? That wouldn't turn me on not even if I had never have sex during my whole damned life!" Which was actually true, but not for an annoying rabbit and a cursed bean sprout to know.

Such a blatant insult to his flirting skills seemed to shake the mongrel's ego. "Yuuuuuu you're so mean!" He whined, pulling out his deepest pout. "We're trying, and it would be much easier if you helped us!"

"Which part of 'I don't want to be pleased' didn't you understand before, usa-gaki?"

"Maybe we should give up Lavi, Kanda's gonna deny it no matter what we do..."

"No! No-no-no-no-no! I can be stubborn, too!" Huffing in aggravation, Lavi ripped his headband off his head, making locks of fiery red hair fall in front of his eye, and stared down at the other as if he was some kind of a guinea pig. Cracking his knuckles, he moved both hands over Kanda's nipples and started rubbing the palms there, in slow circular motions that gradually became faster, before pinching them in an attempt to make them erect.

Allen merely watched for some seconds, swallowing his own saliva because, unlike Kanda, he was human and the scene going on between his two friends was becoming a little too hot for his own good. Shaking his head lightly to pull himself off the momentary daze, he decided to help Lavi one more time and focused his attention on the pale flesh of Kanda's auditive organ. First, a lick to the whole ear, making sure to trail his wet tongue over the small bones of the cartilage. Then, a lick behind said ear, covering a bit of the other's neck as well. Finally, another soft bite to the lobe, finishing with sucking motions there.

And Kanda was spending his time mentally cursing the younger males in every language he knew. And it still took him his time, especially considering he only knew Japanese and English. And that was utterly ridiculous, to say the very least, and had to be one of the biggest humiliations someone had ever put him through. And he'd be sure to not keep his word and kill them slowly and painfully, also making sure they'd feel his revenge in every single cell of their bodies.

"So, how's it Yu?" Lavi asked and leaned down to suck lightly on the samurai's left nipple, at the same time making room for Allen and signaling him to do the same to the right one, what the British teen did.

"I think I'm going to have an interesting night..."

"...Really? So, is it working?"

"Yes... It's making me eagerly want to grab you both and skin you, then make a coat with your skins. And I'll have fun throwing salt at your grazed bodies while I feed your eyes to a stray cat."

"..." Allen went even paler than his hair for a moment and Lavi gagged and covered his mouth with a hand. Both of them were, obviously, easily perturbed by gore, and their grossed out expressions made a wide smirk appear on Kanda's crimson lips.

"Such lowly actions won't excite me, you couple of retarded cunts, stop this non-sense at once!"

"...Not yet! If it's war you want, it's war you gonna have, Yu!" The Bookman-to-be was decided now, and he started licking Kanda's skinny yet muscular chest, tracing one of his nipples and gradually going down, over his sides, stomach and lower abdomen. "And you need to eat more, I can even feel your ribs..."

"Being that slender only makes him the sexier, though..."

"I'M NOT SEXY! And I don't need to eat more, I already- !!" The raven-haired male's speech was abruptly interrupted when his slightly horrified mind realized where Lavi was heading to and what he was about to do - take the Japanese's private member inside his mouth. "DON'T YOU DARE DAMNED RABBIT!!"

Kanda struggled so violently this time that he broke free from Lavi's grip and only the redhead's quick reflexes made him dodge a very deadly kick to the balls. "HOLY CRAP YU! You could have made me disabled now!" He whined and fanned himself with a hand, trying to not think about what could have happened if Kanda's feet weren't tied up together and he had been able to aim the kick a little better.

"The only thing disabled in you is your rotten brain, fucking son of a bitch..." Kanda sighed deeply, so deeply that the warm air ruffled his dark bangs, and kept trashing, determined to escape from his bonds and end that shameful act once and for all.

Allen sighed as well and gave Lavi an amiable pat on the shoulder, to help his friend collecting his brain cells together again, before bending down to catch Kanda's slender legs and fold them, wrapping his arms around the other's knees to try and calm him down.

Surprisingly, it did work and the samurai froze all of a sudden. Allen and Lavi blinked a couple of times fast, in confusion and curiosity, but what really made their jaws drop and almost hit the floor was the fact that, through Kanda's oh-so-slightly parted lips had just escaped... a soft, barely audible moan.