Okay... This has been my project since yesterday.

It's based on a true story.
Yesterday when I got to school and I came to my first lesson our teacher said she had to go in ten minutes because she had to go on a teacher emergency meeting because a freshman girl had killed herself during the weekend. Everyone was just in a state of shock and when she left we started talking, all worried that it might've been someone we knew. Then when she came back she told us some details as name and such and then we were gonna continue with the class, but no one was really in the mood, so we started talking about suicide, death and sorrow. Two or three girl started sniffling and i bawled like a baby.(We are 11 persons in the drama group) None of us had known the girl but it was still horrible. Something like it had never happened so close to me before so her story really affected me. I only had drama yesterday so halfway through the 3 hour period our other teacher said that we should go to the school cafeteria but no one had any money so they took from the dramaclass' cash and went into town and bought a cake and some juice. When i sat on the bus on my way home this idea came to mind and i had to get it down.

Note that I'm in Swedish college and you start that when you're 16. This girl had repeated two years so she was 18.

Um... Furthermore..

This is only edited by me and I'm Swedish so if you spot any errors I apologize. Though I've went through it several times, there probably still is a few mistakes here and there.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to Square Enix, When you were young belongs to The Killers. Fic name taken from said song. I own nothing but a rabid plotbunny that bit my ear and refused to let go.

We're burning down the highway, skyline.

Axel's point of view:

My best friend is dead. It felt like a punch to the stomach when I got the news. He killed himself during the weekend, the weekend I had been away. I knew he wasn't healthy. He had been severely depressed for a long time, but I never thought he'd go this far. To me he had seemed at least… happy enough to stay alive. And well… to be frank, I never really thought he had the guts… Which only made me feel even worse; that I, his best friend, didn't see how bad he was feeling.

He always said that people who committed suicide was cowards. That suicide was a permanent solution on a temporary problem. Self killers were selfish, not thinking about the people they left behind, not quite thinking about the consequences, that they would be gone forever; truly and surely forever. It was only black now but it would change. What made him change his mind? Was it something I did? Something he didn't tell me? Something I didn't see but really should have?

Guilt was eating me from the inside as I walked through the corridors. Everywhere the halls whispered about the - to them - unknown boy, that took his life.

I had to grit my teeth to not snap at them and tell them to shut up about things they didn't knew about, things that didn't concern them. The flag on the schoolyard was on half mast as a tribute to him…

Him… My beloved Demyx, my best friend and first love was now dead. I had a crush on him, but it never really became anything between us. Sometimes I asked myself why but I was glad; because we had developed something more, something deeper instead.

To me, the flag only mocked him, gave his memory unwanted attention. People, who had never cared about him before, never knew who he was, suddenly cared and whispered about him, asking each other who the senior boy who killed himself was. Everywhere people were crying, some that never even spoke to him had tears in their eyes or already full out crying. Why should they care all of a sudden?

His brother was home from school, since he was enrolled in the same school as us, only two years younger than his brother. I didn't blame him. It had been horrible for Roxas to loose his brother, especially when it was Roxas who found him. It had also been horrible for me to loose my best friend. God, I missed him. He had always been there for me when I needed him, when my parents died, and I had been there for him through all the bad times and all the good times.

But obviously it hadn't been enough. He had still been sad, no matter how hard I tried to show him that he was loved. For some reason he still wanted everything to end. Well… you succeeded Dem… I don't know where you are now, but I really hope you're happy there. You deserve nothing but happiness.

My heart was shattered and stepped on, brutally ripped out of my chest, which only reminded me more of him.

No air left,

No pumping heart.

21 grams lighter.

Why Dem, why?

Why did you leave us? Left me… You had so much to live for; you were captain of the swim team, with awesome grades; grades that I never could reach, friends with everyone. You had a special way of worming your way into everyone's hearts, wearing your own on your sleeve, safety pinned to the fabric. And it made you beautiful. It was such a shame you never showed your true self, the one you hid behind the happy mask.

Self preservation. You personated the word; always hiding behind a smile, pretending for everything to be all right when someone asked you. Even if you sat with tears in your eyes you said that you were fine, only a little tired. You always said you were fine, just so you wouldn't have to dig into what hurt and see that you actually weren't as happy as you and everyone liked to believe. It was easier that way. Not letting it out. You always hated crying. Or maybe not crying, but being sad. You hated the way it hurt.

Somehow I can't understand that you're actually gone. That we'll never more sit in the park, smoke, carve stupid things into benches and tree trunks, never more sit on mine and Reno's balcony all night and just fool around. Never more see your smile. You were even beautiful when you cried. Although a person like you should never cry. It didn't suit you. It was almost like you were above such trashy feelings. Like you were some sort of… superhuman, standing above all the rest of us normal mortals.

No more dragging around in the park in late nights, no more cheap vodka from the bottle just because we wanted to try it out. No more random talks in the middle of the night because we were bored and couldn't sleep, even though we were really tired.

If I had seen it coming, would things turned out the way they did? Would we've been this close, or would I have closed off because I was afraid of the pain that was to come? Or would we have been even closer? Would that even be possible?

If I actually had seen it coming, truth to be told, I probably would've hesitated and just sneaked by you that day when we first met. If I had known that you'd only be around for a few more years, killing yourself our final year, I probably wouldn't have talked to you in the first place. But we're all selfish like that.

What if you were to make great things, Dem? You ended it too soon to find out.

The school is milling with students, whispering about you, about your brother. There's nothing I can do about it, because they are everywhere and if I manage to stop someone, someone else will start, in another part of the school. It won't take long before fake rumours will soil your perfect reputation, start false lies about what really happened, why you did it.

Your name is on everyone's lips.

They know your name but they can't place you. They can't really place your face.

But don't worry. I will defend you. I will defend your memory. For me you'll always be number one, always the one with the brightest smile and the wettest tears. Because you have no idea how it hurt me to see you cry. Nor how much it hurts me to know that I'll never see any of it again; we'll never more sit in the school corridors, laughing at by passers or just sit around in my place, play video games. I did always own you at video games… Except Guitar Hero, where you pwnd my ass six ways to kingdom come. But we both knew we liked it. Then we'd lie in my bed, holding hands or hug, stare at the ceiling and talk about everything and nothing.

Talk about our lives, what happened and what we wished would happen. Sure, we sometimes talked about suicide, but I never thought you really were that serious. Maybe I should've seen the signs earlier; maybe I could've saved you. And you never really talked about doing it; we just discussed it, like really close friends can.

I remember that time when you asked me if I knew how it felt to sit in a car on my birthday and hope that the car would crash because it didn't feel like it would matter. I'd said no and you laughed it off, changed the subject.

Slowly I sighed and walked out from the school, sick of their whispers and leaned against a wall, lightning up a cigarette. You always wanted me to quit… Before I got you to start, that is. I realize that it was bad of me, but it wasn't all me. For some reason you always wanted to fit in, having everybody to like you. I was kind of happy where I was, but not you. If someone didn't like you, you'd be upset for weeks.

The problem though, Dem, was that you really were liked by everyone. You were such an easy person to like. Even if they didn't know you, or you didn't know them, you'd always smile and greet them. You just didn't see that they all liked you. For some reason you always thought less of yourself, when you truly were a wonderful person.

So far no one has realized that it's you who is dead. Everyone thought you were happy; the happy go-lucky type. They were wrong. Soon it'll be out. So far it's only me and Roxas who knows. Your parents asked to try and hide it for as long as possible so both Rox and I would have a chance to get used to it. It's a little harder for me though, since I am here, walking through the corridors without you, hearing everybody mumble. And it is kind of hard to hide a thing like this. Everyone knows someone is dead, someone took his life. Who is the mysterious senior boy? Everyone knows your name, but no one can really place your face.

I'm not going to tell them. Not yet any way. This is my sorrow, let me mourn in peace.

xXx

Zexion's point of view:

Yeah, I've heard about the guy who took his life, though I'm still not sure who he was. I heard a name and got a look described, but I still can't place him. Makes me feel kind of bad… Poor guy killed himself and barely anyone knows who he was. A soft sigh escaped me as I watched out over the school campus. Over by the wall was that crazy redhead that always ran around with his Mohawked friend, messing with everyone.

His friend was always so nice, helpful with a bright cheery smile.

I feel bad for the guy who killed himself. His whole fate made me sad, making my heart ache with sadness for his family and friends. Poor family. I can't say I knew him but his story made me sad, made my eyes tear up. No one that young should take his life, they have their whole life in front of them…

He was what? Eighteen? That was way too early to die. His life had just started.

Rumours about why he did it had already started to circle through the halls and almost no one knew who he was. It was kind of disturbing; though I can't really say anything since I listened as well, spread them along, though with a tad more reality.

I walked back into the school, to find my friends, see if they had found anything out, if they knew who the boy was yet. We were all curious, even though it felt weird to snoop around. But it was a really small school, things got out pretty fast

I knew a lot of people in our school, and when I was standing outside a friend came up to me. He looked really devastated. We talked for a while and he told me he had been in the guy's class. They had talked the other day and my friend had asked him what he was going to do during the weekend. They guy had answered that he didn't know.

xXx

Roxas' point of view:

I lost my brother. He took his own life, here, in our home. Our parents and I had been at the store and when we came back I found him in his room. It was already too late for him then. I'm not saying this and explain it because I want compassion or attention; I just want to share my side of the story. He had locked the door to his room but he must've forgotten I have a spare key.

The sight that met me made me scream, parents coming running and mom fainting at the vision of her oldest son with a snare around his neck, hanging from the ceiling. I was in state of shock, call it comatose if you want to, but all I could do was to stand and stare at my brother. He was so pale, eyes closed, skin almost shifting in blue.

My mouth had formed a silent "why?" and I walked to my room in a catatonic state while my dad called 911, mom freaking out in the kitchen. Nothing was more horrible than that sight. Nothing's worse than seeing your own brother, dead, by his own hands.

That was Saturday and it was now Monday. My parents wanted me to stay home from school, but I didn't like it. I couldn't sleep, the mental image of my brother haunting my retinas as soon as I closed my eyes. The loneliness made me think, mom was locked into the bedroom, dad at work, trying to work his ass of and forget about the pain of losing his first born son.

Now I just kept thinking. Why had he done it? Was it something we'd done? Wasn't he as happy as he always seemed? It had been horrible to call Axel and tell him.

He had practically lived here since his parents passed away in that car crash or Demyx had lived there. They changed place but it didn't matter where they where, they were always together. He came over that Sunday evening and we had spent the night in my room, talking absently, crying and comforting each other. He'd spent the night on the floor and I heard him silently cry himself to sleep.

Demyx had been his rock, as well as he had been Demyx's. Even if I was two years younger they always let me hang around with them, even though many times it'd only been the two of them. Sometimes I had wondered if there had been something between them, since I knew Demyx had been bi and Axel was full out gay, but they had both flat out denied it. Not that I would've minded if they actually had been dating but that didn't matter.

What mattered was that my brother had killed himself and no one knew why. The only note he'd left was a small "Forgive me" scribbled on a napkin. When I saw it, it had only made me cry harder. Why was he apologizing? If anyone should do it, it should be us who apologized for not seeing how bad he felt. And why did he only left a message so quickly scribbled on a napkin? Why not a real letter? The napkin made it look like a spur of the moment kind of thing.

Tears started to burn in my eyes again and I hugged my pillow close. I missed my brother and knowing that he was gone made it even worse. No more late nights in his room with video games, weird sex talks or popcorn and coke. And yeah, before you ask about the sex talks… Axel and Demyx always got into weird but hilarious innuendo talks or just random talks about sex. My brother always said that sex was the greatest subject to talk about.

I had to smile at the memory at the same time as new memories surfaced.

Once I'd followed them to the park on their late nights out. They were around 16 or 17 and I must've been 14 or 15. I may had that I was shell shocked to see my brother smoke and drink directly from a vodka bottle that Axel had brought. When the alcohol had dulled their senses Demyx hugged me tight and slurred out a "you're the besht brother a guy could whish for." I could smell the smoke and alcohol on his breath but I didn't care and just grinned stupidly.

Another memory arose from that night. A faint image of them sneaking away and I heard sounds of lips smacking together, but they came back from different directions, Axel fixing his hair and my brother buttoning his jeans.

I shrugged the thought off.

Demyx had probably just peed and knowing Axel when he was drunk; he had probably fallen and he was such a girl when it came to his hair.

A sad sigh escaped me and I curled up on the bed. Axel was going to come by later to see if he wanted a memory from Demyx's room and then we were going to watch a movie or something. It would probably be good to get both mine and his minds off my brother and maybe just for a second try and think about something else, try to move on. Demyx would've wanted that. He wouldn't have wanted the world to stop spinning, nor us to stop living just because he was gone.

Yeah… That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to try and remember the good times I had with my brother instead of the fact that he's now gone.

I miss you Demyx. I always will. But for now, I am going to try and think of the happy times. You would've liked that.

Death is never fun.
Please, if you are considering suicide, get help. Talk to someone you trust and let it all out. Talk to an adult you trust, if you don't know one many schools has school psychologists, counsellors or school nurses that you can talk to and they can help you along.
If you know someone that did die or commited suicide, remember that it's allright to be sad. It's allright to cry. But you also got to accept that they are gone. It will only get worse if you don't accept it.

Some small words about what you thought about this would be nice. I really poured my heart into this little oneshot.
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