Warnings: Spoilers, language, sexual innuendos, violence, drunkenness, nudity and general stupidity - everything you would expect in a bachelor's party. Plot, What Plot?

A/N: This is the end. I can't believe you're still here and I haven't driven you to drink XD. Thank you for reading this. And I want to especially give thanks to the reviewers and those who put this on their favorites and alerts.

Yozak's Sidetrip: The Bachelor's Party

Part 6--

We arrive at the Commander's door after much difficulty. He argued and growled his displeasure of being taken away from the party until Anissina tapped him lightly with her glove. He calmed down considerably afterwards. She and I have a lovely conversation about the new invention which I am considerably interested in. She had handed it to me and I am now admiring it while she tries to open the door.

"Stuck?"

"There seems to be something behind it."

I let go of the Commander and forcefully push the door open. Hundreds of stuffed animals (deformed cats, deformed dogs, deformed sandbears, any and all types of deformed creatures), fall out into the hallway.

Anissina and I both turn towards the Commander with incredulous looks.

He shrugs, "Weddings are stressful."

We wade through the massive amounts of hideous knitted toys. I just hope I don't fall over and get suffocated by the whole lot. I can just see my gravestone, "Here lies Yozak Gurrier who died bravely in battle against soft and cuddly knitted cats that look like aardvarks."

"What's with the sad face, Commander? You were quite energetic earlier."

The Commander's only response is to plop on his bed face down.

"Hmmm... I wonder if I didn't dial the power down enough on the Get-Rid-Of-Your-Suitors-kun."

"I'm not sure. Perhaps, he is really sad," I say as I watch him pull a big stuffed whale? cow? Kohi? and hug it. Then I witness something I never ever wish to see in my entire life. The Commander curls up on his bed on top of all the stuffed toys and sucks his thumb.

"Goodness, I haven't seen him this bad in many decades," Anissina declares, hands on her hips. "This situation is perfect for it. It's time to pull out the big guns."

The next thing I know, there is a big machine standing beside her. It is bright pink with gauzy sparkly wings and what looks to be the muzzle of a cannon shaped like the trunk of an elephant plus several appendages whose functions I can only imagine in a nightmare.

"Miss Anissina, where did you get that?"

"This? Oh, I've kept this in Gwendal's room for many years now. I knew that something like this would happen someday. It's called Cheer-Up-The-Big-Baby-kun."

Upon seeing the terrible-looking device, the Commander gains some of his blustery personality. He stands up on the bed and commence shouting and giving imperious orders at Anissina. She blatantly ignores all of it and explains in her clinically impassive and loud voice what the machine does and how it would solve all of Gwendal's problems. They both make my brain hurt like hell. I try to stop listening and put my hands over my ears but words keep seeping in.

"...command you..."

"...know what's good for you..."

"...blasted woman..."

"...now bend down... enjoy this..."

"...painful..."

"...like it. You always...big baby...on your knees..."

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone," I yell over their voices. "Have a good time Commander. And Miss Anissina, try not to leave bruises."

"Why me?!"

"That should be obvious."

I hurriedly sweep out the room. Okay, my motions are slow and clumsy and the million and one grotesque squishies is not making it easy. I close the door and lean back; the angry shouting and excited shrieking are muffled and my head starts feeling somewhat normal.

I'm all dressed up and nowhere to go. Let's go see what the Captain is up to. I make my way to Wolfram's bedroom, change my mind and head towards the royal bedchamber. If my guess is correct, the kiddo would tell the Captain to bring Wolfram to the royal bedroom.

As I near my destination, I hear someone singing out of tune. "...Vanda Volcano... can't cross the ocean... hiccup..."

The door is open and I slip in. I lean by the doorway as I watch the Maou help his fiancé get dressed for bed.

"Yozak."

"Captain."

"Geez, why do you wear so many complicated things. Conrad, grab his other arm. If he swats me one more time, I swear I'll go Maou on him."

"...Van Van Da Via island of dreams... hic... if the daughter from..."

"Why don't you sit down, I can handle this."

"Huh? Oh, I suppose. But I just feel responsible for him. I mean he's your brother and I'm just his friend. Though, I am kind of his family too. We have a child together and you're my godfather. Also, I know he would do this for me if it was the other way around. I don't mind helping."

"...island of love... hic... you come around... never be able to stay..."

"Besides, Captains," I say as the undressing got down to the pants and the kiddo suddenly felt the weight of his words, "I rather enjoy watching His Majesty strip your younger brother naked."

"Yozak!" they both yell.

"...If the woman from the hic falls in hic Vanda..."

The pants go down after much fumbling and much blushing on the kiddo's part. He almost gives up and looks at Conrart but he looks away again and finishes the task. The Captain hands him Wolfram's frilly pink nightgown.

"Wolfram, quit squirming. Put your arms up. There we go."

"...Da Via island of dreams hic... third time... hic..."

"Yuuri, I really think we should bring Wolfram to his room."

"But that's too far. He'll be fine here."

"Are you sure kiddo? I hear he's a violent sleeper."

"...you'll never go back... a boat will dock... hic..."

"Don't worry, after two years, I've built up a tolerance. Besides he'll be dead as a doorknob. He can't even keep on his feet... Wolf, stop singing and go to bed okay? Just lie down. Come on, be a good boy."

Wolfram finally stops singing and looks straight at Conrart.

"Little big brother..."

"Yes, Wolfram?"

"I don't feel so good..."

Oh crap! I head for the bathroom door and wrench it open as the Captain sweeps his younger brother off his feet and rush through past me.

I hear retching and hope he made it. The king follows the two and I follow him in.

"I remember doing this with you," I tell the Captain.

"Yes, fond memories," he smiles as he let the king take over in rubbing Wolfram's back and keeping the hair off his face. True friendship can be measured by how many times you accompany each other in puking sessions.

When Wolfram finishes emptying his stomach, Conrart hands the king a washcloth who wipes the prince's face.

"Geez, Wolfram, why did you have to drink so much?"

"Mmmnnm...mmnmn...mbnmb..."

I hand the king a glass of water, "Make him drink. Even if he throws it up again." He nods and gets Wolfram to drink some after much difficulty.

When the kiddo goes to support the inebriated prince by looping Wolfram's arm over his shoulder, the Captain automatically moved to carry his brother. I stop him.

"Let's leave them to their tender moment alone."

He looks at the couple as they slowly move towards the bed, and for a split second I see a strange longing flit on his face, and just as quickly the look was gone replaced with his perfect smile.

"Your Majesty, I can still bring Wolfram to his room, if you'd like."

"That's alright Conrad, I think we'll be fine here. I'm tired," the king replies as he starts dressing for bed, "You and Yozak can go, I know the night is still young and the party had just gotten started."

"You'll regret it, kiddo,"

"Huh?"

"Let's go, Yozak."

He closes the door and nods to the two guards stationed by the royal bedchamber.

"Why didn't you tell him that Wolfram's terrible sleeping habits are ten times worse than normal when he's drunk?"

"Let's let Yuuri find that out for himself, shall we?" he smiles, this time it even reaches his eyes.

I shrug, "Well, where to now, Captain? The night is young and I'm all dressed up."

"I'm heading to bed. I think I'll need all my energy for tomorrow."

"What? And you're not inviting me?"

"Like you said, you're all dressed up. Certainly, you're not dressed to watch me snore."

"Don't get me wrong, I've always found your snores fascinating. The quality of the trill and the low rumble that punctuates it is not something I would pass up on any given day. But thrilling as that sounds, Captain, you're right, I was hoping for something more exciting."

"Well then, good night, Yozak!"

"Good night, Captain."

"By the way you do look pretty," he says over his shoulder as he goes, "even if it's in a mannish sort of way."

Then he adds after a few steps, "and sexy."

I start whistling the Van Da Via tune as I watch him walk away until he disappears around the corner.

"Well... two out of three ain't bad, is it Yozak."

"No, Your Eminence. Though, for a moment there, I thought I almost had him."

"Where are you heading to now?"

"Hmmm... not quite sure. The main events have gone to bed..."

"I thought you're the main event."

"You flatter me, Your Eminence. Where are you heading?"

"I was going to go to bed after Lord von Wincott and I dropped Lord von Rochefort off to his room, but I found I couldn't remember where my room was."

"Well, we can't have His Eminence wandering around the castle without a bed. And it's too late for you to be heading back to the temple..."

"I hear you know every nook and cranny in this place."

"The rumors are true."

"And I do have to get up early tomorrow to prepare for the wedding ceremony. The sooner I find my room, the better."

"Also, true."

"Shall we?"

"At your service, Your Eminence."

"I thought you'd say, 'it'd be my pleasure'"

"That too."

End

A/N: Whew! Can't believe you stuck through all that. Now it's time to get a drink. Gives you virtual shots of vodka.
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