The Pain That Breaks You

The sickening feeling spurred on and on. It wouldn't quit. Even for a mere second. The immense pulsing in his head had been growing ever since he got off the train; it just kept getting worse, even when he kept his eyes closed, even when he stopped to take a few deep breaths. The pain was reaching it's worst point and if he stopped walking for just a second longer then he wouldn't make it home in time to either stop the pain or to let it end while in a safe place.

There should've been no distractions for him. No sound. No sight aside from his home which was burnt into his throbbing mind. The pain went on and on, moving down to his stomach which began churning. He shouldn't stop. He couldn't stop. But at the same time he knew she was close. Usually he would try to run and avoid her but all he could do was keep walking at a steady pace, trying to pretend that he didn't know she was trying to catch up to him.

Entering the tunnel every step he made echoed amongst the far off walls, every puddle he stepped in made that terrible splashing sound that just reminded him of the stomach contents that were almost desperately seeking their escape the way they went in. The sounds of her heels from the pavement outside the tunnel still reached his ears. They were mere sounds while out there but to him they were ones of many painful feelings and most audible at the time.

He couldn't run, even if he wanted to. He just needed to get away from her. Running was always the best option but today she'd caught him, he just couldn't force himself to run home and lock himself in his apartment where he was safe. He couldn't move more than the few steps he took in a minute in between his heavy breathing, dizziness and occasional blindness.

The unbearable pain moved to the front of his skull, almost feeling the need to keel over and hope it just went away. He'd suffered at the hands of this throbbing pain for far too long and knew well-enough that it didn't work so he just kept walking hurriedly, part of him so desperately hoping that he got to the apartment in time.

Heels patted along the puddle-filled pavements behind him, almost certain that she'd seen the familiar figure walking staggeringly down into the tunnel. "Hey!" She shouted upon catching sight of him, "Hey! Wait up!"

He slowed down, not conditionally since her echoing voice in the tunnel made him sick to his stomach again, bringing the peak closer, and when she finally made her way up to him he hardly seemed pleased to see her. Though in all fairness, he was never all that pleased to see her. He found her as annoying as the sun shining on someone's face when they were finally having a good night's sleep. He kept his face shielded in the dark tunnel, a hand to his forehead.

"I've been meaning to talk to you! You just keep avoiding me!"

"Lower your voice; you don't need an echo to make a point." He whispered shakily. As she stepped out in front of him to be able to look at him he grabs the front of her jacket and pulls her to the side of him but she easily fights his weak muscles to move out in front of him. Finally it gets too much and he grabs at her tighter and pushes her against the wall behind him before he suddenly empties the contents of his stomach onto the ground.

Bryan heaves violently, his stomach muscles convulsing as the organ works overtime to empty its contents. A calloused hand rests on the dark wall, fingers splayed out as he unconsciously pushes into the cement with each rebellious heave of his stomach. He pants for air between the painful knotting and wipes at the sweat that accumulated on his brow as the unhappy organ seems to try to calm itself.

"Hey, what's wrong?" A hand gently set itself on his back, another one gently latching around his arm to help him from almost falling to his knees.

"You're too loud." He mumbled bitterly. Without opening his eyes he stood up straight, shrugging off her hands as best he could without causing too much movement for his aching head. Having heard the originally splatters of his stomach contents he learnt to walk around it without opening his eyes, staggering forward before leaning against the wall, sliding down it and coughing dryly.

She had immediately turned back to him when he stopped to check if he was okay, muttering a quiet, "Are you alright?" but having her caring hands shrugged off as he tried hard to pick himself up off the ground that.

He placed his hand against the gate while the other hand gripped the ground as he tried to get up, still being able to feel the other girl's presence beside him. The pain on his body increased in just a moment though and he fell forward on his forearms again, gripping onto the bricks of the wall again to keep himself from smashing his face into the asphalt.

She placed her hands on him again, one gently on his back and the other carefully on his arm, "Come on." She whispered sweetly, her anger from earlier having subsided upon seeing his state.

"No. Let me go." He shrugged hard out of the other's arms, collapsing back onto the ground.

"It's fine." She told him quietly, helping to pick him up. She supported most of his weight on her shoulder and helped him along to get back home. Their home was almost one and the same. She lived right in the apartment next door to him. It had been quite a task getting back there though. He was still fighting her arms on more than one occasion, keeping his eyes downcast so as not to have any of the light from above them shining into his eyes.

There was a flight of stairs to get through and a short walk until they came to the final stairs in the yard that led up to the apartments. He still wasn't sure if you could call it an apartment; mostly it was a plot of land with all three sides being small apartments at the top of the stairs. Regardless they finally made it up to the Bryan's apartment and not a minute too soon. He'd come really close to having lost consciousness completely as he wasn't fully aware of his surroundings any more.

She set him back to lie down on the bed and he finally made himself comfortable but still breathing heavily and coughing loudly. The horrific pain in his skull got worse and worse, to the point he wasn't even able to stand up to go to the bathroom. The girl sat down on the small bed that had been pushed up against the wooden walls, placing a hand gently over his shoulder as he plucked a pillow from behind him and put it over his face.

"What's the matter?" He could still hear the girl asking. "Bryan, please tell me, what's the matter?"

"Migraine."

"Is there something I could get you?"

There certainly was no way on earth that Bryan was going to deny the help. If he just kept laying there by himself than the pain was just going to get worse if he didn't do something about it. "Just a washcloth from the bathroom…warm."

She ran quietly into the next room; she had no trouble finding her way around since her apartment probably was planned out the exact same way. She came back and sat back down on the bed, slowly taking the pillow off his face and setting the warm cloth down on his forehead.

"Do you have to be here?" He whispered, breaking into another hectic coughing fit.

She shook her head hurriedly but still urgently wanting to protest, "No but…"

"You can go home now Yukiko…Thank you." He cut her off through his coughing, adding the thanks at the end to sound less offensive since after all, she had done him quite the favor of walking him home.

She huffed and crossed her arms, briefly holding her breath to keep herself from starting another unhealthily loud outburst, "It's Yumiko, please get it right." She murmured through grit teeth. She watched the flashes of anguish pass across his face, feeling bad for the poor thing and barely being able to just watch the amount of pain he was probably in without feeling somewhat guilty for making his migraine worse in the tunnel. "Is there anything else I can get you? You look like you're in a lot of pain, shouldn't I call a doctor for you or something?"

"They're normal." Bryan whispered breathlessly.

She sat there for a few moments, staring at the wooden floors before glancing at him, "How do you get rid of them?"

"I wait till I'm alone and take my medication." He said through grit teeth; silently insisting that she leave.

She stood back up and looked around the messy bedroom. There was an armchair opposite her though she wouldn't have been able to tell at first glance due to the amount of stuff piled up on it. There was a small coffee table beside it which had nothing on it, "Well? Where's the medication?"

"Go home. I can take care of myself." He was bringing himself back to his feet. Bringing himself to sit up was difficult enough, let alone bringing himself to stand on his own two feet. He continued to put his arms out by his sides, holding onto the walls as he staggered all the way to his bathroom uninterrupted by the brunette.

He landed on his knees in front of the toilet, his stomach finally rebelling again and sending its contents out the way it came in. He had no idea how he was able to actually be sick again, having thought that he'd already emptied himself the last time. Bryan heaved violently, his stomach muscles convulsing again, his hands digging into the ground and wall to keep himself steady. Without bothering to look at the contents of the bowl the teen pushes himself shakily to his feet and flushes, grabbing a stream of toilet paper and wiping his mouth. Shaking from the effort Bryan leans against the wall for a moment longer before gathering up his remaining strength and moved over to the sink. Leaning heavily on the counter the teen eyed himself carefully in the mirror, annoyed that the pale face staring back at him practically screamed the extent of his illness and discomfort. Usually pale skin had become almost ashen and clammy to the touch, signaling a fever within the body. Bright colored eyes have faded to a dull color and sweat makes his hair stick to his forehead and cheeks which were slightly red from exertion.

He patted some cold water onto his face, feeling his entire body trembling from the mixture of pain, discomfort and illness. He placed a hand over his mouth again, almost waiting for another coughing fit. None came and he turned around, getting a fright at having forgotten that the girl was there. She stood in front of him with a warm smile, holding out a glass of cool water to him.

He wouldn't admit it, even if his voice allowed it, but he was quite grateful for just this. She couldn't even begin to imagine the sort of pain his migraine was causing him and yet she just stood there and made sure he kept steady while gulping down the cool water that simply rejuvenated his raw throat. He hadn't the glass back to her once he was done and she turned, "I'll get you some more. Just stay still."

Bryan turned around; analyzing his bathroom properly. Everything began slipping his mind as his heart rate sped up further and further. Reaching out to his medicine cabinet and fidgeting extensively with everything in it.

Yumiko showed up beside him, putting the glass of water down on the sink and watching the things he was pulling out of the cupboard and as his shaking hands placed things down onto the counter and sink slowly so as not to further hurt himself with the noise, "What are you looking for?"

"My medication." He replied shakily, sounding like he was on the brink of insanity. "I can't remember where the hell I put it."

She stepped away and shut the toilet lid, pulling him away slowly and bringing him to sit down, handing him the glass, "Relax for a moment. Don't worry, we'll find it."

Bryan looked up at her sharply, thankful that the lights behind her hadn't been switched on when he did so, "Will you just go home?!" he lashed out, croaking. "You don't need to be here."

"Well someone needs to be." She said stubbornly, placing her hands on her hips, "Now," she began sternly but still quietly, "what is it we're looking for?" she watched that same look on his face for a few more quiet minutes. His discomfort with the migraine was getting progressively worse and she was hoping he would give in eventually. Despite this he didn't give in, and after almost going in circles with him for more than a year she should've known that even the pain didn't get him entirely to his knees. "Make this easy for you, not for me. Just let me help you."

Asking for help doesn't make a person weak. But it doesn't give the impression of them being the strongest people in the world either. If there was something that Bryan couldn't stand, it was seeming weak and asking for help just made him feel like he truly was at his weakest point. Sometimes it just needs to be accepted that you can't do everything by yourself. Sometimes you need to let your pride go or else force further pain onto yourself. She didn't even know half the pain he was in but she was presenting her help on a gold platter even after all the terrible things he'd said to her in the past. It almost felt pathetic and selfish for him to give in and ask for her help. On the other hand, she wasn't going to leave him alone until his current situation was sorted…

"It's just a plain black box," Bryan mumbled, "It should have about…twelve syringes left in it."

She nodded and looked around the room, "Alright, that shouldn't be too hard to find." She mumbled. "Is this the only room you'd keep them in?" He nodded and she turned around to continue looking through all the shelving in the bathroom. The apartment being only three main rooms; a bedroom, a bathroom and shared kitchen and dining room, there was shelving all over the place so as to accommodate for the small space as most small houses in Japan were.

Assuming he got these migraines every day, as she'd expect from someone who was using an injectable substance to ease it, then they'd have to be in a more obvious place.

She heard the whimpers of pain from behind her every single time she moved something or dropped an object off the shelf and into the sink. She turned back to him and smiled warmly, "Hey, why don't you go into the next room and change for bed or something? Lie down and I'll let you know when I find something."

There was no way that Bryan would refuse that. It took a while but from sitting on his bed he'd managed to change to get some sleep, crawling into bed beneath all the sheets. He turned over onto his stomach and buried his head under the pillow. That was it. He was finally able to hear nothing. He was finally able to see nothing. He was finally able to smell nothing. Almost everything that could trigger his migraines had been eliminated.

Finally he felt at peace. The pounding inside his skull reducing just slightly but still almost unbearable. Each little flash of the immense pain past through him continuously and despite the amount of bed rest he'd had lately none of it seemed to do his brain any good. The feelings kept spurring on and fighting them off was useless as each time the discomfort made itself known to him a part of himself trembled and a joint jerked at the feeling.

A small hand touched the small of his back, keeping his eyes closed for the most part he looked out from under the pillow, "I found them," the girl smiled softly, having sat down on the ground and pulled out a syringe for him. "Imitrex is a pretty big deal. Chronic migraines?" He nodded and took the syringe from her, putting it beside him on the bed as he turned over onto his back.

While he almost hoped she wasn't watching him he really had no more strength to wait until she left to get the relief from the aching so he lifted his t-shirt slightly while trying to lower the waistband of his pants a little to expose his bruised abdomen. Holding the syringe properly and holding onto his trousers seemed to be difficult with slightly shaking hands and she sat up on the side of the bed, fingers curling over the waistband and holding onto the material for him while he jabbed himself with the needle and dispensing the light liquid into his skin. He re-capped the blooded needle once he was done and putting it beside himself on the bed while she put a piece of cotton wool she'd found in the box over the small puncture.

She remained quiet as she got back up and disposing of the needle they'd used. Through blurring vision he watched her place the box onto the coffee table and then disappear off into the bathroom. He turned over beneath his sheets, already feeling the stabbing in his head turning into a light throbbing. Moments past of that same thumping feeling and he was finally at ease, allowing him some opportunity to fall asleep.

He began stirring a few hours later. Opening his eyes effortlessly he turned over onto his back and took a good look around. All pain from earlier had gone. The room had fallen into almost complete darkness, all windows and doors having been closed and covered up so as not to allow light in. He sat up onto his side and looked opposite where he could make out a thin form sitting in the armchair. She had cleared up all the clothing that had been on it for a while, now seeing them as a nice neat pile on the ground while her feet were perched up on the corner of the coffee table. She was sound asleep, her head resting in her hand. He thought for a few seconds about how uncomfortable that must be.

He got up and walked into his bathroom to see just how terrible he looked. While usually his own sickly appearance attracted the most attention, this time there was something different. Taking a good look around he found what that was. His whole bathroom had been re-organized. Aside from having torn apart his bathroom to find his medication, she also put everything back nice and neat. He shook his head, feeling like another headache was coming on from the mere thought of the girl's kindness and the pathetic manner in which he'd been treating her since he'd met her. He crawled back into bed and fell asleep for the second time.

The girl began to stir early in the morning. Upon remembering where she was her attention immediately went to the male across from her. Bryan was sprawled out on the top sheet, the blanket that she'd draped over him earlier in the night only half covering his body. Judging by the deep and even breathing Bryan had fallen into a long deep sleep and probably didn't even hear her awaking and moving close to him. She smiled and took in the completely uncharacteristic position he'd chosen, his hair awry and one arm thrown over his eyes while the other was across his stomach. She frowned and watch as he grew uncomfortable again, keeping an eye on his face for any change in expression.

He winced and bright eyes opened, wincing further as the light shone into the room. He turned over onto his side, one eye buried securely in the pillow which minimized the amount of light shining into them. He picked up on her standing beside his bed, looking up and finally remembering what had happened during the long night, almost expecting it to have been just a bad dream.

She smiled and sat down on the ground, "You look like you're feeling better."

"I told you I'd be fine." He insisted stubbornly, taking a moment to enhale the fresh morning air and all things from the night before coming back to him.

She shifted uncomfortably beneath his strong penetrative gaze; even when he'd just woken up he seemed to have had the strength to intimidate someone. All night there'd been a question she'd been dying to ask. "How long have you been living like this?"

While Bryan usually displayed no interest in answering a stranger's personal questions, this one made him a little curious. "Like what?"

"Suffering by yourself, looking after yourself, injecting yourself." She almost seemed disbelieving of the reality as she ticked each thing off her mental list. There were tears sparkling in her eyes vaguely, "You know…it takes a lot for a person to be able to give themselves shots but you…you did it like it was the most natural thing in the world."

Bryan didn't even need to think about it, simply replying while sitting up so as to allow her some space to sit at the foot of the bed, "Yeah; the torture of chronic migraines usually does that to a person. A pin prick feels like nothing in comparison."

"I see your point." She shrugged, exhaling. "I've been in hospitals for the majority of my life and I've never seen anyone in that much pain before."

"There's too little to know about chronic migraines." Bryan sighed.

"Unless I were a migraine sufferer, it is practically impossible to understand what it really means to endure that type of suffering. Migraines are not merely headaches. While a migraine generates inside the head that is where the similarities end." She trailed off with her thoughts, going over everything she knew about them, "Light and noise, even to the smallest degree, can be intolerable. Extreme nausea is more than common. While the migraine begins in the brain, it sweeps through the body and can thoroughly debilitate its victim. The affects of a migraine are completely consuming, and living with this chronic pain can be torture, both physically and emotionally." She almost sounded completely repulsed by the idea, then looking up at him with that same pained expression, "How the hell do you manage to live alone and in that kind of pain?"

"You're simply overreacting."

"How am I overreacting?" She asked breathlessly, "Come on Bryan, please tell me how I'm overreacting. You were in some serious pain last night and…I could feel my heart breaking at the sheer idea that you go through this everyday and without anyone here to help you."

"It's not a big deal. You just happened to see one at the worst time."

"What would you have done if I had left you alone when I saw you yesterday?"

He shrugged. "Probably the same thing I would've done because I had."

"What if you couldn't find your medication by yourself?"

"Then I would've slept the pain off."

She wiped the tears out of her eyes, tugging her sleeve down and wiping her cheeks too, "You have it all figured out." She mumbled with a laugh. "How long have you been doing this alone?"

"About five years now."

"Doesn't it hurt that you're always alone?" He made no reaction to that question, sitting around and ignoring it as though he hadn't heard it at all. "Are you honestly happy this way?"

"Exactly what is it you want me to say, Yukiko?"

"Yumiko!" She insisted loudly, causing another wince from him. "Why do you insist on doing that? I've corrected you a million times."

Bryan got out of bed and adjusted his clothing, walking over to her and leaning down to her height, "I appreciate everything you did last night. For helping me and for cleaning up; thank you. But now I'm fine, I don't need more help thus you can leave." He picked up some clothing and his medication before going into the bathroom, mumbling "Bye." And shutting the door.

He shook that strong look of disappointment that he had seen in the girl's face when he told her to leave every time. He couldn't understand why she just didn't listen whenever he said that he didn't need her help and that he didn't need to see her. He had to admit, there was just a part of him that did feel bad whenever he brushed her off like that. Sometimes she was just trying to get close to him and be nice. She tried to be a good neighbor and friend and he just kept refusing it because he didn't trust either.

He went about his morning as he usually did. Brushing his teeth, having a shower and taking his medication before there was any repetition of what happened the night before. He opened the bathroom door, not even half expecting to see her still sitting on his bed.

She seemed completely dazed. Her arms pulled tightly around her legs as she stared at the same point of the wooden floors. For a while he wondered whether or not she could tell that he'd entered the room, up until the point where she opened her mouth to speak, pausing just to think. "Why don't you accept anyone's help?" She questioned softly, glancing at him, "I'm sure people have offered. Why don't you just give in to at least one person?"

"Why rely on someone else when I can rely on myself? If I'm perfectly capable of doing it all by myself then I don't need to rely on anyone else to help me."

She stood up almost instantly, "That's not fair on you. You're going to crush yourself!" She grit her teeth and stomped her foot when he continued to look so indifferent to her words, "I can't believe you! You know that if you keep pushing people away like this then when all of it finally crushes you there's going to be no one to pick up the pieces." All she could do was watch as he quite simply leant back against a wall, crossed arms and staring at her with his usual monotonous and interested look on those pale familiar features. She rolled her eyes and plainly shrugged, turning around and making her way out the door, "I give up. Completely, utterly, lose all hope for him." She opened her front door and got inside, just as she was closing the door behind herself there was a loud thudding sound when the door got stuck. She looked back, glaring at the reason for it all, "You wanted me out of your house so I'm out." She went to shut the door again but his hand didn't move from the firm brown door.

"The reason I call you Yukiko is because it was the first thing I learned when I got to Japan." He stated broadly, "It means happiness, as you'd probably know more than me and I call you that because it seems to be what you're all about."

"Well sorry to disappoint but my name isn't Yukiko. It's Yumiko, and means 'child of bow and arrow'. Sorry my mother couldn't name me more appropriately."

Bryan smirked and nodded, finally letting go of the door and insisted, "She was quite appropriate."

Her eyes flared with anger and she almost instantly crossed her arms, "And why is that?"

"Quite the particular reason."

"And what is that?!"

"Just shut up and listen for a minute." Bryan growled lowly. She quickly silenced. "I don't make friends and I don't trust people, and to be quite frank, I never plan to; I'm perfectly fine handling my health and living situation by myself, alone or not, I always manage."

"You keep saying that over and over again." She sighed, "Grow up, Bryan! One day you're going to lose this tough exterior to a nervous breakdown and because you keep pushing people away you're going to be all alone when you need the most help. Just give in now and let someone shoulder at least some of the responsibility before you drive yourself insane under all this pressure. You're going to ruin yourself...you seriously are and I can't just stand here and watch you do this to yourself."

"I'll be fine alone."

She threw her hands up in defeat, a look of disbelief passing over her face, "I can't believe you're still saying that. I don't care what the hell anyone did to you for you not to trust anyone now. You need to stop treating everyone like they're out to get you! Some people just want to help!"

"Like who?!" Bryan lashed out, anger finally piling up at her constant yelling.

"Like me!" She shouted back. "You keep assuming that I'm going to hurt you or shatter the little trust you have left so you keep avoiding me when all I've ever done was be nice to you."

"Yes, well, I don't trust people who are nice all the time."

"You don't trust people at all." She retorted while rolling her eyes. He finally let go of her door and began to walk off furiously, "Just deal with it Bryan; I'm here if you ever need anything and despite the arguments every single time this happens I'm going to keep on offering the help. One day, things will get too hard for you to handle all by yourself and you'll accept someone's help."

Bryan paused in opening his apartment door again, biting down on his lip with thought before jamming it open with his shoulder and stepping inside.

"I hope you're prepared." he heard her call out to him finally. He paused in closing the door behind him, quite interested in what she'd have to say next. He allowed the solemn look to pass across his features once she could no longer see him. "If you plan on fighting it all alone then you'd better be prepared for it. Handling your past by yourself, including the chronic migraines, you're going to need to be really strong."

He heard the door finally closing now that he was out of her way and he simply stood around and contemplated heavily on her words. There was little he could even think about them. The first, and only, thing he could dwell on was her immense courage. Not even his ex-teammates had the guts to stand up to him like she did. Nobody dared tell him stuff like that. While it normally wouldn't take all that much courage, people seemed to dislike telling Bryan the harsh honest truth of what they thought about him and the way he acted.

That evening with a great need for fresh air but without the motivation to go out for a walk Bryan stepped out on the balcony. Having caught sight of the girl to his right who seemingly had the same idea he groaned quietly and turned to go back inside.

"You don't need to go." She exhaled heavily, "I was just leaving."

Bryan took a seat on the railings, almost unwillingly glancing at her as she continued packing up her school books. "You are right you know."

"Pardon?" Her eyes shifted to look up at him, trying not to see too interested.

He turned his body a fraction so he'd face her entirely, "You are right. I don't trust people and one day I'll crush myself but knowing that isn't going to change the person I am right now."

"That's your business, not mine." She shrugged, seeming like for once she couldn't be bothered.

Bryan mused momentarily on the change in character but nodded to himself upon understanding her sudden drift from him. "I know that you're right, and I know that things will just get worse at the rate they're going but I can't change anything. I'm not going to go back on what I've learned. I probably never will and I just have to accept that it's going to take me to bad places."

"You're just scared that if you stop going by the rules you've been given then things will just get more confusing for you and you'll be scared to learn how to deal with things like everyone else."

"I'm not scared."

She shrugged, clutching her books close to herself, "Alright, then you aren't." She went to stop inside and he could hear her books hitting the surface of the small wooden desk. She showed up in the doorway again and looked over at him, smiling softly, "Just remember that someday when you break, I'll still be around to help pick up the pieces, whether you want me there or not I'm still going to help you when you need it." She disappeared off into her apartment and he heard the door sliding shut and the light shining from inside turned off and darkened her balcony.

"I'm not scared." He tried to convince himself out loud. Truthfully, he just disliked change of all kind. So maybe the fear was buried somewhere there but he knew that even if he wanted to change it'd be close to impossible with every rule he'd ever learned and lived by carved into his skin. Maybe he was scared, but then didn't he have the right to be? At least maybe to some extent he was happy that despite all that, there'd still be someone to help at the end, someone who didn't want anything in return anymore.

He was tired of her. The child of bow and arrow. He was simply tired of her trying to play cupid when it was quite clear she always deserved something better. Anything better than him. Someone who had that much persistence and care for him deserved so much better.

A/N: Some Bryan/OC that is still a bit open ended. Even after a year it'd surely take Bryan a lot more time to warm up to her completely so it's all up to you whether or not they ever get together or not. I hope some of you enjoyed this oneshot. Thanks for reading!