AN. The list is NOT mine!! Its actually for annoying murtagh from eragon, but I decided to write one for hp coz that's the kind of weird person I am. I had to change a few of the tasks, but yea. The lists from . Thanks 4 reading!!
"Tonks, I'm bored!" Sirius complained loudly.
Tonks teared her eyes away from Remus. " Huh?" She asked vacantly.
"I'm bored!" Sirius whined.
"Find something to do." Remus suggested.
"Thanks. Such a big help, aren't you?" Sirius grumbled. he'd been stuck inside Grimauld place for five months now.
Remus just rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm out of here. Bye Molly, Nymphadora, Sirius- find something to do so you don't bore everyone else to death!" and with that, he left the house. Sirius pulled a face behind his back.
"Why don't we go upstairs?" Tonks suggested. She could see the tension building between Molly and Sirius.
"Yeah, fine. Whatever." Sirius followed her up the stairs to the study, where they sat at a small table. Tonks pulled out a piece of parchment and started doodling with an old quill.
"Why don't we make up a game?" Tonks suggested.
"Like what?" Sirius asked. Anything was better than nothing, he thought.
"Ummm.. What if we come up with a heap of annoying pranks to play on someone-"
"Like Remus!! Yeah, great idea! Ok…" Sirius pulled out a piece of parchment.
1) Follow him around and keep asking the same stupid question no matter what answer he gives.
Tonks snorted. "I can do better."
2) Follow him around chanting, "Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Remus stole the cookie from the cookie jar!"
Sirius laughed. "I've got an idea!"
3) Give him nicknames that are unrelated to his real name. Ex: Paul. Joe. Han Solo. Teddy Bear. Freddie.
"Han Solo? Teddy Bear?" Tonks asked.
"Yup. Totally unrelated." Sirius smirked.
"Well, in that case…"
4) Ask loudly where babies come from. Keep asking him even if he claims he won't tell you.
5) On the off chance he gets frustrated enough to tell you where babies come from (previously mentioned on number 4), look offended and claim he's not taking you seriously.
Sirius sniggered. "That's gonna be awkward!" he took the quill.
6) Whenever he's done saying something snigger and say, "Yeah, like well ever believe that!" very sarcastically.
Tonks giggled. "My turn!"
7) Poke him at random moments, and don't give him a straight answer as to why you are doing it, either.
Sirius grabbed the quill as some new ideas popped into his head.
8) Laugh at any and all plans he comes up with.
9) Follow him around and tell people that he learned everything he knows from you.
"Serious?" Tonks shook her head.
" Yup, I'm Sirius!" Sirius laughed.
"Oh ha-ha…gimme that…"
10) Whenever anyone asks you about him say proudly, "Were all very proud of him- all of us in the insanity response unit, that is- we just got him potty trained, too."
"Idea!" Sirius exclaimed.
11) Tell Kingsley that Remus has a crush on him. Claim that there is hidden poetry in his room if he looks hard enough. Make sure Remus hears these claims. His reaction to this news will certainly start quite a few new rumours.
12) Go over to his house at the full moon and eat his entire hoard of chocolate in front of him.
"Why?" Tonks asked, confused.
"Dogs are allergic to chocolate, aren't they? And Remus lurrves chocolate!!"
"okay…" Tonks muttered.
13) Try to get him to sing girls just want to have fun by Cyndi Lauper
"That'll be a sight!" Tonks scoffed.
"It sure will." Sirius grinned.
"Well, its my turn now."
14) Point and laugh at him whenever he passes you.
15) Say bad things about him before he passes out of earshot.
16) Try to get him to start a conga line.
17) Clearly in view, smack yourself on the head with something hard, then throw it by Remus and claim loudly that he has wounded you.
Sirius snorted. "I cant wait to see that!" Tonks poked out her tongue as Sirius took the quill.
18) Kick him in the shins at random moments when he is not looking; then run away.
19) Tell Tonks that you heard him say that he expected her to be prettier when he
found out she was a metamorphagus.
Tonks laughed. "That's gonna be fun to act!"
20) Wake him up early in the early hours of the morning with a bucket of water. Cold water.
"Speaking of water…"
21) Put his hand in warm water while he's sleeping.
22) Cut his hair while he's sleeping.
23) Take his stuff and hide it.
"Hello?" A knock on the door interrupted their plotting. Tonks stuffed their list in her pocket as the door opened. It was Bill.
"Alright, what are you doing?" He asked, noticing their guilty faces. Sirius cracked an evil grin. "Scheming."
"Can I help?" Bill asked.
"Only so long as you don't tell anyone. Especially not Molly." Sirius said. Bill nodded, and Tonks showed him the list.
"Annoying Remus are we?" He asked idly, picking up the quill.
24) Go up to him and tell him you've done something to something in his room. See how long it takes him to work up the nerve to brush his teeth again (in fear you've dipped his toothbrush in the toilet).
"What can I say? I live with Fred and George!" Bill said modestly as Tonks giggled.
25) Walk up to him and say, "Man, it feels good to be a hamster," and walk away with no explanation.
26) Laugh at him in general.
27) Dye his hair rainbow colours by any means possible. See if he screams.
"My turn!" Sirius yelled.
28) Make a comment about how he's putting on a little poundage and see if he still continues to eat regularly.
29) Get him a puppy for Christmas. Claim that since he's always wanted one, you finally raised the bar, from a hamster to a dog.
30) Get him a Chihuahua as the aforementioned puppy.
"He'll love that," Tonks said, taking the quill.
31) Spread outlandish rumours about him. (Ex: Yeah, I've heard he's even dated a death eater. Or: I heard that to get out of a muggle prison once, the guards made him dress up as a girl and pout.)
32) Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.
"Bags doing that!" Sirius said, taking the quill as Bill laughed.
33) Mimic him in an especially childish way whenever he speaks.
34) Continue to ask why he isn't as cool or good-looking as Sirius.
"Geez, up yourself much?" Tonks laughed while Bill wrestled the quill off Sirius.
35) See how many rounds of '100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall' he can take before he swears and draws his wand.
36) Claim 35 was you testing his mental endurance. Claim he failed spectacularly.
37) Whenever you discuss Remus' strange behaviour around you with others, always refer to him as she.
"Ooh, Idea!" Tonks grabbed the quill.
38) Replace all his clothes with dresses (or any other clothes that are obviously intended for a woman).
"Admittedly, some of the fun is sapped out of the joke because he can always get new clothes, but it will still be entertaining to watch him try to explain his predicament to the sales assistant!" Tonks giggled.
39) Replace all his weapons with hand made replicas you made with construction paper and glue, maybe even with tape (to give it a shinier look!).
40) Scream the name, "FRODO!" at him and then look disappointed when he doesn't react. When he asks what a Frodo is, refuse to tell him because he didn't recognize his Sam.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Frodo?"
"Yeah, as in the hobbit… lord of the rings…"
Comprehension dawned on Sirius' face. " I saw that movie!"
Tonks shook her head, handing him the quill.
41) Tell him, "The cat crows at dawn and the horse screams at noon," and see how he reacts to this little bit of randomness.
"Right…" Bill muttered.
42) After you've finished telling him something, you must add (no matter what!) But it's just a rumour. (Ex: Kingsley told me to tell you that you guys are leaving tomorrow, but it's just a rumour.)
"My turn." Bill picked up the quill.
43) Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy.
44) See if he attempts to be polite about you saying you're leaving (43-above) and tries to say something like too bad, or, I'll miss you, or, You simply must write, or, Send me a postcard!
"Ooh, ooh, idea!" Tonks snatched the quill.
45) Make up his own theme song and sing it whenever he enters the room, or triumphs, or walks, or eats, or something, anything at all.
46) (In relation to 45) When he threatens to cut out your tongue if you continue to sing his theme song, smile say, "Oh all right," and begin to hum it.
Sirius laughed and took the quill.
47) Offer him gum from one of those trick packs (you know, the ones that shock you or snap your fingers with a mini mousetrap).
48) Play knock and run at his bedroom door. When he inevitably refuses to answer, open the door, step in and holler "Honey! I'm hooomme!"
He passed the quill to Bill.
49) Scream, "You dropped your pocket!" whenever he's duelling on the practice courts.
"We have practice courts?" Sirius asked, surprised. Bill shrugged.
"We'll find something."
50) (In relation to 49) Give him your best, plastic-fake, commercial, poster-boy smile and say, "Great job you did on the practice courts today, even though you got hit on the head twice. Oh, by the way, you dropped your pocket."
"Do you think that's enough?" Bill asked.
"One more." Tonks took the quill.
51) (In relation to everything on this list) When he tries to attack you and must be forcefully restrained, sigh and say, "I always said he was insane. I've known it for years," even if you've only met him last month.
"Finished." At the top of the page she wrote 51 Ways to annoy Remus Lupin.
"Let the games begin." Sirius grinned.