A/N: My first new story on this site! This story is for the 30kisses community on LJ; Prompt #2: News; letter. It's been awhile since I've written and published fanfiction and definitely the first time for this fandom so please be kind. Feedback and crit is love!

Edited to fix some typos.

Enjoy!

Waki-san once told me "If you want to express your feelings, it's best to just let it out on paper." My feelings have been very conflicted lately. I know have no time for love when I take on these dangerous assassination jobs. No time to find a man and fall in love and certainly no time to raise a family. I honestly thought I wouldn't have a problem with it.

The weeks after I met Gin-san were filled with so many strange emotions. These feelings were a bizarre mixture of happiness, love, comfort…lust. I thought it would pass, I thought it would go away, you know, like a bad cold. But this wound up being more like a nasty stomach flu. The kind that constantly nags at you and you suppress the need to vomit till you finally do. A gross yet very apt analogy. This wasn't going to go away unless I vomited.

I knew I had to make a choice. So there I was, sitting at my table, a blank piece of parchment and an ink pen in hand. I had no clue what to say, not to the man that affected my life so much. I didn't have to send this time him did I?

I shrugged to myself and started writing.

Dearest Gin-san.

Whoa! "Dearest?" Is that too forward? I don't think so; Gin-san is very dear to me, more than natto. No, more than anything.

Nonetheless, even though I wasn't going to send it, I still crossed off "Dearest" just to be safe.

Gin-san

There, that's slightly better. Calling him dearest was too sappy anyway, not my style.

To this day I still have no clue as to the circumstances of our paths crossing. Hell I don't even remember how I got into your futon. Though I am disappointed that what you thought happened didn't happen…

What was that!? Okay, yeah, I do want Gin-san to screw me until I can't remember my own name, but I didn't really want it then. At least I don't think I did. My mind was too focused on the bind I was in, and not the super wonderful literal binds. Hastily I crossed off that sentence. If I keep second guessing myself like this, this letter would be a very short one.

Hell I don't even remember how I got into your futon. All I know was that I was running from something and that I needed your help.

There, that was better, more to the point. Guys like that. Right?

You just seemed like the type of person who would help me no matter what. No questions asked.

I examined my work so far, not bad. Nothing wrong with stroking a guy's ego, even though there were other things on Gin-san I would rather stroke.

AH! Why did I write that down?! I quickly crumpled up the now really messed up letter and found a new piece of parchment. I re-wrote everything I had said until that last stupid sentence.

Gin-san,

To this day I still have no clue as to the circumstances of our paths crossing. Hell I don't even remember how I got into your futon. All I know was that I was running from something and that I needed your help. You just seemed like the type of person who would help me no matter what. No questions asked.

Much better. I must say I felt rather proud of myself then. Something was missing I guess. I added…

I guess what I'm getting at is, I never had a chance to properly thank you for saving my life. It's just that…

I hovered the pen over the words I just wrote. Should I? I think he knows already. Saying that I loved him would be stating the obvious. It's not like didn't scream it out the window every morning. Okay, maybe only once or twice, but that's it!

…I trust you completely. There's no other man in this world I would rather have tie me up. You were the first to ever bring out such feelings from me. I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since I met you and I...

I paused yet again. Should I say it?

…love you Gin-san. I just hope you understand.

Love,

Sacchan

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. That felt good, that felt really good. I carefully folded up the paper and sealed it with a kiss. I placed it back on the table, staring at it. I momentarily thought about sending it to him.

But that can wait.

It was nighttime now, and I decided to turn in. I slid the letter under my pillow, in hopes of dreaming of my Gin-san.