A/N: Enjoy! My first CSI fic, and first finished fic ;p As I have no beat, all mistakes are mine, but please don't hesitate to point any out to me so I may correct them.
Warnings: Slash and rough sex, almost bordering on non-con, but not quite.
When You Will Leave Tomorrow
Mac couldn't believe it; Danny had quit.
He knew he had been hard on the young man for the last couple of months. Ever since Sonny Sassone had let Danny's name drop in the interrogations room. But he had only tried to protect him. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. In truth, he had thought more about himself and the lab, thinking it was better this way.
He felt a surge of anger burst through him, angered at Danny. For giving up, for quitting, for everything, but most of all for being himself and affecting Mac so much that Mac felt like everything he did was somehow centred around the blond.
Danny felt like the last couple of moths had been one long trip on a rollercoaster; ups and downs and unexpected turns everywhere. And now, now it felt like the trip had come to an adrup end. The shooting two weeks ago had been like the last straw. The final push that shoved him over the edge.
It had all started when Sassone had dropped his name in front of Mac. Danny had feared he would do something like that, but he had been so sure that Mac had his back, that he hadn't done anything to prevent it. He wasn't sure what exactly he could have done, but thinking back he was positive there might have been something.
That night, he had gone over to Mac, like it happened a couple of times every week. They had been in a relationship for almost 18 months, and Danny had never been so happy as he was with Mac, it was like the older man completed him. As he stepped into the living room, he saw Mac sitting on the couch, and glass of brandy in his hand. He send a tired smile to the other man, he felt so tired all he wanted to do was curl up next to his lover and relax, maybe watch some TV or just cuddle a little bit.
"Hey, Mac." Mac turned his gaze up towards Danny, piercing him with his intensity. He felt like Mac could see straight through him, like he was a piece of glass. He shuddered, something was off.
"I don't think you should bee here, Danny." Danny felt confused.
"What are you talkin' 'bout Mac?" Mac squinted his eyes a bit, and Danny saw that he looked really pissed off. He got up and stood in front of Danny, getting into his personal space.
"It's over Danny. This is over." He made a gesture indicating the two of them. "It was great as long as it lasted, but enough is enough."
"But!" He didn't know what to say; his mind drawing a complete blank. It was over. It couldn't be. "You've gotta be kittin' me Mac!" His voices going a pitch up and his accent getting thicker, but he couldn't care less. He couldn't loose Mac. "Please Mac. What's gotten into ya? Talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about, Danny. It's over between us. Now get out! I don't wanna see you besides at work, got it?"
He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so hurt and betrayed, but he didn't know what to say, so he just nodded, a small whimper leaving his throat before he could stop it. "Please Mac." he said hoarsely.
"Don't, Danny." mac said coldly, shoving Danny towards the door. And before he knew it, he was standing outside.
Danny didn't remember how he got home or anything else from the rest of that day, but he had been hoarse and puffy-eyed for the next couple of days.
He looked around his apartment, half his stuff was in boxes, the other half in stacks or just random chaos.
After the break-up everything had just gotten worse. When their relationship began, he had thought that Mac was professional enough, that he they ever broke up, it wouldn't affect their work. He had been so wrong. Mac used every possible excuse to dress him down, no matter what he did, Mac always found something to criticize. And it was killing Danny a little more each time. Only Aiden and Don seemed to notice, but as neither of them knew anything about their relationship, he couldn't really explain. And he didn't feel up to it either.
The subway-incident had just been the last drop. He finally couldn't take it anymore. He had been cleared, but the suspicion was still there. From the cops and his other colleagues. For the past two weeks he had been checking out alternate job-possibilities, But it was first earlier today, after another dressing down from Mac, that he realized he didn't just need a new job, but he needed to move to; out of the city and probably away from the state too. Get away from everyone he knew and anyone who knew the Messer name.
He had taken a walk to clear his head, then returned to the lab. He went to his locker and removed a letter of resignation he had written months earlier, and made a beeline for Mac's office. And entered without knocking. Mac had looked slightly shocked up, but narrowed his eyes at the sight of Danny. Danny sighed; he knew he was doing the right thing.
"I'm sorry Mac." He said as he clipped off his badge and gun. "Sorry the last couple of months ever happ'n'd. I thought you were the best thing that ever happ'n'd to me, but know I realize you're the worst thing. I'm sorry 'bout the way ya feel towards me, ya know? But as you said; 'nough is enough."
He placed both items and the letter before Mac, getting a small sense of satisfaction from Mac's total look of surprise, and the mingled look of shame that passed over his eyes. He took one of Mac's pens and signed the letter.
He then straightened his back and looked directly into the eyes of his now ex-boss, allowing him to see all of his pain. Smiling grimly at the flinch he saw cross the ex-marines face. Then he turned around and left the office. Never stopping or looking back, even when he heard his name yelled. He just sucked it up, like had always seemed to do recently.
It was now some six hours later and he had started packing everything down. He had talked to Speedle from Miami, they had been friends since high school, and stayed in contact, some years more than others, but they had talked a lot in the last months; he had needed a friends to talk to. Speed had mentioned that they had a clear position down their, and had even talked with his boos. When he called today he had asked Speed if the position had been filled. It hadn't.
Speed promised to talk to his lieutenant, and pick him up at the airport, and that he could stay at his place. And generally to take care of him.
Loud knocking on the door jerked Danny from his thoughts and he sighed; it was probably Donnie. Coming to him a piece of his mind about him leaving time and try to convince him to stay. He didn't understand. But Danny knew Don would support him, he just had to make him understand.
He went to the door as the knocking grew louder.
"Yeah, yeah! Don't get ya panties in a twist!" He opened the door and was completely shocked when he saw Mac standing there; looking grim as ever. "Mac?!" He barely squirled.
The ex-marine pushed Danny back and entered the apartment uninvited. He slammed the door close and took a hard grip on Danny's biceps as he also slammed the stunned man against the door. Before Danny could do much more than flinch, his mouth was attacked and dominated by the dark haired man. He felt dizzy and overwhelmed by having Mac so close again, and having the air forced out of his lungs.
It was a moment he had dreamed about, ever since had was thrown out of Mac's apartment; but not like this. The kiss was all about dominance and control. He didn't know for how long it continued, but he felt he was about to faint from lack of air when his lips was released. He gasped, trying to catch his breath. But apparently the marine-school taught how not to breathe, for Mac continued licking, nipping, kissing his way down Danny's cheek and neck ending where neck meets shoulder, and bit down. Hard.
Danny cried out at the sharp pain and tried to push Mac away, but the senior CSI was faster and caught his both wrists and firmly placed them in a hold above his head.
"Mac-" Danny panted but was cut off from saying more when his mouth was attacked again. The second kiss was much like the first and Danny felt extremely exposed and vulnerable, as he was very aware of Mac physical superiority. And he vary incredibly turned on by it; harder than he had been for a long time.
Mac bit down at Danny's lower lip and released Danny's wrists only to grip the left one again and puled Danny along after him.
Before Danny was much aware of what was going on he had lost his shirt and was horizontal on his bed. Cuffed to it...
Mac yanked his sweats off; leaving the younger man completely naked. He could well imagine what he looked like; thinner than usual due to resent weight-loss, pale, dark circles under the eyes, his face and chest flushed in arousal and his hard member raising up from his crotch.
Mac attacked Danny's chest with his teeth, leaving aching marks all over, causing him to whimper barely audioable, but enough to be heard, and he was answered by a deep growl. Danny screwed his eyes shot; not wanting to look at Mac and connect the angry and hurtful man in his bed with the man he had loved above anything else. It was hard to think them as being the same person.
He was flipped around and a hard grip forced him up on his knees and elbows. Two oily fingers were pressed into his ass and he winced at the sudden intrusion, they bobbed in and out a few times before a third was added, not really giving him any time to adjust to the stretching and he knew it was gonna be painful; Mac was quite a big man. The three finger only slid into him four times before they were removed. He heard the tiring of a condom wrapper, and a flash of hurt lashed through Danny; they had only used condom the first time they had been together, never since then. It hurt a bitch to think that Mac wanted that protective layer between them, as if he was afraid Danny was unclean.
Then Mac's dick slid into him in one quick motion, and Danny grunted at the pain. He only got a few seconds to adjust before Mac started to pound into him. Fingers dug into the flesh of his hips, he was sure there was going to be bruises come tomorrow.
Suddenly Mac changed his angel and hit Danny's prostate dead-on, causing a cry from the blond, whos hands jerked in the cuffs; he desperately wanted to touch his cock and come, but the handcuffs didn't budge and inch. He bit his lip to keep from begging, but he was not going to beg, no matter what; two could play the silence/no talking game.
Then a hand snaked around his midsection and started to jerk him off. It only took a couple of tugs to bring him over the edge, and the brunette along with him as his ass clenched around the dick in it. He felt the brunette bight down in his shoulder, only an inch away from were the already was a set of teeth.
They both collapsed on the bed, Mac half covering Danny's lesser frame. He felt his hands being released from their confinement and fingers massaging some blood circulation back into them. They started to tingle and prickle in that uncomfortable fashion that reminded you you should have done something sooner, but Danny couldn't care less at the moment.
In a flash he felt incredibly dirty, like a low-life junkie slut. Used and dirty. A thing only for Mac's pleasure whenever he felt like it, not caring about Danny's feelings at all. Just a convenient fuck ready whenever the boss felt like it, and thrown away as soon as it got complicated. He couldn't hold back a small sob and curled into himself, hiding his face and tears in the pillow. He had wanted Mac, wanted him so bad he would take anything he could get. Now he was paying the price.
It was like a dam breached by the first sob, and now he couldn't stop them from coming, or the tears. All his intentions of not being weak in front of the older man was gone. He just wanted to creep into some dark, deep hole and disappear from the world, and stop feeling altogether. All of Mac's hurtful words resounded over in his mind. It made him feel even worse.
With the last of his energy, he collected a blanket around himself and softly padded to the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him. He never looked at Mac.
Inside the bathroom Danny sat down on the floor along the wall, curling into as small a ball as possible, hoping to hide from the world for some time. He suddenly was very aware of all the aches on his body, wrists, arms, hips, neck, lips and most of all; his backside. He felt shakes take over his body and started sobbing uncontrollably.
Danny didn't know for how long he sat there, his sense of time completely gone. After some time the sobbing subsided leaving the shaking and tears. Some more time and only the shaking left. He felt burned out, having nothing left to give. His forehead on his arms on his knees. Somewhere along the line he fell asleep.
He felt cold. And aching all over. He felt a body sit down next to him and a jolt of surprise went through him as he recognized Mac; he thought Mac would have left long ago. Apparently he was wrong, and his world view had just been tilted again. Mac was warm, his body-heat bringing warmth to Danny and his shivering grew less but didn't quit stop. Mac's arm felt heavy around Danny's shoulders. They sat like that for some time, the young CSI falling in and out of sleep.
The brunette sighed before getting up, causing Danny to shiver at the loss of heat. His head returned to his arms. He heard Mac turn on the shower water and some roaming around before the ex-marine crouched down next to him and took gentle, but firm hold of him and bringing him up so they where standing front to each other. Danny's head was bend and all he could see was their waists and down; him with his blanket wrapped tight around him and Mac only wearing a pair of pale boxers.
Mac took a hold on the blanket and released it from Danny's, letting it drop of off his shoulders and pool by his feet. He then guided the younger man to the shower stall, pushing him in under the hot spray and following him in after.
They just stood for a couple of minuets, letting the water wash away the sweat and come from their earlier activities. Then slowly, gently, hands started washing Danny's body from behind, with a soft piece of cloth. They meticulously worked over his body, starting with his left foot and ankle, working it's way up the calf and thigh then buttocks and down the other leg. Danny's hands rested on the wall in front of him as the man behind him worked him over, the touch felt incredibly intimate and personal, one of many things he had missed since their break-up. The cloth ghosted up along his leg and started scrubbing at first his lower back, then up along his spine, down his side, gently over his hip and then the other side. Next came his shoulders and neck. Then he was pulled back against Mac's strong chest as his hands washed his chest and abdomen, then his arms and hands. His head lulled back and landed on the shoulder behind him, and the cloth was at his neck; then his face.
The hand dropped and the cloth disappeared before the it came back up and attached itself around his hard member. Danny hadn't even been aware of the fact that he had gotten hard again, but he wasn't really surprised; Mac had always had that effect on him. His eyes were firmly closed as he didn't want to see Mac; his eyes and what he was feeling at the moment. He wanted to be selfish right now and be allowed to be in the man he loved so much's arms, just one last time before he left. He started moaning as the hand worked his sex as if it was a piece of art; a thing to be firm, yet gentle with so that it would turn out just as the picture in your mind.
He felt the CSI-boss' hard dick rub against his ass and a growl erupted from deep in Mac's throat, causing a shiver to run down the blond's spine. The hand on his cock sped up and Danny couldn't keep himself from mewling at the sheer pleasure of the sensation. He panted as he got closer to his climax his head turning to the neck besides him, he came he bid down; returning the favour from earlier, leaving a small bight under the ear way higher up than anything short of a turtle-neck shirt would be capable of hiding.
Danny felt come at his backside and realize that Mac must have come too; without him noticing. They stood like that until the water turned cold, Danny wasn't sure how long it was, his sense of time long time gone. They walked out of the stall, grabbing a towel each and starting to dry off. Danny went trough the motions never looking at Mac. Then Mac was in front of him again; drying his legs with the same meticulousness he had shown under the water. Then he stood and put the towel over his head, messing the hair around until it was somewhat dry, then slid it down to his shoulders, letting it rest there.
The brunette stepped into his personal space again and Danny sucked a quick breath in as a sure hand grabbed his chin and lifted it up, but Danny still couldn't bear to look at the older man. His lips were attacked in a way slower kiss than any they had shared that evening, but not any less intense. The kiss stopped and they stood, getting their pulses under control.
Mac led the younger man back into the bedroom, guiding him unto the bed and under the comforter. He heard Mac turn of the light, then got into bed next to Danny. The older man rolled unto his stomach and probed himself up on his elbow, trying to catch his bed-mates eyes, when he didn't succeed he caught his chin and forced the head up. He caught Danny's eyes and the younger man found that he couldn't look away, even though he wanted to.
"Stay." Mac said, the first real word exchanged between them this night; a request disguised as an order. Danny sank dryly, finding that all fluids had left his mouth.
"Mac..." He said in a helpless tone. Mac's hand had travelled up to cup his cheek and Danny caught the hand in his smaller one.
"I'm sorry. For everything. But I can't loose you. I can't loose you too." Mac said in a quiet voice; his pain plainly visible in his eyes. And suddenly it clicked in Danny's mind; the way Mac had pushed him away from himself; to try and save himself from pain if he ever lost him like he had lost Claire. The Sassone incident hadn't been the cause of their breakup; just the excuse. He recalled that the evening before was the first time he had told Mac he loved him, although he was sure Mac had known it long time before, just as he had known Mac loved Danny. It all made sense. Danny basically telling Mac he wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, then Sassone had come along and Mac had probably felt crowded and had reasoned himself into believing it would be better to push Danny away. Not that it lessened the hurt in his heart, quit the opposite; the thought that Mac could hurt him so much and for so long even though he loved him. But in a twisted Mac-like way, it made sense.
Danny evaded Mac's gaze. He didn't know what to say, instead he laid down his head on the other man's chest, listening to the strong heartbeat.
Nothing else was said, and not long after, Danny was asleep; sounder than he had been for a long time.
Mac awoke suddenly, it took him a moment to figure out where he was, then it all came back. About the night before; Danny's leaving town. Next he became aware of the fact that he was alone in the bed. And that was wrong: where was Danny?
He got out of bed and threw on a t-shirt and serged the apartment, but came up empty handed. No Danny. Maybe he had gone out to get some breakfast? Then something connected in his mind; yesterday when he had arrived, on the table next to the front door; a flying ticket had laid next to his keys and wallet. Now they were gone, as well as a couple of travelling backs there had stood.
But it didn't seem like Danny to just leave. But apparently he had. Mac cursed; he hadn't seen where the ticket had been too. It also bothered him that he hadn't woken up when Danny had upped and left, he usually didn't sleep very deep and wakes up at the smallest sounds; he must have been more exhausted lately than he thought. He sighed; he had never thought that the younger man would actually go, but he knew it was only his own fault. If only he had been capable of controlling his fear. And now it had cost him Danny.
Danny got off the plane; the hot sun licking his skin and shining in his eyes. He should have remembered his shades; but he had been in too much of a hurry to get out of the door and away from Mac, to do much else than grab his bags, wallet and ticket.
He felt like for the first time in months, he was able to breathe deep, clean air.
But at the same time, he was felt like he had left his heart behind in New York, and he didn't think he was ever going to get it back. But maybe, with time, he could heal what was left of it.
He got his luggage and walked out from of the airport, looking around the busy people of Miami. He stood for some time, before a big Hummer pulled up in front of him. He put the bags into the backseat, and got into the passenger front seat. He gave a surprised smile at the other man as it wasn't the person he had expected.
"Welcome to Miami, Mr. Messer. I heard you might be looking for a job?"
Danny grinned at the other man, and gave him a nod in agreement.
"You offering, Lieutenant Caine?" A new start really didn't sound so bad.