--SPOILER FOR AGENT AFLOAT--

Why didn't Tony call Ziva during the 4 months the team was separated? She wasn't incommunicado. McGee had e-mails from her right up until she went undercover. Gibbs and McGee both apparently had her cell phone number; probably Abby too. Why didn't Tony call her? This is my take on that question.

You Could Have Called

As soon as she said it he knew he was in trouble. First questions on his emotional state and then drinking and finally the zinger – "you could have called." Ziva was good at zingers. She could make them hurt. She'd zinged him a lot since they'd met.

Yeah, he could have called but he didn't. He wanted to oh so many times but he didn't. He was afraid of Ziva. Afraid she'd see the real Tony, the failure he was, the drunk he was becoming. Ziva had the clearest vision of anyone he'd ever seen, even more than Gibbs; especially when it came to Tony. She knew when he lied, when he hurt, when he needed help. It scared him. She scared him.

He'd thought a lot about Ziva over the four months they'd been apart. Sexual fantasies of her often filled his nights and he'd wake up aching with need. He had decided on boarding the Reagan he'd stay away from shipboard romances so when on shore he'd go clubbing and find release with vapid one-night stands receiving no more than momentary satisfaction. He'd had a few moments with Lorena, the singer at the Banana Moon. She'd reminded him of Ziva with her long, dark hair and honey-colored skin but Lorena used him as much as he used her and he knew the night the Seahawk left Cartagena she'd have a new man in her bed.

The sex-filled dreams were bad enough but the days were worse, much worse. He'd turn to say something to her and she wasn't there. He'd want to share a joke with her and she wasn't there. She wasn't there to laugh at his antics or shoot him down when he needed it. For three years she'd been his almost daily companion; backing him up, saving his butt, shouting him down, and when he needed it, whether he wanted it or not, there to help him through the rough times.

Everyday he'd wanted to pick up the phone and call her but he didn't. He couldn't. She'd see right though him. Like always.

Now she stood in front of him and wanted to know why he didn't call. Thank god Gibbs interrupted her. Tony knew his reprieve was only temporary though. Ziva would come back to the question. That's what she did. She never gave up, always pushed and prodded until she got an answer. He just didn't know if he could ever give her an answer because whenever he came close to admitting the answer to himself that scared him, too. He didn't call her because she scared him. He never called her because he was afraid to admit how much he missed her, how he might love her.