A/N: PLEASE READ THIS SO I WON'T SEEM LIKE A DOLT TO YOU. Well, I can explain this. I really can. You see, several factors contributed to this piece of shit. I was feeling really down and wishing I could write a funny story, I could not get the damn scenes of Crack!Selfshipping Mpreg out of my head (even though I STILL HATE Mpreg with a passion) and I was bored. I just so happened to be in class and conveniently had a notebook in front of me. The result? THIS! :D You can thank me later. Lol. Yes, it was sadly the only way to get that damn Crack!Selfshipping Mpreg to leave me alone. DX Yes, it has multiple chapters. Yes, I will keep up with my other fics too. Yes, I will answer your messages. OK?! Lol

Warnings: Makes fun of: OOCness, mpreg, canon misconceptions, etc. If you flame me I will laugh because you missed the point. But I will take it as a compliment because I know what not to do already and this is what not to do in a SERIOUS fic. This is only for fun, so enjoy and laugh, mmk? Mmk. I really can write better than this. Y'all know that. (Oh and I will be disregarding some of my own rules just because it's making fun of shit.)

Disclaimer: I do not own GX. Wish I did SO bad. Then it would be longer. And 5Ds would wait.

Chapter 1: OOPS!!

It was a bright and beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and Juudai was…screaming. Wait. Scratch that. It was actually a dark and DREARY morning because Juudai was not at Duel Academia. No, the poor brunet was stuck in Dark World, in Haou's grandiose castle. Currently, the boy was lying in the middle of the floor, yelling his head off. It woke up the entire household--all of which should have been awake anyway--and sent them into a frenzy. And if they had been cranky, oh, boy, then one could only imagine…One could only hope that--

"JUUDAI!!"

Too late. The door to the bedroom flung open, and a very angry Juudai look-alike stormed into the room. His golden eyes flashed in rage, his fists clenched by his sides. Apparently, Juudai was not the only one who had woken up on the wrong side of the bed that morning.

"What are you screaming for?!" Haou demanded to know, stamping his foot, "And why are you not dressed?! I told you to get up an HOUR ago!"

Juudai stared up at the other boy with teary eyes. "I'm going to die," He whispered, trembling like a Chihuahua, "I'm really going to die…"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Haou snapped, his already menacing scowl deepening, "Just because you have to go to school today does NOT mean you're going to die. Now get up! You have to get ready. You need an education. I can't have my queen being an ignorant fool!"

Whoa…pause.

It was true; strange, but true. Juudai really was Haou's queen. It didn't matter that they were the same person. It didn't matter that Juudai was male. There was no need to be sexist about the matter; males could be queens too! At least, in Haou's opinion, anyway. He hadn't thought that he would have been able to stand an actual woman, and he needed someone he could push around and manipulate. Juudai fit the bill. And, since he was king of Dark World, he could very well marry a boy if he wanted to!

At first, he had not known how the hell he was going to do it--since he had lived in Juudai's head and all. But then, his opportunity for freedom had come one day when Juudai was very angry…

It was after eight o' clock. Juudai still remained in bed, twitching as he dreamt. He always dreamed he was dueling, but this time, it was different. This time, he was actually losing. In reality, Juudai did not care whether he won or lost. However, he still did not like losing all that much. And especially not when he was dreaming. After all, dreams should be good, and this one was turning out to be a nightmare. He only awoke after he received the fatal blow to his life points, then popped out of bed so quickly that he hit his head on the bunk above.

"OW!" He howled as he fell off of the bunk and landed on his already sore head. He squirmed to get untangled from the sheets.

When he finally managed to free himself, he looked at the clock, and his eyes widened. At this point, he was already late for class. But there was something more important than class that he had already missed…

"Breakfast!" He shouted, leaping to his feet to get dressed.

He hurried for the closet so fast that he tripped over the chair and landed on his face. Groaning, he picked himself off the floor only to stub his toe against the door frame. This was not going to be a good day.

By the time he had actually gotten to the cafeteria, he had perked up a bit. After all, he always tried to look on the bright side. And he had already told himself that at least he had missed class, and at least they had tempura for breakfast that morning. And God knows how much Juudai loves tempura. It could make even the worst day worth it for him. He was expecting that that morning would be no exception. He would eat his troubles away in a steaming hot plate of fried shrimp goodness.

As soon as he stepped foot into the vacant cafeteria, his heart sank as he realized that wasn't going to happen. His mouth dropped open at the sight: Pharaoh had jumped up on the table and was calmly licking stray crumbs off an empty plate, his plate to be exact. That damn cat had eaten every last bit of his fucking tempura.

Now, Juudai normally was a good-natured, temperate indivual. But when anyone--other than Johan; but that will be explained later--gets into Juudai's tempura, OH boy, he'd better watch out! And that day was NO exception. Oh, he was SO angry that he could've choked that cat, though he didn't because he just wasn't that type of person. He was just trying to find it in his heart to think of something good that might come of this when, who else but HAOU seized the opportunity. After all, Juudai's rage gave him the power to come out! Because everyone knows he's like a demon 'possessing' the boy, waiting to take control!

Before Juudai could do anything to calm himself down, his eyes flashed fiery gold. Haou's gaze drifted from one end of the cafeteria to the next. At long last…FREEDOM! Living in Juudai's head could get rather dull. He was SO ready to move back to Dark World and rule over it with an iron fist, crushing all the commoners with his oppressive ways. And he was also looking forward to taking Juudai as his queen! But wait…there was a bit of a problem. They shared a body. There had to be some way to change that…

He leaned against the wall to think, ignoring Juudai's confusion and protests. Perhaps there was some way he could obtain another body…But he couldn't 'repossess' some else! If he wanted another body, he would have to forge one himself. It would have to be artificial. But to do that, he would need other host body parts and a philosopher's stone. Wait…wrong anime in mind…but hey, it still works for this one too! Actually, he was on the right track. He would need alchemy. And preferably, someone who knew exactly what they were doing. He had dabbled in it, but he didn't have the skill to create a form of his own, that he could inhabit. Now, who did Juudai know that could help him…? He thought he could remember something, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it…His eyes drifted over to the cat, who burped up a floating yellow ball of light.

"YES I'M FREE!" Came a higher-pitched voice.

Haou's eyes widened. Of course! Daitokuji-sensei! He opened his mouth to shout an order, then remembered; if he wanted this done, then he was going to have to be polite about it. "Excuse me," He said, carefully choosing his words, "but I'm a bit stuck here in Juudai's body…Could you perhaps help me out?"

Daitokuji-sensei did not respond for a moment. Then: "Oh, I'm not very good at those. You see, I don't have the philosopher's stone."

Haou gritted his teeth, but managed to keep his cool. "Could you try again?" He asked calmly, yet firmly.

"Well, I would like to, but I don't have hands. If you do exactly what I say, will you make me another body too? I'm really tired of living in my cat. It can get really smelly in there and when he--"

"I don't want to hear it," Haou grumbled, grimacing, "I'll do it, Ok? Just…tell me what to do." He would do whatever it took to get what he wanted.

"Ok, but you must never do this again. You must be sworn to secrecy! It's a very dangerous technique." Obviously, Daitokuji-sensei was not only desperate to get his body back, but also a bit too trusting.

Haou merely accepted the terms and went along with what the other man had said. He knew he'd better keep up his end of the deal too, or something bad might happen. He could get rather superstitious.

Daitokuji-sense led him to a secret lab under the Osiris dorm, where he had performed many of his experiments. There were many large tanks and test tubes, as well as strange--and painful--looking tools set up nearby. Haou wasn't so sure he should trust him with this anymore, but did he really have a choice?

"This might end up being painful and take a long time, so don't get discouraged," Daitokuji-sensei told him, "It'll be hard but…I'm sure I'll get it right this time."

Haou did not like that sound of that. But…he felt as though he did not have a choice. He wanted a separate life so badly! It could not be denied that it would be hard--particularly since he and Juudai were one soul--but, he was sure it could be done.

As he began the process, he felt for some reason that he was selling his soul over to Daitokuji-sensei, who even then had an ominous edge to his voice…

Well, long story short, Haou had succeeded in getting a body of his own. He had attempted to make one for Daitokuji-sensei too, since they had to fulfill their contract, but it really couldn't be done since there were no remains to copy any DNA from. He'd had to give up.

Needless to say, Juudai had been more than a little surprised when he'd opened the door to his room and found Haou sitting on his bed. He hadn't really known who Haou was, just that it was bad. Normally, he would've thought that Haou was his long-lost twin and been overjoyed to see him. But the king had had such a wicked gleam in his eyes…It could not be denied that he had terrible plans for Juudai. And that had only been the beginning.

Even though they had started off on the wrong foot, Haou had coaxed him into relaxing. At first, he had played nice enough, and befriended Juudai. That was step one of his evil plan. Juudai suspected nothing--although he had noticed the smirks that sometimes flickered across Haou's face and the cruel, bloodthirsty look in his cold eyes--and had readily accepted Haou. They had hung out plenty, and even grown somewhat close. Even though Haou had been planning on using Juudai for whatever the hell he wanted, the more he had gotten to know him, the more he had liked him and the firmer his decision had been about taking him as his queen.

And that had been when he had made his move.

Having borrowed a book about inter-dimensional portals from Daitokuji-sensei, Haou had invited Juudai to go for a walk through the woods with him, at night. Of course, Juudai loved to go on these sorts of escapades, so he had readily agreed. And the worst part had been that he hadn't suspected a thing. Haou had taken full advantage of this. He had led Juudai out to a remote area where no one would find them, then performed the necessary procedures discreetly before challenging Juudai to a duel that would break the barrier between Dark World and Juudai's world. And the dolt had fallen right into his trap. Naturally, Haou had won, and everything had fallen into place just as he'd planned. The next thing Juudai had known, he was being carried off in a burlap sack to Haou's castle.

Juudai had remained locked up in a tower for several days. Sort of like Rapunzel only he didn't have long hair and his prince was actually an evil king who was his captor. At that point, a servant had busted into the room unannounced, thrown him in the bathwater, and scrubbed him like there was no tomorrow. After that, several attendants had dried him and rubbed scented oils all over him, causing him to protest greatly. But he didn't protest nearly so much to that as he did to what came next.

He, Yuuki Juudai, the brave multi-time savior of the world, had been forced into a dress. But not just any dress. A white dress. A white wedding dress. He had never been so humiliated in his life.

But that hadn't been nearly as bad as being forced to walk down the aisle and finally seeing who he had to marry. His jaw had dropped. He had been going to marry…himself? And there was nothing he could do since they were no longer in his world. Haou was in complete control. Oh, the shame.

But that had been nothing compared to the wedding night.

Things had not gone too well between them after that.

"Juudai, are you ready yet?" Haou banged on the bathroom door, looking exasperated, "You're going to be late for school again!! You know how I feel about that…"

There was a groan from inside. "I…can't go…"

"Why not?!" Haou yelled, getting angrier. "You most certainly can go!"

"I can't…because…because…You're going to kill me…" The voice whimpered.

Haou sighed and crossed his arms. "Ok, what is it this time?" He really was not in the mood to put up with Juudai's antics. Especially since the brunet had been so clumsy lately he'd been breaking everything in sight. He didn't even want to know what Juudai had broken this time.

"I…I…um…"

"What?!" Haou spat, narrowing his eyes, impatience boiling over into anger.

"I…threw up everywhere…" Juudai sounded somewhat weak as he said this.

Haou rolled his eyes. "Clean it up then! You don't have to tell me about it!"

"No…Haou…I…ummm…I don't know how to tell you this…" Juudai's voice had been reduced to a mere squeak.

"Well just spit it out!" Haou shouted at the door.

Juudai opened the door, his eye twitching a bit. His face was pale and his mouth was opening and closing like a fish. Haou glared at him, hissing through his teeth that Juudai better compose himself, that he was royalty. Shaking his head, Juudai yanked him into the bathroom, and sat on the edge of the bathtub, hugging himself and rocking back and forth.

"Dammit, Haou, you freaking got me pregnant!"

There was a long silence.

Finally: "WHAT?!" The walls of the castle practically shook.

Juudai sunk back a little, and muttered bitterly, "I said, you got me pregnant! I don't know how it happened…"

"But you're a MALE." Haou sputtered, "You can't…it's biologically impossible…it makes no sense…"

"I know…" Juudai groaned mournfully, rocking back and forth harder, "Oh, damn! If this was going to happen then why couldn't it have been YOU?! I mean, I topped you a few times!"

Haou's face reddened. "BE QUIET!"

"I'm too young to die!" Juudai wailed, "I don't want this! I don't want it at all! I want rid of it! NO! I can't do that…that's horrible! Oh, damn…What am I going to do?! I can't do this…I really can't do this…I'm too young…I'm not a girl…How the hell am I going to give birth to this thing, huh? Where the hell does it even GO?!"

Haou stared at him as though he were crazy. "Juudai…are you even sure you're pregnant? I really find that hard to believe…"

"I know, I know," Juudai groaned, "But…but…but…the pregnancy test said--"

"Where'd you get that?" Haou snapped.

"Um…I don't know," Juudai blinked stupidly.

Groaning, Haou held his face in his hands and counted slowly to ten. "And…" He said, taking a deep breath, "You know that this thing works, how? After all, it only works for females. How could it POSSIBLY work for you as well?"

Juudai shrugged. "I don't know. Never thought about that. I mean, it just appeared and there was a note attached to it that said 'try me.' So I did. And it said I was pregnant. Which would probably explain why I've been feeling off lately."

"That's ridiculous!" Haou spat, his eyes narrowing, "Stop this at once! You're not getting out of school like that!!"

"But I'm not lying!!" Juudai whined, his face crumpling, "I really am pregnant!"

Haou clenched his teeth and his fists, his eyes squeezed shut as he slowly counted backwards from ten. "Juudai?"

"Yes?" Juudai blinked, radiating with youthful naiveté.

"I'm giving you two seconds to get your ass ready before I kick you down the stairs again."

Juudai yiped and jumped to his feet, zooming out of the bathroom. "Yes, master Haou-sama!!"

It did no good. Haou was so angry that Juudai had 'tricked' him, he ran after him, and kicked him down the stairs. Juudai didn't talk to him for the rest of the day. Not because he was angry, but because he was fucking unconscious. It was a wonder that a one-day coma and a slight concussion were all he had suffered.

A/N: X.x If this is the first fic you've read by me, please read something serious I wrote. I cannot believe I just did that. Oh well. I like it anyway, though I hated to gloss over so much information so quickly. Perhaps I can add some flashbacks throughout the duration of the fic. At least it relieves my stress. D8 I promise to write another, longer chapter soon enough. And for those of you who like mpreg, sorryz. You can flame me. -.- I just hate it so much…And I hate all the "cuteness" associated with it. It is not cute. It's fucking disgusting. But…you can have your opinion and I can have mine. I don't blame you if you don't want to review. Don't if you don't wanna. XD I'll still update. Good reviews or bad it's gonna get updated. Mmk?