Beginning

Lelouch and Suzaku, contrary to expectations, did not get along when they first met.

Genbu Kururugi had thought they might, two like-minded boys of the same age, and that's why he'd consented to take little Lelouch vi Britannia in (not that he'd had much of a choice). Suzaku needed a friend his age.

But the Prime Minister's son was every bit as proud as the Britannian Prince, and that was the problem. Both boys had their strengths and their weaknesses, every inch polar opposites. Lelouch did not enjoy feeling weak, but Suzaku always outran him. Suzaku did not like feeling dumb, but Lelouch always outsmarted him.

Eventually, Suzaku recognized Lelouch's capacity to love when he saw how the boy cared for his poor, blinded sister, fussing over her every moment of the day. And it made him wonder about what Lelouch really was. Who he was.

Lelouch saw Suzaku's capacity to love when the other boy helped him. It was amazing what a friendly hand when he stumbled, or someone to confide in when the world grew to big, or another person to entertain Nunnally could do. He asked Suzaku why, why he helped him, and the only explanation he ever got was:

"Because if you're always taking care of Nunnally, who's going to take care of you?"

Suzaku held his hand and pulled him up the hill, and somehow it all made sense.

--

When the young Britannian soldier who disarmed him in the truck turned out to be Suzaku, Lelouch was wary, but thrilled.

When Suzaku smiled at him, he remembered the spring in Japan, and the games they'd played, and he let his guard drop.

When they army shot Suzaku, the happiness dissolved.

Lelouch's fantasies were always rather ephemeral, anyway.

--

Suzaku felt like controls to the Lancelot digging into his palm, the gunshot wound in his side stinging. He tried to remember all that Lloyd and Cecile had told him about operating the machine, tried to concentrate, but all he could think of was Lelouch, Lelouch, after all these years, Lelouch. He almost looked the same, he almost sounded the same. Those same piercing violet eyes…

And he might be dead, killed by the terrorists, an innocent. Even worse—Suzaku held no delusions on this front—he might have been killed by the army, as Suzaku had almost been.

The only way to find out would be to venture into the thick of battle with this Knightmare prototype. The buttons buzzed under the pads of his fingers, waiting for him to press them. Waiting for the okay to go.

"Lancelot, ME Boost!" was what he said.

Lelouch, I'm going to save you, was what he meant.

--

Suzaku, I'm going to save you, Lelouch thought.

He knew that Suzaku had been framed, the proverbial scapegoat. Lelouch had killed Clovis, Lelouch had—it made him sick to just think about it. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists and forced himself to look away from Suzaku's tortured face on the television screen, a prisoner of the system to which he'd so willingly given himself.

He would sacrifice everything, now, for that same system. Everything.

A chilly, numbing rage weighed down on Lelouch's soul, suppressing all of his other emotions. This was why he hated Britannia. This was why. They trampled over the innocent. Innocent. Like him, like Nunnally. Like Suzaku.

But realistically, something said, if it had been someone else, anyone else, would you care so much? If they hadn't hurt Nunnally or Suzaku, would you see them for what they are?

He pushed the skeptical part of his mind to the side—he didn't need that, not now, and besides, he wouldn't let someone die in his place—and began to plan. If he were going to rescue Suzaku…he had the power. He just needed some help. He needed a new face. A mask. He needed a name.

He closed his eyes, and felt the lack of butterflies in his stomach, lack of apprehension, lack of any feeling at all, looked back at Suzaku, who had always been so strong. Suzaku was just a Number to them. A number.

Well, Lelouch would be a number, too. A number, and not a number.

Zero.

--

But the White Knight never wanted to be saved. Not if salvation meant compromising his morals, however misguided and misplaced they may be. Lelouch almost hated him for it, but couldn't.

"Idiot."

Suzaku, as he walked away, almost smiled, because an old friend used to call him that, too.

--

When they went out to the rooftop, Suzaku could breathe again. It'd been a long week.

He and Lelouch stopped talking a little while ago, but it didn't really matter. They'd said everything they need to say. Suzaku could feel Lelouch's relief more in his smile than in his words, and knew that his friend had never once believed him guilty of the crime he hadn't committed. Thank goodness. The someone who still had faith in him happened to be the one who mattered.

Suzaku never thought he'd see anything as beautiful as the rolling green fields, sculptured gardens, and whitewashed archways of the Ashford Academy. He sighed, thinking rather giddily that they made a nice background behind Lelouch's head, that the other boy looked like the subject of a portrait. Leaning his head on his palm, he couldn't help but think that Lelouch had grown up rather beautifully as well. In a way.

That was a strange thought, but there it was. Lelouch, Euphemia…there were so many beautiful people in this world. Despite everything, despite the nagging little thoughts that it could not possibly, possibly last, Suzaku considered himself, for the moment, lucky.

Lelouch was very, very Britannian. The strong jaw, the light, shapely eyes, the straight nose. It was funny that he looked so much like something he hated—his words in the truck brought that to mind. How funny was it, then, that Suzaku didn't look very Japanese, and Japan and its people had to always be his first priority, even when he was a soldier?

"Hey."

Suzaku tilted his head to the side. "What?"

"You were staring," Lelouch said with a small smile. "Is there something on my face?"

"Oh, no." A slight breeze ruffled Lelouch's hair. It looked soft; Suzaku wondered what it felt like. He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he finished awkwardly. "You've just…grown up."

Lelouch smiled and put a hand on Suzaku's shoulder. "You too."

Suzaku froze as Lelouch's eyes grew unfocused and he toyed absentmindedly with the collar of Suzaku's uniform. His fingers brushed Suzaku's neck, just for a second. It gave him goose bumps. He wished…

"We should go inside," he said nervously. "I don't want to miss class on my first day."

"What? Oh…" Lelouch withdrew his hand. "Sorry, I was staring off into space again. You're right. We should…we should go inside."

Suzaku laughed off the butterflies and tried to make a joke about Lelouch's skipping, but his head was oddly empty.

--

Idiot. Why did Suzaku insist on acting like strangers when they were school? How dare he? Idiot idiot idiot.

Of course, Lelouch knew that it was for his own good and, of course, he knew that Suzaku was right and that he was being selfish, but this was unbearable. To have Suzaku somewhere close, after all of these years, and to be unable to talk to him…

It was for Suzaku's sake only that Lelouch wanted to be near him. That's what he told himself, trying to put that strange urge to touch Suzaku which had almost overpowered him earlier out of his mind. He was worried, that was all. His friend hadn't acted like this when they were children, and this newfound stubbornness would get him killed. His job in the army might beat stubbornness to it. He was a well-meaning, stubborn, lovable danger to himself. And if he couldn't see that, then Lelouch had to see it for him. Had to make him see it.

He drank the tea that Sayoko had graciously provided and sighed. He was going to protect Suzaku, whether Suzaku wanted it or not. Drumming his fingers on the countertop, he stared at the liquid in the cup, thinking. First Nunnally, now Suzaku…how many people was he going to protect? As Zero, he had taken all of Japan in his hands. If he succeeded…he would have all of Britannia. How many was too many?

How far would he have to go, for all of them?

No, he couldn't afford to be thinking like this. It was just because it was late. He thought of Nunnally's smile, of Suzaku's relief, and knew that he had only one path to take.

--

"Thank you."

Suzaku, who had been studying the ground at his feet as he walked back to the Clubhouse with Lelouch, looked up. His friend was studying him oddly. "For what?"

Lelouch laughed. "You've already forgotten? Saving my life. Although you seem to be in the business of helping others."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Oh." Suzaku smiled, glancing down at the newly-christened Arthur, who, tired of hissing, had fallen asleep in his arms, his tail swishing back and forth absentmindedly. In his sleep, he was easy to love. "Well, it was nothing. I know you would have done the same for me."

"Yeah, but I would have dropped you." Lelouch looked at Arthur with wonder. "To think that a cat could cause so much trouble…why were you chasing after him, Suzaku?"

"Huh? Oh, you thought…for the 'reward?'" Suzaku shook his head, his cheeks growing hot. "It wasn't for that. I mean, Milly said to catch it. Besides, I thought…I'd be accepted. It seemed silly, but I thought that if I caught the cat, they would like me."

"Well, they do."

"I think that might have more to do with saving you," Suzaku admitted.

"Look, they would have come around anyway. And even so, Milly would have made you kiss someone if you'd caught him by yourself," Lelouch pressed.

"Yeah…" Suzaku thought of the girls on the Student Council. Milly, energetic but a little too intimidating, Shirley, who was pretty and nice but obviously, obviously in love with Lelouch, Nina, quiet and xenophobic, and Kallen, who…well, he hadn't formed an opinion of her yet. He wasn't going to judge any of them right now, he just didn't think that he could kiss any of them, and he was fairly sure none of them wanted to kiss him. Besides, he didn't really know them all too well, beyond those shallow first impressions. It would be far too awkward. The thought had occurred to him before of another option, but that would be almost unthinkable. Still... "I would have refused. It would have been unfair to force my poor kissing skills on any of them."

"Oh really?" Lelouch teased.

"Well, I wouldn't know, actually," Suzaku admitted. "I haven't had the chance to try. I can only assume." Lelouch looked down. "I'm sorry, was that too…?"

"No, no," he said. "I just…"

Suzaku bent down to look at Lelouch's face, and was surprised to find it tinged with red. Had he embarrassed his friend? How? "Lelouch?"

Lelouch blinked and raised his head, then jerked it to the side, towards the trees. "Come with me."

"What?" Suzaku found himself blushing again, for no apparent reason, but he followed anyway, not quite sure, maybe too sure, about what Lelouch was getting at until he found himself leaning up against a tree with Lelouch's hand by his head. The rough bark dug into his back. That was fast, too fast, but even so he couldn't remember the last time he'd ever wanted anything for himself, and he was pretty sure that what he was feeling now was a mixture of want and apprehension. It was hard to tell. His head was a little cloudy.

"Lelouch?" he asked again. "What are you…"

"Don't ask," Lelouch said, sounding incredibly unsure of himself despite his demeanor. "I might snap out of it. Just consider this a…a 'thanks' for saving my life."

Suzaku swallowed, his throat dry, and opened his mouth to ask exactly what "this" was, but he found himself suddenly unable to speak. There was something in the way.

Arthur did not appreciate being dropped, but a cat always lands on its feet.

--

A/N: Had to do it. I wanted to write something like this for a long time, but when I saw the season finale I HAD to do it. Had to.

This will probably have four parts. It will be short and hopefully pretty and I love these boys so much I cannot type an author's note coherently. Join me for the roller coaster ride that is Suzalulu. Lulusuzu. I personally don't think it matters.

If you haven't seen the entire show, I recommend you stay far, far away. And with that, I'll see you next chapter.