A/N: i don't own Naruto. If I did, Gaara would be the main character.

"Jashin d you, blondie! I'm gonna fing beat the s out of you when I get my d hands on your a, you heathen b!"

"Don't kill me, un!"

Sasori rolled over in his bed and threw his pillow over his head in the hopes of not having to hear the Monday ritual Hidan and Deidara had going. Unfortunately, any hopes of salvaging the morning were dispersed when Deidara ran into the room, closing and locking the door behind him. Sasori groaned; he had conveniently forgotten that every Monday Deidara took cover in a random room.

"Find somewhere else to hide, brat," Sasori groaned, "You are ruining my Monday. Again."

"Yeah, but nobody likes Mondays anyway 'cause they suck, un," Deidara whispered while diving under the bed. The cause of this amazing Olympic dive was heard a second later in the form of a very angry Jashinist's storming footsteps. Sasori noticed that his bed was shaking when the footsteps stopped outside the door.

"Open the f up, you d piece of fing driftwood!" was heard from the other side of the now shuddering door. Sasori reconsidered his decision to turn Deidara over to be sacrificed. This decision wavered however when Deidara gave him a pleading look from the edge of the bed; he was a sadistic, evil bas- puppet (A/N: he hates the song I Got No Strings).

"What makes you think the brat is in here?" Sasori yelled back.

Silence met the question for a moment before Hidan huffed, all offended, and stormed off to take it out on Itachi by trying to break the Wii. Again.

Silence once again reigned until Deidara decided it was safe to come out from under the bed. He carefully crept out, trying to retain his long lost dignity in front of his partner.

"Thanks, un. I think I went a little overboard today, un…" Deidara mumbled. Sasori gave him a 'look'.

"Never use my room as a base again. Take your bloody war and ruin someone else's Monday for once. Bad enough you ruin the rest of my week," Sasori snapped, crabby for no reason.

"Awww, you know you love me anyway, un!" Deidara sang.

"Every other day," Sasori jibed back (A/N: he's bipolar!). Deidara clearly wasn't expecting this; he gaped at Sasori with his right eye wide.

"Are you sick? I'll go get Kakuzu. He'll save you, un!" Deidara nervously exclaimed, backing away slowly. He was obviously fearing for Sasori's sanity.

Deidara ran out of the room. Well, he tried to; the door was still locked so he effectively ran into the door.

"Note to self: check locks on doors first, un," Deidara groaned from his newly claimed spot on the floor. Sasori watched with amusement, getting a bit too much enjoyment from Deidara's suffering. Just a bit.

"For the record, puppets don't get sick. Another thing, you were the one who locked the door, so it's your fault. As a side note, I like having you locked in here. I should try it more often if you act like this," Sasori tried to cover his slip and was praying to Kami (Hidan suddenly felt his heathen senses tingling) that Deidara wouldn't notice. Too bad Kami didn't feel like helping him today.

"You sick pervert!" Deidara screeched. "I can't believe you! I nearly get killed-"

"Again," Sasori muttered under his breath.

"-and you're just sitting there saying you like being locked in a room with me! Are you daft?! Are you desperate?!" Deidara continued like he hadn't heard him.

"You just love to hear yourself talk," Sasori said emotionlessly.

"Well I wouldn't be talking if you would just kiss me, un!" Deidara yelled. As soon as the words left his mouth, he gasped and covered the gaping Cavern of Doom which had effectively insured that Sasori would kill him.

"Well I might if you would stop talking long enough for me to do it!" Sasori screamed back, not looking ashamed or embarrassed in the least; after all, Deidara started it and Sasori was just finishing it.

Deidara turned an interesting shade of red as Sasori leaned in.

Just as they were about to get start a kiss that would most likely escalate into something much more, Hidan finished picking the lock on the door. He stopped in the doorway.

"You fing weirdoes need to find a sy room," he announced before turning around and walking off, not bothering to close the door.

Sasori heaved a sigh and got up to close the door. When he came back, he wrapped his arms around Deidara in a tight hug, consequently kissing him. Deidara was surprised for a moment before he started to kiss back.

-skipping due to Deidara blowing me up and Sasori stabbing me to death if I continue typing-

A few hours later, a frazzled Deidara and a very smug Sasori emerged from Sasori's lair- I mean room. Deidara kept looking at Sasori who was giving him satisfied glances.

Kisame passed by them in the hall, the look on his face telling them he thought they were nuts. Sasori protectively wrapped an arm around Deidara's waist and Deidara leaned into him. Kisame just kept walking.

As they passed Itachi's room, they heard him cackling maniacally. Deidara and Sasori peered in and were slightly disturbed at what they saw.

There was Itachi, in from of yet another TV (coughstolencough) with the brand new Wii (coughstolencough). The game was Mario Kart, but instead of trying to actually win, Itachi was knocking Yoshi off the course repeatedly. 1

Deidara, realizing why he was doing this, started to creep away before Itachi actually noticed him. Sasori wore a confused look, until he realized why Deidara was retreating into the living room.

They sat in front of the original (coughstolencough) TV and turned on a horror movie. Sasori sat on the couch and pulled Deidara on top of him so he was sitting in Sasori's lap. Just as the movie was about to start, Sasori remembered something.

"Deidara-koi, what exactly do you do to Hidan every Monday to get him to chase you?" Sasori asked, having been wondering this for quite some time.

"Well you see, I usually just wave a cross at him and yell, 'back demon, back!' but today I took things too far. I ate too much sugar and hit him over the head with the wooden cross yelling 'the power of Christ compels you!' un," Deidara said matter-of-factly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. It probably was to Deidara.

Sasori gave him an incredulous look as the opening screams started.

Kami looked down on them and decided she was once again bored. Slowly, a very evil smile made its way on her face as she looked over at Gaara, who was sitting behind his desk in Suna.

Gaara got the sudden feeling that Kami was going to curse him very soon.

1. read Defeat the Elite by dra-cat for this reference