I simply LOVE all the ABC oneshots that I find, so I thought I'd try my luck at one. I own nothing. Seriously...I have a car, and it's old, so please don't sue me. As always, REVIEW!

A is for Ass.

"I always knew you wanted an excuse to look at my ass," Alec muttered, then gave a slight yelp as Max hit him upside the head. "OW!"

"Quit whining, already," Max sighed and glanced past him to the doctor working on his...backside. "How bad is it?"

"He'll need a seat cushion for a day or two," the Doc said, trying not to laugh. "How did you manage this, Alec?"

"By being an ass," Max supplied.

Alec huffed. "Always the ass. Maybe it's not an obsession. Maybe it's your limited vocabulary."

"You're proving my point right now," Max said, and Alec was surprised to see her smile slightly.

She was doing that more and more often these days. TC was having a better effect on her than he'd expected. Alec realized he'd been staring at her mouth and looked away quickly, but she didn't seem to have even noticed. Naturally.

"I took a bullet for you, Maxie," Alec said, trying to goad her.

She rolled her eyes and he saw her arm tense in a way that meant she was about to hit him again. When she didn't, he widened his eyes at her comically. "Max, are you feeling pity? For little poor Alec."

"No," Max said easily, "I'm feeling it for a guy I know named Dick."

Alec made a face at her, but he couldn't get mad, that painkiller was kicking in. "And here I was glad I saved your life."

"That's what you get for trying," the Doc muttered, then caught the dirty look Max was sending her. "Never mind."

A knock on the infirmary door, then Mole poked his head in, and looked like he was trying not to laugh. "Max, phone call. The Ordinary."

Alec felt the tension in the room pick up, and looked at Max carefully. She nodded, but he got the feeling she wasn't really excited about the call. He raised his eyebrows at her when she glanced at him. "Something up?"

Mole snorted and left.

"What did I just miss?" Alec frowned, then winced as he felt the cold metal tools.

"We're...arguing."

"Why?"

Max mumbled something that he didn't understand, and glanced at the door, then sighed. "I'll check on you later."

Alec waited until he couldn't hear her footsteps anymore before he turned to look at Doc. "You know what's going on?"

Doc shifted as though she was uncomfortable. "The Ordinary thinks he found a cure to the retro-virus."

"Oh." Alec glanced back at the door Max had just left through. "Okay... so why are they arguing about it?"

Doc shrugged. "You think I know? Our fearless leader tells you everything, nobody else."

Alec let himself enjoy that for a moment. God knew, he never thought he'd be the guy Maxie told anything. Then he sighed. "Can't believe I got shot."

Doc shrugged. "I can't believe you got shot in the ass."