A.N.- Ok so to begin with some of the lyrics aren't going to make much sense, until I actually get to the main point where it's (hopefully) going to all click into place.

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away

I was sitting in a small café on the corner of a street near the college. I sighed as I tapped my pen against my notebook, my mind should have been on my paper on 'The Great Gatsby' but instead it was on all those years ago with Edward.

It didn't matter what I had been doing, I could have been reading Wuthering Heights, I could have been writing a paper for class, I could have been walking across a road. Heck I could have been talking on the phone and my mind would travel back to Edward.

You would think that after four years someone like him would have left. He had left an imprint on my heart and that imprint was never going to fade.

In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

I looked out at the streets of Alaska. I'd come here because he'd mentioned it some time in my past, I couldn't remember when, but really, did it matter?

I was just casually glancing out of the window to get my mind off this horrible matter of Edward leaving me all those years ago, hoping that maybe, just this once it would have kept my mind off it.

And then I saw him.

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

Edward was standing there, he didn't know I was there because he wasn't looking at me, he was talking on the phone to someone, probably either another human girl he was messing with or maybe one of his family. It didn't matter.

I looked back down to my notepad trying to concentrate. I couldn't, not anymore. He was there. The only man I'd ever loved. My hands were shaking. I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes. Remember what he did. I repeated in my head. He was the one who broke you apart, who turned you into a wreck. I pulled out my student planner to check what I should be doing. It was the only thing keeping me sane. Organisation. Order.

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know

I glanced back up to see if he was still there. He was. He glanced at his watch and then muttered something into his cell phone while pinching the bridge of his nose. I looked away and smiled to myself when I saw that. Some things never changed.

I looked down at my planner and noticed that I had an earlier deadline than I thought. I pulled out a file and found my paper on Shakespearian language and how much language had changed since then and looked over it again, trying not to look at my own Romeo through the window.

If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time

I pushed my hair back out of my face, a habit I'd found myself doing after I'd gotten over my zombie stage, now instead of hiding myself with my hair I pushed it back when my mind was busy.

I scribbled down in my planner that I'd have to work on notes for Gatsby later so I could hand in my final Shakespeare assignment now. Then my whole body froze over. That meant I had to go out to my car. My car was across the street. Near where Edward was.

But I guess we'll never know

I sighed and headed up to the bathroom to freshen up a little. I doused myself with perfume hoping that that would be enough to mask my scent, but I knew it wasn't. I sighed and brushed my hair back with both hands. I smiled at myself in the mirror. He's just one man. I thought to myself. He can't and won't control you.

I took a deep breath and went back out ordering a black coffee to go. I had learnt that people didn't like it when you moped over alcohol but weren't as bothered when you were hyped up on caffeine. So I'd gotten addicted to black coffee when I'd started at college.

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way

Once I had my coffee I pushed my things into my bag apart from my planner, my coffee and my very old beaten copy of Wuthering Heights. I smiled at the memories the book held. All the good ones and all the bad ones. They were from my happier days, not like now, I wasn't a zombie any more, but I certainly wasn't happy.

I had decided that after school I was going to get on with my life so that I wasn't going to be owned by the memories of him. So I had gotten out of Forks Washington and headed as far away from there as possible. And now I was here, taking degrees in English Literature.

And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

I glanced back out of the window. He seemed like he was waiting for something, or someone. But what? I sighed and made sure I had everything. Pens, paper, books, my planner, cell phone, iPod, money. Everything I needed.

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

I had always wondered if there was an alternate motive for Edward leaving, but I always shook that thought out of my head. He didn't love me and I had to learn to accept that.

It didn't matter if I loved him because if he didn't love me I wouldn't force him to stay. After all I was only human. I wasn't anything special.

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

I licked my lips nervously, I had to stop procrastinating and just face it. I took a sip of my coffee and headed out of the café. I had lost my clumsiness after three years of kick boxing. I had used it to keep my mind off unwanted things but it had also shaped me up and stopped me from falling over air.

I quickly walked over the road and unlocked my black C30. I had seen it and fallen in love with it so I had to have it, but I didn't have the courage to buy a silver one, so I chose a black one instead.

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine

I dropped my planner, book and coffee. The coffee spilled all over the floor and my copy of Wuthering Heights almost completely fell apart, and the loose pages in my planner went flying into the cold Alaska air.

I went to bend down to pick them up when they were already getting picked up off the floor. I stood there and made sure I showed no emotion in my face as I saw Edward picking them off the floor.

'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

"You should be more careful, this book looks old enough to be an original." He said before looking up at me handing them to me. His face became shocked. "Bella?"

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know

I took the books from him and put them in my car. "Thank you." I said simply, not letting emotion escape from my voice. I quickly got into my car about to close the door.

"Bella don't go." Edward said.

I closed my eyes. He broke you, he destroyed your life. I thought to myself. I slowly closed my door and started the engine.

What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say

Edward moved out of the way as I began to drive away. "He left you all those years ago, don't think he's back for you." I repeated over and over silently.

If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

It may have been different if he'd come back maybe four months after he'd broken me. But I was four years older and I knew that he didn't love me. No point in kidding myself.

And maybe if I had stayed and listened and talked to him, maybe he would have explained why he did it, but it was too late. I was driving away, and I wasn't going to go back just to be crushed again.

But what if he wasn't there to crush my feelings again? What if he ended up just talking to me again, maybe we could have been friends again. Maybe.

We'll never know