- To Hold On For -

The stars flickered across the sky, small white lights scattered against the endless black. Subaru blew out her candle and twirled a blade of grass in her hand, enjoying the peace. That day had been pure chaos, and it was nice to have some quite time.

It was not to last. She scowled as Tokaki walked up and then flopped down next to her. The lantern that he carried swung around wildly, the flame flickering about.

"What do you want now?"

He gave her his trademark grin, shrugging. "I was wondering what you were up to."

Subaru flicked the piece of grass in his face. He blinked a few times then chuckled. "Well, you don't have to be so rude about it."

"Yes I do. Why are you here? To get on my nerves?"

"Naw, not this time." He scooted over closer to her. "I realized something that I've gotta tell you."

It was her turn to blink. "What would that be?"

Tokaki laughed, and rubbed the back of his head with one hand. "Well, umm…"

"Well?"

"I… I love you."

She couldn't believe it. He had to be lying, there was no way Tokaki could feel that way about anyone.

"No you don't. You just want to get me in bed with you."

"That's not true!" he protested. "All my life… all my life I've just seen girls as things to look at and touch and chase after, but I… they weren't people." His voice broke off for a moment, and he looked at her sternly. "They were just women, just things. But you, you're different. You've shown me that… women are more than just pretty objects. They feel and think and—"

"'Think'? You're admitting to the intelligence of the female side?" This was getting more unreal by the moment. The words where ones she never, not once, expected to hear from Tokaki. And yet, she couldn't shake the fact that he sounded sincere about it.

"Well… yes. In fact, you're smarter than some men I know."

That was it. He had to be lying. She laughed, shaking her head. "Amazing! YOU, think I'M smarter than some men? How do I know this isn't some flattery you're making up to get a peek at my— UMPH!"

Her sentence was cut off as he leaned forward and brought his mouth to hers.

"…"

He had kissed her many times before. But this was different.

This was real.

They broke off, and he pulled away slowly. She started to shiver slightly, unable to take her eyes off him.

"To… Toka…ki…?"

Subaru found it impossible to describe what she felt then. Fear. Hate. Want. Love.

"I love you, Subaru. I love you."

She didn't know what to say, but she knew what her answer was. Moving closer to him, she put her arms around his shoulders and buried her face into his hair, and made a decision.

Even if things didn't work out at first, or it was hard for both of them, she would hold on. She would hold on for all it was worth. With Tokaki in her arms and his silver hair against his skin, she knew it was enough. It was enough to hold on for.

Fushigi Yuugi copyright Watase Yuu. Written by Jixie July 14 2000.