EXT. BOAT DECK, STARBOARD SIDE

Moredick, at collapsible A, is struggling to control the mass of people that are crowd surfing and moshing. Cal and Lovetoy are in the crowd. Cal keeps signaling to Moredick, but he doesn't notice. The mosh pit keeps shoving Cal and Lovetoy in all directions.

Moredick, trying to stop the chaos, pulls out his pistol and aims it the crowd.

MOREDICK

I'll shoot any man who tries to get past me!

The crowd quiets and glances at each other. Then, all at once they surge forward. One man even de-pants Moredick, revealing his frilly pink panties, before the crowd tramples over him. They all get in the lifeboat except for Cal and Lovetoy. Cal walks over to Moredick. He lies on the deck, groaning in pain.

MOREDICK

Help…me.

Cal bends over with his butt sticking straight in the air, which Lovetoy promptly stares at. Then, Cal takes out his money from Moredick's pocket.

Cal proceeds to get in the lifeboat, but Lovetoy doesn't follow because he still stares at Cal in a daze.

CAL

Come on, Lovetoy! Hurry up!

Lovetoy runs toward the lifeboat but trips over Moredick's body, causing him to fall overboard. Cal looks impassively at Lovetoy's lifeless body floating in the water below.

CAL

Hurry up!

INT. FIRST CLASS SMOKING ROOM

Thomas Whoknew stands in front of the fireplace. He sobs uncontrollably. He is the only one in the room.

WHOKNEW

Why?! Whyyyy?!

Black and Rose run through the room, dripping wet. Rose stops when she notices Whoknew.

ROSE

Mr. Whoknew…

WHOKNEW

(wiping snot from his nose)

Oh, hey, Rose.

ROSE

Are you all right?

WHOKNEW

Of course. Why do you ask, dearie?

ROSE

No reason. Won't you even make a try for it?

WHOKNEW

(tears streaming down his face and his voice hiccupping with sobs)

I'm sorry that I didn't build you a stronger ship, young Rose.

ROSE

Yeah, a stronger ship with more lifeboats.

WHOKNEW

(sniffling)

Lifeboats? Are you- are you talking to me like you're my…equal? Again!

He starts hyperventilating.

WHOKNEW(CONT'D)

I can't take it! Aieee!

BLACK

Wow, he's completely nuts. What is wrong with you, Rose?

WHOKNEW

It's too much! Too much!

Black and Rose slowly creep out the aft revolving door.

WHOKNEW(CONT'D)

Hey! Where do you think you're going?

They stop in their tracks. Whoknew picks up his lifebelt and hands it to Rose.

WHOKNEW(CONT'D)

Take this. At least that way you'll freeze to death instead of drowning.

ROSE

Gee. How…thoughtful.

WHOKNEW

It's what I do. Now get out of here before I kill you.

Rose laughs.

ROSE

Oh, Mr. Whoknew.

WHOKNEW

No, seriously. Get out.

Black and Rose run through the revolving door.

EXT. BOAT DECK/BRIDGE

Captain Smithy walks around in a daze. A STEERAGE WOMAN holding a baby comes up to him.

WOMAN

Capitan, Capitan, where should I go?

Smithy slowly turns to her.

SMITHY

You should go long!

He snatches her baby and throws it overboard like it's a football. Then, he runs to the railing.

SMITHY(CONT'D)

Don't worry missy. I'll save yer baby!

He jumps overboard.

EXT. BOAT DECK/PORT

Pandemonium is everywhere. Frantic passengers run helter-skelter. Someone can be heard yelling, "Tag! You're it!"

The band finishes up a song. A man runs into the band leader, WALLACE HARTLEY, as he plays the last note. A fellow band member looks at him depressingly.

MEMBER

What's the use? Nobody's listening to us anyway.

HARTLEY

I'm sorry. Did you say something? I wasn't listening.

MEMBER

(sighing impatiently)

I said, what's the use? Nobody's—

HARTLEY

Yeah, you're really boring me. Let's just play to keep us warm.

They begin to play an orchestral version of "Ice Ice Baby".

EXT. A-DECK AFT, PORT SIDE

Black and Rose run out of the PALM COURT into the moving crowd. Black shoves his way to the rail and surveys the state of the ship. The bridge is completely underwater.

BLACK

Unless this thing can change into a submarine, we're screwed.

ROSE

What do we do, Black?

BLACK

I don't know where all this we is comin' from but I'm gonna keep moving up and stay on this thing as long as possible.

EXT. A-DECK/B-DECK/WELL DECK AFT

Black and Rose climb over the A-Deck aft rail. Then Black picks up Rose and drops her not very gently to the deck below. She lands on her butt, wincing in pain. Black jumps down beside her.

They join a pack of people scrambling and shoving each other to get down the narrow stairs to the well deck.

Seeing that the stairs are useless, Black climbs over the B-Deck railing and helps Rose over. He drops her again, and she lands in a tangled heap. Black keeps moving, not noticing Rose sprawled facedown on the deck.

ROSE

Black!

He stops, turns around, and sees her lying there.

BLACK

Why are you napping? C'mon!

She gets up, and they continue moving along the well deck.

EXT. TIPANIC/BOAT 6

The passengers watch in horror as the bow lowers while the STERN RISES.

MOLLY

Whoa. Raise your hand if you're glad you ain't on that thing.

She raises her own hand laughing. Only Ruthless follows. They quickly lower their hands as the others glower at them.

MOLLY

Oh, come on. I'm trying to lighten the mood.

EXT. STERN

ON THE POOP DECK Black and Rose struggle upwards until they make it to the stern rail. They hold on tightly to the rail, wedged between other people.

Suddenly, the lights of the ship go out all at once. The Tipanic becomes nothing but a shadow. Black squeals like a little girl.

A loud CRACKING NOISE is heard.

BLACK

Dang, Rose. It's bad enough I'm 'bout to die, you gotta fart right next to me.

ROSE

I most certainly did not fart. It sounded like something breaking.

BLACK

(under his breath)

Yeah, you breaking wind.

EXT. BOAT DECK

Near the third funnel the DECK SPLITS apart.

A MAN clings to the railing on the roof of the officer's mess. His eyes widen in horror as the ship's structure RIPS APART right before him. He and tons of others fall into the open space.

The cables on the third funnel snap across the deck. One of the cables hits a man on the butt. He lets out a WHOOP of delight.

MAN

Is it strange that that turned me on?

EXT. TIPANIC-NIGHT

The STERN SECTION of the ship falls back towards the water. Everyone on the poop deck screams, with Black screaming the loudest, as they feel themselves falling toward the water.

Then, the stern begins to move rapidly. As it moves, people begin to fall, some skateboard down the incline of the deck.

BLACK

We need to get to the other side!

He climbs over the railing and reaches out his hand to Rose. She's too scared to move even an inch.

BLACK(CONT'D)

C'mon, I'll pull you over!

ROSE

I can't.

BLACK

It's okay. I've got you. I won't let go and even if I do, you'll be dead so it's not like you can hold it against me.

She grabs his hand, and he hoists her to the other side. The railing is now HORIZONTAL while the deck is VERTICAL.

BLACK

How much you wanna bet I could spit right in that guy's eye?

Rose stares at him incredulously.

BLACK(CONT'D)

Ah, you don't think I can do it? Watch this.

Black hawks a lugee, and it hits the man who is many feet below them. The spit causes the poor man to lose his grip, and he falls, colliding with other people during his descent, causing them to fall as well.

BLACK

How rude. That guy didn't even say excuse me to those people. Anyway, I told you I could do it. Wanna see if I can hit that lady?

ROSE

No!

As the stern section floods, it begins to descend into the water.

BLACK

Okay, rose. This is it. The ship is 'bout to go under. Just keep kickin' for the surface and whatever you do, do not let go of my hand. It's pretty simple. Don't let go of my hand.

Rose nods. Below them the poop deck is disappearing. It keeps going until, finally, the stern descends into the bubbling sea. Black and Rose vanish under the water. The Tipanic is no more.

EXT. OCEAN/UNDERWATER AND SURFACE

Underwater Black and Rose are, amazingly, still holding hands. That is until Black smiles at Rose and gives her a thumbs up of encouragement with the very hand that is holding onto Rose. He is instantly sucked away.