AN: All right, so, I'm a moron and didn't post this anywhere but y!gallery after it was finished. Sorry. 8| But this is the last part! I got lazy and cut it don to two parts instead of three.

WARNINGS: Madara being a creeper, Uchihacest, crossdressing, and commercial auditors.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters, Armani suits, or Xena: Warrior Princess, and since I have less than thirty dollars in my savings and checking account combined, it can safely be said that I don't make money from doing this.

As a side note, this--just like everything else I put on FFN--is NOT beta'd. If you see any mistakes or typos or whatever, lease point them out as I am a lazy summabitch and would not otherwise catch them. Much obliged.

Itachi wondered sometimes if he had done something truly awful in a past life.

". . . and I'm going to go as a Commercial Auditor! Nothing makes businessmen quake in their Armani suits as much as the looming threat of an external audit (1)!"

He was probably Hitler, or something. Yeah, that had to be it.

"Itachi!"

"Yes, Uncle?" The younger man drawled, sweat gathering on the back of his neck at the manic look in his uncle's eyes.

"You haven't put on your costume, Nephew."

"No," Itachi said slowly, taking backwards steps toward the door.

The door that was suddenly shut. Feeling somewhat like a mouse at the hands of a psychotic maid, Itachi looked back at his uncle, eyes wide.

"Now, now, Itachi, there's no reason to look so unhappy." The older man took a step forward, grabbing the flimsy Xena costume off his desk as he went. "I'm sure you'll look ravishing. Hashirama's monkey has nothing on you!"

"I can't understand why you call Namikaze-san a monkey; the man is a higher rank than you," Itachi muttered, blocking out the feel of his uncle pressing the costume against him and smoothing it out, an eerily psychotic grin plastered on his handsome face. "Stop looking at me like that! I'll put the damn thing on! Just go away!"

Madara nodded. "I'll just go change," he pointed at the small supply closet that he liked to store all the things he stole from the company monkey, "in there. You just let me know when you're done."

The closet clicked shut quietly—"Where the fuck did that plunger come from? Shit, it's touching me!"— leaving Itachi alone in the cramped office to change.
Glancing around uneasily, he quickly stripped down and pulled on the skimpy outfit. Thank god he had shaved his legs the night before. It left nothing to the imagination.

….but the boots were nice.

"You can come out, Uncle."

"I've been out for years, Itachi! I thought you knew!"

"I meant out of the closet," he growled.

"…So did I!"

"Get out here. Now."

Madara opened the door and slid out, a stray piece of tissue stuck to his shoes. He grinned maniacally. "Itachi, you look splendid!" He wrapped an arm around the young man's waist. "Perfect enough to be my date!"

"…No."

He ended up being the date.

"Now, Itachi," Madara whispered conspiratorially as they walked into the dining hall where the Halloween party was being held, "act natural. Remember the plan."

"You want me to seduce Senju-sama so you can steal his software." He ground out.

"Well, no!" Madara blinked. "I'm going to steal his computer! I'd hardly call that soft."

Itachi shook his head sharply. "Just—just shut up."

Madara was about to open his mouth when someone began speaking to them. "Itachi-kun! And Madara! It's good to see you here sober for once!"

"Monkey," Madara hissed under his breath.

"What's that?"

Itachi smacked the back of his uncle's head. "Ignore him."

"Xena!" Madara whined. "You're supposed to fight evil. Not me!"

"You are synonymous to evil, Uncle."

In the end, the plan was carried out just as Madara wished. Itachi sashayed around Hashirama for a while, a bored look on his face, until the 'dignified' CEO spilled his Cosmo all over the front of the Xena costume and demanded that Itachi come with him to clean it up.

They were seen coming out of a closet on the third floor together the next morning.

Madara snuck off sneakily and proceeded to steal the power cords to all the computers and electrical devices on the top ten floors. He was dragging the large grocery cart that he'd commandeered from the Monkey's office full of power cords down to the elevator when he ran into someone most unexpected.

"Uncle?"

"….Did you shrink, Itachi?"

"No," the boy said, flustered, "it's me, Sasuke. Are," the boy looked considerably more nervous when he noticed the cart. "are you all right?"

"Hm?" Madara stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Oh, yes. But tell me, Sassy—"

"Sasuke!"

"Yes—but tell me, Sassy, how do I look?"

The boy gave him a critical look, walking around him in a circle. "Like a Commercial Auditor, Uncle."

"My boy," Madara said, clapping a hand on the child's back, "you are smarter than anyone gives you credit for. Tell me, how do you look in women's clothing?"

And a beautiful relationship was formed.

ITACHI: Married Senju Hashirama. Paid off boat debt.

MONKEY-NAMIKAZE: Was killed in a tragic go-cart accident. He is sorely missed.

MADARA: Was arrested the following year for taking pictures of his youngest nephew in tiny maid outfits. They disappeared shortly after.

(1) - An unbiased examination and evaluation of the financial statements of an organization. It can be done internally (by employees of the organization) or externally (by an outside firm).

AN: ….I'm sorry.