He Can't Say

This is dedicated to my sister, may she rest in peace.

Bill sat at his desk in his small office inside Gringotts. All morning people had been stopping by his office to hand him files of cases that needed to be looked over before Gringotts sent the Curse Breakers in the field. They stopped by to welcome him back to work, after all it had been months since most of his co-workers had seen him. They stopped by to congratulate and thank him for his service during the war; there had been a long article in the Daily Prophet in the first days following the Final Battle.

Mostly they all wanted to know how Bill was doing. That same article that named Bill one of the heroes of the war had also listed those who had died in the fight, and all his co-workers knew that the Fred Weasley listed was Bill's little brother.

How could they not know, besides the obvious Bill had bragged about everyone of his siblings around the bank. When Fred and George were tormenting the Ministry official at Hogwarts, Bill had told everyone who would listen about it. When Fred and George had opened the joke shop on Diagon Alley, Bill had been the first in line along with around a dozen of his co-workers he had threatened if they didn't go to the opening. When one of his co-workers made a comment about the joke shop mocking You-Know-Who that wasn't favorable, Bill had not only stood up for his siblings, but kept a small stock of edible Dark Marks in his desk for anyone who had something bad to say about his younger twin brothers.

But now as yet another co-worker walked into his office, Bill wished he hadn't talked about his siblings so much.

"How are you doing?" The co-worker asked with a look that was some where between pity and concern. It was the same question and look that everyone had when they were talking to Bill and Bill hated it. Oh he knew they all meant well and that the majority were actually concerned but Bill still hated that question.

What was he supposed to say? That the pain he felt in his heart was worse then any Unforgivable could cause.

That he had to hold it together while Ron and Ginny cried in his arms, all the while knowing that if he started to cry to much it would be worse for them.

That he spent his time off trying to force food into each one of his family members, especially his Mum and George because they would only eat a couple of bites. Yet he understood not wanting to eat, after all who would want to eat something that was bland no matter what or how many seasonings were used.

He can't excatly tell people that it was him who planned the funeral since his parents and everyone else were to distraught to do anything but cry, look at old photographs and cry some more.

He can't say that he had to notify all of Fred's friends who didn't know that Fred had passed all ready. He didn't even think there was a way to describe how he felt each time he told someone what had happened.

He can't say that his marriage is slowly falling apart because the only person he can actually grieve with is Fleur, and Fleur has no one to comfort her.

He can't tell them that he should have protected Fred better, that all his life his parents had told him to watch over his siblings. Then the one time one of them needed him the most, Bill had been unable to protect him.

He can't say that he hates how it's a week after Fred's death and life around him is going on as if nothing happened which seems unfair since his own life seems to be falling apart.

He can't say that this has been the longest and hardest day of work he's ever had. Bill never thought he'd miss the daily owls from Fred asking for the equivalent of an illegal item that was needed for a product. The owls teasing him about his desk job or inviting him to lunch.

No, Bill can't tell his co-workers any of that so instead he forces a smile on his face and answers, "I'm doing good considering."

The co-worker nods, tells Bill if he needs anything to let him know and then leaves the office with a backwards glance towards Bill.

Once he's out of site Bill returns to his paper work knowing he won't take the co-worker up on that offer because the only thing he needs is his little brother back.

A/N First off, no I'm not off my Hiatus and am not undating my other stories. If you don't know the reason for the Hiatus please look in my profile. I wrote this little piece at work tonight while I was trying to work through my feelings and decided I would go ahead and post it on this site. I really don't care if it makes any sense or not or if it's any good or not, this was just me trying to work through some feelings and then deciding to share it with others.