The Way She Is, a vampire knight fanfic

Hiya, all! This is my second Vampire Knight fic following my first, Pusillanimous. I hope you like them.

This is a retelling of a scene in Chapter 23, done for the sake of practice. Can't risk getting dull, can I? Hehe.

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight. But a girl can dream, can she not?

. .;"The Way She Is";. .

"Lick it."

Zero stared coolly into Yuuki's deep brown eyes without speaking. His facial features remained calm and composed, concealing the raging war within. Already the scent of her blood had unlocked the dam that kept his hunger at bay…again. There wasn't a lot of it – just one tiny trickle which would quickly be stemmed by industrious platelets. But still--

He exhaled carefully, using Yuuki's presence to keep his scant control over his bloodlust. How could she ask this of him when she knew it would torture him so? Did she not know that he felt disgusted at having to take her blood, even though it was of utmost necessity? Did she not know that he resisted because he refused to accept who--no, what he was?

Yuuki kept her hand held towards him as though awaiting a kiss of greeting, her petite posture rigid with the firmness of her decision. Yuuki, truly yuuki, the very embodiment of courage in Zero's heart. Never had she faltered when it was time to be serious; that was both a blessing and a curse to Zero.

A kiss of greeting indeed, Zero thought dryly. It might look like a casual kiss-on-the-hand to a casual passer-by, but in actuality it was so much more than that. If he dared to cave in now…if he submitted to his carnal desire…that 'greeting' would be a feasting of blood in disguise.

A cold finger stroked the length of his spine, and he shivered unconsciously. Yuuki made a small noise of impatience and stretched her bloodied hand a little further, wordlessly enticing him to lick her blood off. The powerful wave of bloodlust triggered by that simple gesture made him limp and weak. Ah, Yuuki's blood…so sweet a smell, so delicious a taste; such a sin to spill!

Slowly, hesitantly, Zero reached out to grasp her small hand, holding it as though it was made out of porcelain or glass. Doing this brought the scent of blood to a closer proximity, sending his senses into overdrive at the sheer ecstasy the aroma brought. His shaky fingers closed a little tighter around her hand as he struggled to steady himself.

Yuuki shot him an encouraging smile. He deliberately ignored it and closed his eyes to shut out the sight of blood; of that hopeful, naïve girl who was risking her life proffering her arm and her blood to him. Carefully, in order to not react violently, he lowered his face and pulled her hand closer to him at the same time while trying to control the subtle trembling of his entire body. He could groan at the scent wafting about in air so redolent of blood. Such bliss it was!

As her fingers brushed his delicate lips, though, he felt immersed in a pool of remorse. He felt sorry for including her in his selfish, pernicious, double-edged act of wrongdoing. Really, Yuuki would be the death of him someday. If he didn't accidentally kill her first that is.

Zero failed to suppress the moan of want that escaped his quivering lips. The tip of his tongue touched Yuuki's finger tentatively, curiously, too hesitant to explore further. But that one taste brought a miasma of conflicting feelings to Zero – disgust at surrendering to his pathetic vampire instincts, bliss at tasting the crimson liquid, relief at the panacea that was her rich, thick blood – he felt that all and more. Encouraged by her wordless acquiescence, he tugged gently at her hand and put it further inside the cavern of his mouth, licking and sucking at the tiny cut on her index finger.

He licked every bit of blood off her skin, tasting the faint salty tang of her sweat along with her blood, but it wasn't enough. He started yearning for more. His pink tongue traveled down her finger, ravishing it, claiming even the smallest trace of blood with an insane, ravenous hunger. Panting from the effort of controlling his desire and from sheer pain, he gripped her hand even tighter until he her bones gave and shifted under the pressure. He had to stop, and fast.

Oh, but that tantalizing taste! Zero whimpered softly as he sucked increasingly harder on her finger, although he knew it was a fruitless effort when his soul was conflicting so. He felt Yuuki shiver. With ecstasy at being sucked and licked so tenderly, or with disgust, he knew not, but it brought him crashing back to harsh reality.

His blurry vision caught a wince crossing Yuuki's features for a fraction of a second and he halted. Eyes that glowed red from bloodlust watched her face attentively. The pained expression had disappeared by then, but her brows were still knit into a worried frown.

I have to stop this, he groaned in his mind. Enough. His hunger was far from sated – in fact, tasting her blood only invoked it, added fuel to the fire, so to speak – but he would stop now, both for her sake as well as for his. Besides, that Hanabusa Aidou was resting in the room yonder; he would have noticed the smell of blood and the soft suckling noises Zero was making by now.

Caving into bloodlust was easy. Getting out of it when one was not truly sated, Zero discovered, was a different matter altogether. One of his fangs hovered near Yuuki's vulnerable fingers, greatly tempted to sink into her soft, permeable flesh. He rested his lips gently on the top of her fingers, which were already wet with his saliva, in a feeble effort to offer whatever comfort he could give her. She deserved that much from him, at least.

Struggling, Zero forced his free hand into motion. It snaked up his body ever so slowly, snagging his shirt every few centimeters. Yuuki seemed to not notice, so attentive was she to the feel of his lips moving on her hand – perhaps it felt sensual to a certain extent.

In a fierce display of inner strength, he wrenched her hand out of his mouth, simultaneously clawing at his heart through the fabric of his shirt. His bloodlust shot sky-high. Abstention from blood would prove impossible at this rate, he observed dryly. His powerful fingers closed on his chest, drawing five deep, invisible scars over his left breast. Through the bloodlust-induced haze that clouded his eyes, he tried his best to avoid squeezing Yuuki's delicate hand too hard. It was hard, though; very hard.

He closed his eyes again, both to shut out the pain and to keep Yuuki from seeing his despicable red eyes. He felt Yuuki jerk her hand closer to him, more forcefully this time. The surprise pried his eyes open and he stared in bewilderment at her, a reaction he regretted almost instantly.

The incessant onslaught of hunger pangs increased threefold, drawing a pained gasp from Zero. His breath hitched in his chest. Yuuki's frown deepened. The hand that gripped his chest dug painfully into flesh and bone; his spine bent so that he stood just a little taller than Yuuki, as he was wont to do when he was in great agony.

Dimly, he noticed Yuuki flexing her hand muscles to get his attention. It felt so alluring in his current state; a tiny movement, a little beacon of hope in his personal hell. Slowly, he straightened and looked straight at her, still panting audibly, especially since he could see and smell the small drop of blood that had welled up at the tip of Yuuki's finger. He yearned to have it, and he watched it, mesmerized, with pure longing. Why did it have to be so tempting?

Zero released a shuddering breath whilst restraining his growing lust. Yuuki's hand felt so small in his, so insecure, so nakedly innocent. He turned his head a fraction to keep the blood out of his line of vision. The last thing he needed was to be turned on again after all his efforts to stop. But no, the steadfast Yuuki just had to intervene.

"No," she insisted. "Don't deny it." She didn't bother elaborating on the 'it' – both parties knew what she meant by that. "Only I know that Zero is starving."

"Only I know that Zero is starving."

The irony of that. It was such a pity she had miscalculated. He was not starving; he was hurting. Bloodlust wasn't your typical hunger aches – it felt like he had digested a nest of needles which were now jabbing at his esophagus and stomach and pricking blood vessels until he bled. Such was Zero's definition of bloodlust. It might be different for true-born vampires for all he knew, but at the same time he couldn't care less.

"Yuuki…." He whispered her name, his voice no louder than the susurrus of leaves in the wind, speaking her name with feverish fervour. Panting anew, he grasped Yuuki's hand and pulled it closer to his face despite himself. She merely gave him a chaste smile.

His emotions rocked like liquid in a violently shaken jar as he held her hand inches from his face, cradling it protectively like how a child would hold his favourite pillow. He could scarcely believe the shoddy foundations his determination had. Giving in twice in five minutes, indeed…what a pathetic creature he was. A sorry excuse for a human, and an even worse excuse for a vampire. A being that belonged to neither group.

His right hand, the one that had come so close to ripping his heart out from between his lungs, touched her fingers reverently, hesitantly. The other hand slid further down her wrist, pausing a little every time Zero considered resisting his urges. But it was too strong, far too strong, for an ex-human vampire to vanquish, and he gave in albeit with much reluctance. A thin sheen of sweat covered his face – the result of a tumultuous, and sadly futile, inner battle with himself.

Slowly, he lowered his head so that his soft lips rested on Yuuki's slim wrist, stopping for a second to gaze at her. The resilient young girl kept her face devoid of emotion other than a faint light of encouragement, leaving her hand limp in his grasp, surrendering herself to him. His eyes searched for a hint of doubt; he found none. Slightly miffed and displeased, yet feeling uplifted at the opportunity to chase away his hunger pangs, he turned away from her. His guilt was his own to bear. Never hers.

"Haa…." Zero breathed shakily, red eyes morphing into a deep crimson hue at the prospect of drawing blood. Already he could pick out the invisible veins and arteries coiled around the lean muscles in her arm, some scant millimeters under the thin epidermis, appearing and fading in cadence with her beating heart. His fangs pushed against his lower lip, coaxing him to open his mouth.

Shifting his grip on her hand so that it would be more comfortable, he sighed one more time, eyes closed in rumination.

Then he surrendered completely to his vampire side and bit down on her wrist.

He felt Yuuki jerk back at the initial pain she felt when his fangs pierced her skin, and he considered resisting his bloodlust again. But it was too late – to smell the blood and have a small taste of it was one thing, but to have it so close to your mouth, free for the taking and opened by his own two fangs…it drove him to the very edge of insanity. He guzzled down the blood that poured forth in rivulets from the new puncture wounds, licking and prodding with his tongue when the flow showed indication of stopping.

A bead of sweat traveled down his pale face. Bloodlust always did that to him, precisely why a shower was necessary later. Somehow, he could not help but notice the slickness of his left hand, wet with Yuuki's blood. In his moment of gluttony, he had wasted more than he ingested – her blood formed a puddle at his feet, staining the pristine floor an ugly red.

Zero felt guilty upon seeing it. Drinking from her was bad enough, but he had to go and waste her precious lifeblood, of all things. His cheeks coloured with shame and he looked up at Yuuki, sending her what he hoped was a sincere apologetic gaze. As sincere as he could get with a bloodstained mouth and eyes like glowing ambers as a testament to his sin, anyway.

Yuuki probably saw him as a scary monster. Had she regretted her decision to give him her blood?

Her cheeks were flushed and she kept looking at him with those beautiful brown eyes of hers, sending him a wordless message he could not decipher. He was too deeply shrouded in bloodlust to do that.

His conscience, however, returned shred by tiny shred with every swallow. Soon he found the coppery liquid in his mouth disgusting and foul, putrid and coarse like sand from a muddy riverbank. He felt as though he had violated Yuuki's privacy by doing this, never mind that she had offered her blood voluntarily.

With a quiet gasp, he tore away from her wrist, extricating his fangs carefully to avoid injuring her further. He licked the puncture wounds in her delicate skin, coaxing it to close and start healing – even the saliva of ex-human vampires could do that much, Zero realized. Yuuki squeaked at the sensation. Her arm muscles tensed, and for a moment Zero thought she would hit him for daring to lick her so. With such thoughts in mind, Zero closed his eyes and awaited the slap that was sure to come.

It never did.

Instead, a warm hand nestled itself in his silvery strands and proceeded to muss it up. Zero opened his eyes in surprise when he felt it, quick to notice a pressure on the shallow dip of his shoulder blade. Yuuki's face was mere inches from his own. Stray strands of her hair waved about and tickled his nose. It was her hand resting so gently on his scalp, touching him in a motherly fashion; her elbow propped on the crevice of his shoulder to help her gain leverage.

Long fingers reached out to catch her wayward locks in turn, tucking them behind her ear. Zero ran his hand through her silky hair, relishing in its smoothness. He caught a whiff of her shampoo – vanilla. The last remnants of his bloodlust melted away with the rest of his conflicting emotions.

Finally, it was over. Zero breathed a sigh of relief into her hair, too conscious of his status to rest his chin on her head though he sorely wished to do so.

Yuuki drew her fingers over his heart, tantalizingly seductive to Zero, and stopped over his chest and felt it beat. "That wasn't so hard, was it?" she murmured.

Zero turned away without a word, his hand still finding sanctuary in her warm hair. Giving in so easily was precisely why he got worried. Why couldn't she see that?

Why?

Yuuki drew away from his body, and he missed her warm aura immediately. But he let her go without complaint, watching her with his usual indifferent exterior.

That was how Yuuki worked, after all. He wouldn't have it any other way.

….

Note 1: Thank you YenGirl and Eternal Twilight Fan for telling me the true meaning of her name. I should've known better than to skim over the manga in my excitement. Haiz. Anyway, since the hiragana is the same for both 'Yuuki' (her name) and 'yuuki' (courage)...I think... I'll just gloss over that fact...hehehe.

Note 2: Here in my country I use British English, but my MSWord adamantly refuses to accept it even after I've changed the default language, so forgive the fiasco here. I'll try to fix my software…if I can.

….

Okay, done. Hope you liked it; I know I had fun torturing Zero as usual. I'm still in the middle of experimenting the different ways I can describe his bloodlust, lol.

Reviews of all kinds are welcome, especially constructive criticism.

That said, please read and review!