Camellia

Written for Eevachu's Passionate Affair: A Zutara Contest over at Deivantart. I wanted to put a slightly different spin on it. Be ware fluff, angst, and Zutara ahead!

She felt lips brush her cheek; fingers slink from the nape of her neck to the middle of her back. Her heart fluttered in her chest. Her stomach flipped over itself, but she dared not turn her head to the source of the distraction until she heard him moving away from her. She didn't trust herself enough in these situations to look at him.

"I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful tonight," he sighed into her ear before he left her side and headed for the tent where the banquet would be held.

Her eyes stayed fixed on his proud, straight back as he walked out of the deep shadows of the small pavilion, crossed the small distance between it and the main tent, and vanished. Shaking her head, she let out a deep breath and tried to calm her frazzled nerves. The air was always so heavy between them now as if a storm might break at any minute. There were so many things left unsaid and undone that whenever she saw him they all crowded in her throat and her head until she thought she'd burst from it. The problem was she didn't know how to say those things or do those things. She wasn't even sure what those things were. She only knew that they had been there for a long time, slowly boiling.

A nervous breath passed between her lips as she turned her thoughts to other things. She just had to manage to stay sane through this evening. Straightening her shoulders, she marched across the dewy grass and into the entrance of the tent.

Red shadows bathed the guests as light from the torches set outside filtered through the thin, scarlet fabric of the tent. Celebrations were normally held inside the palace, but today was a special occasion. It was the seventh anniversary of the defeat Ozai. An auspicious day, Zuko hadn't wanted it to be sullied by confining the guests to a place where constant reminders of the royal family lurked.

She navigated her way around the thirty odd guests and sat down on a cushion next to Aang. The Avatar graced her with a smile, sliding his hand into hers as she folded her legs beneath her. She squeezed his hand gently and waited for Zuko to indicate the meal had begun. Good, she thought in relief, he didn't see anything.

The young Fire Lord heaved out a sigh as he readied himself for a speech. The guests leaned in expectantly to hear what he would say. No one else but Katara knew that right now the palms of his hands were sweating, his heart was racing, and he'd probably forgotten everything he'd written down for tonight. Not many knew that the Fire Lord hated public speaking. They only remembered his stirring speech delivered on the day of his coronation. They'd never guess that he'd spent half the night fretting over what to say, and finally had trudged in defeat to Katara's room for help. She smiled to herself as she recalled that he'd said his wound was hurting him as an excuse to pay her a late night visit. Of course, she'd seen right through it. Zuko had always been a terrible liar. The two teenagers had collaborated that night over what he should say. At the time, she hadn't known why he'd asked for her help in particular. She had less experience than he did at giving speeches, but that night they'd discovered that they worked well together. Neither one of them had ever told anyone else of that visit.

He began to speak, and the room hushed. The water bender didn't hear the actual words, only the music of his voice. Unconsciously, she leaned forward a bit as she watched his lips form the words and let her grip grow slack around Aang's hand. His eyes swept across the guests, lingering on her only for a moment. She hoped Aang couldn't feel her heart stutter for those few seconds. Then his gaze moved on as if nothing had happened, as if the air had not crackled with electricity. He ended his speech with a toast, and the rest of them stood and raised their cups. Wine blazed a trail down her throat as she tossed it back and then set it on the table again. Eyes watering, she focused her attention on Aang to see if he'd caught her staring.

"Are you alright?" her husband asked in a concerned voice, his brows furrowed.

"I'm fine," she gasped. "Just a little stronger than what I'm used to. That's all."

"Do you want me to get you some water?"

She shook her head. "No, it's nothing, really."

Servants came in baring platters of food and setting them gently in the middle of the table. They made sure to locate the dishes with meat away from the Avatar. As the honored guest, Aang was given the privilege of helping himself first to the food. After he had heaped his plate high with a small mountain of food, the others took theirs. Katara paid little attention as she tossed a few things onto her plate.

She barely tasted the food at all. For all she cared, it could have been ash. Her mind was too consumed with trying to keep her eyes from wandering over to him. She wondered if he was having the same problem.

For what felt like an agonizingly long time, the guests did nothing but eat in silence as was customary. It was considered bad for digestion to talk during a meal. It prevented one from savoring the food the host had prepared. The room was filled with the soft clicking of chop sticks, the slurping of soup, and the contented sighs of full stomachs.

When the last person laid their chopsticks on the table, the conversations began. The quiet that had filled the small tent near to bursting suddenly dissolved in a wave of noise. The Fire Lord turned his attention to Aang.

"So how are the repairs going on the Air Temples?" he asked innocently as he angled his body to face Aang.

"They're going really well. Teo has some great ideas for improvement. He's thinking that maybe we should add on ramps so the gliders can take off and land easier," the Avatar answered enthusiastically. "We just started working on the Western Air Temple, which means we'll be able to visit a lot more."

"I'm glad to hear that," Zuko said sincerely, his eyes flitting over to Katara for just a moment to give her a fleeting grin. She couldn't help but smile back, feeling the blood quicken in her veins. It'd been her suggestion to Aang that they move onto the Western Air Temple once they had finished the repairs on the Southern Air Temple. Her motives for suggesting it had not been wholly unselfish.

"How are things going for the Fire Nation?" Aang inquired politely as he snuck another sweet roll and hid it in his sleeve.

Zuko smirked at the action but ignored it.

"They're going. That's about all I can say. Trade is still slow, too slow. There isn't enough money coming into the country right now," he said, his smile fading.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Aang shrugged helplessly.

"No words of wisdom for me, mighty Avatar?" Zuko raised his eyebrow in question.

"Sorry, I'm all out. You know I'm no good with politics and trade." The air bender splayed his hands on the table in a gesture of defeat. "That's really more of Katara's area than mine. She's the one who organizes everyone and all the money for the rebuilding."

"So you think the peasant can help?" the Fire Lord joked as he focused his attention on her.

"Only if the spoiled prince is willing to listen," she shot back, leaning forward on her elbows to meet his gaze.

"Actually, that would be Fire Lord now." He pointed to his crown.

"Oh, you'll always be the same spoiled, arrogant little prince to me."

"Truce," he said as he raised his hands placation. "Tell me your suggestion."

"Well, I'd need to know more about it, but you might want to start some public projects, places for entertainment."

"We don't have the money to just frivolously build things," he said in agitation.

"Sometimes you have to spend money to make money. If you build these things, not only would it give employment to local craftsmen, but it would also encourage people to spend money by visiting these places. It's a risk, I know, but you should at least consider it."

Zuko held his chin thoughtfully in his hand before he slid his eyes over to her for a moment. "You have a point."

She smiled triumphantly and crossed her arms over her chest. "I knew you'd see things my way."

"Somehow it always ends up that way," he said in a low voice that sent a thrill up her spine and for just a moment made her not care if it was obvious to everyone in the tent how she felt about him.

Their conversation rushed on from there. The words poured from their mouths like water from a broken dam. The pressure between them seemed to ease a little at this granted release. The two continued to speak of politics, bouncing ideas off of each other and offering suggestions to the other about a particular problem. Katara became oblivious to everyone else around them. The lights and noises dimming as her senses focused on him. She took it all in, the way he moved his hands when he spoke or how his eyes seemed to sharpen when he discussed some new social policy. Some part of her was opening up right now, a part that was shut off and cloistered away around everyone else. It was a passion that she found only around him. A passion that was sparked to life when they spoke, fought, or even looked at each other.

After what felt like a few moments but was actually two hours, Mai spoke up, interrupting the flow of the discussion.

Katara turned her head to the Fire Lady, taking notice of her for the first time. She hadn't even paid any attention to the fact that Zuko's wife was sitting right beside him during the entire conversation. Mai had a way of blending in and going unobserved.

"As much fun as it is listening to you discuss politics, I think I'm going to get some sleep. I'm not feeling very well," she said in her gravelly voice.

"Do you need me to call the palace physician?" Zuko's brows knit in concern.

"No, I think I should be fine. I'm just . . . I've been feeling a little nauseated lately. I think it might be the food," she answered as she stood up to leave.

Katara spared her a glance and noted her sallow complexion. Mai was normally fair skinned, but she seemed unusually pale. For some reason this bothered her. She couldn't put her finger on it at the moment.

"Alright," Zuko said as he gave her a kiss on the cheek, "sleep well."

Mai nodded and walked around the table out of the entrance. Katara felt envy stir in her heart as she realized it was her cheek that she wished he had kissed just then. I should be the one sleeping in your bed, wrapped in your sheets, she thought to herself as she looked at Zuko.

Aang let out a loud yawn, stretching his arms over his head. "I think I'm going to go to bed myself. You two seem to be able to entertain each other."

"I think I'm going to stay up a little while longer," Katara said before she pressed her lips to Aang's and watched him stroll out of the tent to the palace.

Then the world narrowed down to the just the two of them again. The murmur of the other guests faded into the background, and the air suddenly felt hot and muggy to her. Heat from the torches outside seemed to build up inside the small space, causing a drop of sweat to trickle down her back. The Fire Lord's face remained a calm mask as he sat in the stifling air, perfectly accustomed to the intense warmth of the Fire Nation.

"They're gone," Zuko stated, letting those words hold so many implications and express all of his thoughts.

"Yes, they are, Zuko," she replied back, relishing the way his name felt on her tongue.

"I'm sick of talking about politics, and you look like you could use some air. Would you mind accompanying me on a walk through one of the gardens?" He stood up and offered her his hand before she could answer him.

Wordlessly, she nodded and slid her hand into his, heart skipping a little. Together, they ambled out of the tent into the sultry night air where fire flies danced at the edge of the courtyard. Zuko made sure to keep his posture stiff and rigid while Katara kept an appropriate distance away from him. It was not unusual for two old friends to walk arm in arm, but there was a certain amount of propriety that needed to be maintained. Society didn't give a damn that Katara felt like she was on fire from the effort of trying to keep from pressing the side of her body to his. She could feel the strain it put on him as well. The muscles in his forearm were taut, and the skin around his jaw and good eye was tight.

The cobbled path they were following took a turn around a tall hedge and led away from the manicured courtyard to the less tame flower gardens. He guided them deeper into the private sanctuaries of Fire Nation royalty where the ruling family took refuge from the pressures of daily life. The water bender looked around in awe and appreciation at the sight of so many flowers. The colors were brilliant even under the veil of night. Perfume wafted through the air, making her feel light headed as so many scents hit her at once.

"It's beautiful," she whispered to him as he escorted her around a marble bench.

He nodded stiffly as he kept walking.

Something was bothering him. She could tell, and it was more than just the effort of trying to keep up this façade between them. What was he planning? What thoughts were racing behind those golden eyes?

Gradually, his pace slowed, until he stopped altogether. Katara shot him a questioning look. Zuko looked at her in embarrassment as he withdrew his arm from hers and turned to face her.

"Katara, you know that. . ." he hesitated as he rolled his eyes skyward and cursed. He blew out a breath. "There's something I've. . ." he stopped again, looking at her with a raw, confused expression.

"What is it, Zuko?" she asked softly, leaning into him. She never realized how much he'd grown since the war ended. She had an idea of what he was trying to say, but it both terrified and thrilled her that she might be right.

"Here, maybe this will help," he said in frustration as his hand reached behind her and plucked a bloom off of a bush.

The cringing Fire Lord placed a perfectly round, red flower into her cupped hands. She stared down at it, noting the dark, glossy leaves still attached, and the layers of vividly red petals. Her breath hitched in her throat as she stared down at the simple piece of flora. She glanced up at him once before she returned her gaze to the flower in her hands.

"It's a camellia," he breathed.

She nodded. Katara had recognized it as soon as he'd put it in her hands. After she'd left the South Pole, she'd become enamored with flowers.

"I know it's stupid. It was Uncle's suggestion. I'm sorry," he babbled before she pressed a single finger to his lips.

"It's not stupid," she whispered in a cracking voice. This one blossom had laid everything bare between them. All of the words that could not be uttered or said were written on the petals of this flower. Just like that, years' worth of pressure and tension simmering underneath the surface of polite courtesy had been cast aside in exchange for one subtle declaration. And that's all it was, a declaration. There was no demand to it or question, only the statement of a fact. Katara felt a weight lifting off of her shoulders and settling into her heart as she contemplated the meaning of this gesture.

"Do you know what it means?" he asked in a soft voice.

"Of course," she gasped, bordering on a sob. She had learned much from local herbalists on her travels throughout the world. They'd taught her that flowers had a language all their own. Different flowers meant different things. A red camellia translated into "you are a flame in my heart." Even as she considered the meaning of this, she recalled a previous conversation she'd had with Aang and Mai's symptoms. Her chest tightened like a fist had clenched her heart. This was as far as it would ever go, a simple flower. There was too much at stake.

Zuko stood motionless, watching the expressions play across her face. A tear leaked down her left cheek. He reached his hand out but stopped when she lifted her eyes to his.

"Mai's pregnant," she said in a shuddering voice. She pressed the cupped flower to her chest, turning her head aside. "I'm certain of it."

Zuko said nothing, simply let his hand drop to his side.

"Aang's been talking about starting a family soon."

The Fire Lord nodded his head curtly and let out a shaky breath.

"Will you wait?"

"Forever."

The camellia blossom floated to the ground, a red stain against the brown earth. Zuko watched Katara's figure fade into the night until he could no longer see her. Then he returned to the palace to take his place beside his wife in their bed.

Katara sat down gratefully on the stone bench beneath the shade of a tall tree. Its branches spread out to form a canopy above her head to catch the evening rain. The gentle pattering set her hammering heart at ease a bit while she folded her aching legs underneath her. Squinting, she looked out into the mist to see if she could make out his figure. A darker patch of gray separated itself from the dreary surroundings and grew larger as it marched towards her. Soon she could make out the dark red robes of the Fire Lord.

Zuko folded his hands into his sleeves and bowed to her seated figure. He stood a few feet away from her, his face deceptively serene. She patted the stone beside her and scooted over.

He smiled and sat down next to her. The water bender studied him for a moment. Today, he seemed younger than his forty-six years despite the strands of silver in his black hair and the crinkling around his eye and the corners of his mouth. Her hand reached out and flicked a long strand of hair out his face.

He caught her wrist and lowered it to his side, pressing his forehead against hers in a rare display of affection. She reveled in the feel of his skin against hers. It wasn't often that they dared to indulge themselves this way. She smiled to herself as she felt that same old heat and passion burning between them after all these years. Then he broke the contact and reclined against the rough trunk of the tree. He didn't let go of her hand, his thumb thoughtlessly traced a circle on the inside of her wrist.

"I'm ready," she sighed, sliding her fingers between his.

"Are you sure?" He squeezed her hand momentarily as he turned to look at her.

She nodded vigorously. "That's why you called me here, isn't it? You knew I was ready somehow. After all these years, you could read me that well."

"I have always known you." He studied her, his golden eyes burning into her. "Are you sure though?"

"More sure then I've been about anything."

"What about Aang?" It was clear from the expression on his face that this was his biggest concern. He was afraid she wouldn't be able to leave the Avatar behind.

She chuckled bitterly. "I've given the Avatar three daughters. I've been his constant companion and friend for almost my entire life. We no longer sleep in the same bed." She rested her head on his shoulder for the first time.

For over twenty years, they'd subsisted on sighs, whispers, touches, and glances. They'd never shared a bed or even kissed. Both of them had had too much respect and love for their spouses to do that. There had still been more passion in those small gestures and actions than either one of them had found in lying with their significant other. It had been laced in every word of their conversations and flared to life every time they saw each other. It was a misconception of youth that passion was only found in the heat of sex, the physical manifestations of love.

"What of your children?"

She blew out a breath through her nose. "They are grown now. They do not need me. They are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. Two of them are married already, and the youngest is soon on her way to being. They will take care of Aang in my stead. I have given everything that I am to my family. The aching in my chest has been growing steadily. It's harder to get out of bed in the morning. I want to be selfish for once." She smiled up at him. "What of your son?"

Zuko lowered his head. "He will be a good ruler. He's older than I was when I took the throne. He has my determination and his mother's intelligence. The people love him."

"But Mai has been dead seven years. You are the only parent he has left. Are you sure you should be leaving him?"

Zuko winced at the mention of his deceased wife. Katara could see that it still hurt him to think of her. She knew that even though Zuko loved her, he'd still cared deeply for Mai. Over the years, she'd learned that there are many forms of love, even if they seem to conflict with one another.

"He has his Uncle Tom Tom. They are very close, and Tom Tom will give him any advice that he could need."

"I'm seeing a pattern in your family," she teased, trying to lighten his mood.

He grinned. "So it seems. When do you want to leave?"

"Now," she said as she leaned over the side of the bench and lifted a satchel full of supplies. "I have two passes for an Earth Kingdom ship that will stop at a port near Ba Sing Se. From there on, we can go where we please."

Zuko's smile widened until it stretched across his whole face. "I always loved it when you were spontaneous."

"Well, I never got to do it much." She stood then, pulling him to his feet. Her quick hands undid the clasp on his robes and tossed them aside onto the rain soaked grass. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pressed her lips to his. The Fire Lord circled his arms around her waist and opened his mouth to her. Their lips locked and molded together, savoring the taste of the other for the first time. He giggled against her lips and spun around in place.

The water bender threw her head back and laughed at the heady rush of spinning around with the rain dampening her hair and clothes. For a moment, they were both teenagers again with no worries or duties. It was only them and this moment. The rest of the world was background noise. For over two decades, they'd held this piece of themselves back, never letting it peek through. They'd never given into physical desire, but both of them knew it made no difference. They'd still had an affair in their hearts. They'd still been unfaithful because of the parts of themselves they'd held back from their partners. Now it no longer mattered.

Zuko stopped and set her down. He took the crown from his head and sat it on the stone bench. Then, he turned back to her and shouldered her pack. With that, the two of them secretly left the palace grounds hand in hand with only the golden crown sitting quietly on the stone bench as any sign that they'd ever been there.

I just basically wanted to show that passion does not always equal sex in a relationship. The reason why I chose the red camellia is because of the Avatar short "School Time Shipping" where Zuko tells Katara "my heart burns for you!" Cheesy, I know but I like the idea. The meaning of the red camellia is based of Western Victorian standards, but the red camellia is used for Korean weddings, so it still applies kind of. I would appreciate any feedback you would like to give me. Thanks for reading this.