The disclaimer that tells you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters has been court ordered to do some community service. Just more madness from my mind partially inspired by a Will and Grace episode. Part of it ties into the fic 'It's Not Easy Being Fuzzy'. The rest I have no clue where it came from.

Mutant Community Service

"I can't believe we actually have to do this lame thing," Pietro grumbled as they entered the building.

"Hey, it's your own fault! You guys are lucky that it wasn't worse!" Wanda snapped. "You just had to steal those animals from the zoo!"

"Not, steal, borrow," Todd corrected. "There is a difference!"

"Not according to the District Attorney," Wanda said. "Fortunately Xavier backed us up and all we have to do is do a little demonstration on mutants at the community center today. It's called community service."

"It's called lame," Lance said. "The only reason Xavier helped us was to make sure his precious X-Men didn't get in trouble too."

"It's not their fault they had the bad luck to come over when Toad decided to pitch his stupid TV shows," Fred said.

"Guys just try to behave yourselves. For once!" Wanda warned.

"I couldn't have put it better myself," Scott said. Jean, Kitty and Rogue were there waiting for them.

"Look we all agreed to have a question and answer discussion on mutants and their mutations for the City Council and the public today," Jean said. "So let's get through this with as little bickering as possible."

"Aren't you guys one X-Man short?" Pietro asked. "Where's Nightcrawler?"

"Kurt uh, isn't feeling well," Kitty said.

"You mean he chickened out," Todd gave her a look.

"He didn't chicken out," Kitty said defensively. Rogue rolled her eyes. "He had to do stuff…"

"Yeah he had to make more room in the closet he's hiding in," Lance rolled his eyes. "You think he would have gotten over people seeing his real self by now! I mean if we can put up with the way Summers looks…"

"Ha, ha! You're one to talk! I don't see Pyro here!" Scott snapped. "Wait a minute. Did you guys lose Pyro again? He didn't wander away did he?"

"This isn't going to be like another shopping mall incident is it?" Kitty groaned.

"Relax. Pyro's not here," Wanda said. "He had to go to his publisher. Or probation officer. I forget which."

"Aren't they the same person?" Fred asked.

"No, that's his psychiatrist and his tarot card reader," Pietro corrected. "She also gives manicures. Look at the work she did on me!"

"I'd rather not," Kitty rolled her eyes. "At least the chance of arson has just dropped dramatically!"

"Yeah he lucked out of this," Pietro grumbled.

"This might be a difficult concept for you people but not all mutants have to be legally forced to use their powers responsibly," Scott told them. "Some of us choose to help people and their community because it's the right thing to do!"

"How many parking tickets did you get this past month Kitty?" Lance asked matter of factly.

"Only three," Kitty sniffed. "But it's not half as many as Bobby when he borrowed Scott's car for a joyride!"

"Really?" Lance raised an eyebrow. "And didn't I read in the paper the other day that Xavier made some kind of deal with the prosecuting attorney's office when they found those contraband lasers on mansion property?"

"Okay that last one was Wolverine's fault and you know it!" Scott snapped. "The Professor specifically told him he didn't want those weapons installed in the defense systems but he did it anyway!"

"Never mind the fact that lasers of that caliber are not only illegal in this state, they're against the Geneva Convention," Pietro quipped.

"Never would have found them if some people would learn to put their stupid little dogs on a leash," Rogue muttered. "I mean seriously, how irresponsible is it to allow three toy dogs the size of a piece of toast to run around loose?"

"Yeah they could get blown up by illegal weapons when they run through a fence," Fred smirked.

"So cut the high horse act," Lance snapped. "You're in the exact same boat we are! Don't go pretending you're better than us!"

"I don't have to pretend that Alvers!" Scott bristled. "We would have made this deal anyway! Some of us have been volunteering even before the prosecuting attorney decided to lessen the charges!"

"Like a preemptive strike huh?" Fred asked.

"Something like that," Rogue admitted. "We've been doing this crap for three days."

"Helping people is not crap!" Jean fumed.

"Yeah Jean that's why they don't make it a punishment for people to do stuff for the community," Lance said sarcastically. "People are on waiting lists just to pick up trash by the side of the road."

"Just keep an open mind Lance, for once!" Kitty said. "I mean maybe this might do something for you. Look at Rogue. She's working with senior citizens at the retirement home."

"I was working with the senior citizens," Rogue corrected. "After two days they kicked me out."

"What happened?" Wanda asked.

"Well I was playing chess with this old guy, Mr. Kowaski and he tried to cheat and blame his losing on my mutant powers," Rogue sighed. "So I lost my temper and yelled at him and told him to drop dead. And so he did."

"Oh boy…" Wanda blinked.

"Then I was assigned to Mrs. Feenely who had a fatal heart attack two minutes after I walked into her room," Rogue said. "Then I ended up in the rec room where some crazy guy kept calling me Martha and kicked the bucket. And that was just my first day."

"Uh Rogue, you really don't have to continue with this story," Jean winced.

"Oh no," Pietro grinned. "Please. Let her continue. Then what happened Rogue? We're just dying to hear."

"By the time I showed up the next day with Mr. Donolan word had gotten around," Rogue sighed. "He took one look at me, screamed 'It's the Angel of Death' and jumped out of his bed. You know they said he would never walk again."

"He walked didn't he?" Todd asked.

"He not only walked, he broke the record for the fifty yard dash," Rogue said. "Unfortunately he didn't look where he was going…To make a long story short…"

"Too late," Fred quipped.

"After the paramedics arrived and the three wheelchair pile up in the hallway was cleared away I was informed that my services at the retirement home would no longer be needed," Rogue rolled her eyes. "The guy from Bayville Mortuary did tell me that if I ever wanted a job he'd find me a position."

"So what? You don't even have to touch people now to kill 'em?" Todd asked.

"If only it worked that well with people under ninety," Rogue gave him a look.

"That was an isolated incident!" Scott bristled. "It's not Rogue's fault."

"Yeah those people were gonna go anyway," Pietro agreed. "Why not go in complete panic?"

"Kitty tell them about your community service job at the homeless shelter," Jean said quickly.

"I don't think you're going to like my story any better, Jean," Kitty admitted.

"You worked in the soup kitchen didn't you?" Lance asked.

"Please don't say yes…" Scott groaned.

"Uh…" Kitty began.

"Never mind," Scott groaned.

"That explains why the Board of Health closed it down this morning," Lance remarked. "Anyone else wanna give it a shot and make it three for three?"

"I was the only other one doing community service," Jean said.

"So what did you do to get kicked out?" Todd asked.

"I did not get kicked out!" Jean snapped. "Nothing happened!"

"She got into a screaming match with a nun over the proper way to set a table," Scott admitted.

"Strike three!" Todd crowed. "Yeerrrrrr out!"

"Scott!" Jean whirled on him.

"Jean you were telling a nun she was a disaster when it came to dinnerware! Even I can't overlook that!" Scott told her. "You made her cry!"

"You made a nun cry?" Lance asked. "Red you just became my new hero!"

"She was a new nun," Rogue explained. "Hadn't even rapped her first knuckles yet."

"Well at least I didn't kill her!" Jean glared at her.

"That was below the belt!" Rogue snapped. "It's not like I poisoned them!"

"Oh that makes me feel sooooo good about myself!" Kitty snapped back.

"I tell ya, I'm feeling pretty nervous here," Fred remarked. "I mean look at all the trouble the X-Men caused. We gotta bring our A game to the front you know what I mean?"

"Gotta admit they set the bar pretty high," Todd said. "I mean dead bodies, a nun in tears and a homeless shelter closed? How are we gonna top that?"

"You are not going to top that!" Scott snapped.

"I bet we could with a little…" Fred began.

"NO BLOB!" Everyone else shouted at him.

"Let's just get this over with," Jean sighed already fighting off a huge migraine.

"What is it exactly we're supposed to do again?" Fred asked.

"Yeah I forgot," Todd said.

"We are supposed to be conducting a question and answer session on mutants and mutations!" Jean snapped. "We just said that a minute ago!"

"We weren't listening! Sor-rry!" Todd said.

"What are we going to talk about anyway?" Pietro said. "How we're mutants and nobody likes us? Yeah that's a long conversation!"

"Is this gonna be one of those scared straight kind of deals?" Todd asked. "You know I could do a real good…"

"No!" Jean said. "Toad the last thing we need is for you to act like a thug. Even more than usual."

"But I do this real good Scarface and…" Todd began.

"No! No! No! And no!" Jean yelled. "Just leave the talking to us and try not to break anything!"

"Why can't we break anything?" Todd asked.

"Yeah nothing helps like visual aides," Fred nodded.

"Do you morons have any retention at all in those empty heads?" Rogue asked. "We are trying to prove that mutants aren't just good for breaking stuff!"

"We are good at breaking stuff," Lance said.

"I so hate this stupid truce," Kitty fumed.

Soon the X-Men and Brotherhood members were sitting on chairs on a stage while a wide variety of people had seated themselves in the audience. Jean had taken it upon herself to address the crowd. "Welcome everyone to today's symposium on mutants," She smiled cheerfully.

"Who made her Queen of the Podium?" Pietro asked.

"This is going to be an informative discussion on how mutants can use their powers to benefit society," Jean went on as if she and the rest of the room didn't hear him.

"This is gonna be stupid," Lance grumbled loudly.

"We should have just picked up trash on the side of the road," Pietro sighed. "I would have gotten a couple highways done in a few minutes. Maybe find some jewelry or something valuable we could pawn."

"Or a dead animal we could bury and have a funeral for," Todd added.

"Unless it was salvageable for us to eat," Fred nodded. "Waste not want not."

"You people are sick!" Jean glared at them.

"Oh look the nun beater is making moral judgments!" Pietro rolled his eyes.

"I never laid a hand on her!" Jean fumed.

"Verbal abuse is still abuse," Todd sniffed.

"I am gonna abuse you ya little wart farm if you don't…" Rogue made a fist.

"Oh yeah that's typical!" Lance snorted. "Someone calls you out on the truth and you threaten us! And you call us hoods!"

"You are hoods!" Kitty fumed. "I don't know what I ever saw in you!"

"That goes double for me!" Lance snapped. "Why I ever hooked up with a control freak is beyond me!"

"I am not a control freak!" Kitty snapped as she stood up. "I and I am so glad we are not going out anymore!"

"Oh yes you couldn't 'save' me now you've moved on to Colossus!" Lance snapped.

"For the last time we're just friends!" Kitty snapped.

"Friends you think are totally cute," Wanda rolled her eyes. "We've all read the e-mails. Who are you kidding?"

"You read my e-mails?" Kitty yelled.

"Well I wanted some light reading and I printed up a batch so…" Pietro snickered.

"How did you…?" Kitty fumed.

"I have my sources!" Lance shouted. "Just be honest for once Kitty!"

"Once! I am honest! You're the crook!" Kitty shouted.

"And you're a control freak!" Lance shouted back.

Kitty fumed. "At least it's better than being a freak period!"

"Listen to this! The freak is calling us freaks!" Fred threw up his hands.

"Yeah even Blob can come up with a better insult than that," Todd nodded.

Jean realized they had an audience. "Uh a lot of mutants still have trouble accepting their powers and don't understand that they are actually normal people…" She tried to speak to the audience.

"Oh will you give that normal crap a rest already?" Pietro shouted. "Jean do you know what a real mutant hears when you call yourself 'normal'? We hear 'I'm not like these other crazy mutants you see! I'm normal! I'm not an out of control loser so please don't shoot me because I have nothing to do with these freaks!' That's what we hear when you say that!"

"So what's your point?" Scott quipped.

"We need to find ways to fit in with the community…" Jean began.

"Maybe we don't want to fit in? You ever think of that?" Wanda snapped. "Maybe we like ourselves the way we are! So what if we accidentally wreck a building or mess things up every now and then! Give the construction industry some work! We're only human you know! Not like you X-Men!"

"Nobody ever gave us a chance like you!" Fred said. "Nobody ever wanted us! How else were we supposed to turn out!"

"Oh I am so sick of you using that same damn excuse every time things don't turn out how you like them!" Scott snapped. "Oh we've had lousy childhoods! Nobody loves us! We have to live in a crap box! That's why we're so bad! Boo hoo! You know you guys aren't the only ones with crappy lives!"

"You should know," Pietro remarked.

"That's right! I know! My life hasn't exactly been a piece of cake but you don't see me using that as an excuse to us my powers recklessly!" Scott snapped. "Just because your life is rough that's not an excuse to do whatever the hell you want!"

"Yes it is," Todd said.

"No it is not!" Rogue shouted. "God it's like trying to talk some sense into astro turf!"

"No, artificial grass is actually useful," Scott said.

"Yeah you would know all about who's useful and who isn't wouldn't you Summers?" Lance growled. "Any mutant who you think can't cut it you reject!"

"That is not true!" Jean shouted.

"Uh yeah it is," Todd said. "Let me refresh your memory! The time Storm first tried to zap me with her lightning! You didn't even bother to try and recruit Lance…"

"You were sent to spy on us by Mystique!" Scott snapped.

"Only because she made me!" Todd protested. "You guys made up your mind about me and all the others just because we don't win fights as much as you do!"

"Maybe if you lazy slobs would train every now and then instead of causing trouble you wouldn't be so easy to beat!" Rogue snapped.

"That's all you do is train!" Lance snapped. "Control your powers in the morning, dodge flame throwers at night! None of you know how to live!"

"That's what we're trying to do you moron!" Rogue shouted. "Trying to find a way to live in peace without people shooting at us or sending giant robots after us!"

"Maybe we are a bit uptight sometimes but that's because we have to be!" Kitty said.

"As X-Men we're expected to be shining examples of the mutant community in order to promote peace," Jean pointed out.

"Shining example my butt!" Pietro yelled. "If you people are 'shining examples' of mutant kind then we're a lot more screwed up than I thought!"

"So you'd rather have people think of mutants like you? Delinquents?" Jean shouted.

"Well it beats being a stuck up know it all that claims to be superior to everyone!" Wanda yelled back.

"Look who's talking! That's your father's freaking point! How mutants are superior to regular humans!" Rogue shouted.

"Only genetically! Mentally we're just as screwed up as everyone else! Maybe even more," Todd told them. "I mean take a look at me! Sometimes the only way I can get through the day is the idea that I'm an evolved human being!"

"I gotta admit that helps me get through some rough days," Fred remarked.

"That and a few pounds of potato chips," Kitty wrinkled her nose.

"Oh excuse us! Some of us don't have convenient powers like you do!" Lance leapt to the defense of his team mate. "Not every mutant's powers are sunshine and rainbows and skipping through walls like they weren't there!"

"Oh and mine are so easy?" Rogue shouted. "You have any idea what it's like to never touch anyone because you're scared of hurting them?"

"No wonder she's always so cranky," Pietro remarked. "I'd be cranky too if I knew I was gonna die a virgin."

"Shut up you prissy little hummingbird from Hell!" Rogue snapped.

"Pietro keep your mouth shut," Wanda snapped. "You're not one to talk. Your powers don't cause damage like ours can."

"Actually they can. Remember how much chili he ate at the last Super Bowl and what happened afterwards?" Todd reminded her.

"Having an advanced metabolism can really suck sometimes," Pietro shrugged. "Then again it could be worse. I could have blue fur and a tail."

"Now hold it right there, you turkey!" Rogue snapped as she stood up. "Don't you dare take pot shots at Nightcrawler when he's not here to defend himself!"

"By choice!" Pietro said. "He didn't even bother to show up!"

"You know very well Kurt's physical mutations make him uncomfortable to be in a large crowd!" Jean yelled. "Kurt has had a lot of problems accepting himself because of the way he looks!"

"Like that's never happened to us!" Todd snapped. "My old man tried to carve me up like a Thanksgiving Turkey because he didn't want a frog faced freak for a son! You don't see me hiding!"

"No, but I'd love to see you try and hide that odor you have," Rogue winced.

"Look if Kurt didn't want to come he doesn't have to!" Kitty snapped.

"Oh heaven forbid the blue spider monkey would walk around and show his true self!" Fred said sarcastically. "Where people could point and stare at him and throw Weight Watchers pamphlets in his face! You ought to try being a fat person in a thin person world! It's no piece of cake!"

"From the looks of you it's more like a bakery full of cake," Rogue quipped.

"Hey! I have an X Gene that causes my body to be this way!" Fred told her. "What's your excuse sister?"

"How dare you?" Jean fumed.

"No, how dare you?" Todd said. Then he shrugged. "Okay I got nothing. But that sounded pretty good."

"You people are morons!" Scott groaned.

"Hey at least we're smart enough to realize that not every human is gonna accept us and waste our energy trying to change their minds!" Fred told him.

"No wonder Daniels took off!" Pietro said. "Even living in a sewer is better than dealing with all the crap you make people go through!"

"Face it! You drove Spyke away the same way you drive away nearly every mutant that you meet! Because they don't meet up to your ridiculous impossible standards!" Lance shouted.

"At least we have standards!" Kitty shouted.

"The X-Men don't go around stealing things and causing trouble!" Jean agreed. "Unlike other mutant teams I could mention."

"Two words Red," Lance glared at her. "Sadie Hawkins. Does that ring any bells?"

"That was an accident!" Jean shouted.

"An accident you caused!" Lance snapped.

"Well what about all the accidents you caused?" Kitty snapped. "At least we never tried to make a profit off of them!"

"If I had a rich bald guy paying all my bills I wouldn't have to worry about that either," Lance snapped.

"I knew it! I knew it!" Scott shouted. "I knew you Brotherhood losers would ruin this! Just like you ruin everything else! And as usual we have to clean up your mess and keep you in line!"

"WELL WHO ASKED YOU TO DO THAT?" Lance shouted. "You're not the Mutant Police! You're not part of any official government task force! Nobody elected you to this job!"

"He's right!" Todd said. "Technically you guys are just vigilantes! Which makes you no better than us!"

"Only they have lasers and better weapons," Pietro said. "We don't have lasers or jets or anything!"

"Well actually we did have that one laser but I kind of overheated it when I used it to make smores," Fred remarked.

"Yeah but still at least the Brotherhood don't have high tech weapons and we don't use all that fancy equipment to use against people," Pietro said. "We only use what we have! Our skills, some shaving cream and our brain power."

"That last one is why you keep losing to us in fights," Rogue told them. "Actually I think it's the lack of brain power…"

"You jokers cause more than half the fights around here!" Lance said. "Pushing your big noses where it doesn't belong!"

"We're just trying to keep you from pushing other people around Rocks for Brains!" Scott shouted at Lance.

"Keep it up Shades and you'll see how much I can push back!" Lance shouted.

"HOOD!" Kitty shouted.

"CONTROL FREAK!" Wanda shouted back.

"NUT CASE!" Rogue shouted.

"QUEEN OF THE SKUNK HAIRED GOTHS!" Todd snapped.

"KING OF THE SLIME PITS!" Rogue shouted.

"Uh who do I insult?" Fred looked around.

"SHUT UP!" Jean screamed. Her telekinetic powers shook the stage. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! BOTH OF YOU! BROTHERHOOD AND X-MEN ALIKE!"

"Uh oh…" Pietro gulped as everyone stopped to stare at her. "This is not good…"

Jean glared at them. "You think your powers are so terrible? You should try being a telepath sometimes! Because listening to all your thoughts is enough to drive me crazy!"

"By the way Jean's acting, it seems that's one short ride," Todd whispered to Fred.

"You think I want to hear what's going on inside your heads?" Jean ranted. "Trust me! I don't! It's all I can do to block them out! But they still leak through with the grace of a battering ram! Pietro's constant thoughts about himself! Toad's interest in Wanda! Wanda's being extremely annoyed with Toad! Blob's constant mental listings of food he has or hasn't eaten! Lance's obsession with either beating Scott or trying to convince himself that he's still not in love with Kitty! And I don't even want to get into what Pyro thinks or the audience thinks!"

"Ha!" Kitty snorted.

"You're not that much better either!" Jean shouted. "This is all I hear from you: Do I like Lance? Do I like Colossus? Colossus is totally cute! Lance is totally cute! Avalanche, Colossus, Avalanche, Colossus! PICK ONE ALREADY!"

"And you…You Mister Let's Prove How Much Better We Are Than Alvers By Working Out More!" Jean rounded on Scott. Then to Rogue. "And your freaking jealousy is driving me crazy! I know! It sucks you can't touch but I am not Xavier's favorite! I'm sick of people thinking that!"

"Okay Jean…We get the message," Lance gulped as the stage rattled some more.

"Yeah we're not gonna fight anymore," Scott agreed.

"All I do is try to keep this team from falling apart! Or try to keep both teams from tearing each other apart!" Jean ranted back and forth between the two groups. "Or worse keep both teams from tearing the city apart! Someone needs me to boost their ego or listen to their problems or help them figure out their love life! Or someone wants to just mess with me for the fun of it because they think its funny! Well it's not funny! All you people do is take, take, take, take, take, take, take! And the more I give and try to be understanding about it all, the more you make fun of me for being such a tight ass! Well you know why I'm a tight ass? Because if I actually did really let lose one of these days, I might just snap and kill you all! BECAUSE YOU ALL ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF ME!"

Jean then realized she said all that in front of a very large and very startled audience. "Oh great…"

"Whoa…" Todd blinked. "Jean's got a dark side."

"And it is totally scary," Kitty gulped.

Pietro looked at the stunned audience. "Uh this concludes the dramatization part of the show. How typical mutants fall under different kinds of stresses due to their powers. Any questions?"

"Show?" Rogue blinked.

"Oh right, show," Todd caught on quickly. "Yeah we meant to do that."

"We did?" Fred asked. "Oh right. We did."

"This little show was to demonstrate how hard certain powers are and the different points of view our two groups have," Pietro went on smoothly. "It was all an act. Right Jean?"

"Yeah, yeah my whole life is just one freaking act," Jean muttered as she went off stage.

"Heh heh…" Pietro smiled weakly. Then he took a bow. Lance and Scott got the hint and took bows as well. Todd did a flourish of a bow and the others reluctantly took bows. There was a small smattering of applause. Both Pietro and Todd hammed it up with their bows. Wanda and Rogue looked at each other, rolled their eyes and grabbed both of them by the scruff of their necks and dragged them off stage. The others nervously followed.

Five minutes later the gang was backstage. "Okay that was completely humiliating and totally ruined our reputations for like, forever," Kitty groaned.

"Those of us that had reputations," Scott glared at Lance.

"You really want to start all of that again?" Lance growled.

"You gotta admit it did bring a lot of stuff out in the open," Fred pointed out.

"I hate to admit it but he's right," Jean groaned. "Even I had no idea how repressed I was."

"I knew," Pietro said smugly.

"Oh shut up, Quicksilver!" Everyone snapped at him.

"Idiot!" Wanda smacked him on the head.

"Uh oh," Todd pointed as some council members walked up to them. "Here it comes."

"I must say that was quite a performance," The lead council member said.

"Uh yeah about that…" Scott began to explain.

"I must admit some of the things you said on that stage…Well it hit home," The council member said. "None of us ever realized what it meant to be a mutant or how hard a mutation was until we saw that."

"You didn't?" Scott blinked under his shades.

"For example we had no idea how much mental strain mutations put on a teenager," A council woman said. "Or why some mutants would consider themselves above humans. But now we get it."

"You do?" Rogue asked.

"Sure, it's obvious now that you act the way you do because you have trouble dealing with your powers and keeping them under control," The woman said. "It's like a defense mechanism. And since you're young and untrained, things happen."

"Yeah that's what we were trying to convey all right," Scott said nervously.

"It never occurred to any of us that some mutants might be jealous of other mutant's mutations or feel inadequate to even ordinary humans," A man spoke up. "This really opened my eyes."

"That's what we're here for," Lance said cheerfully.

"You know I had no idea being a telepath was so hard," A woman said. "It never occurred to me that your control is keeping voices out of your head rather than going into other people's minds."

"It's like one big radio you can't really shut off," Jean said. "Only hit the mute button from time to time."

"Well we on the city council are very impressed with what you people have done today," The head council man said. "And now we understand that being a mutant is just as much a disability as any other handicap or disease."

"Wait a minute…" Kitty began.

"Shut up Kitty. We'll take it," Pietro hissed in her ear. Then he spoke to the council members. "Well glad we could clear that up."

"I can't believe it," Rogue said as they left. "They actually bought it!"

"And people think we're dumb," Fred looked at Todd.

"Well look at it this way," Jean said. "We…did something good. We provided people with an insight on the mutant community. We helped people understand us. We didn't destroy much property…So why do I feel so sick and disgusted with myself?"

"For once I wish we did screw up," Lance groaned.

"I think I prefer it when they don't understand us and just plain hate our guts," Wanda agreed.

"Quicksilver was right. Next time we do this we are definitely just going to pick up trash beside the road," Scott groaned.