This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Sin
© 2008 by the author (anonymous by request) in association with Daylor and Sheldon Publishing™
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Sin
I want it. I need it. That sweet release….
No.
I know I shouldn't. I don't need to be told to know better. It will destroy me if I continue. Of that I am certain.
It already has in some ways. Having tasted it…knowing such fascinating, tantalizing stimulation…
No. I cannot. I told Him I wouldn't.
It has held me in its grasp for long enough, and it shouldn't have had me in the first place. I wonder why He allowed me to experience it?
I'll never forget that feeling. First, shock, as when a child is first spanked by a parent, coupled with uncertainty and a lack of comprehension. Then, the dawning light and the pure ecstasy of it took over, blocking out all else. And yet…that tiny voice wouldn't leave the back of my head.
I knew from that moment what I had started. I struggled with it, all that day and night. But so curious I was, and so seductive a sensation I had to have it again. But each time…each time I couldn't shake that feeling that I had done something terrible. And yet I justified it.
I can no longer do so. Now I realize that He was right. It is purely an addiction now. Knowing that, and knowing all I need is the strength of mind and will to resist, I should be fine.
I told Him I would no longer be doing it. And with Him watching me, it should be all the easier to just forget it and move on.
And yet…it calls me. It calls me! I need it…
No!
Even as He passes me, smiling upon my apparent victory, I know I am about to break.
Closer…but I draw back. Why is this so difficult?! All I need do is turn my back and think of something, anything else.
But I can feel it! Calling me, drawing me closer…that sensation, pulsing through my veins already at the mere imagining of it…
No…
But, I want it. That's the problem. I do want it!
Oh what do I do?
Oh no…
…………why do I even bother when it upsets me so? Is any joy to be gained from it for all this anguish?
And I can still walk away. It's that simple.
But it isn't. I had decided even before telling Him good night what I was going to do. Even though I knew it was wrong.
It's hopeless. I should give up.
And………oh…my……ah!
……hmm.
That's it? Well, it was never the same as that first time…
Oh…I don't want to think about it anymore!
And He knows. He saw.
I've betrayed Him again…
Is it worth it? I don't know.
Oh, what have I done…
Author's notes: Take it as you will. More spontaneous ambiguity from my wild mind.