Yes, it's in some strange sort of script form. Why, you ask? This is purely for amusement not in any way supposed to be taken seriously. It's purely in the fun of writing about three happy little villains! So if you're looking for some serious angst or slashy-type fic, I suggest you continue searching.
Oh and I don't own the Joker, Harvey, or the Scarecrow. Hmm but if I did...mind wanders
Here we find our beloved villains on a warm summer day ready for a great time of relaxation. Well, the Joker and Harvey are. Crane isn't. They made him drive. He was pissed. But currently the Joker was explaining the reason for his spur-of-the-moment idea to take a break from CRIME!
Joker: And so that is what gave me the great idea of going on a vacation to this resort place.
Harvey: You listened to a commercial ad?
Joker: It had to have been the cheesy music. After I heard that, I was SOLD! Hey and we all deserve a bit of a break, don't we? We work just as hard as normal civilians do! Probably even harder! We have an image to uphold!
Crane: I'm touched with the whole inviting me part, but next time try calling and asking me instead of breaking into my apartment at three in the morning, blindfolding me, telling me you were the CIA and that you guys were about to torture me.
Harvey: Don't blame me, that was all the Joker's idea.
Crane: Okay, and whose idea was it to blow up my apartment after even though there was absolutely NO NEED to do so.
Joker: (raises hand) Yeahhhh…that was me again. But I made it up to all of you. I got us a deluxe room with three beds.
Crane/ Harvey: YAY!!
So the long drive continues on and the whole time the Joker is kicking Crane's seat and Crane is getting all pissy. But that's okay, because they finally make it to the resort place and rush excitedly inside. They go up to the reception desk. Bad things ensue.
Reception Lady: Last name?
Joker: Joker.
Reception Lady: First name?
Joker: The.
Reception Lady: The…The…The…AH! Here we go. Room with a single bed.
Joker: No, no, no. It was a deluxe room with three beds.
Reception Lady: Oh sorry sir, but we have you down for a one single bed.
Crane/Harvey: OO You said-!
Joker: Relax, let me try to get things straightened. Just go sit down and I'll handle it. (turns to reception lady) Look lady, I paid for a deluxe room! And that is what I demand to receive!!
Reception Lady: Sorry but there is nothing we can do about it. All the other rooms are already taken.
Joker: See here, I could kill you right now if I wanted to, that man with the bacon face over there could shoot you in that pretty face, and that boy with glasses can send you into your deepest nightmare. You don't want us getting displeased. And there is no way you're changing my mind.
Reception Lady: How about I give you free tickets to tomorrow night's magic show?
Joker: DEAL!
The Joker bounces away happily from the reception desk with the free tickets and room key in hand. The Joker lurves magic! We all know that! But Crane and Harvey weren't so happy with it. But too bad! So our three favorite villains go up to their room.
Harvey: There's only one bed!! I thought you got this fixed Joker!
Joker: Weeellll…I didn't. But before you start getting angry at me, let me tell you that I did get free tickets to a magic show tomorrow!
Harvey: You traded our room in for free tickets?
Joker: But it's magic!
Crane: (spots the complementary fruit basket sitting on the table) Wow! A complementary fruit basket! I feel so important :)
The Joker steps in front of Crane and grabs the basket off the table.
Joker: I'll be taking that now. Thank you.
Crane: Hey! I wanted a fruit!
Joker: Who here paid for the room, hmm?
Crane: I did!! You stole my credit card and used it to pay for this room!
Joker: …Look, let's not start pointing fingers at who stole whose credit card. Let's focus of the matter at hand.
Crane: That matter being that I would like my basket of fruit back now.
Joker: I think we can come to a very rational solution to this problem and that is-
The Joker breaks off his sentence and makes a run towards the window at the other side of the room. Crane lunges after him, but just as Jonathan gets a hold of the back of the Joker's coat, the Joker pushes the window open and throws the basket out the window. That is the unfortunate end to the very delicious fruit basket.
Joker: -no one will get any fruit!
Crane: (wide eyed and shocked) You…You…You…
Harvey: …He…?
Crane: You fuckin' SADISTIC MANAIC!!
Joker: AHAHAHAHA!!
Crane: You just want to ruin everyone's day! No matter what it makes!
Joker: Hey good observation, doctor. How long did it take you to figure that one out?
Crane: My fruit… :(
Joker: Anyways, now that that's over with, LET'S GO SWIMMING!!
Our three humble villains reach the pool area and it was absolutely picture perfect! A large, soft lawn surrounded the pool area and the whole place looked like a mini tropical paradise. Lounge chairs with umbrellas were set around and small private tents were also set up around the perimeter. At the center of the pool was a bar for anyone who felt like getting drunk in the water.
Crane: This place is incredible. Maybe this trip isn't so horrible after all.
Harvey: :(
Joker: Why so serious Harvey?
Harvey: I can't get in the water. I'm not allowed to get my head wound wet :(
Joker: Is that so? That's unfortunate. I wanted us to play chicken together.
Harvey: This is unfair. Why is the world so cruel to me? (sigh) If you need me I'll be at that mini bar drinking my problems away.
Harvey took his leave and went out to the mini bar located in the center of the pool. Of course he was very cautious while stepping into the water. No, he wasn't wearing his suit in the water. He obviously had some shorts on.
Joker: Fine! Suit yourself Harvey! Crane and I can have barrels of fun without you! Isn't that right Jonathan? (looks to his side and realizes Jonathan is not there) Jonathan?
The Joker looks about and spots Crane sitting in one of the lounge chairs reading a book. The Joker skips over to him, ready to ruin Crane's happy reading time.
Joker: Oh Jonathan Crane!
Crane: (not taking his eyes off his book) What do you want, Joker? I'm trying to enjoy myself.
Joker: I have a greater idea for enjoyment!
Crane: I don't want to hear it.
Joker: Yes you do!
The Joker grabs the book away from Crane and tosses it into the water. Crane lets out a silent scream since it had been an extremely rare book that he went to hell and back to get. Crane rushes to the pool and reaches in to retrieve his book. Destroyed. Soaked and destroyed. Crane seethes in anger as the Joker approaches from behind.
Joker: So now that I have your attention, I was thinking we could-
But before the Joker can finish, Crane grabs him by the collar of his jacket and pushes him into the pool. The Joker splashes in, clothes and all, and surfaces.
Crane: I don't want to do anything with you! If Harvey didn't keep me from hurting you, I would have killed you a long time ago!
Joker: That really hurts Jonathan. Are you canceling our friendship? I'm crushed.
Crane merely rolls his eyes at the Joker who has now gone into hysterics. Crane walks back to his chair and leaves the Joker floating alone in the water.
Joker: Jonathan!! Where are you going? Don't leave your friend hanging, er, floating here!
Crane: (sigh) I'm going on sunbathe.
So Crane lays down flat on the lounge chair with only a pair of shorts and sunglasses on. But now that the Joker got ditched by his two companions, he was left alone to entertain himself. This can't be a good thing…For the most part he was pushing unsuspecting people underwater and then swimming off. But eventually he got bored of that because people were just trying to stay away from him after. So he went to join his buddy Harvey at the bar.
Joker: Harvey Harvey Harvey! Why aren't you swimming? (notices Harvey's burnt side) Oh right right.
Harvey: (taking sip from drink) What do you want, Joker?
Joker: First I want you to buy me a drink.
Harvey: (shrug) No money left.
The Joker pulls out Crane's credit card from his pocket and they both laugh.
Harvey: Why are you still wearing you clothes in the water and how is it that you paint is not coming off?
Joker: Crane pushed me in! And my paint is water-proof.
Harvey: Waterproof? Well that's convenient.
Joker: I'm a convenient kind of guy.
After ordering more drinks, conversing about the effects of global warming (even villains have to worry about the planet), and discussing the meaning of life, the Joker begins to once again get restless.
Joker: Do you feel like making someone's life miserable?
Harvey: You mean like you did mine?
Joker: Ah yes something like that.
Harvey: Are we going to kill someone?
Joker: We might.
Harvey: Who?
Harvey notices the Joker looking in a particular direction. Harvey leans over him to see who it was he was looking at.
Harvey: Crane?
Joker: Sure, why not?
Harvey: No! He's my friend!
Joker: Aw, can't we at least hurt him a little?
Harvey: No!!
Joker: Break his legs?
Harvey: No!!
Joker: You are ruining my fun here.
Harvey spots a group of girls standing not too far away from where Jonathan was reading. They seemed to be giggling and pointing at Crane. And then a brilliant idea sprung into Harvey's mind.
Harvey: I won't let you hurt the guy, but I sure know a way to freak him out.
Joker: Hmm, well it's not as fun as causing pain, but go on. Tell me…
Harvey: If there's anything I know about geeky guys, which isn't very much, I know what they dread the most.
Joker: Oooo and what's that?
Harvey: Girls.
Oh noes!! Plot development! What do the Joker and Harvey have planned next?! Hopefully this will get better, gah. To Be Continued...