The four friends drove the golf cart throughout the halls of the mall, and since it was allowed since they had just bought it, Cinderpaw, self - proclaimed diver, decided to run over a randomly passing Speckeltail. "Ahhhhhhhhhh! My hip!" The elder yowled and broke out in tears.

"Faster! Faster!" Graypaw urged her, pointing out with his paw to the nearest Catbucks Cafe. Cinderpaw, who was still driving, quickly turned the wheel, made the golf cart turn on two wheels, and crush a nearby passing kit.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" She shrieked, looking behind ehr widly.

"It was nothing. Just keep going!" Graypaw replied. So after our two heroes and two heroines finally got the golf cart under control and designated Sorrelpaw the driver for now on, they finally arrived at Catbucks Cafe which makes the authoress believe Starbucks sounds wayyyyyyyy better.

"LAND!" Crowpaw yowled and thrust himself against the ground. He started petting the ground and saying random things like: "I never thought that land would be so beautiful. It's okay, I'll never let Cinderpaw drive over you ever again." He cooed and purred to it, and yet, it only took him a half hour to realize that he was talking to the ground.

"Just get up," Sorrelpaw growled.

"But I can't stand up. Ashfoot and Tornear never taught me how."

"JUST STAND THE FUCK UP!"

"YES MAM SARGEANT MAN! I ME MAM!" Crowpaw screamed, yes screamed, and then leaped to his paws. Crowpaw raised a paw to his forehead and saluted her before walking into the Catbucks Cafe with Cinderpaw and Graypaw in tow.

The four friends all approached the counter, where Smallear and Brightflower were working the cash register. The gray fluffy, sometimes but really most of the times hyper active, ninja wannabe Cinderpaw was the first to order. Now, before the authoress goes onto a really boring discussion about the stuff they ordered, let her let you know that Catbucks is different from Starbucks.

Very.

Instead of serving little glazed donuts and warm, fresh cups of coffee like Starbucks does, Catbucks is different. All they serve is, basically, everything Starbucks sells and more. Stuff like, mice, voles, chaffinches, hamburgers, fries, cows, blue whales, elephants, ballet dancers-- sorry, I am getting ahead of myself.

"Does this have anything to with the plot?" A very confused Cinderpaw asked as she looked at the ceiling of Catbucks and realized that there was random voice coming out of nowhere. The authoress promptly apologizes to Cinderpaw and says a sharp 'no'. Then, she decided to get back on with the fiction that the reviewers came to for.

I apologize once again.

So thus, Cinderpaw approached the counter again. "I would like to order a Mouseka-teer milk shake with... a hamburger and a ballet dancer on the side." She meowed cheekily, flashing a wide, toothy grin. The cashier, Smallear, looked very confused.

"Ballet dancer? We haven't sold dead twolegs wearing flashy clothes since One - Eye was an apprentice." He replied gently. "Perhaps, you would like a number 8?" He suggested.

"Fine." Cinderpaw said crossly and let Crowpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Graypaw order.

Once everybody had ordered something, they all found their table in the cafe and awaited for the arrival of their food. Crowpaw sat borridly at the table whilst tapping his hindpaw against the floor to the beat of his IPod's song, Fight For All The Wrong Reasons by Nickelback. And now, the authoress sha'll once again break in this chapter and say that she is was listening to that song a few minutes ago.

"Crowpaw! Turn that down! I can hear the lyrics loud and fine from over here!" A very irritated Talonpaw growled from across the Catbucks Cafe. And of course, Crowpaw simply turned it up louder. "Starclan! I'm leaving!" Talonpaw added and left with Swiftpaw and Shrewpaw behind him.

"Way to go buddy!" Graypaw high fived Crowpaw.

"Foods here! That was quick." Cinderpaw said hyperly as the waitress, a part time working fifth grader named Silverpaw. And yes, it's the one from riverclan who oddly showed up in the 'Into the Wild' Riverclan allegiances and then just disappeared afterwards. Well then, this is where she went.

Crowpaw eyed his freshly creamed mousse (It's pronounced 'moose' like the animals, not 'mouse' like the rodent) like a coyote would eye the authoresses cat, Madame, who had been eaten by a coyote. Curses. It only took three days worth of crying as a nine year old to get over it. But that was years ago.

"And then, she like, like, bought it! Can you like, like believe that like, stuff!" A very excited preppy voice squealed. Crowpaw took a bite of his mousse and turned around to see Sandpaw, Ivypaw, Whitepaw, Squirrelpaw, and Tawnypaw all walking down the mall with multiple shopping bags in their paws.

"No way!" Ivypaw added. The five preps all passed by the cafe and stopped when they saw Cinderpaw. And Ivypaw, being the little bitch she is, twirled around and said: "Hey Sandpaw, isn't WHITE fur such a beautiful color? Especially when it's LONG and you have SAPPHIRE blue eyes to match it?" She taunted.

Sandpaw seemed to catch the hint and nodded. "I know, and it's so neat that we can buy all THIS stuff!" Crowpaw heard Cinderpaw mutter 'not for long' under her breath. "Come on girls, let's go buy our stuff. We're going to be so IN at school it'll be shocking!" She squealed and strutted off.

"Hey, you think they realized yet that I stole her credit card?" Cinderpaw asked, flashing the golden visa card in the air.

Crowpaw shook his head. "I don't think so, why else would should be so enthusiatic about it?" He inquired and took another bite of his chocolate mousse. Crowpaw twirled the whipped chocolate around with his sthingy and flicked some at Whitepaw, who was laggin behind the group. It hit the target, the whitest part of fur.

"Hey let me try!" Graypaw exclaimed and promptly picked up the cafe table and threw it at her.

"What... the HELL did you just do?" Sorrelpaw asked in disbelief. Graypaw merely pointed at the flying cedar wood table.

-- Sandpaw's POV --

Sandpaw saw Whitepaw going flying past her.

-- Crowpaw's POV again --

"HIT THE HILLS!" He yowled when he saw Whitepaw's boyfriend, Foxpaw, coming after him. Instead, they all ran to the Slacker instead. Sorrelpaw was driving.

"To the dorms!"

--

The way they arrived at the dorm door wasn't exactly what a person would call 'normal'. It wasn't said 'normal' because first of all, Cinderpaw had evicted Sorrelpaw of driving. Then, the rest could be expected. For starters, Crowpaw, Ravenpaw, and Graypaw now needed a new door.

And a crowbar to get Graypaw's head stuck out of the door.

--

"Hey Graypaw! We don't have any tuna left!" Crowpaw called out to him from the dorm kitchen. Each dorm had their own laundry room and kitchen, and of course, bathroom to go along with it. Crowpaw's blackish - gray furred head was stuffed in a cabinet looking for any sign of tuna cans.

"Did you look underneath Ravenpaw's bed?" He asked. Crowpaw shut the cabinet and poked his head up to see his friend. Graypaw was on the computer.

"Why would he have any under his bed?" Crowpaw inquired with a scratch to his head. Graypaw gave him a blank look.

"Crowpaw, you do realize we're talking about RAVENPAW right?"

"Oh." He replied. Crowpaw walked over to Ravenpaw's bed and flipped up the matress and instead, didn't find tuna, but instead, salmon. "Yuck! I don't like salmon!" He yowled to the ceiling. "Starclan, how can Ravenpaw eat that over - priced crap?" Graypaw didn't even look but instead, continued typing away on his computer.

Crowpaw marched around the dorm in search of tuna, but by the end of his hunt, all he had found was: Graypaw's stash of crack, weed, marijuana, more salmon, Tigerstar's dirty gym socks, an old diary with a pink laced cover, a flashlight, a teddy bear named Mr. Snugglykins, a five thousand word essay, obviously written by Ravenpaw, which repeated 'the world is going to end', and a pack of Juicy Fruit.

"Hey look! Juicy Fruit!" Crowpaw cheered and grabbed the gum. The apprentice unsheathed one long claw and tore open the gum and being satisfied, plopped one in his mouth and started to chew away at it and it's fruity wonders. The authoress apologizes yet again for making that sound gay and cheesy.

"Now what else..." Crowpaw wondered and scanned the objects beneath the bed. Casting a glance at the pink laced diary, he grabbed it and opened it. "I wonder who this belonged to?" He wondered and flipped through the pages. On the first page, in glittery letters, there was the name 'Fluffy' in large, bright, neon yellow letters.

Crowpaw turned to the first page and read:

" DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh
meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only
thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the
occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat
another house plant." Crowpaw read to himself. It had probably belonged to a kittypet before him. Then how did it end up in their dorm? Crowpaw flipped through the next few pages and found even more:

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by
weaving around their feet while they were walking
almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these
vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit
on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the
headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I
am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their
hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to
plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.
This time however it included a burning foamy chemical
called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb
still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the
event. However, I could hear the noise. More
importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to
MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and
how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are
flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely
released and seems more than happy to return. He is
obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has
got to be an informant, and speaks with them
regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due
to his current placement in the metal room his safety
is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of
time...

"Hey Graypaw, who did this diary belong to?" Crowpaw asked. Graypaw didn't even turn around. Crowpaw simply shrugged and threw it back underneath the bed. Instead, this time, he grabbed the flashlight and flung it on Ravenpaw's dark gray quilted bed. "Where's Raven-- what are you typing on?"

"This?" Graypaw asked and pointed at the screen.

"Duh, what else would I be talking about? The excessive amounts of crack and weed under your bed?" Crowpaw said sarcastically. Graypaw motioned for Crowpaw to come forward and pointed at the screen, where in large, white letters and a blue background, said 'Myspace, a place for friends'.

"Myspace?" Crowpaw asked curiously.

"Yeah, I have 2,384 friends too! You need a babe? I could hook you up with a twoleg! Let's see... I have Paris Hilton... Brittany Spears, oh! Gwen Stefani would be perfect for you!" Graypaw started to list. "You should create one too. And then, I could add you to my top friends with some of my cousins like Heartpaw, Dandruffpaw, and n00bpaw."

"Eh, I guess." Crowpaw shrugged. Graypaw moved out of the chair and let Crowpaw take his place, and thus, he was introduced to the magical wonders of Myspace .com'.

It had been about two more hours until Ravenpaw came to the dorm and had went on his usual rant that he had been out trapped somewhere by Russians and Canadians when in reality, it was only Bluestar's office since he got trapped in the school after trying to get his pink eraser back.

And thus, he was now sitting on the bed.

"Hey Crowpaw, how do you turn this flashlight on?" He asked whilst examining the flashlight.

"You turn... the on button on." Crowpaw replied as he tried to find a new layout for his profile.

"On...off...on...off...on...off..." Ravenpaw kept repeating as he repeatedly turned the flashlight on and off. It was an amazing work of art to him.

--

"Hey Graypaw, do you have any pictures I can put? I need a camera to take some." Crowpaw asked while staring at the blank list of photos for his myspace. A few seconds later, Graypaw appeared behind him.

"Crowpaw, if you wanna get that date with Gwen or Paris, you don't put pictures of a cat, you put pictures of other people. Now who do you want to be? Justin Timberlake? Vin Diesel? Or maybe, Orlando Bloom?" Graypaw asked.

"Graypaw, you spend too much time on this thing..." Crowpaw muttered and started to put pictures of himself as Orlando Bloom.