This is my first attempt at fan fiction, and I just thought I should pause before the story to explain myself because the story jumps around an awful lot. I will be using several different characters' point of views so that you can hear the whole story. The events I am telling are meant to take place after Eclipse, don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Breaking Dawn immensely, but I couldn't help but wonder what if…

I am not sure what rating to give the story, there is going to be some fairly explicit romance scenes, and quite a lot of dark, hopeless events (but hopefully not too many, there will be some flashbacks to let in rays of light). I think it will be safer for us all if I give it an M rating.

Before we begin, a disclaimer, none of these characters belong to me; I could only wish to someday come close to what Stephenie has achieved.

And with no further delay, let's begin our tale and join our hero in a very dark, very unhappy, and utterly hopeless situation…

Chapter 1: Bachelor Party

Edward's Point of View

I pushed my forehead against the wall and closed my eyes. The cold, damp stones of the wall would have bothered anyone else, but I was not just anyone. I was a monster. The truest, most vile, beastliest wretch that had ever suffered the earth with its existence. I deserved any misery that I was given. I had pulled the angel down from the brightness of heaven, and exposed her to this hell. It was all my fault, if ever a creature lived that was more selfish and pitiless than I, then I had never heard of its like. I opened my eyes, eyes so black that they could not be distinguished from the ever present darkness of the cell. The scenes that I saw when my eyes closed were more disturbing than my current reality. But those brief glimpses of a time not so long ago could not be pushed aside, and I remembered…

The night before the wedding, Emmett and Jasper had taken me out hunting.

'Come on Edward, this is your last night of freedom, let loose and have some fun.' Jasper said as he hauled my away from Bella's window.

I growled lightly. 'You think dragging me away from Bella is my idea of fun?'

'That's your idea of fun?' Emmett pushed me ahead of them. 'Sitting in a rocking chair watching your girlfriend sleep? I can think of a lot more things to do in your girlfriend's bedroom that better fit the definition of fun. Just the other night Rose and I…'

Jasper took a swipe at Emmett and he had to duck out of the way. 'We all heard what you and Rose were doing the other night, we don't need an encore performance.'

Emmett shrugged. 'It was a good time, I can't help it if things get a little out of hand at times, have you ever looked at Rose?'

I sighed at Emmett and started to run, my brothers keeping pace behind me. 'Emmett, getting out of hand is the understatement of the century.' I snorted with disbelief as I remembered the other night, I was sitting at my piano. I had thought playing Bella's lullaby would help me to write my wedding vows, when Emmett and Rosalie's bed had come crashing to the ground outside the window. 'Do you know how much effort it took to block out your thoughts the following morning when you two were strutting around practically screaming the events of the night?' Emmett roared with laughter, and when I glanced back he gave me a wink and a proud smile.

By then, we were well outside the limits of Forks and we slowed to discuss where we would hunt. At least that's what I thought the conversation would entail. Instead Jasper and Emmett stood side by side, arms crossed over their chests, grinning smugly at me. I didn't like their unified front, and my eyes narrowed.

'Edward, big brother, we need to have the Talk.' Emmett's grin grew wider. I shook my head in disbelief, I had heard the capital T in Talk, and I knew what was coming. 'I can't believe you two think this is necessary, I've been to medical school twice and I have access to all the thoughts of everyone, don't you think I realize what happens?'

Jasper frowned and turned to Emmett. 'Emmett, did you know that Edward has two medical degrees?' Emmett's eyes opened wide in shock and he spoke each word slowly. 'Why no Jasper, I had never heard that.' I groaned. 'Emmett, you have got to be the worst actor I have ever seen, and that is saying a lot…I've been going to high school now for over 50 years.'

They both took a step closer to me, arms still folded. 'We're serious Edward, as your brothers we feel obligated to let you know what you're up against. Your first time can be awkward and scary.' Emmett snorted and rolled his eyes. 'That's not the way I remember it, but most of us haven't been holding onto all of our teenage sexual tension for the past hundred years. Not to mention that you are about to get it on with your girlfriend who smells like a 5 star dinner.'

I dropped to the ground and studied the grass in front of me intently, and softly spoke. 'I know it's not going to be easy, but it's so important to her, to have this particular human experience.' I couldn't believe I was being so forthcoming about something so personal, and to my brothers of all people, but I was so worried about the prospect of what was to come after the wedding that I just needed to talk about it. 'I'll never forgive myself if something happens to her, if I do something to her.'

'Tanya and her sisters do this all the time Edward, it is something that can be done safely.' Jasper raised his eyebrow and laughed a little. 'True, you have nowhere near their experience, but I think your feelings for Bella will make up for that. Alice doesn't see Bella getting hurt, and that's good enough for me.'

My brothers began to discuss the finer points of positions, the best one liners for the occasion, and what I should definitely not say. Emmett didn't see anything wrong with yelling yeehaw, and I swore that Jasper was approaching the whole situation like it was some sort of perverse military encounter.

I winced, knowing that if I could blush my face would be brighter than any shade I'd seen Bella wear. I thought back to Jasper's earlier words, and the thought of Alice seeing That particular future was not something I was happy about. But if she had seen Bella come out of the night all right…I would not bet against Alice…

But that had happened when I was still happy, when I still foolishly thought that my selfish desires could be fulfilled and no one would get hurt. Before They had come…but now I knew far, far better.

.