I know, I know, I am in no position to upload a new fic, seeing as I am yet to complete the other one I'm doing, 'It Started With a Dress'. But really, I was re-reading the sixth book the other day while I had Naruto on the brain, and I just HAD to write a Yaoi fic. Seriously.

DO NOT READ IF NOT A FAN OF BOYXBOY RELATIONSHIPS! THIS IS GOING TO BE YAOI, PEOPLE!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and I certainly do not own Harry Potter, in any way.

According to the majority of Konoha High, Britain's very own school for the disgustingly snobby and the filthy rich, Uzumaki Naruto was gorgeous. With a wild, unruly shock of sunshine yellow that topped his head, a tan to die for, and deep, cerulean blue eyes to match, he was every girl's, and even a few guys', dream.

Naturally, a week after entering the school, which was two weeks after he had moved into London, a few of the rich and snobby guys decided they didn't want him around.

'Stupid Jiraiya,' muttered Naruto, glumly kicking a pebble down the sidewalk as he walked home from school. The annoyingly loud beeps and screeches of London traffic gradually died as he left the main part of town behind. 'Forces me to move to the middle of nowhere, and then forces that horrible school on me.'

The blonde was focused on the little rock that he was flicking with his foot as he brooded, so he didn't notice the person on the bench put down his paper as he passed by. He didn't notice the guy that was supposed to be buying sweets from the sweet vendor, stop buying sweets and follow him instead. He was completely oblivious to the guys that discreetly stepped out of a dark alleyway that was unfit for human habitation, and trail him.

He did notice, however, when, upon reaching a particularly desolate street in a quiet neighbourhood that was a five minute walk from his home, someone grabbed his arms and locked them behind him.

'What the-?'

A sheet—for all his lack of observational skills, Naruto did note that the sheet was light blue—was unceremoniously draped over him, covering his upper torso and effectively preventing him from getting so much as a glance at his attackers. Naruto immediately struggled and tried to yell, but the effort was futile. Someone punched him in the stomach to keep still, knocking out all his breath.

The sixteen-year-old felt someone tie the sheet securely behind him, just below his elbows, where he wouldn't be able to undo them. He was pushed to the ground, where he fell with a resounding thud.

'Oof!'

He immediately tried to sit up, but to no avail.

'Naruto, Naruto, Naruto,' said a soft, muffled voice. 'Oh, how the mighty have fallen.'

Naruto froze. He heard a few snickers around him, causing him to pale. Judging by the quiet laughs, he was surrounded. He couldn't escape!

'What do you want?' Naruto's voice came out hoarse – it didn't sound anything like his usual, cheerful, boisterous self.

Someone kicked—hard—at his stomach. Naruto gasped with pain, and instinctively brought his legs up, bending his knees to protect his body.

Real laughter, this time.

'You know, Naruto,' said that same voice conversationally, 'I don't really like it when guys—especially new guys—hit on my girl.'

'What are you talking about?'

Naruto instantly regretted talking, receiving another blow, to his back this time.

'Oh, don't pretend you don't know, Naruto.' Naruto heard the voice closer this time, meaning one thing – whoever it was that was talking, had bent down to knee level. 'My girlfriend—I'm sure you've heard of her, does the name Tohru ring a bell?—has told simply everyone at school that you've been asking her out a few times, even though I know,' the owner of the voice punched Naruto at the back of his head, 'you know she's going out with me.' On the word me, someone kicked Naruto's back again.

'I didn't,' Naruto said quickly, wanting to get the truth out before he got pummeled again, wanting to be anywhere but here. He dreaded the next painful blow that was sure to come. 'I haven't asked anyone out.' He braced himself, desperately wishing he was at home right now, probably out on his lawn, staring as the clouds passed by.

There was a pause. If anything, it sounded like it had gotten even quieter than before. Naruto couldn't hear the harsh breathing of the guys around him anymore. Had they believed that he was telling the truth?

Suddenly, Naruto was getting very, very wet. He knew it wasn't raining, because the last he saw of the sky, it was as clear a blue as ever...but it sure did feel like rain.

'Hey!' Naruto yelled. 'What the hell are you doing?'

Oh god, what if they're PEEING on me? Naruto thought desperately.

'Naruto?'

'Jiraiya!' Naruto cried out, relieved, as he recognized the familiar voice of his adoptive father. 'Help me out of this would you? Why are you here? Is there anyone near you?'

'No,' said Jiraiya, heaving the boy to his feet and pulling the sheet off him. 'What the hell happened to you?'

'Where am I?' Confused, Naruto glanced around him. He was on the front lawn of the new manor Jiraiya had purchased two weeks ago, lush green grass that seemed to cheer as they welcomed water from the sprinklers all around him. Cheery, bright purple and yellow flowers lined the marble pathway that led to the mansion. 'Where are those guys?'

'What guys?' Jiraiya asked. He had turned and was walking back inside. 'I came out a few seconds ago to make sure the new sprinklers were working, and I saw you sitting there with a blanket on you. You teens need to think of new trends,' he said disapprovingly.

Naruto wasn't thinking of trends. No, he was terrified.

How did I get here?

Doyle Sampson hurried through the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

'Excuse me! Pardon me! Coming through!' he called, pushing through the crowds of sweaty people that had been hauled in for questioning at the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office.

'Honestly, all this fuss for one little exploding tea cup,' he heard a hushed whisper, as he got trapped behind a particularly thick knot of people.

'Ah, but so many muggles were involved, the explosion was simply massive, didn't you hear?' he heard the soft reply. 'Apparently, they've had to send several muggles to the 'Artefact Accidents' wing at St. Mungo's, and I heard that the ministry sent at least twenty Obliviators.'

Doyle groaned. He simply had to get to Hermione. But these people wouldn't move!

'Oi! Sampson!'

Doyle glanced to his far right, where he caught sight of his good friend, Amanda Shacklebolt. She had noticed his harried look.

'Are you a wizard or not?' she yelled across the terrifyingly large crowd. 'Apparate to god-knows-where, if you're in such a hurry!'

Doyle could have smacked himself in the head. As it was, he had no time to do so. Giving her thumbs up to show he'd heard, he apparated right in front of his boss's door. Much as he would have liked to apparate right in, he knew she wouldn't tolerate insubordination.

'Hermione!' he called frantically through the door, rapping his knuckles hard against the wood. 'Hermione, are you in there?'

'Come in, Sampson,' he heard an amused voice call out. Without need for further invitation, Doyle pushed open the door and entered her office.

Vats of sunlight that shone through the huge, glinting windows greeted him. The round room was in impeccable condition, with bookshelves labelled alphabetically, and the occasional personal touch with photos of Hermione's family and friends – all hung on but a single wall, of course. The woman herself sat at a large, polished mahogany desk, fingers interlocked as she observed her subordinate. 

Neatly stacked papers lay in front of her, all waiting to be signed and approved. In front of her, a nameplate read:

Mrs. Hermione Granger-Weasley
Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office

'Now, what is all the fuss about, Sampson?' she asked pleasantly.

'Hermione,' he said quickly, not bothering with formalities—he had worked under her for several years now, and while she still referred to him by his last name, she did not mind in the least when he addressed her by her first name—and getting straight to the point, 'it turns out that we have an uneducated sixteen-year-old wizard on our hands.'

Hermione sat up straighter. 'What?'

'Miss Hannah Abbott was in the area when a young Mr. Naruto Uzumaki seemingly disappeared after being attacked by a bunch of...um, two-faced, no-good, rotten bullies,' said Doyle, referring to the notes that he conjured into his hands.

'Are we sure she saw this?' Hermione asked.

'Yes, she glanced out of her window. It happened right across the street, she said. According to her, she was just getting ready to leave the house and help, when he disappeared. According to my information, there are no witches or wizards in that area, save for Miss Abbott and her daughter.'

'So he managed to unknowingly violate the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery and the International Confederation of Wizards' Statute of Secrecy, then?'

'Precisely,' Doyle said. 'Unfortunately, he isn't registered in our database as a wizard, so he hasn't got the Trace on him. The only thing we can do to be sure of this is to get someone to read the memories of those boys involved, then get someone from the Obliviator Headquarters to go down there.'

'And the boy?'

'I've been meaning to ask you if you could ask Professor Tsunade to take him in at Hogwarts, even though he is just a year from coming of age.'

'You do realize he's going to find it hard to cope?' Hermione said concernedly. 'I mean, all wizards in his class, if he does end up going, will be well past their OWL level! And he'll have to take his NEWT's next year!'

'If you forgive the impudence, Hermione, remember that our job is to just clear up this mess with the bullies.'

Hermione glared at him.

Doyle smiled consolingly. He knew of Hermione's want to help all muggle-born witches and wizards. 'Speaking outside business issues, though, I've looked it up. It turns out that the boy is nothing short of a walking genius. Almost as good as the young Hyuugas, if he puts his mind to it!'

'I'll get Harry to call in a favour at the Department of Mysteries and get that boy a time-turner, then,' muttered Hermione, more to herself than her employee.

'So should I send a message to the school, or will you?'

'I'll do it,' announced Hermione, grabbing a quill and parchment. 'Go up to the Auror Office and tell Harry to get his arse down here, and bring Hedwig II with him.'

Doyle nodded and headed out.

'Oh, and Sampson?'

Doyle turned around.

'Thank you.'

'Anytime, Hermione. Anytime,' smiled Doyle, turning once more and leaving the office.

'Naruto! Get down here!' Naruto jerked awake as Jiraiya yelled up the mansion. The thing about large houses is, when someone yells, it ends up echoing. NOT something you want to wake up to in the morning.

Naruto groaned and turned over, hugging his pillow tighter to himself. He didn't want to get up today. After yesterday's episode, he had marched straight up to his room, where he proceeded to lock himself in and refuse to come out.

Well, refuse to come out until Jiraiya had called that dinner was ready. He'd come out then.

He was still puzzled, though, as to how he had gone from, in one minute, being the victim of a blanket party, to lying on his lawn in the next.

The only reasonable explanation that he could come up with was that the trauma of yesterday's beating had been so great, his mind had erased the memory to protect him from great psychological scarring.

Unfortunately, that story seemed too farfetched to be true, even to him.

'NARUTO!'

'Jeez, I'm coming, I'm coming,' Naruto mumbled, rolling out of the bed. Damn that Jiraiya.

Naruto plodded over to the bathroom attached to his room sleepily, scratching his head and yawning as he went. His toe stubbed against an action figure, causing him to yell and clutch it in pain. Bending down to hold it, though, resulted in him crashing head-first into the Spiderman dressing table Jiraiya had gotten him two Christmases ago.

Damn that Jiraiya. He couldn't even get Christmas right.

Naruto yelled, his voice riddled with pain. He quickly sat down on the dressing table stool and clutched his head, his abused toe forgotten.

'Naruto! Get down here, NOW!'

Naruto took a deep breath, blinking back the stinging in his eyes. Damn. It really hurt.

'I'm coming, you old pervert!' Naruto called down—albeit louder than necessary—as he got up moved out of his room. He bounded down the stairs – well, as much as one could bound on an injured toe, and came to a halt as he leapt over the last three steps, coming face-to-face with a tomato-red Jiraiya.

'Here,' Jiraiya said excitedly, thrusting something at Naruto.

Naruto inspected what was in his hands. It was a yellowed envelope, with a wax seal on the front and everything. The back of it read:

Mr N. Uzumaki
The Room on the Second Floor
7 Blackberry Street
Bread Cove
Surrey

Naruto ran his hands over the rough exterior of the envelope in awe, marvelling at the precision of the address. He was new to this town, with hardly any friends...certainly none he had brought home. So who would write this? He paused at the top edge of the envelope though, noticing something.

It had been opened.

Naruto shot a glare at his guardian, who shrugged. He had been watching Naruto with gleaming eyes, and continued to grin widely as the blonde slipped the old parchment out of the envelope. He rubbed his hands together in excitement, watching as Naruto's eyes skimmed across the contents of the letter.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY

Headmistress: Tsunade Sannin
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc.,
Supreme Mugwump, 6XWinner of Wizard Weekly's Most
Charming Body Award, International Confed. Of Witches)

Dear Mr Uzumaki,

We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 30 July.

Yours sincerely,

Shizune Yuki
Deputy Headmistress

'Well?' Jiraiya said, thrilled.

'Well what?' Naruto asked, looking up, confused. He didn't quite understand the letter.

'Naruto, you're a wizard!' Jiraiya exclaimed, clapping his hands. 'It says so right here!' With that, Jiraiya thrust another envelope into the surprised arms of his ward.

This one had been opened as well.

'Can't you stop reading my letters?' Naruto asked irritably.

'Nope,' Jiraiya said cheerfully.

Rolling his eyes, Naruto glanced down and slid the new letter out of its confines. The envelope had been addressed the same way as the previous one, only this letter seemed to come from some sort of government.

Dear Mr Uzumaki, it read.

Please note that you have been registered with the Ministry for Magic as an underage wizard. The Ministry has received word that you performed magic in the presence of muggles yesterday, around 2:27 p.m. You have therefore violated the Decree for the Reasonable Restriction of Underage Sorcery and the International Confederation of Wizards' Statute of Secrecy. This letter is a warning. Please refrain from using magic until you have reached your new school.

One Mr Itachi Uchiha shall be visiting you today, to explain the rules of the magical world. He will answer any questions you might have.

One last thing, Mr Uzumaki:

The magical world is a secret.

Hermione Granger-Weasley
Head of the Improper Use of Magic Office
Department of Magical Law Enforcement
Ministry for Magic

Naruto stared at the letter for a long time, reading and re-reading it, to be sure of what his eyes saw, but his brain refused to believe. He looked up from the letter and glanced weakly at Jiraiya.

'It's a prank?' he asked hopefully.

'I should hope not!' Jiraiya said jovially. 'I always knew wizards existed. And now here's the proof! Isn't this great, Naruto?'

'How can you believe this?' Naruto asked, looking back down at the letter. 'I mean, it's obviously someone's idea of a joke.'

'Only thing we can do is wait for this Itachi fellow to show up then, right?'

'I suppose,' Naruto mumbled. He shook his head. 'These sorts of things are not meant for non-morning people.'

With that, Naruto pivoted on his heel and began the arduous climb back up the stairs, cursing the world all the way.

A/N: I couldn't resist adding a few Harry Potter characters, even if I did initially want to just use the concept of Hogwarts. They will make appearances, albeit small ones. I've also made up a few characters, just for the sake of someone filling in the roles.

Please note that I will be updating this VERY slowly, because I have important exams this year, and SOMEBODY (cough, cough, mom) is confiscating my laptop. Plus, I have to complete my KakaXSaku fic.

Read and Review!