Doc code 1278803-4576a

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Entry 1--

Should anyone stumble upon the writings of this unfortunate individual, let it be known that he died friendless, hopeless and useless. At least, not long ago, that was how I felt about the whole matter. I suppose I should introduce myself, seeing as this is merely a text document, lacking any sophisticated form of reference.

I am Querl Dox, a former member of the Legion of Super Heroes. I am a human, although I haven't always been a member of that species. I do not feel comfortable sharing the circumstances that resulted in that transformation, and so I shall not elaborate. No, I did not undergo surgery. Stop asking questions, and allow me to continue introducing myself. I have twelfth-level intellect, and had many friends. I fear, however, I have been alienated from them due to circumstances I should have been able to control, but did not. This journal is, I suppose, a form of soul-searching-- in theory, anyway. So if there are going to be any questions, I will be the one asking them.

What is destiny? Does anyone truly have absolute control? How much influence can another have over one's mind? Why must there be pain? Why is there such a thing as guilt? How can someone so harden their heart that they do not care about anything or anyone?

The hard questions never do have easy answers. If I wondered what the relative capacity of an influx chamber combusting 195 disilicates per second was, it would be a simple matter of dividing the negative charge by the flow of anticapillates. Simple. The only way to really find the answers to the hard questions is to walk away from everything and think. There are times when I think it takes more heart than brain to really think about the big questions. But now that I'm human, I've got a lot of both-- I hope. Unfortunately, this thinking just leads to more questions.

Are emotions more than chemicals affecting cognitive response? Does anyone really control their life, or is it predetermined by genetics? If my genetics have changed, does that mean my destiny has changed?

Thus, my quest to find myself-- my true self-- if there is such a thing. I suppose my friends think I've deserted them-- they might even think I ran away from the pain. I prefer to think what I've done is exactly the opposite. I've run away from everything that could distract me, I'm facing the darkest part of me, and this time I will emerge, more victorious than before. I will have better control, better understanding. I will have answers. If I return with nothing but the answer to one of the big questions, it won't matter about the rest. I will be satisfied. I --

I lost track of time… that is unusual. I suppose this is working, if I have been thinking so hard I never noticed the time. But now my stomach is reminding me that I need more than just thoughts to sustain me…

A/N: Wow... I think this is the shortest chapter I've ever written. Hope I got the POV okay... lemme know what you think!